Beverly walked out on the porch, and leaned against the railing as she looked out over the purple waters to the sun as it set on another day. The colors the event produced as the sun started to descend on the horizon were magnificent. The purple alighted appearing blue above, and the oranges and yellows from the rays potentiated the effect.

*How beautiful* she thought as she closed her eyes, and let the warm breeze float over her. It felt good as it moved her auburn hair off her face, bringing with it the salty smell of the ocean beyond.

 She felt very much at peace with herself. Of course, she hadn't always felt that way. It had been a long road back from the dark hole she had found herself in after leaving the Enterprise...after leaving him.

*Damn...I can at least say it now. I can say his name.....Jean Luc.*

Unexpectedly, tears sprung to her eyes. Frustrated with herself, she quickly wiped them away. *Oh Jean Luc, I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you that. I wish I could tell you why I left. But...*

Her thoughts were interrupted by a cry in the other room. She opened her eyes to see as the last rays of the sun as it sank behind the ocean, then turned toward the house as a second cry joined the first. She moved through the curtains that gently blew in the doorway, and made her way over to where the clamor came from.

With her hands on her hips, she said, "You two. Why do you have to be hungry at the same time?"

She smiled as the noise died down. She reached down for one, then the other, and carried them over to a chair set up near a large bay window. She looked out at the stars in the night sky, wondering where he was, as she undid the buttons of her blouse. A small hand closed on her fingers, and she looked down into the hazel eyes of her son, then into the blue eyes of her daughter. They were both looking solemnly at their mother. They always seemed to know when she was sad. When she was thinking about him.

She lightly brushed a hand over each of their little foreheads. "Everything's going to okay as long as I have you two," she said as they both tried to get into position to be fed.

She laughed at their impatience. "Come on you two, one at a time. You're too big for Mommy to feed you both at once."

Jean Luc Picard strode onto the bridge of the Enterprise. He took up residence in the middle seat much the same way he had for the past year and a half.

Deanna squirmed a little in her seat as the emotions from the bridge crew assailed her. Truth be told, the Enterprise was not the same ship of a year ago. Ever since the encounter with the Traxan, and Beverly's departure, things had changed. He had changed.

After his memory had been restored from the Katra memory cube, the Captain had tried to get himself court-martialed for his attack on Beverly. He submitted his personal logs as testimony. But with no victim to press charges, none were brought.

Due to the new Romulan threat at the neutral zone, Starfleet determined that its best captain should be there in the flagship despite his apparent problem. So, with orders to attend weekly counseling sessions, he and his crew were sent off to do what they did best.

And that is exactly what they did. Their best. But somehow, their best was missing something it had before. I's soul....its heart. It left with Beverly Crusher, and no one knew where she was. No one, that is, except Beverly Crusher.

Jean Luc Picard looked around the bridge, noting each face. He knew them all. Had served with them for years. They deserved better than this. They deserved better than him. He knew things weren't the same on the Enterprise anymore. Oh sure, they still were the best. Solved every problem, won every battle. Every battle that is, except the won he raged within himself.

Guilt had never been a problem for Jean Luc Picard. He had plenty of it. But with all he had accumulated over the years, he was still able to be the confident, almost arrogant starfleet captain. Well, not anymore.

If you were to ask him, or for that matter, any of the senior officers, what was wrong, they would not be able to give a specific answer. But all would know, but not say, exactly when the change occurred.

Picard snapped out of his introspection when a voice from behind got his attention.

"Sir, there is an incoming message from Starbase 81...it's Admiral Stopak."

Picard stood up, and tugged the front of his uniform, "Transfer it to my ready room, Ensign."

His back stiff, he walked to his ready room.

She pushed the stroller at a leisurely pace, not in a hurry to get to the lab. That was one of the reasons why she left the house earlier than the walk across the compound would actually take. So she would have the time to enjoy the scenery as she went.

Covered with water, and dotted with islands, Kalena was a beautiful world. With no sentient indigenous life, the planet was one of the first to be colonized by human, then other species, shortly after the advent of warp drive.

Unlike other colonies that had, as the main focus of their charter, mining or agriculture, the purpose of Kalena was research. Scientific research. And the main focus of most of the research groups on the planet was biomedical. Actually, the perfect place for someone of Beverly's caliber and experience.

After leaving the Enterprise, Beverly had no idea what she would do or where she would go. Earth and Caldos were out of the question. Too many people knew her ( or him) on those planets. She needed anonymity. But she also needed her work. Or as close to it as she could get.

So, here she was, on one of the smaller island chains located in the temperate zone of this planet. Casually strolling to her lab with her two wonderful babies. She smiled as she looked down at them seated in the double stroller. They were adorable as they grabbed for the toy the other one was playing with. Goddess, how she loved them. And to think she almost....

Beverly shook her head trying to push out of her mind what she had almost done when she was at the pit of despair. Thank the heavens for Djin.

A month after leaving the Enterprise, Beverly was laid over at Planeaia. It was not the normal Federation hub for travel. Which was good, because it reduced Beverly's chance of being recognized by anyone. But it also meant a long wait for transport. Sometimes, it could be days before a traveler could catch a ship to where they were going. And if a traveler really had no destination in mind, well, it could be a long, long time....

Beverly raised her head from the toilet bowl, wiping her chin off as she rose and walked to the sink. Moving her hand over the sensor, she activated the water. She instantly dove her long, pale hands into the cold stream, and brought the liquid up to splash on her face. She rinsed her mouth out several times, hoping to rid herself of the acidic aftertaste of bile.

She looked up briefly, and was startled at the reflection that greeted her. She looked like hell. Which was actually a lot better than she felt. For the past 2 weeks, Beverly had been ignoring all the symptoms, hoping they would go away. Swollen tender breasts, frequent urination...and now, the nausea. She was pregnant.

Reluctantly, she reached for the medkit in her travel pack. Taking out the tricorder, she flipped it open, and passed it over her lower abdomen. She absently checked the results. Her face a blank, she replaced it in the kit, and retrieved a hypo. With practiced ease, she set it to the required dose.

She looked in the mirror again. And this time the image that stared back at her was unfamiliar. Who was that person?

*No matter. It doesn't matter now.* she thought numbly as she raised the hypo to her neck.

"Beverrrrly Crusherrrr?" said a voice from behind.

Shocked at the intrusion, Beverly dropped the hypo on the floor.

A dark blur reached down to pick it up, and a hand, or more like a long, clawed paw, held out the instrument to the red haired woman, "Dr. Crusherrrr?"

Beverly did not go to take the proffered object, but looked up into the large green eyes of the being that was saying her name. "Djin?"

The luminous eyes blinked, as surprise turned to worry. Something didn't smell right here. "Yes. It is Djin."

The being Djin dropped her hand when it became clear that Beverly was not going to take the hypospray back. She quickly checked the readings, and understanding began to dawn. Walking forward, she put a sleek back hand on Beverly's shoulder. "What is wrong, Beverrrrly?"

That is when Beverly lost the last bit of emotional control she had, and broke down. Right there...in a public bathroom...on a back water planet...in front of a professional colleague. Sometimes, when life seems at its absolute worst, that is when a savior shows up. Even if said savior looks like a big kitty.

They ended up back in the room Djin had rented while she waited for her transport. There, on the couch, Beverly poured her soul out to the felinoid Taren. It was not like Beverly to bare herself to anyone, much less someone she only knew professionally. But the caring, and sensitive demeanor of Djin (not to mention the calming purr she emitted), caused the last of Beverly's battered defenses to crumble.

She wasn't sure how long she talked, and even now would be hard pressed to recall everything she said as she sat there. But, in the end, she had ended up on the transport shuttle with Djin to Kalena....the hypospray unused.

Seated in his chair, Picard adjusted the viewer slightly before activating it. The angular and severe visage of Admiral Stopak appeared. He had not seen the Vulcan since that day on Starbase 81.......

 .......He tried to close his eyes, tried not to see what was happening. But he couldn't not see. It was his mind's eye that saw what was before him, and that way one view that can not be ignored.

Oh God, she's fighting back...but he's...I'm forcing her. I'm forcing myself into...please stop..don't make her...don't make me. It's not me...it's not me...it's...it's........it is me.......

Picard wrenched away from the memory that had not faded, but grew stronger with the passage of time. He focused on the screen, and waited for the Admiral to state his purpose.

The only cue that Stopak gave to Picard's momentary lack of attention was a slightly raised eyebrow. Besides that, he made no mention--- he just got to the point as his kind were wont to do.

"Captain Picard, what do you know about the planet Xeran III?"

Picard shifted slightly in his chair as he formulated his response, "Xeran III is a non-aligned planet located in neutral space between Federation and Romulan territory. Due to its abundance of a rare form of Agonite, the planet has been seriously courted by both us and the Romulans since it's discovery 200 years ago. However, in all that time, the Xerans have remained neutral."

Stopak inclined his head fractionally, "That is correct, Captain. However, there has arisen a situation that has threatened to shift the staid neutrality of Xeran III."

Picard's eyes widened slightly to convey his concern, "And that situation, Sir?"

"Xeran III is in the midst of a very alarming health crisis. Their doctors cannot pinpoint the cause, and it seems to be spreading. This suggests it is some sort of yet unknown contagion. The Xeran council has requested our immediate help. You are to take the Enterprise there, and offer any assistance they may require."

Picard nodded his head, "Of course, Admiral."

The Vulcan looked at Picard a moment before signing off, "Keep me informed as to your progress, Captain. Stopak out."

Picard notified the bridge of their new destination, and called for a meeting of the senior staff in one hour. In the meantime, he continued with his search of Federation records. He was looking for her. He had been looking for her since she had left. He had found no trace of her since her transport to Planeaia. From there, it was as if she had dropped off the edge of the galaxy. No matter. She would turn up, and he would find her.

Beverly sighed audibly as she set her tea down on her desk, "Djin...We've been over this before. I will do the research. I will interpret the data. I will even write it up for publication. But, I will not claim first author. I will not put my name on any publication."

Djin stopped pacing, but the end of her tail still flicked with annoyance. "Beverrrly...this is important work here. You and I have made some very important discoveries. I can not keep taking sole credit for the research, when in truth, you are the driving force behind it."

Beverly looked into the eyes of her friend. She smiled softly as she stood, and tookDjin's hand. "You know why I can't do it. You know all my reasons. I'm just not ready yet. I'm not ready to be found...by anyone."

Djin dropped her eyes from Beverly, and drew their clasped hands to her chest. "Beverrrrly Howard, you are part of my L'rrrawn. Your children are C'rrrawn. Do you think I would let him hurt you? Or them?"

Beverly shook her head from side to side, "It's not that...it's.."

Djin quieted her response, "Yes, Beverrrly. It is. You and I both know that one day, you will have to face that which you fear. One day...But for now, I will continue to do as you ask."

Beverly drew the sleek felinoid into her embrace, "Thank You."

Jean Luc Picard sat at the head of the conference room table, and waited for everyone to get settled. By unspoken agreement, Dr. Selar, the new CMO of the Enterprise, never sat in the seat next to the captain. In her seat.

With everyone seated, they looked to the head of the table. "As I'm sure most of you are already aware, the Enterprise has been ordered to Xeran III. It appears as though they are in the midst of some sort of epidemic."

Picard turned towards Selar, "Dr. Selar, the planet's health authorities are sending us all the information they have. It will be forwarded to you as soon as it arrives."

The Vulcan acknowledged this with a curt nod of her head.

The Captain then turned toward the android second officer, "Mr. Data will fill us in on the background of the planet."

Data immediately launched into his explanation. "Xeran III is a class M planet located in the Huraha system. It is located in neither Federation or Romulan space, and it aligns itself as neutral. The planet has been sought after since the time of its discovery because of a unique form of Agonite that can be found in the southern desert regions."

Riker interrupted, "What is so unique about their Agonite?"

"As you know Commander, Agonite is a substance that can store vast amounts of energy. It is used mostly in planetary power stations."

Data rose from his seat, and went to the conference room viewer and activated it. "But, what makes the Agonite from Xeran III special is due to the uniqueness of the planet itself. As you can see here, the planet is part of a binary system. Its orbit about these two suns, as well as its complex gravimetric interaction with several satellites that orbit itself and the suns, make for a magnetic field that causes the Agonite to alter its structure slightly. This alteration enables the Xeran Agonite to store 10 times as much energy as normal Agonite."

Riker stroked his beard, "I see. But, as I understand it, the Xerans only trade minimal amounts of their Agonite. Hence, the reason why the Federation and the Romulans are so interested in them. What I want to know is why?"

Data called up some new images on the viewer. "I believe this will answer your question. The orbit of Xeran III also creates on their planet weather that is very suitable for agriculture. They have three seasons; spring, summer, and a short harvest season similar to autumn on earth. Xerans are a highly agricultural people. And the only reason they mine the small amounts of agonite that they do, is to trade for products they do not manufacture themselves."

Picard placed his hands on the table, "Thank you, Mr. Data. I believe that is all for now. Besides the diplomatic concerns, this mission will be to find the cause of the disease. We will be arriving at Xeran III in approximately 7 hours. Dismissed."

All except Deanna Troi and the Captain left the conference room. Picard heaved a mental sigh. It seemed he would have to deal with the counselor sooner or later. And it appears she had sooner rather than later on her agenda.

Picard held a staying hand as Deanna opened her mouth to speak, "I know. And I'm sorry. It couldn't be helped. We have this new mission, and I just haven't had the time. I'll reschedule another appointment after this mission."

Deanna got that look in her eye. Her expression was maternal, caring but scolding at the same time. "It has been three months since your last session, sir."

Picard stood up abruptly, "I know that, Counselor. It's just that I'm rather busy now."

That look again. Damn. He rubbed a hand over his head, "I'm sorry, Deanna. It's just that...I really don't think I need the sessions anymore. I..I know what happened. I've accepted it. I've moved on..."

This time, Deanna stood up, "That's just it....you haven't moved on. Not from where I'm standing. You say you've accepted it. I believe you have accepted, but what you have accepted is the guilt. You still blame yourself for what happened."

Picards eyes turned steely, "And rightly so. If that is all counselor, I believe we have a mission to prepare for."

His tone and his look brooked no argument from her. She knew when to pick her battles. This was one she was not going to win. At least, not today. "Yes, sir."

The captain walked the long corridor to sickbay. He never went there. Well, almost never. The only time he came was when forced into it. Now was one such time. They had been in orbit around Xeran III for close to a day. And they were no more closer to solving their problem than when they first arrived.

Selar had read all the background information, and had been conducting extensive testing since arriving. She had called the captain earlier to inform him she had some news, and that he should come to sickbay.

Picard walked through the doors, and went straight to the office. "What have you found out, Doctor?"

Selar looked up from the PADD she was studying. "It's not a virus, or a bacteria, or anything like that. Whatever the agent, it acts on the brain and the central nervous system causes a degeneration in the synapses."

Picard looked thoughtful, "And you have no idea how this could be happening on such a large scale?"

"Not at this time, sir. I have done a literature review, and there seems to be a group doing tests on a similar model. Their data is actually quite good," she finished handing him the PADD.

He took the PADD, "And what model would that be?"

"Irumotic syndrome."

Picard looked up at this, "How can this help the Xerans, doctor?"

"Sir, that paper there is their latest. However, as research goes, I'm sure they have a lot more information that just isn't published yet. I am familiar with the scientist. Her name is Djin. And although this is a departure from her normal area of interest, it is nonetheless brilliant. I would like your permission to contact her at the Kalena Institute and enlist her aid."

Picard handed the PADD back to her, "Doctor, I'm sure I don't have to remind you that subspace communications are severely limited due to the magnetic interferences here. I don't think that kind of collaboration would be possible."

"Yes, sir. But I've taken the liberty of looking into other arrangements. A science  vessel, the USS Heart, is at Kalena now dropping off personnel. If I have your permission sir, I could request the assistance of Dr. Djin. The Heart could have her here in two days," Selar finished, and looked at the captain.

Picard looked at the Vulcan. She was a fine doctor, and a perfectly acceptable CMO. She just wasn't...her.

"Permission granted." He turned, and left sickbay.

"Beverrrly..." Djin called out from her terminal in the den.

Beverly came in from the nursery carrying her daughter, Rene. Luke was already  in the den, playing with the Taren's tail as she flicked it around in front of him on the floor.

"What is it?" she asked as she hoisted Rene a little higher into a more comfortable position.

Djin pointed to some data on her screen, "What do you make of that?"

Beverly scanned a moment, then looked to Djin who just nodded. Beverly quickly put Rene on the floor to play with her brother so she could take a better look at the information.

When finished she looked at felinoid, "So, what do you think Beverrrly?"

The red head bit her bottom lip in thought, "Well, it looks an awful lot like IR7. Not exactly, of course, but it's very similar. And this is affecting an entire planet?"

Djin shook her head in the affirmative, "They have requested our assistance."

Beverly nodded, "Of course, we'll do anything to help."

Djin smiled, or what Beverly considered to be a smile, "Good. I knew you would want to. We can leave as soon as we're packed."

"What! I thought we would help over subspace."

Djin moved around the room collecting things she thought they would need, "No subspace communications. Well, at least not reliable ones. Has something to due with with magnetic anomalies. The USS Heart is in orbit now waiting to take us to Xeran III."

Beverly stopped Djin with a hand on her shoulder, "I can't go. What about the twins?"

Djin looked to the two little ones toddling around the room, one following the other. "They will come with us, of course. You are still feeding them. And there is no way I would leave them behind. I have already informed the captain of the Heart of this fact. We will be traveling under my clan name. No Federation vessel has ever refused Taren clans because of our family structure. You know that."

Djin looked at her friend. She could tell what she was worried about. She placed a furred hand on her shoulder. "Beverrrly.... I would go alone if I could. But you know that you are the one who has done all this research. You are the one who can help. I know you are...apprehensive about going near anything Starfleet, but we must. We are doctors first, and people are dying."

Beverly nodded her head slowly, "You are right, of course. It's just that I've been hiding for so long...I kind of got...used to it. The anonymity of this place is so comforting sometimes."

Beverly looked up to meet her eyes, "The USS Heart you say?"

Djin smiled as she nodded.

"All right then. Let's get to it. I have a million things to pack. Traveling with these two will certainly be interesting."

And to prove her point, Luke and Rene started to squabble over a toy both wanted. Yes, very interesting indeed.

"Here, let me take her." Djin bent down to scoop up the sleeping Rene.

Beverly brushed her hand lightly over the soft red hair on the child's head as the little girl was lifted out of her arms. Beverly rolled her head, tightening the muscles in her back trying to relieve some of the tension there. Between taking care of the twins, and going over all the data on Xeran III, Beverly had gotten little or no sleep in the last two days.

She stood up, and stretched some more when the door chime activated. "Come," she called to admit whoever it was.

Captain Brown entered, "Beverly..." she said in greeting as she looked around the room.

"Where are the little ones?" she asked, a smile on her face.

Although they had only been on the Heart a couple days, she, Djin, and the ship's captain had found common ground in Beverly's children. Brown herself had three grandchildren around the same age as Luke and Rene. And having Beverly's children on-board made her feel a little better about all the time she was missing her own grandchildren.

"We just put them down for a nap," Beverly yawned as she answered.

Djin walked in from the bedroom. "Good evening, Margarrrret," she said in greeting.

"Damn. That's too bad. I came to inform you that we will be in the Xeran system within the hour. I hate for you to have to wake the wee beasties, but you'll have to be ready to transfer by then," Margaret informed them.

A confused look came over Beverly's face as she asked, "Transfer? Where? I thought we were conducting all research from the ship until it was determined how the disease was spread."

Captain Brown looked at Djin hoping for some clue, "I thought you knew."

Beverly crossed her arms over her chest, "Knew what?"

"We were asked to bring you here. The Heart only happened to be at Kalena at the right time. There is already a ship here assigned to Xeran III. It's CMO is the one who requested you."

Beverly's mouth was getting dry, "And what ship would that be?"

"It's the Enterprise..."

Captain Brown continued on about the Federation's flagship, but Beverly tuned out everything after the word Enterprise. Her mind was running a parsec a second...*Oh  no...nonononono. I can't. He'll be there. He'll see. He'll know.*

A warm touch on her arm brought Beverly out of her thoughts. She focused on the room, and noticed that the Captain was no longer there. Turning, she focused sharply on Djin.

"You knew," she said as she pulled her arm away. It wasn't a question. It was more of an accusation.

Djin dropped her head in a nod, "Yes. I found out a little bit after we were on our way. I didn't know how to tell you."

Beverly started to pace, "How in the hell could you not tell me! The Enterprise...for Goddess' sake Djin! I can't go to the Enterprise. He will be there. They will all be there. And what about the twins?"

Djin looked up, an almost feral look in her eyes. She crossed over to where Beverly was and grabbed her firmly by the arms. "Beverrrrly...you and those children are of my clan. I would never...ever let anyone harm you. But, it's time. Time for you to face that which you fear. You have to do this, Beverrrly."

Again, the red head extricated herself from the Taren's grasp. "I'm not ready to face him. I need time..."

Seeing that her friend was getting that stubborn look on her face, she tried another line  of reason. "Beverly, no matter what, we still have to help those people. Now, I'm not saying that the minute we go over there, you should rush to him for a confrontation. We can keep the twins in the cabin. And it's not like he will be coming in the Level 4 containment lab to speak with us. You can do most of your work in there, and I can deal with the Captain if, and when it's required."

Beverly looked thoughtful for a minute. Djin was right, of course. Not just about helping the Xerans, either. She was right about everything. But Beverly just couldn't deal with all the implications of that admission right now. She would go to the Enterprise, and she would find out what the problem was on Xeran III. Work...work was her best hiding place. It always had been.

Beverly expelled the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "Well, we might as well get ready. But let's keep it quiet. I want to let them sleep as long as possible before we have to go."

"Of course. And Beverrrly?" Djin called her back as she was moving off to pack.

Beverly turned, "Yes?"

"It's going to be okay."

Beverly held Djin's eyes for a moment before she continued with what she was about to do. Saying nothing.

Picard sat in his chair trying not to fidget. The USS Heart was due to arrive in the Xeran system any time now, but due to unreliability of the subspace communications they were not sure exactly when.

Also, there was the mystery of the 'shadow'. It had been discovered on gamma shift. Appearing at regular intervals that coincided with the perigee of Xeran III, it largest satellite, and the closer of the two suns.

"Sir, sensors are picking up a vessel entering the system," said an ensign from the counsel located behind the captain.

"Is it the Heart?" Picard asked as he stared at the view screen which still held the view of the planet below.

There was a moment hesitation, and Picard craned his head back to look. "Yes, sir. It's the Heart. She's requesting communications."

Picard turned back, "Put it on screen, ensign."

The screen crackled with the poor quality of the video. But Picard could make out the figure of the Heart's captain. He smiled as she greeted him.

"Picard, how the heck are you Lad?"

Picard stood, and tugged on his uniform. He wasn't really uncomfortable with her greeting. He had met Margaret Brown when he was a first year cadet at the academy, and she was a senior upperclassmen. For some reason, she had always referred to him as lad. It just seemed so incongruent with their present positions.

"No complaints, Margaret. How are your passengers? Are they ready for transport?" he asked.

"They're fine, Jean Luc. And they should be ready for transport as soon as we are within range. I'd like to stay, and catch up...but the we have another mission to get back to," she said disappointedly.

Picard nodded his understanding, "Perhaps another time then?"

She smiled, "Count on it, lad."

Picard stared a moment longer as the transmission cut out, and the view of Xeran III was once again placed on the viewer. Picard turned, and walked up the ramp towards the lift. "I'll be in transporter..."

He was cut off by the ensign before he could finish, "Sir, the 'shadow' has reappeared."

The captain came over, and looked at the readout over the ensigns shoulder. At that moment, Riker and Troi exited the turbolift. Picard looked up, and motioned for Riker to come look.

"What do you make of that?" Picard asked his first officer.

Riker leaned his large frame over the console, supporting his upper half with his arms. "I'm not sure, sir. It appears at regular intervals when three of the four largest masses are closest. It's also at this time that we get the strongest magnetic readings. It could be a ghost caused by the magnetism which is hard for our sensors to discern."

"Sir, the scientists from the Heart are ready to transport," said the ensign as he tried to work his station with people standing around it.

Picard looked like he was going to resume his earlier mission to the turbolift, but decided he had better stay here. He looked down to where the counselor was, "Counselor, Would you like to greet our guests?"

She smiled and headed back the way she had just come, "I would be happy to, sir."

Deanna walked into the transporter room, and over to the console to wait for the transport.

The ensign there looked up at her, "They should be within range...ah, there's the signal...transporting...now."

A single being appeared on the platform. It was tall, and sleek with a dark, soft looking hair covering its body. But what caught Deanna's attention was the large, green eyes.

Djin blinked as she took in her new surroundings, then focused on the dark haired woman at the console. She stepped down, and walked over to greet her.

Reaching out her hand as was the custom of humans, "Greetings, I am the D'rrrawn of the Djin," Djin introduced herself.

Troi took her hand, "Hello, I'm Deanna Troi, ship's counselor. The Captain apologizes for not being here himself, but he had some unexpected business on the bridge."

"That is quite all right. I understand the demands of work. However, I would like to ask if it would be permissible to have the rest of my clan beamed directly to our quarters. We have young, and it would be much easier for us," Djin asked.

Deanna knew some about the Taren people. They were a highly social species, that lived in clans that were communal in nature. All children born within the clan were the responsibility of everyone to raise.

"I don't think that would be a problem. Ensign?" Troi looked at the young man.

He startled a little as he realized she was addressing him, "Uh..no. I mean, it wouldn't be a problem. I can beam them directly to their quarters."

Deanna smiled at the ensign before she turned back to the Taren. "Why don't I show you to your quarters. That way you can get settled in a little before your briefing with Dr. Selar."

As they were just walking out into the corridor, Deanna's comm badge chirped, "Dr. Selar to Counselor Troi"

Troi halted, "Troi here"

"Could you bring Dr. Djin directly to sickbay...there have been some new developments."

"Of course. We're on our way," Troi acknowledged.

Djin couldn't say anything at first. Her mind was whirling as her plans seemed to be falling apart. She would need Beverly there with any sort of briefing on Xeran III. Beverly was the expert here, not her. Looking at the female walking beside her, she  remembered how fondly Beverly had talked of the sensitive empath. Deanna Troi was Beverly's friend. Djin made her decision. She just hoped Beverly would understand.

As they entered the turbolift, Djin voiced her request, "Counselor Troi? We have to stop by my quarters first. Dr. Howard will need to be present for this briefing with Dr. Selar. She is the one who is the expert on this."

Deanna looked confused, "I don't understand. Who is Dr. Howard?"

Djin voice got a little lower as she implored the betazoid, "Please..Deanna. You will understand once we get there."

Deanna could feel some of the Taren's desperation, and also guilt. Guilt about what, she didn't know. But decided to do as she asked.

Djin said nothing as Troi led her to her quarters. They stopped outside the doors.

"Here they are," Deanna indicated to the closed doors.

Djin walked up, and activated the sensor to open the doors. That's when Deanna felt it.A familiar resonance. One she hadn't felt in a long time. She couldn't believe she didn't sense it before, but she had been so wrapped up in the Taren's emotions.

"Counselor?" Djin broke into Deanna'a thoughts indicating with her hand that she should enter.

Deanna walked in, and stopped just inside the door allowing them to close behind her. Just then, Beverly entered from the other room. She stopped when she realized who was there, and stared.

Deanna broke the silence first, "Beverly..." she said as she came over and enveloped the red head in a hug.

There were tears in both women's eyes as they pulled back, "Beverly, I've missed you so much. When you left like that, and no one knew where you were. And we couldn't find you."

Beverly smiled. Deanna had a tendency to act like a worried parent sometimes. She rubbed her friends arms trying to reassure her with the gesture. "It's okay Deanna. I'm okay."

Deanna stopped a moment to collect herself before she continued. She put her hands on her hips, "Where have you been? Why didn't you let me know you were all right?"

Beverly sighed. How could she explain to her friend her motives? Why she left? Why she hadn't contacted her?

Deanna felt what was going through Beverly's mind. It was then that she realized that Beverly had no idea that she knew why she had left. Coming up to the redhead, she collected her hand and held it in hers.

"Beverly, I know why you left?" she said softly.

Beverly's eyes widened as she croaked out, "How..."

Deanna squeezed her hand, "The captain's personal logs...he rebuilt the entry you tried to erase. Plus, there was the..."

Just then, a cry went up in the other room, halting what Deanna was about to say.

 "Excuse me a second," Beverly said as she released her hand, and walked into the other room.

Deanna turned around, and followed her in. She stopped a few feet inside the door at the sight that greeted her. Beverly stood in the middle of two cribs. She held a baby no more than year old in her arms, while another child reached out to her from the other crib.

The Betazoid was stunned. The child in the crib was most definitely a girl. And the red hair, and big blue eyes left no doubt as to who her mother was. The child that Beverly held in her arms appeared to be a boy. He had a head full of chestnut brown hair. It was then that he turned his chubby little features around, and regarded her with eyes that seemed very familiar to her.

Realization flooded her, "Oh my..."

Beverly turned, not surprised that Deanna had followed her in. And she could see by the look on her face that she had figured it all out in the space of a few seconds.

Shifting Luke in her arms, "Would mind holding him?"

Deanna smiled as she came over, and took the child into her arms. "I would love to."

"And who do we have here?" Deanna started talking to the little boy as she bounced him.

Beverly picked up the other baby as she answered, "His name is Luke. And this is Renee." She finished indicating the baby girl in her arms.

Deanna smiled, "They're beautiful, Beverly."

".......Dr. Selar to Counselor Troi..."

*Oops,* Troi thought as she answered her hail. "Troi here. Sorry about the delay. Dr. Djin will be there momentarily."

Djin had been standing in the door, watching Beverly and Deanna. "Beverrrrly, you have to go to this briefing."

Beverly looked up, "I can't take the kids to sickbay."

"I can watch them," Deanna offered.

Beverly looked at her a minute, and made her decision. She trusted Deanna. "Okay. I just fed them so they sould be fine.. Whatever else you may need is in there...diapers, toys, extra clothes..."

Deanna came over to Beverly, "I think I can handle it. Go."

Beverly gave Renee a quick kiss on her head, and placed her in the crib. She reached over, and kissed the top of her son's head as Deanna held him.

Beverly looked into Deanna's dark eyes, "If you need me..."

"...I know where to find you," finished the counselor.

Beverly and Djin walked into sickbay. Ignoring the stunned look of several of the staff, the redhead walked straight to the CMO's office. Just inside the door, she waited for the Vulcan to look up.

She didn't have to wait long. Selar looked up from a PADD she was reading, and her eyes immediately locked on the former CMO. True to her heritage, the only outward sign of her surprise was a raised eyebrow.

Rising from behind the desk, "It is...gratifying to see you again, Dr. Crusher."

Beverly smiled. Selar hadn't changed one bit. Still stiff as a board. Smart, but stiff. "It's Dr. Howard now, Selar. How have you been?"

"I am functioning adequately," she replied as she reached down for a PADD on the desktop. "I knew I recognized this work. I just never connected it to you."

Beverly glanced at the PADD Selar held, but decided not to elaborate at this point as to her reasons for remaining anonymous on her scientific publications, She decided to switch the focus to the main reason why they were here. "I've read all the data you forwarded on Xeran III. The symptoms of the disease are very similar to the form of Irumotic we have been working on. However, the speed at which it seems to be progressing is alarming. IR7 takes years to do the kind of synapse damage I see occurring here. Also, IR7 is in no way communicable. But, whatever is happening on this planet seems to be affecting thousands of people. That, in and of itself, suggests some form of contagion. However, the pattern of the diseases dispersal does not follow a typical pattern one would associate with a communicable pathogen. We are missing something here. I just don't know what it is yet."

Djin spoke up, "Has the testing on planet variables been finished yet? Maybe it's something in the air, or water."

"That is one of the reasons I asked you here earlier than our scheduled briefing. Those test were concluded a few hours ago. All results turned up negative," Selar answered.

"And the other reason?" Beverly asked.

"The first person has died," Selar stated flatly.

Beverly let out a breath, and asked "Was it the first case discovered?"

Selar shook her head, "No, it was a two year old child. The disease seems to move significantly faster in the pediatric cases."

Beverly felt her stomach drop slightly. No matter how many people she had seen die as a doctor, it was the children that always got to her. And especially now, with two of her own babies, it made the tragedy seem that much closer to home.

Beverly pursed her lips, it was time to get to work. "So, we have determined that there is no known air or water borne pathogen. And we have not been able to determine a mode of transmission from person to person. I need to go down to the surface."

Selar's eyes widened a fraction, "There is still a quarantine. The captain..."

Beverly interrupted the Vulcan, "The captain has only a limited authority on medical quarantine. You, as the doctor in charge, can authorize limited contact with necessary medical personnel."

Selar bowed to the logic of her statement, "What do you suggest, Dr. Howard?"

Beverly smiled, "I think just myself, and Djin should be sufficient. Plus, whatever equipment we might require."

Selar nodded, "That would be acceptable."

Beverly turned to Djin, "Can you take care of getting together what we need while I go talk to Deanna?"

Djin made a noise that sounded like a purr-growl which Beverly had come to identify as a Taren laugh, "Looks like 'Aunt' Deanna doesn't know what she got herself into."

Beverly smiled, "No, she doesn't. See you in transporter room one...say..half an hour?"

"I'll be there,"Djin replied.

Beverly turned, and walked out of the office. This time taking a brief moment to wave to some people as she walked through sickbay, and out the doors on her way to her quarters.

Beverly wiped a hand across the face of another young patient. Comatose...like the previous seven she had seen in the last few hours. She looked up from her tricorder, to find the Mother of the child looking at her expectantly.

She put a hopeful look on her face, but she wasn't quite sure it was working. She took the womans' hand in hers, "It seems as though his synapse degradation has stabilized for now. Hopefully, the serotonin enhancer will buy us some time."

The woman squeezed Beverly's hand briefly, then released it. "Thank you, doctor."

Crusher stood up, ignored the stiffness that was starting to take hold of the muscles in her back, and decided it was time to see how Djin was doing at her end. After the initial briefing with the doctors here, Djin went to examine some of the adult patients, while Beverly took it upon herself to come to where the children were. That decision was taking its toll, but Beverly would have it no other way.

Beverly left the pediatric ward, and wound her way down a few halls until she came to where Djin was. She looked inside, but couldn't see the Taren anywhere. A touch on her shoulder caused her to jump.

"I'm sorry, Beverly. I didn't mean to startle you," said Dr. Jae Wilna.

Beverly turned to where the Xeran doctor stood behind her. She briefly took in his appearance, his shoulders seemed a little lower than they were when she had met him hours earlier. This, whatever this thing was, was costing this man a lot.

"It's all right. I guess...well, seeing the children...it gets to me," Beverly said.

He nodded solemnly, "I know what you mean."

The older Xeran ran a hand of through his hair, a visible manifestation of his exhausted state. Beverly placed a comforting hand on his arm, "You're exhausted. When was the last time you slept?"

"Seems like forever. But I can't...not yet. Not until....," he trailed off.

She turned him around, and started off down the hall. "Jae, Djin and I can take care of everything for the next few hours. Please, go...get some sleep. I promise, if anything comes up, I'll contact you."

"You win, Beverly. But let me show you to the lab where Djin is working, then I'll go," he said.

She smiled, "You have got yourself a deal."

They walked a few minutes in silence until they came to a door at the end of a hallway.

"Here it is," Jae said as he pointed to the door.

"Thanks," she said as she went to enter the lab.

Jae halted her with a hand on her arm, "You promise to call?"

Beverly took his hand, and squeezed it, "I promise. Now go."

He laughed, "Are all Federation doctors like this? Or is it just the beautiful ones?"

Now, it was her turn to laugh, "Go. I'll see you later."

He turned, and started to walk away when she called to him, "Oh, and by the way, thank you."

"You're welcome," he said.

Beverly watched him walk down the hall, and around the corner. Smiling to herself, she entered the lab.

She stopped just inside, "What the..."

She didn't have time to finish her sentence before a sharp pain lanced through her head, and she felt her legs buckle before the blackness enveloped her.

Jean Luc Picard sat heavily in his seat behind the desk in his ready room. They had been working on trying to find a way to eliminate the magnetic fields interference, and discover the true nature of the 'shadow', as the phenomenon had become known as.

He sighed, and ran a large hand over his head. It was a long day...a long mission...a long eighteen months. He startled slightly at this thought. Had it really been that long since...since he'd last seen her. Physically, yes, he guessed it had been. But in reality, he saw her all the time. Especially at night, when he dreamed.

He sighed again, and reigned in his thoughts. Now was not the time to think about her...later, maybe. But God, how he wished she was here. She would figure this out. She would help these people.

"Riker to Captain Picard"

Picard straightened,"What is it, Number One?"

"Sir, we just had an emergency beam up of one of the doctors we sent Xeran III."

Picard stood up, and strode out his ready room doors onto the bridge. "What happened,Will?"

Riker was standing in front of the center row seats, "I'm not sure, sir. One of the doctors activated a distress beacon on their comm badge, no audio. We beamed them up, and the transporter room called for a medical emergency. They should be in sickbay by now."

"Contact the planetary authorities. See what they know. I'll be in sickbay," Picard said as he walked across the bridge, and into the turbolift.

Djin attempted to sit up, again. Selar pushed her back down on the biobed, again.

"Dr. Djin, if you persist in this action, I will be forced to sedate you," Selar stated calmly.

"Selar, you don't understand, they have her. I have to go...it's my responsibility," Djin pleaded.

"I understand that you have a severe head laceration, and possibly a concussion," Selar said as she ran the dermal regenerator over the occipital region of Djins skull.

Just then, Picard entered sickbay, and went to where the Taren was being treated. Upon seeing the Captain, Djin sat up. Selar did not protest this time, seeing as she had already closed the wound. But stayed nearby in case the agitated scientist tried to stand up as well.

Djin started talking, "Captain, have they found Bev...uh, Dr. Howard? They can't have gotten too far...I almost had them, but there were too many...then, my comm badge was activated somehow, it must have been in the fight...I don't know...but.."

Picard came over to the side of the bed, and placed a hand on the excited Tarens arm. "Wait...slow down a minute. Now, tell me exactly what happened?"

Djin jerked her arm away, and pierced him with her green eyes, "Dr. Howard is of my L'rrrawn. She is my responsibility. Have they found her?"

Picard was a little frustrated with the Taren's uncooperativeness, but he could understand the weight of responsibility. Especially when it was for people's lives.

"No. We have not found her. Please, Dr. Djin, if you would just tell us what happened, it would help us find her," he pleaded.

The Taren blinked her eyes. It seemed almost in slow motion to Picard. But finally, her  head sagged a little in a nod of acquiescence.

"We had beamed down to the surface to facilitate our research on whatever is causing the synaptic degradation in the Xerans. Dr. Howard was examining the pediatric patients, while I looked at some of the adults. When I had completed my examinations, I  went to the laboratory assigned to us to work on an experiment. A short while later, some Xerans I had never seen before came in. They had some kind of disrupter weapons, and kept asking me about the research we were doing. And if we had a cure. I didn't understand why they were downloading all the computers, and destroying the samples, yet kept asking me about a cure. That's when Dr. Howard came in. She was barely in the door, when one of the intruders hit her on the back of the head. That's when I...she's my responsibility, Captain. She's my...family," Djin finished.

Just then, a loud wail from somewhere behind Picard threw off what he was about to say. He turned around, and there, coming towards him was Deanna Troi...with two babies...one under each arm...crying.

"Counselor, what is the meaning of this?" Picard asked as he swept an arm to indicate the two crying children.

Djin immediately reached out, and took one of the kids from a struggling Deanna, "Captain Picard, these are my C'rrrawn."

Deanna set the other child down on the biobed, and Djin snaked her prehensile tail around that child, stroking it with the tip. She started to emit a loud purring noise which immediately quieted both children.

Picard sighed as the cries died down, "C'rrrawn...I'm not familiar with the term."

Djin looked up, "They are my children."

Picard's eyes widened in surprise. These children were, well, they were human.

Deanna sensed the Captain's confusion, and jumped in with an explanation, "Sir, theTaren live in small communal groups or clans. The children born to a clan belong to all. Hence, every adult in a clan is considered every child's parent. Regardless of who actually gave birth."

Just then, the small, red haired baby that was entwined in Djin's tail, extricated herself, and went to stand. But because of the unevenness of the bed, she stumbled slightly with Picard catching her.

"Whoa! There you go," he acted reflexively, catching the child before she fell.

He lifted her up easily, and held her. He looked into her blue eyes, and something there caught him. He couldn't stop looking at her. She seemed so...

That's when she threw her arms around his neck saying, "DaDa".

Flustered, Picard held the baby in the general direction of the ship's counselor. Deanna tried to hide the smile on her face as she went to take the little girl.

"Come here, Renee," she said as she shifted her into a better position.

"Riker to Picard"

"Go ahead, Commander," Picard said.

"Sir, the Xeran governor wishes to speak with you, sir. In person."

"I'm on my way. Picard out"

Picard looked to the Taren, "I'll inform you of any new information. Counselor," he looked at the Betazoid.

"Um sir..." She stopped indicating with her eyes that she was needed more here than on the bridge.

He looked at the Taren, and the two children, "Very well. If I need you, I'll call."

Picard turned on his heel, and left.

Deanna watched him go. As soon as he was out the door, she turned to Djin who was quietly purring to Luke.

"He needs to be told," she stated.

Djin looked up, her eyes narrowing, "That is not for you to decide."

Deanna sighed, "Whose decision is it? Yours?"

Djin shook her head, "No. Beverly must decide."

Deanna hated to say this, but felt she had to, "And what if Beverly is in no position to decide?"

The Taren looked at the counselor for a second, then looked back to the baby in her lap.

That decision was not for now. Later....

Consciousness was slow in coming. Awareness was achieved in little bits as parts of her body let themselves be rediscovered. The journey was hampered by the one portion of her anatomy that made the most noise: her head. The pain, and the pounding of her blood through its vasculature made her think she could discern her blood pressure without the aid of a tricorder.

Using some mental techniques she learned from Deanna, she pushed the pain to a place which made it more manageable. That accomplished, she continued with her mental assessment of her body, where she was, and how long she had been here.

Starting at her extremities, she moved her legs and arms a little. They seemed functional, and unfettered by any restraints. Using her hands, she moved them cautiously over her torso...abdomen...rib cage...breasts..*Ouch!* Well, that answers about how long she has been here. Her breasts were extremely swollen indicating she had been here several hours. They only got that way when she hadn't nursed or expressed milk in awhile.

Thoughts of nursing naturally brought the faces of her children, Renee and Luke to her mind. They were on the Enterprise with Deanna. She would take care of them. But she'd be damned if she let her children grow up without a mother like she had.

At this thought, her brain automatically injected, *What about a father?*

She immediately quenched that thought. She had to get out of here. But first, she had to open her eyes and see exactly where in the hell here was. She slowly cracked one eyelid, letting a small amount of light to enter. That stimulation promptly caused the ache in her head to reassert itself. However, she didn't let that stop her. She continued on, and opened both her eyes all the way.

She allowed for a few moments of adjustment from total darkness to the light that was present. It didn't take to long before she could make out shapes and shadows. At first, she thought the blow to her head had impaired her vision, but soon realized the only reason why it was hard to clearly define the objects before her was because of the minimal lighting. She had only thought it was bright before because of the contrast to the total darkness of her closed eyes. In reality, the only light in the room was what seeped  in from under the door, and a small window set into the that door.

She was about to attempt a sitting position when she heard voices outside her door...

  ....."Is she awake?"

 "No, Commander. The blow to her head..."

 "Was too hard, you tarq. These humans are fragile. But, it is of no consequence now. We have analyzed their research. They have no cure. And they have no idea what is causing the disease. The only purpose she serves now is as leverage against the captain of the Enterprise. Make sure she lives, Sub-commander..."

"Yes, Commander.....Sela?"

"Just because we are related, brother, does not give you leave to be familiar."

"Understood, Commander."

"What is it?"

"We can only keep the magnetron pulse up for another twleve cycles, what then?"

"By then, it will be too late for the people of Xeran III...and for the Enterprise.".........

 *Sela! What are the Romulans doing here? They are obviously responsible for whatever is happening to the people here. And what about the Enterprise? Twelve cycles, then what?*

Beverly's mind worked furiously trying to figure out what was going on. She wasn't sure how long a cycle was, but thought she remembered it being similar to an hour. That didn't give her much time. She had to find a way to warn the Enterprise. And to do that, she had to get out of here.

Beverly bided her time, making no movement that would let her captors know she was awake. Then, she heard it. The person outside the door moved off down the hallway. If she was correct, that left no one outside.

Ignoring her stiff muscles, she rose off the bed, and walked to the door. Carefully, she slid her head over to where she could just see out the window.

*Aha, no one there,* she thought as she dug through her hair, and found one of the pins she used to put it up earlier. (Not that it was doing such a hot job now. It seemed like most of her red tresses were in her face.)

She smiled as she inserted the small metal object into the locking mechanism. She knew this type of lock. A turn here, a twist there, shove it in slightly, pull back slowly... "click"

She said a small prayer of thanks for that summer internship on the trading moon Frentar. A sizable portion of the residents were Ferengi.

Pushing the door open slowly, she peeked her head out and looked either way down the hall. She thought the guard had moved off to the right, so she quietly turned to the left.

She passed several doors as she wound her way through the passages. What had started off as a hallway, soon gave way to stone walls. Wherever she was, it appeared to be some sort of cave.

As she made her way around a curve, she saw an opening. She headed for it, but was stopped by a voice behind.

"It's hard to believe we are related, is it not?"

Beverly spun around, her eyes searching the shadows along the wall. "Excuse me?"

A blond haired woman stepped out to where the light from the opening illuminated her visage.

"I said, it's hard to believe I am actually related to that imbecile that let you escape. And they make comments about me being the half breed when he is the half wit. Ah well, no matter. I listened to my mother's stories well, Dr. Crusher. And you were most certainly not to be underrated," Sela said as she came further away from the wall, the light now clearly showing the disruptor she held in her hand.

"Sela," Beverly stated.

The blond put a hand to her chest, "I'm touched that you remember, Dr. Crusher. But it would be rude of you to just leave without saying goodbye. We haven't even had a chance to talk yet."

 Beverly's eyes widened slightly, trying to figure out Sela's game. "Yes, why don't we talk about what you are doing to the people of this planet? How are you causing their illness, and why?"

Selar shook her head slightly as she smiled, "Tell you what, Crusher...for every question of mine that you answer, I will answer one of yours."

Beverly took a step closer. Now, she was really confused. Sela had the disruptor. She could demand anything she wanted. What did she want? But, with the position she was in, there was really only one way to find out..."Go on," she said.

Now, Sela took a step closer to Beverly, "Why did you leave the Enterprise eighteen months ago?"

Beverly's mouth dropped slightly, "What?"

"You heard me. I want to know why you left the flagship of the Enterprise to go to some backwater planet," Sela demanded.

"I....went to do research," Beverly responded not sure exactly where this was leading.

Sela shook the disruptor a little, "Research, eh? Then how come you told no one, not even your closest friends on the Enterprise where you were? Picard has been using every resource at his disposal to find out where you were. To no avail, I might add. So, I ask again, why did the former CMO of the Federation flagship vanish without a trace to 'conduct research'?"

Beverly's eyes narrowed. *What was this Romulan bitch getting at? She wanted something from her, and she was damned if she knew what in the hell it was.*

So, instead of answering the question, Beverly posed one of her own, "I believe the next question is mine. What are you doing to the people of Xeran III and why?"

"Oh doctor, there are so much more interesting things you could ask me. But since you have asked, and it really won't matter much if I tell you, we are inducing the synaptic degradation in the Xeran population with a focused magnetron beam which enhances the areas own natural magnetism. As to why, I would think that would be obvious," the Romulan stated matter of fact.

Beverly shook her head in disbelief, "You're doing this for the Agonite?"

Sela smiled, "My turn, doctor. Who is the father of your children?"

Beverly was stunned, so she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, hoping that Sela didn't know anything other than what was in her official records, "Wesley's father is a matter of..."

"Not boy wonder....the other ones...the twins?"

Beverly's eyes hardened as her hands balled into fists at her side, "I have no idea what you are talking about?"

Again that smug smile appeared on Sela's face, "Come now, Doctor. Everyone in the quadrant knows of the Enterprise's captain long standing, and unrequited love for you. Of course, both you and I know that unrequited isn't really a factual representation of your relationship any longer. Is it?"

Beverly's fingernails dug deep into her palms. She could feel some blood well up, and slide into the cup of her hand , squeezing out between her knuckles.

Sela stepped closer to the red head, and lowered her voice, "And right now, at this very instant, proof of that relationship is sitting on his ship, right under his nose, and as usual, the stoic captain is none the wiser."

Sela turned slightly as if to move away, "Tell me, Beverly, Picard always seems so in command...in control...quite a contrast to the man who came to your cabin that night."

The last straw had just been played. That was it. Beverly had no idea how she knew about that night, but Sela's knowledge suggested that the Romulan had some sort of hand in it's planning. Had it been for that alone...but no, it had cost her something very dear to her...the trust she had for the one man in the universe she gave it to.

Not knowing where it came from, Beverly made a move for the Romulan. She smashed her hand down on the arm that held the disruptor, causing it to spin out of site into the shadows.

Surprised, Sela spun around as Beverly launched a fist to the blonde's jaw. Momentarily stunned by the blow, Sela staggered slightly, but recovered in time to catch the other punch Beverly had thrown at her. Twisting the doctor's hand, she turned and flipped the red head onto the cave floor.

Beverly coughed as some of the dust had gotten into her mouth, but the wind was knocked out of her as a form jumped on her from above. Using her legs, she entwined them about Sela's lower body, and twisted. This brought Beverly to the superior position on top.

It was too late when she saw the glint of metal in the light. The blade darted out quickly from the Romulans wrist, and sunk into the flesh of Beverly's abdomen. Despite the tremendous pain, Beverly kept her hold on top. Grabbing a rock that was near her, she brought it down on the side of Sela's head...knocking her out cold.

Staggering to her feet, Beverly looked down at the still form. Satisfied that Sela would not be getting up anytime soon, Beverly clutched at the wound seeping blood, and made her way out of the cave entrance. She had to warn the people of Xeran III. She had to warn the Enterprise...Jean Luc.

Picard shifted slightly in his seat on the bridge. The chair was usually comfortable enough, but sitting in it for several hours tended to make him squirm. He had just finished speaking with Xeran III's security head for the third time. And so far, no luck in finding Dr. Howard.

He was just about to give up on the chair, and move to his ready room when Lt. Commander Data called his attention.

"Captain, I believe I may have found something?" Data said from his station on the upper level.

Picard and Riker rose simultaneously, and walked over to the android. As soon as they were near, Data shifted his long fingers over the counsel causing the display image to shift. What appeared was a representation of Xeran system. It slowly started to move indicating the orbital path of all the celestial bodies within its boundaries.

"As you can see, these are the orbital paths of all planetary bodies within the Xeran system." Data's hands again punched in a few codes. This time adding another dimension to the same image. "And these are the magnetic flow patterns associated with all the orbits."

Picard watched, not understanding what he was supposed to be seeing, "Yes, yes Data, we have seen all this before."

Data looked at his Captain, "If you will give me a moment, sir," The android turned back around, continuing to explain as he input more commands, "the images you have just seen were taken from a system survey conducted 2.7 standard years ago by the USS S'karh. This is from a system survey I completed 22 minutes ago."

This time the image that was overlaid on the original stood out, and its difference was plain to everyone.

Riker was the first to speak, "How can that be, Data? It would take a mass of considerable size to distort the magnetic flow that much?"

"That is correct. I have calculated the distortion, and have concluded that such an object would have to be located here," Data explained as a highlighted area appeared on the display.

This time, Picard spoke, "But Data, isn't that where our little 'shadow' has been appearing?"

"Yes, sir. But that is not the only thing. With a shift of this sort and magnitude, it is very possible that it could have an affect on biological systems," Data finished.

Picard straightened, "Number One, I want you to start a negative ion sweep."

 Riker rose an eyebrow, "Cloaked ship, sir?"

"That's what I intend to find out. Meanwhile, I will be talking to Dr. Djin, find out if this magnetic shift could possibly be causing the illnesses on Xeran III," Picard went to the turbolift, "Will, contact me if anything comes up."

The turbolift doors closed on the First officers', "Yes, sir."

Picard stopped mid sentence, again, as the fussing babies made conversation virtually impossible. Exasperated, he finally asked, "Exactly what seems to be the problem with them?"

"They're hungry," Djin said as though stating the obvious.

Picard ground his teeth a little when he realized no more information would be forthcoming. "I still don't see why they are so upset. You have been giving them a bottle since I arrived."

Picard watched as one of the children squirmed on Deanna's lap. The counselor relented, and let the youngster slip to the ground. He steadied himself on two wobbly legs, then promptly threw the bottle to the floor.

Deanna sighed, and bent to retrieve the cast off, "Captain, the twins are normally breast- fed."

Picard was distracted as he watched the little guy toddled over the few feet between the couch, and his leg. Grabbing the latter in an attempt to stay upright.

Thinking it would be inappropriate to shake him off, Picard bent and picked him up. He shifted the child in his arms, and thanked the powers that be that he didn't start fussing. Apparently, the baby was satisfied to finger the command pips on his collar. A suitable concession, as long as there was no crying.

Picard turned his attention back to Deanna, "So, why should that make them upset?"

Deanna smiled at the Captains lack of knowledge. Of course, it didn't really surprise her."Sir, Luke and Renee have always been breast-fed. They've never had a bottle before."

Picard still didn't see the problem, "Well, aren't they basically the same thing?"

She tried to be gentle to avoid embarrassing him, but now it was time for the big guns.

"Would they be the same to you?" she said smiling.

Picard could feel the tips of his ears turn red. He was saved from forming a reply when Djin looked up from her console at the desk,.

"Captain, if these readings of the magnetic flow around Xeran III are correct, the increase could very likely be causing the effects we have been seeing on the planet. It would also explain much of what Dr. Howard and I have observed," Djin said.

Picard shifted the child to the other arm, "Is there any way we can nullify the effects?"

Djin thought for a moment before answering, "The only way would be to remove those affected from exposure. And since this appears to be a planet wide phenomena, I would say our best bet is to find out how this change occurred. It does not appear natural to me."

 ..."Riker to Picard"

"Go ahead, Will," Picard responded.

..."Sir, Xeran authorities have just contacted us. They have received word from a remote settlement about a possible positive ID of Dr. Howard."

Picard thought a moment, "What did they say?"

..."Apparently, some Xerans showed up at a communications station saying they had found a human, but they didn't know her name. Apparently, she is very sick, and kept muttering the names Luke and Renee."

Djin jumped up from her seat, "It's Beverrrly!"

Picard felt the blood drain from his face as in a flash everything became clear to him. He gripped the child tighter in his arms momentarily, then lifted him up to look at him. There it was...in the boys eyes. He then looked to the other child now sitting on Deanna's lap. And it was in her eyes, too. Luke...Renee....*Oh, Beverly! Why?*

Picard absently dropped his lips to the boys head, how could he have been so blind? Closing his eyes he said softly, "Why? Why couldn't she tell me?"

Djin reached out to stroke Luke's leg, not attempting to take him back. She looked to the Captain with sad green eyes, "How could she?"

Picard walked rapidly through the corridors of the ship on his way to the bridge, his mind worked furiously over all that had occurred. The past eighteen months he had tried everything to find her, but destiny stepped in and brought her....and them to him.

He thought of the two children back in the cabin...his children. The visible product of what he had done to her. But why did she have them? A pregnancy that was the result of a rape would inspire any woman to terminate. Even Beverly Crusher..Howard.

He stepped into the turbolift barking his destination to the computer, "Bridge!"

The faces of those children now crowded his mind scape. The girl, Renee, her soft red hair and big sapphire eyes pegged her parentage instantly if one was observant enough. And the boy, Luke...a mass of chestnut hair and hazel eyes that turned green with emotion.

His...son. His...daughter. Their children. His and Beverly's. A dream he had for many years. All the teasing he used to receive about his dislike of children. In truth, the reason he had distanced himself from children was it hurt him to know that the only way he ever wanted to have them was with Beverly. But since she was married to his best friend, that event seemed highly unlikely.

He mentally shook himself. He had no right to think of them as his family. He had forced this on Beverly. He doubted she would want anything to do with him, much less have him involved in her children's lives. But he would be damned if he would let anything happen to them. Especially while they were on his ship. The least he could do was make sure Beverly was safe. After that...well, then he would see. But not till she was safe, and with their...her children again.

Picard entered the bridge, and Riker straightened from where he was looking over Data's shoulder. Riker spoke before Picard, "Sir, the magnetic flow has changed again..it's getting stronger. This will necessitate the away team use a shuttlecraft instead of the transporter. They are waiting in for you in shuttle bay one, Captain."

Picard's eyes widened slightly. He had been expecting a fight with his first officer about going down to the planet.

"Thank you, Will," he said as he looked at the bigger man before he turned back to go the way he had came.

A small smile appeared on Riker's face. "You're welcome," he said as the lift doors closed.

Picard finished making all the necessary systems checks in record time. He looked around the shuttle, Djin, Selar, and two of the always present nameless and faceless security personnel. They all nodded their readiness to depart.

He contacted the bridge for clearance, and waited impatiently as the shuttle bay doors opened. As soon as the opening was large enough, he eased the shuttle thrusters forward, and the tiny ship was out in open space.

The appropriate coordinates had already been fed into the flight computer, all he had to do was pilot it on its course. In three minutes, they were angling their descent through the ionosphere. Another minute, and they were in the noon day sun on their way to their destination.

To Picard it seemed to take forever, but in reality it only took 20 minutes before they were on the ground. He shut all the systems off, and made for the door. Upon it's opening, he was greeted by a small contingent of Xerans.

A tall Xeran male approached, and raised his hand in what appeared to be some sort of greeting. Picard mimicked the move introducing himself, "I'm Captain Picard of the Enterprise."

The man nodded his head fractionally, "I am Jen Roln of Xeran security."

He turned while indicating Picard and party should follow while he began explaining, "We arrived shortly before you. This is a very remote outpost without many services. The people who found your doctor will guide us."

Picard placed a staying hand on his arm, "Mr. Roln, we have a shuttle, wouldn't it be faster..."

"Normally, yes. But the place where your doctor was found is in the Naer canyons. It would be impossible to take a shuttle there. We will have to hike there using Caelons," Roln answered as he continued walking.

Picard caught up to him a few strides later, "Caelons? I'm not familiar with them."

"They are a four legged animal that the local people use as transport through the uneven passages of the canyons. They are a little dim-witted, but very sure of foot. Which is a good thing where we are going," Roln explained as they came to the outer door of the only building here.

The door opened it, and two Xerans came out. Females this time. They looked at Roln, then at the Picard, "We must leave now if we are to make it by nightfall. Are you ready?"

Roln looked to Picard, who shook his head in the affirmative. The older female started to walk towards some animals that were tethered outside the building, introducing herself and her companion.

"I am Kae Olan, and this is my sisters daughter, Tae."

Picard made introductions for his people, "This is Dr. Djin and Dr. Selar, Ensigns Alkey and Tenson, and I'm Captain Picard."

Kae Olan's stared at him a second, "Jean Luc Picard?"

"Um, yes..," he answered.

"She talks of you, and you," she pointed to Djin.

Picard was momentarily stunned, but it was Djin who asked, "How is she?"

Kae shook her head slightly, "It is hard to say. She came in the middle of the night soaked to the bone from the storms. Her fever was very high from the infection. We closed the stomach wound as best we could, and gave her some medicinal plants, but the fever only reduced a little. We knew she needed more than we could give."

Selar stepped forward, "What type of wound did Dr. Howard have?"

Kae looked around a little before answering, "It looked as though she was...stabbed in the stomach with a sharp object. From the disjointed things she was saying, we concluded that she had escaped from somewhere. However, not unscathed."

Picard felt his stomach clench, and he asked, "How far is it?"

Kae handed him the reins of a Caelon, "Close to ten lengths. However, distance is not the limiting factor, terrain is"

Picard watched the Xerans mount, then copied them. Caelons weren't like horses, but the concept was the same. Kae Olan urged her mount toward the pass opening into the canyon, Picard and the rest followed close behind.

"How is she?" came a voice from the doorway.

Brae Olan turned from where she was wiping a cool cloth across heated skin, "No better. She is still hot with fever."

"Jean Luc? I'm so sorry...sorry...always..loved you. Take care of them...," said the red headed woman as she stirred restlessly trying to twist her body away in her delirium.

Brae stroked the back of her hand across her forehead, smoothing some of the sweat matted hair away,. She had done all she could. Now she prayed help would come in time.

Their long shadows, cast upon the red canyon walls indicated the lateness of the day. Picard knew now that if they didn't reach their destination by nightfall, they would have to stop. He silently urged Kae Olan faster, but knew that to do so was inviting disaster.

The trail, if you could call it that, was barely wide enough for the Caelons to traverse single file. One misstep, and a person could find themselves at the bottom of a deep crevasse.

Picard caught bits and pieces of conversation from the younger female, Tae, who rode directly behind him. She was answering Ensign Alkey's questions about why their settlement was located in such a desolate place. Normally, Picard would have been fascinated by the motives of a group of eclectic artists who chose to live in the bare canyons and would have asked several questions himself. But, in truth, his mind was on the reason they were here in the first place...Beverly.

His heart skipped a little at the thought of seeing her again...after all this time...after... It seemed he had dreamed of little else since she had left. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. How it wasn't him. He went over mock encounters in his head a thousand times, but each time his guilty conscience always supplied a Beverly who would not accept his apology. Who despised him. Who hated him.

He couldn't blame her. He hated himself for what he had done to her. And now, with the knowledge of what else he had done with his act. But...the fact that they were here..what did that say about Beverly, and how she felt. Could a woman who hated and despised a man, give birth to his children after he forced himself on her?

Picard was distracted by a voice. "Excuse me?" he said to the woman in front of him who was looking back over her shoulder at him.

"You love her?" Kae asked him.

Picard didn't really have to clarify who. He knew who she was talking about. "Yes," he answered simply.

For in that moment, that's what it was...simple. He wished he had seen how simple it could be years ago. Maybe they wouldn't be in this situation now. Alas, no matter. When he saw her, he'd tell her. Tell her everything that was in his heart. The sorrow over what had happened...how he would do anything to change it...how his life was empty and desolate without her in it...how much he loved her. All of it.

His eyes focused again on the Xeran in front of him who looked at him with a soft smile.

"I could tell," she said as she turned back around to pay attention to the trail ahead.

Sub Commander Stolan smiled on the inside. Sela, that bitch half-breed sister of his, had just stumbled over a rock. For the hundredth time since finding her unconscious on the cave floor, he wished he had finished what the human woman had started. Had he not been so overjoyed to find Sela in such a compromised state, laughing over the fact that she had been bested, he could have picked up the bloody rock and made sure his sister stayed in the dark...forever.

But then, luck was never on the side of Stolan. As he had made to reach for the stone, Sela's personal guard came up. That put an end to that. But he still had now to gloat over. As soon as Sela came around, she insisted they set off in search of the escaped human. She even refused to shuttle back to their vessel for medical treatment. All this made the search slower because Sela was still suffering the blow she had received.

Stolan noticed the sun's decent, and surmised that if they had not found their escaped prisoner by sunset, they would not be finding her at all.

Sela stopped suddenly, and turned back. Stolan had to skid abruptly to a stop to avoid running into his sister.

"Scan again," she ordered tersely.

Stolan sighed, but refrained from telling Sela, again, that the magnetic properties of these canyons inhibited any meaningful scans. Instead, he obeyed, and opened the scanner. He passed it around in a semicircle, then shut it abruptly. If it hadn't been for the occasional blood trail, they would have had no idea which way the red head had taken. But then the rains had viciously swept through the canyons wiping all trace of her heading away.

"Nothing, Commander," he said neutrally.

 Sela shook her head in disgust, turned and headed up the trail. She banged her leg on a small outcropping of rock causing a small grunt of pain. Stolan smiled.

Brae Olan stood in the doorway, peering silently at the woman with red hair. She was amazed at the strength she displayed even though her situation was serious. Since the human had stumbled into their settlement, she had been racked with fever from the infection caused by her wound. Yet, despite that fact the woman had moments of clarity where she tried to explain things. Invariably, such moments ended with her talking about her loved ones. And then, slipping back into incoherency.

Brae started slightly when her eyes focused again. The human was staring at her with clear eyes. Brae rushed over, and sat down. Grabbing a cool cloth for her head, Brae's arm was stayed by a pale, trembling hand.

"Jean Luc?" Beverly asked weakly.

Brae went to shake her head, but was interrupted by a deep voice from the doorway.

"I'm here."

Brae turned around to see who this mysterious Jean Luc was. She had heard a lot about him, albeit most of that was from the rambling of a sick woman. Despite that, Brae had the impression that this Jean Luc meant a whole lot to Beverly. And now, she could put a face with the name.

Brae looked at him intently. He had no hair to speak of, which startled Brae since Xerans had no baldness on their planet. His nose seemed slightly larger than it should be, but it somehow fit with the contours of his face. He was not a large man, but his tight compact body defined him. And when he spoke again, Brae decided what physical feature was his best.

"How is she?" Picard said to Brae as he came over to Beverly's side.

Brae rose from her seat, "She still has a very high fever that I can't bring down. And I think she may have some bleeding from her wound."

Picard looked down at the woman on the bed. She looked back up at him with blue eyes that seemed clouded, and lifted her hand off the bed towards him. He went to take it, but her eyes rolled back in her head and her body started shaking.

Before Picard could say or do anything, a blur pushed him out of the way.

"She's seizing. Djin, hand me the neural stabilizer!" Selar instructed as she ran a tricorder over Beverly.

Brae looked on from the shadows, wanting to help, but knowing they would do all they could for her. She saw the man, Jean Luc, stand back, his face a complete blank. Walking over, she placed her hand on his arm giving it a gentle squeeze. He stiffened at the contact, but didn't move away. He just stared at the woman on the bed as the doctors worked to save her.

Despite the warm hand on his arm, Picard felt cold as he watched Selar work on Beverly as she contorted while in the midst of the seizure. His mind grew dark at the thought that he had come all this way just to watch her die, without ever having a chance to tell her all that was in his heart. And without ever having the chance to gain her forgiveness.

He barely heard the Tarens's voice, gruff with emotion say, "She's okay...for now."

He looked into the green eyes, questioning. Djin just blinked her eyelids, and moved aside so Picard could have a clear line of sight to the bed. Accepting her prod, Picard walked slowly to Beverly.

Selar straightened, and turned to the Captain, "I gave her a strong anti-biotic, and trizine to reduce the high fever which had caused the seizure. I also closed a small bleeder she had in her abdominal wound We need to get her to sick bay, but for right now, she's stable."

Picard only half heard what Selar was telling him. For at this moment, his eyes were glued to blue ones a mere meter away. His heart stopped in that instant, and melted. Damn if she wasn't the most beautiful woman he ever seen. Even now, sick as she was, she still captivated him.

The corners of Beverly's mouth quirked slightly upward as she attempted to smile. Picard instantly approached, and knelt down to be at her level.

"Beverly..." he said as though he hadn't said the word in years. And, he hadn't.

He reached out to take her hand, but then unsure, stopped midway.

Seeing his hesitation, Beverly moved the small distance to his hand, and laid hers on top. Jean Luc closed his eyes trying to keep the emotion from spilling out. He took a deep  breath to calm himself, then took her slender hand with both of his large ones.

Feeling somewhat composed, he opened his eyes to look at her. She looked back at him, no anger...no accusations...no hatred...just curious. He let his breath out slowly, not realizing he had been holding it.

Again, that quirk of a smile threatened to appear, "Jean Luc..."

He smiled, just happy to hear her say his name. "Yes?" he responded as he absently stroked his thumb across the inside of her wrist.

"Renee and Luke..." she began.

"They are fine, Beverly. Deanna is watching them on the ship," he said.

She shook her head slightly, "No..I...I need to tell you. In case..something happens."

Picards eyes darkened, "Nothing is going to happen, Beverly. You are going to be fine."

Again she shook her head, "Jean Luc, listen to me, please..Luke and Renee are..."

"They are Picard's bastards. Isn't that what you were going to say?" said a laughing voice from behind them.

Picard spun around, and looked down the barrel of four disruptors. Stunned, he followed the barrel of the weapon closest to him to see the familiar face of Sela.

Tae Olan may have been young, but she was no fool. She hid, unseen, in the shadows in the back of main entrance hall as soon as she saw the newcomers enter. Her heart ached as they casually loosed their weapons on the young man she had been speaking to on the way here. She bit her bottom lip as he laid, unmoving, on the hard floor.

The three males, and the one female with pointed ears herded her mother into the room where the sick human was. At this time, most of the other settlement inhabitants were off in their own dwellings further in the labyrinth of caves. Despite that, Tae knew they would be no match for the invaders and their weapons. She thought for a moment, then decided. The only hope for them all was to get help from the humans ship. She peeked around to make sure the way was clear, and skittered soundlessly to where Jonas laid.

Tae placed her hand on the side of his neck, but knew by the size of the gaping burn hole in his chest that she would find no movement there. She laid a soft hand against his cheek, startled to find it already cold. A sound from the room where the attackers went caused her stomach to turn. She quickly grabbed the pin off of the shirt, turned and ran deeper into the caves, through passages only a few knew.

It was dangerous, but it was the only way. She could never go down the trail at night, and it took too long. The only choice was up. Up to the top of the butte. Up to where she would be able to summon help. She hoped it would be in time.

Riker shifted in his seat. Usually, he relished any opportunity to sit in the big chair. But, there is also something to be said about too much of a good thing. He looked to the side,  then stopped as he realized Deanna was still occupied elsewhere.

This caused him to grind his teeth. Deanna was down there watching Beverly's children. He couldn't get over the fact that she had been on the ship, and no one (except Deanna) knew.

When he heard the Taren say over the comm link, "It's Beverly", Riker's face went white with realization at who Dr. Howard was. It wasn't til later when he had a chance to talk to Troi that he realized the full import of all that was happening.

Renee with big blue eyes, and soft red hair..and Luke, Gods, the little guy was almost a miniature of his Father! What must have Picard thought when he realized. Riker stroked his beard when his thoughts were interrupted by Data.

"Commander, I believe I have found what we have been looking for."

Riker stood up, and turned to face the second officer, "A cloaked ship, Data?"

"Yes, Sir," Data answered.

*A cloaked ship!* Riker thought as he paced a few steps in front of the command chair. And he'd bet last months poker winnings that it was Romulan. Not for the first time, Riker wished there was some way of contacting the Captain, but the magnetic distortion affecting the planet made communication with anyone in the canyons impossible.

Making his decision, Riker set his shoulders back, and turned to the ensign at communications, "Open a channel to that ship."

"Yes, sir. Channel open..."

"This is Commander Riker of the Federation starship Enterprise. This message is for the cloaked ship in asynchronous orbit around Xeran III. Your presence here is in violation of the ch'Havran agreement. Decloak and identify yourselves immediately or we will be forced to act," Riker stated with a stern voice.

He waited several seconds before he turned a questioning glance over his shoulder. The ensign there consulted his board before looking up and shaking his head in the negative. Riker sighed mentally, and was about to speak when Data interrupted.

"Commander, the ship is no longer detectable with the modified sensors."

"Damn, they've changed course. Shields up!" Riker ordered.

Data's hands flew over his console, "Ship decloaking one hundred thousand kilometers port side...photon torpedoes armed...firing!"

Riker sat in the command chair while issuing orders, "Take evasive action...brace for impact!"

Riker clutched the arms of the chair realizing that taking evasive action would not help against a ship firing from that close a range. He mentally counted in his mind to impact..3...2...1... nothing. Rikers eyes widened as a big grin spread across his face. Damn if Lady Luck wasn't his favorite mistress. The first torpedo was a dud! His elation was short lived as the Enterprise rocked under the explosive blow of the second.

It was definitely not a lemon.

Beverly instantly missed the warmth of the hand that had covered hers, but the cold that descended on her came from recognizing the voice which induced their removal. Beverly used what little strength she had to push herself into a sitting position. The effort caused her vision to blur. She closed her eyes, and took a few deep breaths before she opened them again. That seemed to help, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stay upright for very long. Damn! She hated being sick.

Beverly focused on Sela's voice as she spoke.

"...been waiting a long time for this, Picard. A very long time."

"What is it you want, Sela?" Picard asked.

"This..." Sela said as she gestured before her, "This is what I want Picard. I wanted you here...her here... them here. I wanted you to see what I've done to you. You know, if it were not for me, you wouldn't have the children you've always wanted."

Beverly stiffened, wishing she'd hit Sela alot harder than she had. She opened her mouth to respond, but Picard spoke first.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Picard said.

Sela smiled, "Come now, Picard, Despite the fact it took you 25 years to, shall we say 'consummate' your relationship with the good doctor here - a momentous occasion which only happened as a result of some well plotted outside help, I might add."

Picard's eyes widened, but it was Beverly who spoke, "You bitch."

Sela shifted her focus, her eyes narrowing, "Dr. Crusher...oh wait, it's Howard now, isn't it? All in all, it was you who surprised me the most. Killing the Traxan in his cell... leaving the Enterprise...not terminating the burden forced upon you, but instead whelping Picard's bastards all alone. But I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised you kept them considering your declaration of love for him during the throes of passion."

Picard glanced towards Beverly who had shut her eyes tightly trying to keep the tears from escaping. One slid down her cheek despite her efforts.

Sela continued, the smug smile not softening the hard edges of her face, "I suppose what I want is some small acknowledgment of thanks for all I have done for you. If it weren't for me going to all the trouble of finding the thought transmitting cubes, not to mention a Katra memory cube."

Sela's pupils dilated as she recalled, "by the way, Picard, you did receive that didn't you? I made sure to leave it where the right people would find it. I wanted to be sure you remembered such a eventful occasion clearly. The thought transmitters do have a way of clouding a persons' memory of recent events."

Picard clenched his fists at his side, "What did you hope to gain by doing this? Because of the circumstances you manufactured, I now have something I have always wanted."

Picard looked back catching Beverly's eyes, "but it cost me the love of the one person I wanted that thing with."

"Jean Luc..." Beverly said softly.

Beverly sagged back onto the bed, strength spent. Her mind, however, still raced She'd known that Picard was not in control of what had occurred that evening, and though the rape had devastated her, it was what the Traxan showed her when he invaded her mind in the brig that shattered her conceptions of Jean Luc and their relationship.

When she had left the Enterprise, she had been dealing with all of the feelings of helplessness engendered by the rape, physical and mental.. Then, she discovered she was pregnant. This event precipitated some serious self evaluation, but the depression overwhelmed her. It brought her to the brink of a very high precipice, and she almost fell. Had it not been for Djin, she might have ended the life of her children along with her own.

"Beverly...," Picard said as he moved next to the bed.

Not realizing she had closed them, Beverly opened her eyes to see a worried Jean Luc crouch down beside her, taking her hand as he knelt.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern reflected in his tone.

She nodded her face still much too pale, then spoke quietly. Jean Luc had to leandown to hear, her breath warm against the side of his face. "I'd be better if we were back on the Enterprise."

Picard pulled back, smiled, and mouthed silently to her, "I'm working on it."

Tae Olan muttered an oath as her hand slipped from its tentative hold on a small outcropping of rock. Had it not been for her secure footholds, she would have fallen. Sweat ran down her forehead, and the salt from it stung her eyes. Turning to the side, she attempted to wipe it from her brow on her shirt sleeve.

That accomplished, she looked up to judge how much farther she had to go. It was hard to tell from where she was, and the small palm light she had clipped to her belt wasn't a big help But judging from the several times in the past she had climbed this route, she figured she had only a few more meters to go.

She took a breath, and reached for the handhold again. This time, it did not betray her, and she pulled herself up to the next foothold. It wouldn't be long before she reached the top and could call the human's ship. They would help.

Picard's heart had caught in his throat when Beverly had weakly called his name, but her sarcastic comment to his inquiry bolstered him. Squeezing her hand, he stood and turned to face Sela once again.

"You look so much like your mother. I used to think that some of her must be there...in you," Picard shook his head, "But now I know there isn't. You are are just a lookalike shell of the Tasha we knew and loved."

Picard spread his hands in front of him, " So, now that you have us here, and you have told us of how you arranged everything that occurred last year, what now? I assume this was all some sort of twisted revenge on your part."

Sela's hand tightened on the disruptor, "My mother was weak, and I am nothing like her. As far as your disappointment in that, I'm glad. But yes, it was revenge. All of it...I made sure you would get the cube at the archaeological conference...I paid the Traxan to use it against you. I had no idea that you would rape the doctor. All I knew is that I wanted you to suffer. You are the one who gave the Traxan a means to an end. With the cube, he had access to your whole mind...your deepest desires....your darkest fears. All he did was combine both of those into one sordid scenario."

"I feel sorry for you, Sela. Spending all that time and energy on me, your life must be very empty," Picard said in a tone similar to one would use with a child.

The flesh around Sela's face flushed a light pink betraying her human heritage, and her anger, "Keep your pity, Picard. It is you who should be sorry."

Sela raised her weapon, training it on Picard. Then with a wicked grin, she shifted her aim towards the bed. Picard reacted the instant he saw the disruptor shift away from him.

As he flung himself over the figure on the bed, he heard a weapon discharge.

Hoping to protect her, Picard covered Beverly's body with his own, grimly wondering as he braced himself for the disrupter blast if he would be a sufficient barrier against the powerful beam. He heard the whine of weapons fire, but was confused when he didn't feel anything. Then his brain discerned that it was not the lower buzzing sound of a Romulan disruptor he heard, but the higher pitched whine of a phaser.

"Looked like you needed a little help, Captain," came the voice of his first officer from somewhere in the vicinity of the door.

Picard pulled back slightly, and looked down into Beverly's face. She smiled as she reached a trembling hand up to the side of his face. Picard squeezed his eyes shut, and leaned into her hand a moment before answering.

"As always Number One, your timing is impeccable," Picard smiled at Beverly he lifted himself off of her

Picard turned and looked around at the handy work of his crew. Two Romulan males were crumpled in the doorway, but were being hauled up by Enterprise security. Sela was laying face down a few feet away, her arm outstretched in front of her with her finger pointing as if she was still trying to finish the motion she had intended before she was stunned.

Picard watched as the young Xeran Tae rushed in, and threw her arms around her Mother and aunt, two security people picked up Sela's limp body taking it away, while Selar and Djin squeezed past everyone to get to Beverly.

Djin knelt down at the head of the bed, and placed a furred hand on Beverly's head, "How are you feeling?"

Beverly closed her eyes, and nodded. But then she opened them again, "Luke and Renee?"

Djin grabbed Beverly's hand and squeezed, "They are fine, Beverrrly. But I told before you should have weaned them."

Beverly's eyes opened wide in shock. "Oh my! They must be starving," she said as she attempted to sit up.

Selar placed her hand on the red head's shoulder indicating that trying to get up would not be permitted.

Beverly looked to Picard, "Jean Luc..."

 Picard turned to Riker, "Please tell me you have another way of getting out of here besides the way we came."

Riker grinned, "How about transporters?"

"They're working now?" Picard asked clearly surprised.

"Yes, sir. Seems the magnetic fields have mysteriously reverted to normal," Riker said as he stroked his beard.

Picard squinted his eyes at Riker, "Mysteriously, Number One?"

Riker shifted his feet, "Well, the fields seemed to normalize as soon as the Romulan warbird was destroyed."

"Captain!" Beverly said from the bed.

Picard looked back to find all three women eyeing him impatiently. He turned back to Riker, "We can discuss this later."

"Yes, sir."

Picard turned around, and walked to Beverly's bed. Looking towards Selar he asked, "Is she ready to go?"

Selar eyed her patient before answering, "We need to have an anti-grav stretcher beamed down first."

Beverly protested this suggestion, "Selar!, I am perfectly capable of standing erect the amount of time it takes to beam back to the ship."

Selar opened her mouth to say something, but Picard, seeing an argument about to happen, held out his hand to quiet the Vulcan doctor. "I believe I can take care of the transportation without having to wait for a stretcher."

Picard took a step closer towards Beverly, his arms outstretched. He looked questioningly at Beverly. Her eyes widened slightly, but then she nodded once giving him permission. Bending down, he slid one arm under her legs at the knee, the other arm went under her upper back. He lifted her in one motion, adjusting her slightly when his knees straightened.

Beverly put one arm around the back of Picards neck, while the other hand came up and rested on his chest. Inwardly, Picard savored the heat of her touch. Outwardly, he was all command. Walking over, he stood next to Riker. Turning to his First Officer, he nodded.

Riker hit his comm badge, "Enterprise...five to beam up."

Beverly sat half propped on a biobed in the sickbay onboard the Enterprise. Before leaving for Will's debriefing, Picard had looked in her eyes and squeezed her hand, but said nothing. Since then, she had sat here quietly while Selar and her staff worked on her all the while thinking about how she felt about seeing him again.

When she had first heard Jean Luc in the cave, she had thought she was delusional from the fever. But then he had come over, touched her, and she knew it was him. However, the joy of seeing him was short lived because Sela showed up, and confused the issues even more.

Obviously she was the one who had orchestrated the whole scenario, but even Sela had admitted she didn't know exactly how it would all work out. And that uncertainty left Beverly with some very big questions. How much of Jean Luc Picard had been there when she was being raped?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a squeal from the door. She looked up to see Deanna and Djin walking towards her, each holding a child

Beverly smiled and reached out. "There they are," she said as Deanna and Djin deposited the children on her.

Beverly reached an arm around each child, and hugged them close. Her eyes closed, she kissed first Renee then Luke on the head. She loosened her hold on them, and they slid down to her lap.

"I missed you guys so much," she said.

Renee looked up, and smiling said, "Momma."

Beverly drew her finger down the little girls cheek, "Yes, sweetie?"

Then Renee looked over her shoulder at Troi and said, "DeDe."

Beverly smiled as Deanna ran her hand over the girls soft red hair.

"Thank you so very much for watching them Deanna."

Deanna smiled, "It was my pleasure, Beverly. They really are adorable."

Just then, Selar came in to checked her vitals, and Beverly saw her chance. "Dr. Selar, just the person I wanted to see."

Before Beverly could voice her thoughts, Selar said, "Dr. Howard, you are a notoriously...difficult patient. And since your temperature has dropped, and the infection is under control, I will release you as long as you agree to rest for forty eight hours."

"Agreed," Beverly said as she handed kids to waiting hands.

Beverly stood up slowly, and looked at her two friends. "Shall we go? I'm sure these guys are starving by now." she said.

Deanna blushed furiously, and Djin growl-purred in what was an indication of amusement. Beverly looked from one to the other trying to figure out what was up with these two.

"What?" Beverly asked confused as to what was going on.

 Deanna shifted Luke in her arm, and took Beverly by the elbow, turning her towards the exit, "We can discuss this back in your cabin. Okay?"

Beverly allowed herself to be guided out of the sickbay, knowing that as soon as she was in her quarters, she'd find out what this was all about.

Picard paced the floor of his ready room, stopped by the window, then paced again. He had left Beverly in sickbay hours ago to be debriefed by Will on what happened. That briefing hadn't taken but a quarter hour.

Picard had to hand it to his First Officer, he was a brilliant tactician. Taking the Romulan ship on a chase through the tricky magnetic eddies that surrounded Xeran system had proved fateful for that ship. Because they were so highly magnetized due to whatever they were using to alter the magnetic fields, it caused their ship to be 'off balance', as it were. So, when Riker made a daring maneuver through the binary suns, threading a perilous course through a narrow corridor, the warbird was less agile and the gravity well of the larger sun had pulled them in.

Picard stopped pacing, and sat down at his desk. He sighed mentally, and admitted why he was still in his ready room hours later. He was afraid. Afraid to see Beverly..to see them all together. He would just be an outsider. An interloper. What could he possibly say to Beverly when confronted with the physical manifestation of all that had happened.

Granted, Sela had admitted to setting the whole thing up, but even she had admitted she hadn't worked out all the details. It was *he*, Jean Luc Picard who had supplied the means to her end, so to speak like: As they had for the past 18 months, thoughts rose unbidden and untrained.. Picard knew that the man on those logs was not him, but he also knew that there was a shadow there that echoed a part of him. And it was that shadow which made him guilty.

He never would have raped Beverly had it not been for the Traxan, but that didn't alter the fact that he had, on occasion, thought of being a little more forceful with the fiery red head to get her to change her mind about a relationship with him. Not rape...just a hard kiss, insistent hands, hot whispered words against her neck as he let his intentions be known. But he also knew that had she continued to resist, he would have relented and stopped, knowing that indeed, this was not something she wanted.

He leaned his head back against the chair trying to stretch the stiff muscles in his neck and back. It had been a long day...it had been a long year and a half. It was time to settle things. No matter what the outcome.

Beverly gently disengaged Luke from her breast, and shifted the sleeping child so she could adjust her shirt. Her movement caused the baby boy to wiggle some, but Beverly smoothed a hand over his soft brown hair, easing him back to sleep. She had missed them so much when she was on the planet. It had been the first time she had really been away from them for any real length of time. Being back here with them, feeding them had made her feel better than any pain medication could have.

She laughed slightly as she remembered what Deanna had actually done for her, and for them. As soon as they had entered the cabin, Beverly had asked Deanna to explain what she had refused to earlier in sick bay. Deanna had blushed again, and told Beverly how she and Djin had tried everything to get the twins to take the bottle. Hunger had made Renee reasonable about the prospect of a bottle, but Luke would have nothing to do with  it.

At wits end, Djin had commented it was too bad they weren't Taren, for they could then be given to surrogate mother to nourish them. Deanna, recognising a good idea when she saw one, had acted immediately.

 Beverly shook her head. She still couldn't believe Deanna had herself injected with a fast acting oxytocin to promote her development of milk. She had breast-fed Luke while Beverly couldn't.

Beverly leaned back against the couch, and tried to get comfortable with Luke in her arms, and Renee stretched out on the couch. She smiled softly looking at them. They were growing so fast...they'd soon be far too big for her to carry both of them at the same time.

She closed her eyes a moment when the door signal chimes. She considered not answering for a moment, but knew that the caller wouldn't go away. And to be honest, she didn't think she wanted him to.

She adjusted Luke, stood up and walked to the door. It opened with a subdued 'whoosh' to reveal Jean Luc Picard. She smiled at his surprised expression. Obviously he hadn't expected her to answer - or at least not answer so fast.

"Jean Luc," she said staring at him a few seconds unsure what else to say.

"Beverly..I..um, may I come in?" He asked uncertainly as he unclasped his hands from behind his back.

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm sorry," she said as she backed away from the entrance indicating he should enter.

Picard came in just enough to allow the door to close behind him. Beverly thought he looked decidedly uncomfortable. She couldn't blame him. The minute the door closed she had a rush of that old fear again, as memories of the last time they were alone flooded through her mind.

 She stifled the fear. They were not alone this time. And to illustrate this fact, Renee turned on the couch coming perilously close to the edge. Beverly smiled as Jean Luc rushed over to prevent the child from falling off.

"Why don't you pick her up. It's time I put them to bed, and they are getting way too big to carry both at once," she said as he started to move the child.

He looked at her a moment, and she nodded her head telling him again it was okay. He looked back down at the little girl, and as he had done earlier with her mother, slid his hands underneath, and picker her up, cradling her gently in his arms.

Beverly smiled at how careful he was being. Then started off towards the back room where the cribs were. Jean Luc followed close behind.

She walked over to the crib on the right saying, "This is Luke's bed...just put Renee down in that one."

Jean Luc did as he was told, covering Renee up with the pink blanket, and placing a stuffed toy next to her. The little girl sighed, and he ran a large hand over her head saying something in french.

Beverly came up behind him. "What was that you said?" she asked.

Jean Luc blushed, "Oh, it was nothing. Just something my mother used to say to me when I was small."

Beverly laid a comforting hand on Picards letting him know it was okay. Jean Luc looked at her and smiled, some of the tension fading away.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked.

"Yes, I'd love one, but would you mind if I..never mind," he finished uncertainly.

"What is it?" she prodded gently as she squeezed his hand again not realizing she hadn't let go.

"Would you mind if I said goodnight to Luke?" he asked not meeting her eyes.

"He's your son. Of course, I don't mind," she said.

Picard's head jerked to meet her eyes, "Oh God, Beverly..I'm so sorry," he croaked out hoarsely as tears welled in his eyes threatening to spill.

She came closer, but he shook his head holding her off. The tears had started to run down his face as he fought to control himself, but the emotion just poured out of him.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you. It wasn't me, but I'm still guilty. I've always wanted you. Since the first time I saw you, I've wanted you. When I was alone at night, I would think of all the ways that I could have you. But in the end, you didn't want me," his words rushed out.

"That's not true, Jean Luc," she said, the pain of his words wounding her.

He looked up, eyes red from the tears, "Isn't it? It seemed pretty clear after Kes Prytt. But then I started thinking if I was a little more forceful...took you in my arms...showed what you meant to me. Maybe, just maybe you would want me too."

Tears of her own started to run down her cheeks as she listened to his tortured soul surface. She realized now the Jean Luc the Traxan had showed her was only the aliens distorted view of Picard's mind. How could another being know in what context anothers' desires, dreams, and yes, even nightmares were in.

"What happened wasn't your fault. I don't blame you anymore," she said trying to console, or maybe it was absolution, for him or for herself she wasn't sure.

He shook his head, "How can you say that? I raped you, Beverly. And because of that act you became pregnant and were forced to do something you hadn't chosen."

Beverly smiled, "You know me well enough to know, the circumstance of their conception aside, no one forces me to do anything I don't want to do."

"Then why?" he asked simply.

She came closer to him, and placed her hands on his chest absently brushing lint from his tunic, "They're my children, too."

"But," he started.

She shook her head, "No buts...and."

"And?" he asked, confused.

She looked into his eyes, "And...I love you. I always have".

She continued, "When you came to me that night, I didn't know what was happening at first. But when I realized there was something wrong, that the person before me couldn't be the man I had known for years, I fought. In the end, there was nothing I could do. Later on when we found the Traxan, I knew he had something to do with all  that had happened. Logically, I accepted this, but emotionally, I couldn't resolve the man in my quarters performing a violent act with the man I loved. So, I left. When I found out I was pregnant, I was at the bottom of a very deep, dark hole. I almost didn't make it out. But then Djin found me, and made me realize that despite how they came to be, they were my children. It was only later, after they were born that I came to realize that I had them not only because they were mine, but because they were 'ours'. Only with you, Jean Luc."

He blinked at her words, then pulled her against him. His arms slipped around her waist as he buried his face in the side of her neck and murmured in a trembling baritone, "Beverly, I love you so much it hurts."

She pulled back, and kissed him lightly on the lips before she said, "I think it's time to stop the hurt, and just concentrate on the love."

Jean Luc reached up and brushed his finger across a tear trail that wound down her cheek. He moved his head forward, and she could feel his warm breath sail across her skin. Closing her eyes, she moved to meet his advance, but was interrupted by a cry from across the room.

Smiling, she leaned her forehead against his, "It used to be the bridge, now, it's these two." she said.

Sighing, she backed away taking Jean Luc's hand as she went. "Come on. I believe you wanted to say goodnight to someone."

"Indeed," he replied as she led him over to their son.