You make a fashion statement by wearing your sharavary to school one day.
If you can't dance, play soccer, tennis, volleyball, or ski by the age of 5, you'll be left to die in the wilderness.
For exercise, you know aerobics has nothing on a good polka community
Your phone bill exceeds $200 a month due to calling your "close" >friends in different cities/states
You've ever hung out at a cemetery with 400 other people and caught up on the latest news on the side of the road
You're relieved that Sluzhba Bozha on Saturday was only an hour and a half
You question how a propovid during liturgy transitioned from Jesus to Ukrainian politics to Heavy Metal in 20 minutes
Your grandmother gives you a guilt-trip about not being married yet and tells you she's dying soon
You have a nickname because your regular name is the same as 40 other people in your immediate community
You've ever bought electronics and packed them in your suitcase for your family in Europe
You've ever been served a shot of vodka for breakfast
You've ever hit someone with a switch of pussy willow in a fit of religious passion
You've justified hosing down a priest on a certain Monday in the springtime
If you think that Halloween is bad, try getting someone to answer the door during Kolyada season
You love those surprise "I've come to bless the house" visits by the priest
You've confessed your sins to the priest you were drinking with the night before
You drink twice the amount than playing at a sporting event
At the age of 25 your hips just suddenly widen while walking down the street
You swear using words that translate to different diseases
Your history teacher cowers at your knowledge of Eastern European history
You hang your head in shame after finding out that Michael Bolton is half Ukrainian
You think the power of the Internet is nothing compared to the power of the BBC (baba babi skazala)
You've forgotten the name of the person you drunkenly hooked up with last night, never fear, baba will know
Before you start dating someone you double check with your baba to make sure you're not related
You've seen the blank expression on an American's face after you've spent over an hour trying to explain what a zabava
You wake up in your hotel room after a party weekend and find 10 people you don't know on the floor and another 10 you
don't know in your bed
You have the urge to eat garlic sausage at 3 AM after a night of partying
You've ever crossed the us/can border and declared 10 cases of beer
By the age of 28 you need a liver transplant
Your camping list checklist consists of: tent, sleeping bag, OJ, vodka
You travel 8 hours for a malanka and don't remember much from the weekend
You walk into a zabava or malanka and can name at least 5-10 people you've hooked up with in the past
You spend $300 on a dress for a zabava or malanka and it ends up on the floor the next morning
You've spent an entire Saturday getting ready for a zabava or malanka
You've ever consumed a case of beer and went on the dance floor and spun around at 100 mph without intention of vomiting
You've ever worn or own a pair of red boots
Your knees are shot by the age of 25 due to folk dancing
You've spent 4 hours doing your hair/makeup/costume for a 5 minute dance
Your local folk dance instructor is referred to as a god
On the first day of English class your teacher pauses before trying to pronounce your name and you immediately say, "That's
You start fights with the following:
"My Babtsya's pyrohy are better than your Babtsya'a!"
"My dance ensemble is better than yours!"
"You call that a cross stitch?!"
"So...you are from Russia, right?!"
You can incorporate fried onions into every meal
You can't imagine life without sour cream
You claim "Samohonka-its not just for breakfast anymore"
"Chut'-chut'" and "Na smak" are acceptable standards of measurement
You scoff at an American mere 5 course Christmas dinner