10 may 1999
9:19pm
indulgence, pop music, boyfriends.

today has been a "good enough" day. not great, but definitely not terrible. therefore, it's good enough. i stayed up last night talking to david until 4am in the morning. not necessarily the smart thing to do, but definitely the right thing to do. we both had lots of work to do today, but sometimes it's so important just to realize priorities and do something like stay up until 4am with a good friend, regardless of the amount of work that needs to get done the next day. we just sat around telling stories about our study abroad experiences, and chatting about things in general. all in all it was a nice time, which i appreciated.

the sun was streaming in through my windows this morning when i woke up. i left the window above my bed open all night, and it felt so nice in my room. my back was warm in the sun, and despite the fact that my alarm went off, it was a peaceful way to greet the day. the weather was beautiful all day, which was something of a shame since i had to spend much of the day inside. but i had my final critique in watercolor, and it's good to be done with another class. i was talking to my professor about all my work, and he had a lot of positive things to say about it. but i don't know if painting is really my medium. i don't like the permanency of it, that once you're done you really can't go back and change things (not quite so true in oils, but definitely so in watercolor). i think that's why i take to photography so much more. being able to work on one print for hours on end; making it, looking at it, going back into the darkroom and making it better. i also tend to be a very realistic artist, and nothing is better than photography to capture the image realistically. i can't wait for the advanced photography independent study i'm doing next semester.

i also finally finished genetics today- good to be done with another class. i'll miss it though- at least, i'll miss the lab group. despite the fact that it was a group 1 bio class (i.e. "small bio"), i think it was probably the most fun i've had in a biology class. so after turning in our poster, those of us who were there had lunch together. very pleasant.

i tried to work on calculus this afternoon... the final is tomorrow night, afterall. i worked for a few hours but was so sleepy- the consequence of staying up late and having to get up early. so i indulged myself and went home and took a 2 1/2 hour nap. i hate the feeling of being utterly exhausted but feeling forced to keep grinding out work. so it was good to sleep, i have energy now and will get work done tonight and tomorrow before the final. plus i'm taking the class pass/fail, so who am i to worry?

another indulgence today was listening to a bunch of pop music while studying math. i stuck 9 pop music radio stations into the memory of my walkman, and just flipped through for the entire 3 1/2 hours or so of studying. while i'll never buy it, and never admit to really liking it, pop music is fun to listen to. plus my sister won't think i'm such a dork when i come home for not knowing anything about the current pop music scene. on another (musical) note, i also finally updated my music page. it was about time, as it was getting quite ancient.

i went through a small bout of "i want a boyfriend"-ness today while trying to work. brought on by listening to cheesy pop music about being in love, and by staring out the window at the beautiful day and wishing i could go frolic with someone. but it was odd, it's the type of feeling i had when i was in, say, junior high or thereabouts, and val and i would literally obsess over how much better our lives would be if only we had boyfriends. i had to laugh at myself while thinking about this today, but it was also necessary to admit that it was a real feeling. i guess, for now, maybe i'll just chalk it up to finals-week-lonliness, and pre-summer worries of not having anyone around, because there's really nothing much more i can do about it presently. but i also miss that kind of close-contact, trusting relationship.

9:49pm