13 september 1999
10:36pm
body. sex. sexuality.
what i want to talk about now is canoeing. i love canoeing.
this realization didn't really make itself apparent until the middle of this
past summer, when one day, i discovered that i was more excited about going
to canoeing than my kids were. canoeing was my favorite
camp activity.
had i known this sooner, i would've taken the canoeing instructor position
that was originally pressed upon me. alas, it was a realization too late,
but i still had more fun canoeing than in any other program area.
so, yesterday, a bunch of us (26 to be exact; us=swatties)went to the new
jersey pine barrens to take a canoe trip. we canoed in 2-person canoes
down the batsto river, into atsion lake. us adventurous types then dove
in for a swim in the lake (in spite of the no swimming sign). it was a
great trip- i'm guessing about 6 miles, which only took us 3 hours. but, what
i really want to say is canoeing is so good. it's amazing, gliding
over the water. plus i felt so buff, so strong. i had control over that
canoe (well, somewhat). but i felt that i knew what i was doing and could
make the canoe do what i needed it to do. i was not afraid.
just as canoeing made me aware of how strong i am, i think generally i'm
becoming more aware of and more comfortable in my body. though, as my
very favorite ad ever says:
how can anyone love me if
i don't love myself?
i mean, i love myself, there are just parts
between the top of my head
and the bottom of my feet
that could use some improvement.
(okay, yes it was a nike ad, but don't worry-
just because i liked the ad doesn't mean i ran out to pay nike to let me be a
walking advertisement for them). so, yeah, my body. it's me. i know it.
along with the whole introducing-myself-to-my-body thing has come a very
comfortable attitude about sex and (maybe most importantly) sexuality. i
can talk with great ease about sex in general, my relationship with sex,
what i've learned through sex. i agree with sanford and
davidthat there
should definitely be a sex discussion group on campus. where a bunch
of swatties can get together and talk about, say, masturbation. why not?
i think it would really help some people, and satiate a need to talk about
sex for others.
in terms of sexuality, even though sex is a facet of it, i feel that it gets
talked about much less in casual conversation. instead, it's more of a
discussion group topic. though in many ways, i think sexuality is a much
more interesting and stimulating subject. you can get deep with sexuality;
not quite so with sex (at least, i haven't found such a conversation yet).
sex usually just gets people laughing. i guess sexuality is a subject that
is much closer to home- much more a definition of who you are instead of a
declaration of what you've done. sexuality isn't something i'm willing to
discuss with just anyone... sex is a much easier theme.
though there are people i wish
knew more about my sexuality
and less about my sexual experiences.
i think, for now, i need to stop. this entry has taken an extraordinary
amount of time. i will ponder this some more, and discuss it further in
the future.
11:38pm
11
september 1999
16
september 1999
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musings