20 september 1999
1:02am
wonderful things

it's really the 21st, but i'm just finding time (and inspiration) to write now.

i'm serene right now. though i don't think i should be. i have a lot to do before i wake up tomorrow... yet, right now, that doesn't bother me. i know i'll get done what needs to be done. this calmness is a direct extension of two things: 1. i just cleaned up my room. like, really cleaned. 2. i'm listening to the rain right now.
restoring order to my room definitely restores order to my life. here i was, about to cry because i was so frustrated, about everything, and coming home and having my room completely disorganized was the last straw. but instead of losing hope, i cleaned with a vengence. and now everything is better. especially because, randomly, it started raining about an hour and a half ago. and now it's steady and sounds wonderful. nothing like the hurricane rain we had on thursday (which was beautiful in its own way)- this is slow, steady, rain, almost like a summer rain.

today, taking a break from non-stop seminar work in cornell, i was re-reading old emails (which i love, which is why i never delete them). and i found an email from david, which was completely amazing and got me all teary-eyed (yes, can you tell i'm having an emotional day?). a short message, but quite possibly 3 of the best sentences ever writen to me. while i'm tempted to share, i think i want to keep the actual words to myself, for me. i don't think i've ever had someone in my life who can bring out the range of emotions in me like david can. and that's a good thing, a great thing, even if there may be extremes to those emotions. because maybe that's what a best friend should do for you. or at least, maybe that's what a best friend should do for me. it's probably what i need.

speaking of emotions, i've been advised to go forth and pursue a crush. i haven't decided for sure what my take is on the whole thing yet, but it makes me smiley and happy to think about. innocent flirtation would be good for me. not-so-innocent flirtation might be better for me. having a someone makes me happy, and it's something i miss, like, intensely sometimes.

(because i've been watching videos of my so-called life recently, i've been feeling the need to, like, say like a lot. please bear with me. but you have to admit that it was the best show, like, ever.)

well, i'm guessing it's about that time to go do stat homework. considering the class starts in 8 and 1/2 hours.

1:24am