Tabloid Headlines

July 13, 2003: Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket – this week's headlines (SPECIAL LIT-
ERARY EDITION):

JFK JR. BOMBSHELL!
HOT NEW BOOK REVEALS:

Carolyn cheated with TV star --
She was hooked on cocaine --
He was ready for divorce --

PLUS: HOW SHE STALKED OTHER LOVER

                    [courtesy the Globe – Ed. note: Yes, we, too, got confused; so we went to
                      our almanac. Remember, "Carolyn" was his wife. His sister is Caroline.]

New book bombshell:
ELVIS KILLED BY HIS MANAGER!

                                                      [courtesy National Examiner]

LaToya's ex suggests in book proposal:
DID JACKO'S DAD KILL BUBBLES THE CHIMP?

                                                                                  [courtesy National Examiner]

[And now, back to the NEWS:]

MARTHA HITS 250 lbs.!
Pigs out on food & wine as world collapses

                                              [courtesy National Enquirer (great photo)]

LETTERS to the EDITOR!

Allende wrote Mon 07 Jul 2003 @10:38:10 GMT re
last week's item, "A Samurai swordsman killed two
persons in an Albertson's supermarket in California":
The swordsman claims that he is a surgeon and was merely
doing weekend pro bono work on Iraqi twins connected at
the waist when he was distracted by a loud noise emanating
from the patient's[s'?] gastric area.The fact that he is a mem-
ber of meat cutters Local 666 is not material to the case, ac-
cording to his attorney, Lou C. Fier: "Not to worry," he said;
"we'll spill our guts during discovery."

Harper's Weekly BONUS:

A primary school in China was fining children five yuan per
incident for farting in class. . . . A British woman was tem-
porarily blinded when lightning struck her tongue stud.

DISCUSSION GROUP:

Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Sharon Fullilove
and Michael Jackson's brother-in-law Jack Gordon.

Thought for the week: Why does it take longer to turn a page on
the internet than it does a page in a book?

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Borf Books        borf@borfents.com    Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210    War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

(270) 597-2187       Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor

July 6, 2003:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket – this week's headlines:

BIBLE CODE RED ALERT
    COMPUTER EXPERTS REVEAL FIERY TERROR
    ATTACKS WILL BEGIN WORLDWIDE IN AUGUST

                                                                         [courtesy the Sun]

SPACE ALIEN SKELETONS FOUND IN DESERT

                                                                          [courtesy Weekly World News]

WEBB-PAGE [nuptial announcement]
   [courtesy Edmonson (County, Kentucky) News]

O.J. FINDS NICOLE'S REAL KILLER
            Author Elliot Pertney to announce identity

                                                           [courtesy Weekly World News]

Harper's Weekly BONUS:

Five pairs of donkeys were married in India to make the rains
come. . . . A samurai swordsman killed two persons in an Al-
bertson's supermarket in California.

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