Anthony K. Dean,  Ph.D. in mathematics and known
as "Dr. Math" around the Motorola plant in northeas-
tern Illinois,  where  he  tells  engineers when to jump,
and  how high,  has finally responded to our query re-
garding the difference between 4 and 42  insofar as it
may be the answer to the question  of  the meaning of
life  and the universe  and all that.  "Dr.  Math"  wrote
Mon 18 Apr 2005 @10:38:10 CDT:

Gerry Blue wrote Sun 17 Apr 2005 @08:32:42 PDT re
last week's item announcing that  Ann  Coulter  will soon
appear at the Weekly World News Round Table:

Carrie Foster, I think.

Be careful, though; it cuts both ways:  A tobacco-chewing
Vietnam veteran spat in Jane Fonda's face  at a book sign-
ing in Kansas City last week. – Ed.

The Vanderburgh County Sheriff's Department, in Evansville,
is investigating the shooting of Kitty Kitty,  an  adopted  stray
cat  who returned home with an arrow in her back after being
missing for a week    Donors raised  $1,750  for a reward for
information leading to an arrest.

A tight end on the Pikeville College football team is on the regis-
tered sex offender list.

Gary Kasparov, who quit chess for politics a month ago, was hit
over the head with  a  chessboard  he had just autographed for a
fan in Moscow.  . . .  KFC opened a new restaurant in Louisville
called Kentucky Fried Chicken  (with a picture of Colonel Sand-
ers, and "finger lickin' good!" printed on the wall). . . .  Zookeep-
ers  in  Johannesburg  were trying to get a chimp to quit smoking.
.  .  .  A Christian radio talk show host was fired for wondering if
the late Pope would go to Heaven. .  .  . A London grandmother
coldcocked a burglar with a garden gnome. . .  .Three newly dis-
covered species of slime mold beetle were named for George W.
Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.  . . . Justice Scalia re-
fused to say whether he sodomized his wife.  . . . Jenna Bush got
on all fours and did the butt dance. . . .Blue jeans were selling for
as much as $625 a pair in New York. . . . A drunken Welshman
stood in an open window, dropped his trousers,  cried out  "Who
wants some of this?" and then fell from the window, impaling him-
self on a railing, and died.

"Julia" sent us four e-mails in three hours titled "Hello my friend."

       Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Upcoming events
include  a  forum on the meaning of life and the universe  featuring
Bruce Mitchell,  Ben Hibben,  Gerry (GB42) Blue,  Carrie Foster
and  Dr. Math.

     Send a Tabloid Headlines subscription to someone as a gift!
It's free!  Just click your "Reply" button and "cc" the e-mail to the
recipient (don't use "bcc").

Bruce Mitchell had a lot to say about last week's issue!  He wrote Sun
10 Apr 2005 @10:36:10 PDT and at various other times and dates:


Thank you, as always, Mr. Mitchell, for writing!  But we here at Tabloid Headlines
still think there is a huge difference between 4 and 42 –  and I was a math major in
college before I flunked diffi-Q. But, just to make sure, I'll pose the question to my
little brother, "Dr. Math," who made it all the way to Ph.D. – Ed.

William Kristol was pied at Earlham College.  David Horowitz was pied
at Butler University.      Pat Buchanan was doused with salad dressing at
Western Michigan University  (well,  that's almost Indiana.  Pie-throwers
missed Ann Coulter in a crossfire last fall at the University of Arizona).

More than 65 Hindu bathers drowned in the Narmada River after a dam
was opened upstream.

A cocaine conviction was reversed because Indianapolis  police  allowed
the defendant's strip search to be filmed by the  Oxygen  network  for the
TV  show  Women and the Badge  (a lady cop  was  on the arrest team).
Police found cocaine stuffed between the man's buttocks, and the camera
zoomed in on his  bare  ass  for several seconds while he was bent over in
handcuffs with his pants down.

A man and wife on an ATV were gunned down by another man on an ATV
on a popular mountain trail.

A  911 dispatcher in Texas  asked a woman who called for help with
her unruly 12-year-old daughter,  "Do you want us to come over and
shoot her?"  . . .  A man was arrested for passing $2 bills at Best Buy.
. . .Construction was about to begin on Dickens World, a theme park
east of London that will offer an Ebenezer Scrooge ride  (a New York
Times editorial called it the Old Curiosity Mall). . . . Fans booed a mo-
ment of silence for the Pope at a soccer match in Scotland.  . . .  A de-
fensive tackle died of a spinal cord injury in an Arena Football League
game that ended 66-35. . . . A New Jersey teen-ager was arrested for
stealing a head from a corpse to make a bong out of it.  .  .  .  Police in
Georgia killed a man with a beanbag gun. . . . Paris Hilton was looking
for a new sidekick on her reality TV show. . . . Anna Nicole Smith was
hired as a columnist by the National Enquirer. . . . The Pope was repor-
ted still to be dead.

"Borf Books" sent us an e-mail titled "Tabloid Headlines."

       Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the  Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include  Ann  Coulter  and
Joan Kennedy.

      Send a Tabloid Headlines subscription to someone as a gift!
It's free!  Just click your "Reply" button and "cc" the e-mail to the
recipient (don't use "bcc").

    Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

    But remember also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above -- without quotation marks,  and without
that redundant  "Re:"  that appears in so many subject lines -- or you
will keep getting this shit!   ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.   We
have a special filter to detect that.)

Gerry Blue <gblue42@yahoo.com>, Carrie Foster and "Blenster"
all wrote to correct Bruce Mitchell,  who wrote last week that the
answer to the meaning of life is  "four"  (apparently  it's  42).   The
longest letter, and most scathing (that's important to us), was from
"Blenster," who wrote Sun 3 Apr 2005 @10:51:15 EDT:

To the editor, who doubtless does not care:

The  CORRECT  answer  given to the meaning of life,  the
universe,  and everything  is  42.  It is then revealed that the
question itself is more complex  and needs to be sought out.
Quite a clever book,  really.   This  frood  knows where his
towel's at!

The "village idiot" was elected this week in an annual contest in Story,
Ind. (Brown County).

A depiction of  Jesus on a Coca-Cola ad with the words  "This is my
blood"  got a Russian artist and museum director fined for blasphemy.
.  .  .  The gay Episcopal bishop Gene Robinson remarked at a forum
that Jesus "lived a very untraditional lifestyle" and was accused of pro-
claiming that Jesus was homosexual. . . . Turkeys were terrorizing chil-
dren in Indiana, Michigan and Wisconsin. . . . The Boy Scouts' Youth
Protection Task Force chairman pleaded guilty to distribution of child
pornography on the internet. . . . A man delivering Chinese meals sur-
vived  four  days  stuck in a Bronx elevator (who says Chinese leaves
you hungry again in a half-hour?). . . . Senator Cornyn said that recent
judicial  murders  are  understandable.  Senator  Frist  disagreed  with
Congressman DeLay that judicial independence needs to be re-exam-
ined, and even President Bush said an independent judiciary is needed.
. . . Hunter S. Thompson's ashes will be shot from a cannon in August.
.  .  .  A convicted murderer  and  an Oklahoma deputy warden's wife,
missing for 11 years,  were found living together in Texas  (the woman
said she was held captive the whole time).  . . .  The National Enquirer
hired a new editor-in-chief  (Paul  Field – a British tabloid veteran,  of
course). . . . The BBC requested an interview with Bob Marley.

Preston Scott <udcdjadmaic@springind.com> sent us an e-
mail titled "Got a crooked nose? New technique may help."

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 27 Mar 2005 @13:35:09 PST
in re the headline "Scientists Invent Ultimate Cuss Word":

    We are so proud! Our colleague and personal friend, lawyer
David Broderick,  of Bowling Green, Ky.,  is pictured and fea-
tured in a spread in the April 4 issue of the  National  Examiner
as head of a "dream team" legal defense.

Indiana fell from 43rd to 46th place among the 50 states in percen-
tage of residents with college degrees (21.1). Neither the Indianap-
olis Star nor the Louisville Courier-Journal listed all the states that
did worse – but Kentucky (21.0) was one of them.   The data are
available from the U.S. Census  Bureau,  and the three states even
dumber than Indiana and Kentucky are (drum roll . . .) Mississippi
(20.1), Arkansas (18.8), and West Virginia (15.3). Alabama (22-
.3) nosed out Louisiana (22.4) for 45th place (6th dumbest). Wy-
oming (22.5: Isn't that where Dicky Cheney is from?) was in 43rd
place (8th dumbest).
                                                         [courtesy all of the above]

A man and woman in Whitley County were sentenced to a year in
jail for not finishing high school.
                                                        [courtesy Courier-Journal]

A Hawesville man carved the initials of a singer he likes (no one you
ever heard of) into his big toenails with a chain saw.

                                              [courtesy Ripley's Believe It or Not]

A Warrick County couple painted their quadruplets' toenails different
colors to identify them.
                                                         [courtesy Evansville Courier]

The National Rifle Association suggested that school murder ram-
pages could be stopped if teachers armed themselves.  .  .  .  The
Pentagon refused to let a  dead  soldier's  mother  photograph his
casket on its return from Iraq. . . .  It was revealed that Tom De-
Lay took his brain-dead father off life support in 1988, without a
living will. . . .New Yorkers were bothered by subway delays, an-
nounced on old loud speakers with such pronouncements as "La-
dies and gentlemen, because of a brflig fraptail at 116th Street the
uptown 6train will frip deet brak croob.". . . Pro golfer Bob Tway
shot a 12 on the par 3 No. 17 at Sawgrass in Florida. . . .  A 78-
year-old  blind golfer  shot a hole-in-one at the Twin Pines course
in  Iowa.  .  .  .  A San Diego mugger took a handbag full of poop
from a woman walking her dog.  .  .  . "Hanoi Jane" repents on 60
Minutes tonight.
                            [courtesy Harper's Weekly , Courier-Journal]