• Her torment at CBS: 'I MADE A BIG MISTAKE!'
  
• Battle with depression
  
• Her secret love (he's 17 years younger)
  

• Nose job – boob job
• Lipo for butt, tummy, thighs & chin
• Total cost: $130,000
  

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 22 Apr 2007 @08:54:10 PDT
re "McCully's Chop Sui":

Honolulu seems to have no more interest in preserving impor-
tant historical landmarks than  does  Los  Angeles.  The name
itself makes the sign worth preserving.    An Irish owned Chi-
nese restaurant?  What a great example of a multicultural city.

A faculty adviser was suspended in Woodburn  because a high school
sophomore wrote a column in the student newspaper advocating toler-
ance for people "different than you." . . . A privately run state prison at
New Castle was forbidden to accept any more prisoners from Arizona
after  a two-hour riot  (but rioting Hoosiers outnumbered rioting Arizo-
nans by more than 2 to 1).  .  .  .  A tornado being chased by a deputy
sheriff in LaPorte County picked up her car,  lifted it over a three-foot-
high fence,  and deposited it upside down in a field.

                                                               [courtesy Associated Press]

A tiny toy Coca-Cola truck was sold 12 times, after redonations, at a
charity auction in Cadiz.  It brought $5,000, all told.
                                                                                   [courtesy AP]

To Republican presidential candidate Tommy Thompson, who said in a
campaign  rally  at  the  Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism that
since leaving public office "I'm earning money - you know, that's sort of
part of the Jewish tradition,  and I do not find anything wrong with that."
. . . To Republican presidential candidate John McCain, who presented
TV host Jon Stewart an "I.E.D." that he said he had bought at the Bagh-
dad market.
                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, National Public Radio]

"Essentially the filmmakers are telling the public, 'We have the right to lie
 to you because he lied to you.' "
                                                    – Clifford Irving, who called "The Hoax" a hoax
                                                        in an interview with the New Yorker

Thirteen-year-old Morgan Pozgar, of Claysburg, Pennsylvania,
won a national "texting" contest  by  typing  "supercalifragilistic-
expialidocious" on a cell phone in 15 seconds. . . . Eleven-year-
old Abigail Parker,  of Muncie, Indiana,  climbed from the back
seat into her mother's lap to stop the car  when  Mama  slipped
into a diabetic coma at 80 miles per hour. .  .  . Police captured
a two-foot-long alligator by a pond in the Long Island town  of
Huntington, New York. . . .  Miss America Lauren Nelson lent
her voice and teen photos to Long Island police  for  an internet
sting on sexual predators. . . . John McCain sang, “Bomb bomb
bomb,  bomb bomb Iran”  to the tune of the Beach Boys'  "Bar-
bara Ann" at a campaign rally in South Carolina.  . . . Karl Rove
said he wished the war were over. . . . A study at Stanford con-
cluded that pollution from ethanol may be worse  than  that from
gasoline. . . .  Of 5,000 bunnies spilled by an overturned truck in
Hungary, 500 were killed, 4,400 were recaptured, and 100 hop-
ped to freedom.  .  .  .  The Archbishop of St. Louis  resigned  as
chairman of a Catholic charity because it invited  Sheryl Crow  to
sing at a benefit.
                                       [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, NPR]

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 15 Apr 2007 @07:55:24 PDT
re last week's headline "Paris Hilton parties with porn star . . . ":

So?

Ho. – Ed.

A 7-foot, 120-pound dead alligator was found in a clogged drain in
Berne, about 30 miles south of Fort Wayne. . . .

New Castle High School's joinder  in the National Day of Silence for
recognition of homosexual and bisexual rights led to a lockdown over
a student's threat to bring a gun to school. . . .

Indiana Secretary of State Todd Rokita remarked on Democrats' ob-
taining 90 per cent of blacks' votes,  "Who's the master and who's the
slave in that relationship?"    He gets a Don Imus award.

                                                              [courtesy Associated Press]

To Stanford University "neurogeneticist" Sharon Moalem, who theorizes
in a new book that a parasite that reproduces only in cats has the power
to trigger schizophrenia and hypersexuality in women. . . . To the  Indian
civil  service,  for  requiring  female employees  to provide details of their
menstrual cycles.  .  .  . To NBC-TV news for broadcasting Cho Seung-
hui's "manifesto" (which some viewers, apparently, would have preferred
not to see, and considered "not news"). . . . To a German army instructor
(seen on a video clip on national television)  for telling a soldier,  "You are
in the Bronx.  A black van is stopping in front of you.  Three African-Am-
ericans are getting out and they are insulting your mother.  Act!"

                 [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal, Harper's Weekly, AP]

Honolulu officials have ordered an art gallery to remove its storefront sign
"McCully Chop Sui"  because  it no longer accurately describes the usage
of a building that was for decades a Chinese restaurant.
                                                                                         [courtesy AP]

Miss America of 1944, 82-year-old Venus Ramey,  braced herself on her
walker, whipped out her .38, and shot out the tires of a vehicle on her Lin-
coln County farm so that the thieves who rode in on it had to wait for dep-
uty sheriffs to give them a ride out.
                                                                                          [courtesy AP]

"By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the 'elite'  .  .  .  .
They've  had it up to their red necks with the 'elite media,' the 'liberal elite,'
the 'Washington elite,'  . . . the 'East Coast elite,'  . . . 'the Hollywood elite.'
. . . Unless you're a shitkicker from Kansas, you're with the terrorists."
                                                                                                                    – Bill Maher

Parents in Chicago's south suburb of Lynwood received a
DVD of their children's principal having sex with a teacher
on his desk. . . .  The principal of a Catholic high school in
Lorain, Ohio,  was convicted of kissing male students' feet.
. . .Philadelphia gun control advocates called for legislation
to limit handgun purchases to one per person per month. ...
Macedonia's interior minister was  driving  a  BMW  stolen
from soccer star David Beckham. . . . Red hair was forbid-
den to taxi drivers in Beijing. . . . A U.S. Navy Blue Angels
jet crashed and burned at an  air  show  in  South  Carolina,
killing  the  pilot,  injuring  eight persons on the ground,  and
damaging a number of homes. . . . A 61-year-old man living
with 300 cats, both alive and dead, in a layer of feces 2 to 3
inches deep, was arrested in Ocala,  Florida.

                                        [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Dusty Hopkins wrote Sun 08 Apr 2007 @13:58:52 MDT:

Glad to see you're including stupid news from other states now.

Fred Dean wrote Sun 8 Apr 2007 @10:50:24 PDT
re last week's "Dumb news from California":

It's gratifying to see my adopted state getting equal time with
Indiana and Kentucky.   The second story  [about sex abuse
chares against a child psychiatrist]  is big news out here.  His
attorney claims he was performing "physical examinations."

Which a psychiatrist, as a medical doctor, is licensed to do, of course!
"Dumb news from California" and "Dumb news from Texas" were spe-
cial inserts last week in gratitude to readers Dean, of Los Angeles, and
Hopkins, of Texas, who shared with us their mutual correspondence a-
bout how dumb things are out West.  – Editor

A 19-year-old man caught a taxi to run down a runaway horse and
carriage in downtown Indianapolis,  and  leapt from the cab  to rein
the frightened horse  and rescue the carriage's two passengers  (the
carriage driver had been knocked from his seat by a drunken moto-
rist).
                                                               [courtesy Radio Canada]

Actually, DNA tests established Kentucky native Larry Birkhead, who
met the late Anna Nicole Smith at a Kentucky Derby party in 2003, as
the father of her baby, Dannielynn.
                                                               [courtesy Associated Press]

"I am not the father of Anna Nicole Smith's child."
                                                                                – Hugh Hefner

Italy banned reality programming on public television. .  .  .
Scientists used infrared and atomic-emission spectroscopy,
mass spectroscopy,  electron  microscopy,  pollen  analysis
and  leading  "noses"  in the perfume industry  to  determine
that a rib bone unearthed at the site where Joan of Arc was
burned at the stake belonged to an Egyptian mummy.  .  .  .
The estate of the late James Doohan,  who played  "Scotty"
on Star Trek, paid $495 to have his ashes rocketed into or-
bit. .  .  . A 6-year-old was jailed in Avon Park, Florida, for
having a tantrum in kindergarten. . . .  A 30-year-old lawyer
jumped to his death  from the 69th floor of the Empire State
Building. .  .  .  An 85-year-old woman in Woodmere, New
York, was rescued from beneath a 6-foot-tall pile of rubbish
that had fallen on her in her home; the body of her male com-
panion was found a day later.

The state has eight high school basketball champions.

                                                       [courtesy Associated Press]

An audit revealed that federal Homeland Security funds were spent
promoting the state's "Unbridled Spirit" motto. . . .

A  7,525th  charge  of  rape  was filed against a 57-year-old man in
Bullitt County.
                                           [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A Houston man strangled his girl friend, dismembered her, and burned
up the body parts on a barbecue grill on his second-story balcony.

                                                                     [courtesy Daily Snopes]

An  amusement  park  in Sacramento ordered patrons not to scream on
its windmill ride "Scandia Screamer" after complaints from the neighbors
about the shrieking. . . .

Famed child psychiatrist William Ayres, of San Mateo,  was arrested for
child abuse.
                                                                                        [courtesy AP]

Karl Rove danced and rapped at a press dinner in Washing-
ton, calling himself "MC Rove." . . . Pi Kappa Alpha fratern-
ity at the University of Michigan called police  when a co-ed
from Eastern Michigan University disrobed and masturbated
in their living room and refused to leave. . . . A coyote walk-
ed into a downtown Chicago sandwich shop  and  lay down
in a soft drink cooler. . . . A 3-foot python got loose in Goo-
gle's New York offices.  .  .  .  An elephant in Sasthamcotta,
Kerala,  killed a second mahout, Podimon of Modioozhathil,
who died on the way to the Thiruvananthapuram hospital. . . .
Everything including the kitchen sink was stripped from a ren-
tal home in Tacoma, Washington,  after a phony Craigslist in-
ternet post invited people to take whatever they wanted. .  .  .
A Chinawoman fell from the 6th floor into an 8-inch pile of ex-
crement removed from a septic tank, and lived. . . .The Cleve-
land Indians' home opening baseball game was called off in the
fifth inning on account of snow. .  .  . Radio's Don Imus apolo-
gized  for  referring to Rutgers University's women's basketball
team as "nappy-headed hos."
                                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

• Who sleeps in separate beds (Madonna and husband, inter alia)
• Who slept with the nanny (Jude Law and Robin Williams, inter alia)
•     . . .                                                                                                        [courtesy the Star]

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 25 Mar 2007 @08:13:34 PDT:

The more I see of "Dumb news from Indiana," the more
reluctant I am to tell people where I'm from.

Bruce Mitchell wrote Mon 26 Mar 2007 @22:21:16 PDT:

Thanks for learning me the team I have always heard
referred to as  "the  nicks"  are  really  the New York
Knickerbockers – but isn't the name redundant?

Editor:   Excellent  point:   It's  every  bit  as  redundant  as the Indiana (University)
Hoosiers.  "Knickerbockers"  once  meant  descendants  of  Dutch settlers of New
York but came in time to refer to all New Yorkers.    Washington Irving coined the
term with the pen name Diedrich Knickerbocker as author of his burlesque History
of New York  (Irving coined the term "Gotham" also).

Already known by the shortened nickname "Knicks,"  the New York team dropped
the "erbocker" syllables from the team logo  in  1964,  in the middle of seven straight
last place finishes in the National Basketball Association (1960-1966).

An earlier shortening of "Knickerbockers" was  "knickers,"  referring to short trousers
gathered at the knee.  Today's basketball shorts only "loosely" resemble knickers (ha,
ha!), but baseball players still wear knickers.   And now we come full circle,  and you
know the full derivation of the basketball team's "knickname":    Sport's  original  New
York Knickerbockers were Alexander Cartwright's 1845 baseball team.

A man who came to be known as the gin and tonic bandit went to
the same O'Charley's restaurant in Bloomington four Wednesdays
in a row, had two drinks and a rib-eye steak,  and skipped out on
his $25.96 bill.  On the fifth Wednesday he was arrested.

                                                         [courtesy Associated Press]

Toni Morrison's novel Beloved was banned at Eastern High School in
Louisville and replaced by Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter after
parents complained about sexual content in Beloved. . . .

A naturalized American citizen  from  Libya  was held in jail in Whitney
County for 17 days, without being allowed to appear before a judge or
post bond, for telling a truck stop cashier she would "die soon."

                                         [courtesy AP, Louisville Courier-Journal]

A woman with three 20-inch crocodiles strapped to her waist
under her dress  was stopped crossing the border from Egypt
to Gaza when guards thought she looked "strangely fat."  .  .  .
U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon ducked behind a podi-
um at a press conference in Baghdad during a rocket attack....
A  "sex"  edition  of the  high  school  newspaper  in Hampton,
New Hampshire, included a photograph of two women kissing
under the headline "Why men love women who love women," a
quiz question about anal sex,  and  an interview with a custodian
who had found a vibrator in the girls' shower. . . . Michigan Rep.
John Dingell addressed Al Gore as "Mr. President" at a congres-
sional hearing. . . .  Texas Rep. Joe Barton told Gore he was "to-
tally wrong"; Texas Rep. Ralph Hall said Gore's attack on the en-
ergy industry could result  in  war,  and  Czech  President  Vaclav
Klaus said "anti-greenhouse religion" has replaced Communism as
the biggest threat to global freedom. .  .  . Alexander David Cross,
held in jail for a week on a charge of statutory  rape  of a 15-year-
old girl  in  Chattanooga,  Tennessee,  was found to be Elaine Ann
Cross when ordered to take a shower (prosecutors allowed her to
plead guilty - to rape - for probation and regisration as a sex offen-
der). . . .  Gay policemen in Manila were ordered not to swing their
hips while on duty.
                                                   [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

"anymore" titled "antivilrus, antivkirus, antivikrus" –
"Wilcox Clotilda" titled "downsizing space" –
"Deloris Jones" titled "Great, last night."