Bob Hill wrote Mon 21 May 2007 06:34:18 EDT re the
headline "Half-man, half-alligator spotted in Florida bayou":

HALF-ASS, FULL IDIOT
SPOTTED IN FOGGY BOTTOM

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 20 May 2007 @10:22:55 PDT:

Who is Hernando Gonzalez?

The next Attorney General.  Stay tuned.  -- Ed.

The ongoing Ann Coulter award for Republican slut of the week, to a woman who "crossed the line":
	Monica Goodling

A swarm of  3,000  honeybees  landed on an umbrella awning  at a
cancer  walkathon  in  Ligonier  (and now we know the  real  cause
of the reduction of honeybee populations in 24 other states: They're
attending a convention in northeastern Indiana). . . .

Purdue University raised tuition  for  in-state  students  to $7,750 a
semester,  and Indiana University raised it to $7,837.

                                                          [courtesy Associated Press]

"One amendment would be essentially the President's original
  request for a funding for Vietnam – I mean, for Iraq."
                                                                                       – Senator John Warner of Virginia
                                                                                          (courtesy National Public Radio)

Pope Benedict, citing popular demand, vowed to restore the
Latin mass. .  .  . Arizona dogs are being taught to avoid hal-
lucinogenic toads. . . . A community news web site for Pasa-
dena,  Califonia,  outsourced its local reporting to India.  . . .
Hillary Clinton, in a video her campaign posted on YouTube,
asks,  "What do you think our campaign song should be? . . .
As many as  126  persons have been killed in the Philippines'
elections, which President Gloria Arroyo called "peaceful and
fair." .  .  . A 60-year-old New Jersey woman  gave  birth  to
twins. . . . An environmental activist who torched a police sta-
tion was sentenced as a terrorist  in a federal court in Oregon.
.  .  .  An actress who wore a police uniform to court  in Pitts-
burgh was charged with impersonating an officer. .  .  . About
20,000  bees  were sucked into the engine of an airliner flying
from London to Portugal, grounding the flight for 11 hours (it
appears that the European bee convention  was on the British
coast).
                                 [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, NPR]

• Sex
• Drugs
• Lies

Publius Leget <arfbarf@aol.com> wrote Tues 15 May 2007 @11:14:26 EDT:

I have greatly enjoyed your recent reports  of  the 13-year-old girl who
typed  "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"  in 15 seconds on a cell phone
and the 68-year-old woman who  "texted"  the lyric ode  "luv adorz"  --
but they have me wondering:   Is there a real purpose to "text" messages
on telephones?  Or is this merely a 21st century version of passing notes
in class on crumpled paper?

Tuition for out-of-state students at Ball State University rose to $8,730
a semester.
                                                               [courtesy Associated Press]

Two Republican candidates for governor  --   incumbent Ernie Fletcher
and ex-Congresswoman Anne Northup  --  argued over which of them
had done more to support prayer in public schools.
                                                                                     [courtesy AP]

"I just know they would not do that."
                                                            – Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, upon being asked how
                                                               he  knew  that neither the President nor the Vice President
                                                               was involved in the firing of eight United States attorneys

Pope Benedict told Brazilians  that the indigenous peoples of
South America had longed for Christianity and that the Cath-
olic Church had not imposed itself upon them. . . .  Elna [sic]
Marie Johnson,  of  Klamath  Falls,  Oregon,  and  Elna [sic]
Marie Kempff, of Reese, Michigan, both born April 9, 1936,
have been pen pals since 1947. . . . A teen-ager in Lake Luz-
erne, New York, was shot in the abdomen by a bullet he had
placed in a vise  and  whacked with a hammer  in order to re-
cover its brass casing.  .  .  . A painting of Britney Spears and
Paris Hilton at an art gallery in Richmond,  Virginia,  was cov-
ered for a campaign appearance by Barack Obama.  .  .  . Al
Sharpton  promised  that Mormon presidential candidate Mitt
Romney would be defeated by  "those  that  really  believe  in
God." . . . Actress Keira Knightley admitted that she chucked
her BlackBerry into the ocean while filming Pirates of the Ca-
ribbean. .  .  . The grandparents of a 12-year-old girl sued the
Chicago Board of Education for  "psychological distress"  over
a substitute teacher's showing the movie Brokeback Mountain
in class.

• Talking in strange voices
• Turns against her family
  

Fingerprints on an empty wine bottle helped police identify a sus-
pect in an arson that destroyed a Catholic church in New Castle.

                                                     [courtesy Associated Press]

A Dearborn, Michigan,  cop who took seized marijuana home
and baked it up in brownies was not charged with a crime. . . .
A 68-year-old grandmother in England was runner-up for  "txt
laureate" with a poem going "O hart tht sorz, my luv adorz.... ."
A female art student at Southern Illinois University - Edwards-
ville  was dressing dead possums on the road  in  baby  clothes
and painting their claws with nail polish. . . . A dead fawn dres-
sed in a baby sleeper  was left in a basket outside the Pantages
Theater in Tacoma, Washington,  wearing a bib that said, "You
think I'm cute?  You should see my aunt."  .  .  .  A 32-year-old
man with a record of three felony convictions  for  stealing  girls'
and women's socks  was arrested in Belleville,  Illinois,  for  de-
positing socks in a parked car.  . . .  Mullah Dadullah was killed
in Afghanistan.
                                              [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 29 Apr 2007 @11:46:35 PDT  re the "Don Imus award"
to Tommy Thompson for his remark to Reform Jews about "earning money":

To me this is more reminiscent of Jimmy the Greek than Don Imus.  Imus knew he
was uttering a racial slur, but it seems that Thompson meant well; he's just guilty of
naivete.

Your critique -- which we heartily appreciate, by the way -- depends  heavily  on what
actually crystallized in the dismissal of Don Imus.  Your comparison might equate "Don
Imusism" with intentional political incorrectness.   But we at Tabloid Headlines  tend  to
view the Imusism that got its namesake fired as gross insensitivity. Governor Thompson
may well have meant well, but he blew it. His remark reminds us of Ross Perot's speak-
ing of "you people" at the NAACP convention in 1992.

That's what made the John McCain gesture  "Imusic."   It was hardly "politically incorrect"
of McCain to present a mock  "I.E.D."  to the host of a show on Comedy Central,  but  it
was grossly insensitive to the feelings of people who have lost loved ones in Iraq (let alone
of those merely morally opposed to the loss of life there).

And Jimmy the Greek, like Don Imus, got fired. -- Editor


and FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 29 Apr 2007 11:43:11 PDT re the faculty adviser
suspended in Woodburn, Indiana, because a high school sophomore wrote a column
in the student newspaper advocating tolerance for people "different than you."

Mind boggling.  The Hoosier state exists in a black hole.  What a shame.

Actually,  this might be smart news from Indiana.  Perhaps the teacher was suspended
not for sanctioning tolerance for homosexuals and bisexuals, but for allowing such poor
grammar in the column.  Persons and things differ from others, not "than."

Thanks for writing. -- Editor

Tri-State University, in Angola -- known as Tri-State since its founding
in 1884 -- announced that it will  change  its name  because of an eight-
figure donation from Sheri and Ralph Trine,  owners of Vestil Manufac-
turing  (and, of course, university trustees).   The search for a new name
--  which the university said would "incorporate the name Trine"  -- was
to be referred to a "marketing firm."  (Putting one little word after anoth-
er and how 'bout  "Trine State University"?   And give the consulting fee
to Tabloid Headlines.)
                                                                 [courtesy Associated Press]

Indianapolis, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh and St. Louis were among
the top ten U.S. cities in air pollution.
                                                          [courtesy National Public Radio]

The lights went out at Lexington's Bluegrass Airport the third time since an
airliner took off from the wrong runway last August and crashed, killing 49
of the 50 persons aboard.
                                                                              [courtesy WKYU-FM]

Canoers who paddled to the attempted rescue of a woman who jumped from
the Perrine Bridge to her death in the Snake River, near Twin Falls, were tick-
eted by a deputy sheriff for failing to have life jackets aboard.

                                                                         [courtesy Associated Press]

Celebrating seniors at Concordia College in  Moorhead,  Min-
nesota,  pushed a security guard's golf cart into a campus pond
when he told them to stop skinny-dipping. . . . The Pacific cho-
rus frog was named Washington state amphibian. . . . Radiation
from cell phones was blamed for the collapse of honey bee col-
onies. . . . A groom arrived drunk for his wedding in eastern In-
dia, and the bride married his brother instead. .  .  . Prospective
buyers  inspecting a home with a real estate agent  in  Janesville,
Wisconsin,  found the owner dead in her bed. .  .  . "Go Home"
was spray-painted on a large white dog in Chubbuck, Idaho. ...
An administrative law judge in Washington,  D.C.,  has sued his
neighborhood dry cleaner for $65 million for misplacing his trou-
sers. . . .  Paris Hilton, who arrived ten minutes late for her court
hearing,  was sentenced to 45 days in jail for  violating  her  DUI
probation.
                                               [courtesy AP, Harper's Weekly]