FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 23 Sep 2007 @08:36:59 PDT
re the corpses found in steel drums in Monroe County, Indiana:

What?  A Mob hit in Southern Indiana??

Well, yeah, if you consider a crime of passion over a broken
romance and a couple of farmers' cover-up of the theft of an
ATV to be the work of organized crime.  – Editor

Bob Hill wrote Mon 24 Sep 2007 @06:58:09 EDT:

Actually,  those  five southwestern Indiana counties
[that returned to the Eastern time zone] were trying
to get into Kentucky, but failed the blood test.

An Indianapolis hospital laboratory technician was fired for biting a 3-
year-old boy who had come in for a blood test.

                                                             [courtesy Associated Press]

Governor Ernie, nominated for re-election despite being indicted during
his first term and  pardoning  his  entire  administration,  criticized UAW
strikers at GM's Corvette plant in Bowling Green for sending the wrong
message to business. . . .

Stormie  Knight,  2,  was killed when she extracted herself from her car
seat in her mother's parked pickup truck in Drakesboro,  took the truck
out of gear,  and fell out and got run over when the truck began rolling.

                                                                                       [courtesy AP]

"We don't have that in my country."
                                                            – President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Melissa Hensler, 13, who got a "Most Unusual Pet" prize from
North Huntingdon Township in Irwin, Pennsylvania, for her pet
rooster two years ago has been cited by the same township for
keeping a farm animal  in  town. . . . Seattle reclassified pygmy
goats as pets.  . . .  A man was indicted for smuggling three ig-
uanas in his artificial leg into Long Beach, California,  from Figi.
.  .  .  A man was charged with ripping the head off a duck in a
hotel lobby in St. Paul, Minnesota.  .  .  . A hockey coach bit a
Belgian horse on the ear to stop a stampede at  the  Oklahoma
State Fair.  .  .  . A restaurant in Tokyo was offering patrons an
opportunity to rape their animal before eating it. .  .  . Raytheon
unveiled a device that radiates  unbearable  pain,  and promised
not to sell it to countries  with questionable human rights records
(it was made for use in Iraq by the United States).  . . .  Campus
police Tasered a University of Florida student  who  was  posing
a question without end to Senator John Kerry. . . .Police in Gulf-
port, Mississippi,  broke up a brawl of teen-age girls at Chuck E.
Cheese.  . . .  Six Catholic nuns in Arkansas were excommunica-
ted for heresy. . . .The Udinks, of Merlin, Oregon, were ordered
to turn in their three vanity license plates  –  UDINK1, UDINK2,
and UDINK3. . . .  A British man was arrested for urinating on a
dying woman and shouting "This is YouTube material!" as a com-
panion recorded the event on a cell phone camera.

                                                 [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Five  southwestern  counties  were returned to the Eastern time
zone by the U.S. Department of Transportation. . . .

Firemen tore though a wall  to  rescue  an  Evansville  man  who
got stuck trying to enter his former girl friend's home through the
chimney. . . .

A man who snatched another's false teeth in a fight in Yorktown
was charged with robbery. . . .

The bodies of a Bloomington man and a Gosport man, both shot
twice in the head,  were found in sealed steel drums  on a farm in
Monroe County.
                                                      [courtesy Associated Press]

A federal judge upheld the posting of the Ten Commandments  at
the Rowan County Courthouse  in  Morehead,  a  state  university
town. . . .

In another state university town, Bowling Green, students planned
a protest of a Western Kentucky University policy prohibiting car-
rying guns on campus.
                                                                             [courtesy AP]

"The Iraq war is largely about oil."
                                                        – Alan Greenspan

A flamingo got stuck  in an Ohio State University airport se-
curity turnstile  (the leopard and the mongoose traveling with
it had no trouble getting through). . . . A zebra wearing a hal-
ter trotted down a woman's driveway near Fort Gibson Dam
in Oklahoma. . . .  The city council of Wichita,  Kansas,  was
considering a ban on wallabies. .  .  . Traffic crawled in Santa
Barbara,  California,  as commuters watched the carcass of a
70-foot blue whale  drift south along the highway.  .  .  .  Bats
took over a dormitory  at Texas Southern University in Hous-
ton.  . . .  An airline passenger was fined for bringing 30 dead
snakes, a dead bird and pieces of other birds  from Korea  to
Atlanta in his luggage.  .  .  .  A snake collector from Portland,
Oregon,  who put a rattlesnake in his mouth to impress his girl
friend was bitten in the throat  (he actually said,  "Watch!"  be-
fore  he  did  it –  it was not disclosed whether he was born a
Southern redneck). . . . Police in Queens, New York, chased
a cow for two miles and an hour on city streets. . . .  The gov-
ernor of Ulyanovsk, Russia, urged everyone to skip work and
make love. . . . Presidential candidate Fred Thompson, an ad-
vocate of sanctions against Cuba, defended his large collection
of Cuban cigars.  . . . Dan Rather sued CBS,  and a Nebraska
state senator sued God (for terrorism).

                                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 9 Sept 2007 11:56:30 PDT re the "dumb news from
  Indiana" about the kindergartener suspended for failing to get off the school bus:

How young does a child have to be these days to have the right to just be a kid? 

Two candidates for city council in Muncie were barred from council meetings
after one called an Afro-American councilman  a  "black  bat"  and  the other
suggested that some councilmen should be tarred and feathered. . . .

A Greenwood mother laced her 12-year-old daughter's apple sauce with Pro-
zac every evening for six months to help her sleep.

                                                                         [courtesy Associated Press]

Western Kentucky University,  which made its debut in NCAA Division 1
football this season with a 49-3 loss to national champion Florida, announ-
ced plans to become more  than a regional university – including tuition in-
creases of 6 per cent a year with no end in sight.
                                                                             [courtesy WKYU-FM]

A man sentenced for burglary in Richmond said he learned his trade watch-
ing the Discovery chanel's It Takes a Thief on cable TV.
                                                                                           [courtesy AP]

A stocky 5-foot-5 woman in overalls robbed a bank in Louisville without a
weapon, and left on foot.
                                                       [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"Thanks for the question, you little jerk!  You're drafted!"

                                                – John McCain to a New Hampshire high school student
                                                   who asked if McCain was too old to be President

"That stuff was so bad that if your cat ate it, his fur would fall off."

                                        – a Sarajevo survivor reminiscing about
                                           canned meat donated during the war

A 4-year-old boy leapt from a car being towed away by the
repo man in Naperville, Illinois. . . . Facebook accounted for
1 per cent of all internet traffic. . .  . A judge in Alabama was
taking inmates from their cells  to a storage closet in his office
to paddle them. . . . Two women accused of casting spells on
a South African school  were burned to death by students  on
the football field. . . . A  bank  robber  in Englewood, Colora-
do,  wrote his demand note on his own personal check  (they
caught him). . . . "Snitty,"  first seen in print in 1989,  re-emer-
ged  as a candidate for an entry in the Merriam-Webster Col-
lege Dictionary.
                                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Publius Leget <arfbarf@aol.com> wrote Sun 2 Sep 2007 @17:44:26 EDT:

What's the deal with Maria Sharapova and
"Yarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! "?

It has less to do with the fact that Russia's fashion tennis doll lost to an upstart
Polish girl in the U.S. Open than with her style of play – which is beyond aud-
ible.

It was Monica Seles,  we  think,  who introduced the grunt to women's tennis.
It seems that she could not hit a ball – even a soft drop shot  –  without a gut-
gouging "Uhhhhhhh! "  Venus Williams took it to a scream,  and now Shara-
pova has taken it to a shriek. Perhaps the most interesting and annoying grunt
now on the tour,  however,  is Shahar Peer's two-syllable  "WHOP-the!"  (or
so it sounds to us, but we need someone fluent in Hebrew to spell it).

We know why Seles was stabbed by a fan,  by  the  way.  It had nothing to do
with the competition, or with nationalities, as was reported.  Her assailant mere-
ly wanted her to SHUT UP.  –  Ed.

A Chicago man driving to Ohio to visit his mother was arrested for driving nude
on the Indiana Toll Road in Steuben County.  And he had petroleum jelly on his
hands  (or,  is that "too much information"?). . . .

A man died in a fall from the ninth story of a hotel  on  Indianapolis'  Monument
Circle during a pop concert there celebrating the  Super  Bowl  champion Colts'
first game of the National Football League season. . . .

A 5-year-old boy in Anderson was suspended for two weeks for staying on the
bus at his kindergarten stop.
                                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

A 42-year-old man from Fisherville,  Kentucky,  was arrested for ex-
posing himself on a Frontier Airlines flight from Louisville to Denver. ...

A Jessamine County farmer using a propane cannon to shoo birds from
his corn was sued by his neighbors for noisance. . . .
                                                                                     [courtesy AP]

Judge McDonald  sanctioned  McDonald's  for not giving discovery in a
case in Shepherdsville. . . .
                                                 [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A proposed ordinance to probibit smoking in Bowling Green restaurants
and bars failed by a vote of 2 to 3 in the city council  (or,  is  that  smart
news from Kentucky?).
                                                                          [courtesy WKYU-FM]

"I obviously made a bad choice of words."
                                                                        – Jerry Lewis, apologizing for calling a camera
                                                                           man's son  "the  illiterate  fag"  on his Labor
                                                                           Day telethon  (he gets a Don Imus Award)

A five-foot shark terrorized bathers at New York's Rocka-
way Beach before it washed ashore dead.  .  .  . The Arch-
bishop of Kenya  elevated  two  anti-homosexual  Anglican
priests from America to bishops.  .  .  .  Congressman Tom
Tancredo (R-Colo.) marked the second anniversary of Hur-
ricane Katrina by suggesting the "gravy train of so-called re-
covery  leave  the  New  Orleans  station"  (he's running  for
President,  you  know).  .  .  . The world observed the tenth
anniversary of Princess Dead.  .  .  .  A "Ghetto Handbook"
subtitled "Wucha dun did now?" was distributed to Houston
police.  .  .  . An ordinance to outlaw baggy pants was intro-
duced in Atlanta's city council.  .  .  . A federal judge upheld
New York City's prohibition of aluminum baseball bats.  . . .
A wild male elephant abducted a female elephant from a cir-
cus in India.  . . . A rural French priest forced out of the cler-
gy over a 22-year relationship with  a  single  mother  said he
will marry her but their relationship will "remain chaste"!
            
                                [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, BBC]

"AntiSpam UOL" titled "RE: Re[3]: i very want to find my love"
"FKim NSkaggs" titled "ma man"
"EBob MConway" titled "Hey"
"YourEmail Has Won 815,000 Euros" titled "From Spanish Promotion"

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 26 Aug 2007 @14:07:08 PDT,
re the headline "Cops tie alleged killer to shotgun":

Now, that's cruel and unusual!

Well, it was unusual;  but we don't think it was cruel.  We  should
have provided a link to the full story.  As we recall it,  they tied his
finger to the trigger with twine made from illegal hemp.   He  could
have blown them away.  But he wasn't a killer, and he didn't. – Ed.

Two letters to the U.S. government  protesting six southwestern Indiana
counties' proposed return to the Eastern time zone -- one from the town
of Ireland and the other on the letterhead of a Catholic church in Dubois
-- contained hundreds of typed names of persons who did not give their
consent ("It did not come from the church," said Father Thomas Kessler,
whose name was included).
                                                                  [courtesy Associated Press]

Seen at Taco Bell in Bowling Green:  White boy selling "Crunchwrap Su-
preme" to Mexican.  White boy behind counter;  Mexican,  the customer.
Mexican asking what was in  a  "Crunchwrap  Supreme,"  and white boy
telling Mexican what was in the "Mexican" food he was buying.

                                      [courtesy Tabloid Headlines' roving reporter]

Kitty Wells, 88
Shania Twain, 42

"You've been in a room once in a while with a rock star.  Barack Obama
  walks into the world and takes your breath away."
                                                                                     – George Clooney

"Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! "
                                                                                        – Maria Sharapova

The hip-hop magazine Vibe dubbed Barack Obama "B-Rock."
. . . Senator Patrick Leahy was letting his  hair  grow  out  for a
bit part in a Batman movie.  .  .  .  Pinocchio Gonzalez resigned.
. . .  A man was arrested at a night club in Nashville, Tennessee,
for using counterfeit $100 bills to buy lap dances.  .  .  .  A knife-
wielding robber in Greenburgh, New York,  wanted only $4;  so
he waited while his victim got change for a $10 bill in a pizza par-
lor.  .  .  . A naked man danced the hula in a convenience store in
De Soto, Missouri, while his accomplice stole a case of beer. . . .
A 75-year-old Korean War veteran was told by the Navy to buy
his own purple heart.  . . . A baby boy was born in Brooklyn with
12 fingers and 12 toes (his father has only 11 fingers). . . . China's
translation police were cracking down on Beijing menus with  "vir-
gin chicken" and "steamed crap."  . . . A petition was filed in Ken-
ya's Supreme Court to overturn the conviction  of  Jesus.  .  .  .  A
grade school in Colorado Springs banned tag on the playground.

     [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, Edwin Kagin, news24.com]