J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/21/13 @10:17 EST re the "No trespassing / Keep out" sign:

"No  trespassing"  is for the educated who understand three-syllable words.
"Keep out" is for those who comprehend only one-syllable words, and only
when sober:

Bob:  Hey, Earl. What thet sign say?

Earl:  It sezs you kaint go past no trees.

Bob:  Thet don't make no sense, Earl.  How we gone hunt
          in dem woods fwe don pass no trees?

Earl:  Don know.  But we kaint hunt over thar any ways
         cause it sez too "Keep out."

The Indiana University chapter of the Kappa Delta sor-
ority apologized for a  "homeless bash"  celebrating the
annual  "Little 500"  bicycle  race  weekend,  in  which
members  wore  cutoffs,  tank tops  and dirt-smudged
faces  and  carried signs with slogans  including "Why
lie? It’s for booze. Homeless need $ and prayers." . . .

A 32-year-old man was killed when thrown from a golf
cart  and his head struck a building in downtown Jeffer-
sonville.  The driver of the cart was charged with DUI.

                          [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Not the same guy:

             

Carlos "Halfy" Sosa Rodriguez' mug shot, Miami, Florida, he told police his head was flattened when he was thrown from a car and landed legs up

Taylor Swift soared above the crowd on a flying saucer while
singing a song at Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis.

                                                [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

In a program to help landlords screen prospective ten-
ants, the City of Covington will post a  list  on  line  of
persons who have been evicted in the last three years
in the three-county metropolitan area.

                                    [courtesy Kentucky Enquirer]

Dogs were barred from the now solely pedestrian Big
Four Bridge over the Ohio River from Louisville to In-
diana  because  pet  owners  were not picking up their
poodles'  poop,  despite  a huge banner sign at the en-
trance spanning the entire width of the bridge saying:

• Leash your pet

• Pick up after your pet
  

                IT'S THE LAW

                                        [courtesy Courier-Journal]
   

(We haven't seen the new sign yet, but we presume it will be something like that "Prohibted: Animals on foot" sign you see on many interstate highway entrance ramps that cows can read and thus know to stay off the road. – Editor)

Duffel bags, backpacks and coolers  will  be  prohibited
at the Kentucky Derby in heightened security awareness
owing to the Boston Marathon, but police made no men-
tion of any prohibition of large purses carried by women
(or large hats).
                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

    

       

Lexington's most wanted: Ashley Webb apprehended (Herald-Leader)

     

Team Sweaty Sheep: It's a Christian service organization in Louisville

"I just want to get out of here and get away from all these explosions."

                                    – Joe Berti, who crossed the finish line in Boston just be-
                                        fore the blasts and then witnessed the fertilizer explo-
                                        sion in West, Texas, on his way home to Austin, Texas

"Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and
 spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes."

                                                               – Senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi

"I-Lickit," the first app for your tongue, determines
how fast you can clean a plate of simulated food.

Jessica Lynch, 30
Kelly Clarkson, 31
Duane Eddy, 75
Shirley MacLaine, 79
Carol Burnett, 80
Meadowlark Lemon, 81
Harper Lee, 87

Dunkin' Donuts remained open during the Boston manhunt
and shutdown, at the request of the police. . . . Three men
from the United Arab Emirates were evicted from a Saudi
Arabian festival for being too handsome. . . . The last two
speakers of the Ayapaneco language, in Mexico, were re-
fusing to speak with one another. .  .  .  A home-schooling
family from Germany sought asylum in Tennessee. . . . Le-
gally Blonde actress Reese Witherspoon was  cuffed  for
disorderly conduct in Atlanta, Georgia. . . . Zubeidat Tsar-
naeva denied that her sons, Tamerlan and Dzhokhar, were
terrorists  ("I am mother.  I know my kids."). . . . A Dutch
foundation announced a plan to colonize Mars and sought
volunteers for a one-way trip there in 2022. . . . A woman
attending a circus in Salina,  Kansas,  encountered a  tiger
in the ladies' room. . . . Margaret  Thatcher's  funeral  cost
British taxpayers $5.6 million. .  .  . George  Jones  was  a
"no show" for another concert.

It's softball hottie season again already! This is Nicole Hudson, of the University of Missouri 

YEni Chocovanilla TheSweetest Croft   Surabaya, Indonesia   Add Friend

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 4/14/13 @01:21 PDT, re last week's report of the
sign at the church saying "Without Good Friday, Easter would be impossible,"
and our question "Is there anything clever about that?  Or is it rather like say-
ing, 'If my brother had a sister, so would I'?"

It's more like saying that without death there can be no life.

Gee, that sounds a little kinky – religious, even.   – Editor

A Johnson County woman was arrested for firing her rifle through
her apartment floor as she was twirling it a la TV's Rifleman  (the
bullet hit a clock and lodged in the wall of  the  apartment  below,
but no one was wounded).
                                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

The recording of  Senator  Mitch McConnell  and his staff's dis-
cussion  of  a  "Whac-A-Mole"  campaign  against Ashley Judd
was made apparently outside the door of the campaign office in
an  office  building,  and a liberal activist accused of making  the
recording has set up a legal defense fund.

                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The U.S. Army Field Band has canceled its scheduled appear-
ance at Danville's annual Great American Brass Band Festival
in June because of budget cuts forced by the "sequester."

                                            [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Three men were caught drag racing on the runway  at the munici-
pal airport in Harlan (they were not arrested but will be expected
to pay a $10,000 cleanup fee for an oil spill from one of their cars).

                                                                                [courtesy AP]

Lexington's most wanted: Christina Dean, WF, 33, 5'5", 160 lbs, Ashley Webb, WF, 24, 5'9", 145 lbs (Herald-Leader), Well, maybe, give us another look at the one on the right [Ashley] after you catch her and she showers and shaves - Ed., Tabloid Headlines

"It is because we have a nuclear deterrent like nuclear weapons that
 we are able to live our normal lives and have a beautiful flower exhi-
 bition like this."
                                 – greenhouse worker Kim Sung Sim at North Korea's "Kimilsungia orchid"
                                    exhibition in Pyongyang, displaying red-tipped missile models also

"I don't quite understand why I should applaud Rand Paul's visit to Howard University any more
 than I should gush over my husband's picking up a broom now and then."

                                                         – Merlene Davis, in the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader

"In fact, if you make your living in front of a microphone, as I do, he's one
 of the people who defines your craft."
                                                                                                                   – Steve Inskeep

"You have to look at the whole totality of the market."

                                                                    – Wall Street Journal columnist Scott McCartney

"There wasn't really any intentionality to programming these documentaries."

                                                                        – Tribeca film festival official Geoffrey Gilmore

"Anne was a great girl.  Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

                                                               – Justin Bieber, in an inscription in the guest book
                                                                  at the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam

Last week's sign, which said merely "Posted / No Trespassing," was
called a double redundancy. In the first place it was already obvious-
ly on a post.  You don't have to say  "posted."   In the second place,
you can "post" a notice on a wall or a fence as  well  as  on  a  post.
See Webster's.  There's your second redundancy.

So, why do people do it?  Some degrees of trespassing, in the law,
require notice to be "posted."  So, people say it in their notices.  It
is a bit like wearing a belt and suspenders too (or going to church).

And  here,  above,  we have a triple redundancy,  "No trespassing"
and "Keep out" meaning the same thing.

An app developed by the government of Iceland allows users mere-
ly to  slap  phones  to see if they have grandparents in common (this
might be even more useful in Kentucky, where there are only 15 last
names, and West Virginia, "one big happy family" – if they had smart
phones).

Victoria Beckham ("Posh Spice"), 39
Ashley Judd, 45
Valerie Plame, 50
Roy Clark, 80
Ex-Pope Joseph the Hitler Youth, 87
John Paul Stevens, 93
  

Leonardo (1452-1519) (they sure weren't shy of hats and caps in those days, were they?)

 

The third person killed at the Boston Marathon was finally identified by Boston University, two days after the bombing, as Lu Lingzi, a BU graduate student, after the Chinese consul in New York City refused to verify her name and Tabloid Headlines threatened to identify her as Hush-Hush the Classified Chinklet

Police blew up runners' unclaimed bags  at the Boston
Marathon  (and  two Chechen brothers wearing base-
ball caps – one of them wearing his backward – were
identified as the perps). . . . The Marine who covered
the head of Saddam Hussein's statue with  an  Ameri-
can flag in Iraq 10 years ago refused to lend it back to
the military for anniversary celebrations (but a Swedish
journalist who served in the "Gulf War" 10 years earlier
offered a piece of the statue's butt for sale). . . .  "Ding
Dong the Witch Is Dead" rose to No. 2 on British mu-
sic charts after the death of Margaret Thatcher. . . . A
French sports science professor determined,  after 15
years  of  measuring  with  slide rule  and caliper,  that
brassieres are not needed by women aged 18  to 45.
.  .  .  The file-sharing news web site TorrentFreak re-
ported  that someone inside the Holy See has been il-
legally downloading pornography.  . . .  After Spider-
man punched a woman in the face,  SuperMario gro-
ped a woman  and Elmo ranted anti-Semitic slogans,
New York City's  Times Square Alliance  of busines-
ses sought to regulate costumed buskers. . . .  Forty-
six per cent of  the  United  States  Senate  failed  to
recognize the sentiment  of 90 per cent of the Ameri-
can people. . . .  A judge in Michigan held himself in
contempt of court  and paid a $25 fine  after his cell
phone  interrupted  a  prosecutor's closing argument
in a jury trial. .  .  .  A Chinese ship carrying 11 tons
of  dressed pangolins (Asian anteaters)  ran aground
in the Philippines. . .  .  Chinese surgeons removed a
live 20-inch Asian  swamp  eel  from the rectum of a
39-year-old man  who had been re-creating a scene
from a porn film.  .  .  .  TV's Rachael Ray was sued
by a 260-pound fat girl claiming to have been humili-
ated  in an episode on her efforts to lose weight. . . .
Teens and 'tweens who frequently use "social media"
place a higher value on fame than whose who don't,
a UCLA study found.
 

Jodi Arias, caught on camera flashing the finger in her now 16-week tabloid trial for the murder of her boy friend in Phoenix, Arizona, 'tweeted" that the sign was for Nancy Grace, not the judge or any lawyer or witness at the trial

       [courtesy Harper's Weekly, MSNBC.com, AP]

We found the following items in the News of the Weird column
in  the May issue of the monthly newspaper Funny Times,  but
insufficient corroboration to present them to our readers as the
gospel truth:  Teri James, 29, was fired from San Diego Chris-
tian College for being  pregnant  and  unmarried;  and her job
went to her fiancé,  father of the child. . . . Dr. Jack Berdy,  a
New York City physician,  was administering Bot ox to poker
players  at $800 a shot  (to suppress tics showing their hands,
you understand – we did find a Dr. Jack Berdy who operated
a Bot Botox clinic, buting about him regarding poker players).
. . . Becky Adams of Milton Keynes,  England,  was  planning
to open a brothel for the disabled  and  terminally  ill,  insisting
that officials could not shut it down without violating antidiscrim-
ination laws.

Boston Massacre:  5 dead, 6 wounded
Boston Marathon:  3 dead, 180 wounded

The owner of the Colorado Rockies joined the
ground crew to help shovel the snow off Coors
Field in Denver  so that the his team could play
ball with the New York Mets  (the  game  was
delayed by two days and two hours  –  Rock-
ies won, 8-4).

More casualties, from West,  Texas:  14 dead,  200
injured.  But, journalists, spare us, please, this "inno-
cent victims" rhetoric.

No one is innocent. See the preachments of Moses,
Jesus, Martin Luther, John Calvin and other Baptists.
See the English common law,  for that matter:  While
every criminal defendant is presumed to be "not guil-
ty" (as charged),  no  one  is presumed to be  "inno-
cent."

Then consider what Dude said to Jeter  in  Erskine
Caldwell's novel Tobacco Road:  "Niggers will get
killed."

Live with it (death).  Chechens do.  We can,  too.

But:  Don't you still want to know  (we  do)  what
were the logos on the  baseball caps  worn by the
Boston  Marathon  perps?  The "journalists" have
not said  (they have let us down again).

Len wrote Sun 4/7/13 @15:38 EDT from Bloomfield Hills, Mich-

igan, a "suburb" of Detroit, re the "enurbs" of Detroit:

Hamtramck and Highland Park are adjacent to each other
(across  Woodward)  for about a block within the City of
Detroit – a corner, really, since there's nothing on the High-
land Park side.  For that matter,  there isn't much on either
side, or parts surrounding.  I don't see how Hamtramck or
Highland Park could be anyone's favorite anything.

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 4/7/13 @14:34 PDT re Marcia's letter:

The Russia of RT today is likely exciting indeed,  and  certain-
ly very different from the Russia described by your recent cor-
respondent Jan, who writes of an earlier era if I'm reading cor-
rectly.  I've not been myself, but young friends who have atten-
ded film school in Moscow rave about the country as a haven
for creativity and entrepreneurial opportunity. 

They rave also about the Moscow subway system,  which ap-
parently is extremely beautiful  as well as efficient.  They  laud
the seamless public transportation from the airport into the city,
which is something woefully lacking in L.A. and other US cities.

So, voyager, go forth, and seek and find, and see for yourself!

A hundred and fifty dead and starving animals – horses, cows,
sheep, chickens and llamas –  were found in a barn and a ma-
nure pit on a Madison County farm. . . .

The annual wheeled bed race in Madison  (that's in Jefferson
County)  has been canceled for lack of interest.

                                                   [courtesy Associated Press]

Two teen brothers in Bell County,  arrested for driving an all-
terrain vehicle through pastures and shooting down 24 cows
in three days, told police they didn't have anything else  to do.
. . .
  

Jessica Boyers, 24, a language arts teacher and cross country coach at a middle school in Louisville, was arrested for "sexual contact" with a student at a city park, the age and sex of the student were not reported; latest junior high school faculty hottie

                                    [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A 3-year-old boy in Harlan survived being placed in a freezer
with the lid closed. His grandmother's 24-year-old boy friend
was arrested. . . .

A recording surfaced of Senator Mitch McConnell and cam-
paign aides discussing a "Whac-A-Mole" attack on now non-
candidate Ashley Judd's mental health ("emotionally unbalan-
ced," "history of depression," "suicidal tendencies") and relig-
ion ("critical of traditional Christianity").  McConnell accused
"the left" of bugging his office.   (Here's the audio and a tran-
script, courtesy of Mother Jones magazine.)

                                            [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Sign at Minit-Mart in Brownsville: Try our non-ethanol gasoline! Your small enginges will thank you for it!

The sign in front of the church on Main Street last month said:

    WITHOUT GOOD FRIDAY EASTER
            WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE

Is there anything clever about that?  Or is it rather like saying,
"If my brother had a sister, so would I"?



(Lex, you can have those three . . . . )

Lexington's most wanted: Aletha McCall, WF, 30, 5'0", 140 lbs, Robin Gillispie, WM, 54, 6'0", 150 lbs, Gayla Hensley, WF, 49, 5'6", 130 lbs (Herald-Leader)

"Television should not broadcast a sexy person."
                                                                                – Simon Lokodo, Ethics Minister of Uganda

"Hadiya Pendleton was me, and I was her."
                                                                           – Michelle Obama

Gestation/incubation periods, by species, of certain animals
reported in Wired magazine:  Bluefin tuna, 2 days; chicken,
21 days;  gerbil, 24-28 days; little brown bat, 50-60 days;
chimpanzee,  227-235 days;   komodo  dragon,  240-270
days;  hippopotamus, 224-259 days;  yak, 258-272 days;
sperm whale, 450-540 days;  elephant, 630-690 days.

"The Agile Lie Detector,"  with voice stress analysis and 3-D spec-
tography, shows you on a meter whether to believe the person you
are talking to.

Nellie McKay, 31
Amy Goodman, 56
Jack Casady, 69
Julie Christie, 72 (today)
Pete Rose, 72 (today)
Ryan O'Neal, 72 (today)
Paul Krassner, 81
Tom Lehrer, 85

Balthazar Huydecoper (1695-1778)

President Obama caught heat  for calling California's Kam-
ala Harris  "the best looking attorney general in the country."
. . .  A 19-year-old man in Toronto, Canada, told police he
was sexually assaulted by four  200-pound women  he  met
in a nightclub. .  .  .  Kansas enacted the "Women's Right to
Know"  law,  declaring that life begins  at  fertilization.  .  .  .
The wife of a deputy sheriff and "school resource officer"  in
Lebanon, Tennessee, was shot to death by a 4-year-old boy
who found the man's gun on a bed. . . . Five camels escaped
from a circus and blocked traffic in Hassleholm,  Sweden. . .
A man dressed as the Cookie Monster, angry at not getting a
tip, was arrested for shoving a 2-year-old boy in New York's
Times Square. . . . A Denver-to-Baltimore flight crew refused
a family's request to turn off a violent movie and then aborted
the flight in Chicago to deplane the complainers. . . .  "Sandy"
became the 77th tropical storm name to be retired  (Sara will
take her place). . . . The French Senate passed a bill to allow
gay marriage.

       

Gabrielle Ludwig, 6' 6", 220 lbs. and 51 years old, a player on the Mission College women's basketball team in Santa Clara, California, played college basketball once before: for Nassau Community College, on Long Island, when s/he was Robert Ludwig, 20

Jason Ayers Client Support Specialist at Automatic Data Processing Add Friend

Marcia wrote Sat  3/30/13 @23:54 EDT:

So sorry about Russia! When you watch RT (cable TV),
it seems exciting, cutting edge, really intelligent! I wanted
to go see!

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 3/31/13 @17:07 PDT in reply to
last week's question "What's your favorite enurb?"

Highland Park, pop. 11,776, of Detroit.

Beverly Hills, pop. 34,290, and West Hollywood, pop. 34,399,
    of Los Angeles.

City of London, pop. 7,000, of London, England, UK.

Neither Hamtramck nor Highland Park is a pure "enurb" in the state
of Michigan,  by the way.  They lie adjacent to one another  within
the city of Detroit;  so Hamtramck is bounded by both Detroit  and
Highland Park, and Highland Park is bounded by both Detroit  and
Hamtramck. You might call Hamtramck and Highland Park a "twin"
or "joint" enurb.

Thanks for the correction, as well as the contributions! We know not the municipal
codes of California, England and Michigan; but we know that Marion County and
Indianapolis, Indiana, in 1970,  and Jefferson County and Louisville, Kentucky, in
2003,  adopted joint governance (known as "unigov" in Indiana).  So, where does
that leave Speedway and St. Matthews, respectively?  Is their continued existence
as separate municipal corporations merely something of a conceit now?

Wikipedia says of Indianapolis and Marion County, Indiana,  "Within unigov are e-
leven 'included towns,' which maintain some [our emphasis added] of their own mu-
nicipal services and identity within the consolidated government."   Wikipedia adds,
"The cities of Beech Grove, Lawrence and Southport and the town of Speedway are
known as 'excluded cities'  and retain government autonomy in most respects.   They
elect their own city officials and city councils. They also are represented on the City-
County Council and vote for the Mayor of Indianapolis,  since these countywide offi-
cials have taxing and other powers over the whole county."  Of those four "excluded"
cities and town,  however,  only Speedway lies entirely within Indianapolis  (or,  the
"former" Indianapolis?).

Wikipedia says of Louisville and Jefferson County, "Since 2003 the city's borders [of
Louisville] have been coterminous [our emphasis added] with those of the county be-
cause of a city-county merger." Wikipedia lists 103 "cities, towns and census-designa-
ted places" within Jefferson County; and, curious as we are, we aren't gonna ask any-
one to comb the map and the archives for that many podunks  to see which might be
enurbs  retaining semblances of self-government.  St. Matthews is clearly the biggest,
and it is clearly an "enurb."

A separate Wikipedia article says that Lexington in Kentucky, Nashville in Tennessee,
Jacksonville in Florida, Kansas City in Kansas, and Philadelphia in Pennsylvania  also
have combined city-county governments.
                                                                                                                    – The Editor

Legislators raced to make Indiana the first state to require an armed
employee in every school. . . .

Indiana Vocational and Technical ("Ivy Tech," and officially since 19-
95) was offering a course in standup comedy.

                                                           [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Debra L. Broz, Attorneys at Law: AttorneyS at law? We see only one (and we that that's probably Debra, not Darren). Bankruptcy questions? No. OTHER questions? Yes. "WE are A . . .? (Park city Daily News of Bowling Green)

The town of Eighty Eight, about 8.8 miles southeast
of Glasgow in Barren County,  and  about  88 miles
south of Valley Station, the southernmost suburb of
Louisville,  was  not  named  for  its  location.  Like
Correct,  Indiana,  it was named by a 19th century
postmaster in a bit of a fluke. Dabnie Nunnally had
little faith in his handwriting and thought his numbers
might be  more  legible;  so he reached into his coin
pocket and pulled out – 88 cents.  Or so say Wiki-
pedia and the New York Times.  Like Correct, the
town no longer has a post office.

"She's a chubby lady who's very, very rich. . . . Adele is beautiful and successful
 and has, what, $100 million?  Let's face reality:  She's fat!"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                – Joan Rivers

"Our mission is to be go-betweens on the
 springboard to the next life."
                                                    – Dr. Virginia Soares de Souza, charged with killing
                                                       seven patients at a hospital in Curitiba, Brazil,
                                                      to free up beds (and suspected of killing 300)

"You are entitled to friendship."
                                                         – Timothy Cardinal Dolan

"There is some demographic data out there."
                                                                           – Bruce Koeppen, dean of the new Frank H.
                                                                              Netter School of Medicine at Quinnipiac
                                                                              University in Connecticut

" . . . couples cohabitating . . . ."
                                                        – Rob Stein, National Public Radio

" . . . after the fog lifts . . . ."
                                                – WKYU-FM radio's morning Joe, who, if he had just
                                                   looked out the window at the clear blue sky, would
                                                   have known, at 7:20 a.m., that the fog already had lifted

Tomato producers were reported to be grafting disease- and
insect-resistant roots onto popular breeds.

A Jew-in-the-box addresses stereotyping at a museum in Berlin.

Rachel Maddow, 40
Pikabo Street, 42
Agnetha Fältskog, 63
André Previn, 84
James Garner, 85
Doris Day, 91
Tris Speaker (1888-1958), "baseball great, hit more doubles than Pete Rose" (792:746)

Roger Ebert,  who died last week,  and I joined the editorial
staff of the Chicago Sun-Times the same month in 1967.  He
beat me there by a week or two, and they were already buz-
zing about him in the city room when I arrived.

                            – Natty Bumppo, editor, Tabloid Headlines

Biologists nicknamed a new ant species found in New York
City the Manhattant. . . .  A man broke into the Museum of
Natural History in Paris,  France,  with a chain saw and cut
off and stole a tusk from an elephant skeleton that had been
given to King Louis XIV by the King of Portugal in 1668....
Ninety-five vehicles crashed in 17 separate accidents in the
fog on I-77 at the border between Virginia and North Car-
olina (three people died). . . .A man who claimed to be the
illegitimate son of Dwight Eisenhower, and whose wife was
known for topless gardening in Boulder, Colorado, was ar-
rested in Marblehead, Ohio,  for threatening President Ob-
ama. .  .  . Pope Jorge called for peace in Syria, Israel and
Korea in his first Easter homily. . . .GEICO released a mo-
torcycle insurance ad set to a song by the Allman Brothers,
two of whom died in motorcycle crashes. . . . Homo sapi-
ens was traced to the  Xenoturbella  bocki  worm,  which
doesn’t have a brain. . . .  Sweden removed the word "o-
googlebar"  ("un-Googleable")  from its official list of new
words  after  a  complaint  from  Google.  . . . The Easter
Bunny was pulled over  on  I-8  in  La Mesa,  California,
for riding a motorcycle without a helmet.  .  .  .  A deputy
sheriff  left his gun in a dressing room at Macy's  in  Nor-
folk, Virginia.  . . .  A 19-year-old motorist was stopped
in a tunnel in Mobile, Alabama, for "double-texting" (i.e.,
"texing"  with  both  hands  while steering with his knees).
.  .  .  Target  apologized  for offering a plus-size dress in
"manatee gray" while offering the same item in smaller si-
zes as "dark heather gray."

Perp of the week: Elizabeth Hoen, 18, accused of          standings pantsless on a street corner in Mosinee, Wisconsin,          was arrested for stealing three steaks from a nearby grocery (Waasau Daily Herald)

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Snopes, MSNBC.com, AP]

Tickets to college basketball's  "Final   Four"  (that two-word
phrase  is a trademark of the National Collegiate Athletic As-
socation; did you know that?) were going for as little as $450
to as much as $40,311. . . .

The Ebenezer Baptist Church  of  Atlanta,  Georgia,  proved
last night at the Final Four that you don't have to be a shlock
star to desecrate the National Anthem. . . .

Rich Schimmel  and  Ceci Moses,  parents of Jude and Shoni
Schimmel  of  the University of Louisville women's basketball
team and six other other children in 25 years, got married (on
the road) to celebrate the team's making the Final Four. . . .

Rutgers University basketball coach Mike Rice was fired  after
a video of him shoving and grabbing his players, throwing balls
at them and directing obscenities and gay slurs at them was air-
ed on ESPN.

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