Publius Leget wrote Weds 5/21/14 @15:13 CDT:

Alice-in-Wonderland's Groin denied, in her primary election
victory speech,  that she was an empty dress – but she didn't
show us her tits!

Two bar musicians in Fort Wayne formed a ukelele duo for children
called the Atomic Sharks (what? no video? no YouTube?).

                                                                [courtesy Journal-Gazette]

Most wanted in LaPorte, Jane Burkhart, WF, Cruelty to animals x16; in Elkart, Michael Loren Wallace, WM, 5'7", 135 lbs, dealing meth; in South Bend, Carmen Suggs, BF, 5'4", 110 lbs, arson (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Indianapolis ranked 15th in the country in mailmen bitten by dogs in
2013, with 29; and Fort Wayne, with 13, tied for 45th (with Bakers-
field, Calif.,  Dayton, Oh.,  Las Vegas, Nev.,  New Orleans, La.,  and
Van Nuys, Calif.).   A total of 5,581 U.S. Postal Service carriers were
bitten nationwide; Houston, Texas, led the nation, with 63 (Louisville
was the only Kentucky city in the top 50,  tied  for  39th  with Austin,
Texas, at 15 dog bites).  Find out here if your town made the list.)

                                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A woman murdered her husband by running him over in her car outside a
restaurant in Louisville.
                                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

   

Courtney Kippes, 22, was arrested for leaving her two little boys, aged 2 and 3, in a car with the windows nearly closed in 84° temperatures while she got a Brazilian bikini wax job at the Clique Salon & Spa in Louisville (London UK Daily Mail)

A Berea couple who rented out their two teen-age daughters  for  sex  plead-
ed guilty to unlawful transactions with minors in the second degree, reduced
from charges of "human trafficking" (but not prostitution), for 5-year senten-
ces.  The father was sentenced to 2 years in prison 12 years ago for trying to
sell their 3-month-old daughter in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Danville.

                                                                 [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Alison Lundergan Grimes Grimy support for coal (Marc Murphy, Courier-Journal)

Alice-in-Wonderland's Groin Alison Lundergan Grimes became the first
Democrat nominee for the United States Senate to call for an appointee
of President Obama, VA Secretary Eric Shinseki, to resign.

                                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"If you boo the country's prime minister, you get slapped."
                                                                                                – Recep Tayyip Erdovan

"I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly
 misleading for their own ends."
                                                                – Pat Sajak

"I'm no homophobe, but I don't like watching a black man kissing a white man
 open-mouthed."
                                   – Donald Sterling

"Excuse me, Miss, but I'm lost in love:  Could you give me directions
 to your heart?"
                                     – Leonard Simon

The English-speaking world was  perfectly  happy  with
the noun "normality" to indicate a normal state of being
(or of anything) since shortly after the Roman conquest
(the root, "norm," is Latin) until U.S. Presidential nomi-
nee Warren G. Harding pledged a return to  "normalcy"
in 1920, and his malaprop is used to this day.  "Normal-
cy" appears yet in reputable dictionaries,  along with its
sister solecism  "normalness."  Harding did not coin the
term, however:  "Normalcy" can be found in dictionar-
ries dating to 1857.

Jewel, 40
Al Franken, 63
Ted Kaczynski, 72
Bob Dylan, 73

Ho Chi Minh (1890-1969)
Pol Pot (1925-1998)
Nancy Kwan, 75 (1939)

Vic Ames (1925-1978)
Kitty Kallen, 92

Natalie Nougayrède was forced to resign as editor of Le
Monde, and Jill Abrams was fired as executive editor of
the New York Times.  . . .  A Sudanese court sentenced
a pregnant woman to 100 lashes for adultery,  and death
by hanging  for  apostasy  after  she  refused to leave her
Christian husband – but postponed the punishments until
after the baby’s birth. . . . An Argentine farm worker dis-
covered a new species of dinosaur that weighed 85 tons,
the largest ever. . . . An 18-year-old woman named Pey-
ton Manning was busted for cocaine  in  Nashville,  Ten-
nessee. . . .  A pizza was delivered by drone in Mumbai.
. . . Miley Cyrus denied telling Jennifer Lawrence to "get
it together" when J-Law puked at an Oscars-after party.
. . . Levi  Strauss  CEO  Chip Bergh recommended that
customers stop washing their jeans, in order to conserve
water. .  .  .  A portly accountant fell on a crocodile on a
moving bus in northern Russia causing the animal to vom-
it for three hours.

A 5-year-old mare,  Never Tell Lynda,  was  spooked  by  a  loud
commercial and the sudden loud sound of the starting gate spring-
ing open broadcast by the new big screen TV at Churchill Downs
in  Louisville,  Kentucky,  reared,  twisted,  fell backward on her
head on the track,  and died, blood gushing from her nostrils. . . .

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez,  Seattle Sea-
hawks cornerback Richard Sherman, bycyclist Lance Armstrong,
golfer Tiger Woods, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch and University
of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari made Sports Illustra-
ted's list of the 35 people most disliked in sports (along with Don-
ald Sterling).

I patronize a restaurant where a small group of older men sit around
and drink coffee. They are very loud and often rude and seem to en-
joy gossiping.  For  instance,  should an overweight person  walk  in,
these men think nothing of pointing it out.  These men aren't exactly
small  themselves.  I find their behavior  despicable.  Am I wrong to
want nothing to do with them?
                                                                       Somewhere in the USA
                                                                  [probably Brownsville, Ky.]

Nolan Porterfield wrote Sun 5/11/14 @09:51 CDT:

Seriously, as they say, it's time for Tabloid Headlines
to stop making fun – however unintentionally – of Ali-
son Lundergan Grimes.  She's a contenda.  And she's
gonna whip Mitch McConnell's you-know-what come
November.

Jay Cory wrote Mon 5/12/14 @08:26 EDT re last week's
"Hey, you!" app:

What kind of (and size) device would you have to hook up
to your cell phone to enable it to smell? As smart as phones
are nowadays, I am fairly certain they cannot detect (much
less identify) odors without significant augmentation.

Ralph Koslik of Louisville KY 40204 wrote Sat 5/10/14 to
the Editor of the Courier-Journal:

In response to all the Chicken Littles whose panties are all
in a bunch about the dire warnings of a looming global cli-
mate disaster,  I am  reminded  of what the great American
satirist and critic H. L. Mencken had to say:    "The urge to
save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to
rule."

Global warming, now called climate change, is the biggest
con job of my lifetime.  P. T. Barnum would be proud.

The state supreme court will review the law against being drunk and
annoying to determine whether it is unconstitutionally vague.

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

An unemployed New Castle man was arrested for threatening House
of Representatives Speaker John Boehner.

                                                            [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A candidate for Sheriff in Letcher County, "Walking Tall" John Hall,
of Neon, was arrested and jailed for contempt of court for missing
his jury trial on a charge of terroristic threatening. . . .

Lexington's most wanted: Amanda Fazakerley, WF, 30, 5'4", 180 lbs

                                                    [courtesy Herald-Leader]

Legal scholars have weighed in nationally on Kentucky's "economic
argument" against gay marriage.
                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"I'm not a racist."
                                  – Donald Sterling

"Waterboading is how we baptize terrorists."
                                                                                – Sarah Palin

"Like Grandpa said, if we were all just alike, everybody'd be after Grandma."
                                                                                                                              – Leonard Simon

The Four R's:  Raspberry, rage, rosemary and rhyme.

The "Hey, you!" hat app.  It's based on the "Hey, you!"
"smart" phone app introduced last week.   If you wan-
der too far from your hat,  it will speak  to  you:  "Hey,
you – where you goin', without me?"  Never again will
you leave your hat at a restaurant,  or under your mis-
tress' bed  or  under the bed of your best friend's wife.
"This will save lives!" says our Dear Eleanor. . . .

An "app" to alert residents to the location of wildfires in
San Diego County, California,  warned of a "fire in your
pants."

Mark Zuckerberg, 30
Olga Korbut, 59
Billy Swan, 72

A woman had her neighbors' home bulldozed in St. Au-
gustine,  Florida. . . .  President Putin signed a law pro-
hibiting swearing in films, plays and concerts  in  Russia.
. . .  Boys at Corona del Mar High School in Southern
California,  held an NFL-type draft,  with scouting and
position  trading,  for  prom dates  (the principal said it
would not happen again). . . .  A Sandy Hook "truther"
who claims the massacre did not happen vandalized  a
playground set up in memory of one of the victims. . . .
Pope Jorge said he would baptize space aliens  if  they
asked him to.  . . .  A tongue-tied Rhode Island news-
caster reported a  "fuck  truck"  crash before she cor-
rected to  "fire  truck." . . . Twenty-three policemen in
Miami, Florida,  fired 379 rounds into a wrecked car,
killing two unarmed men (one of whom had shot a po-
liceman earlier, the other not a suspect).

Johnny Cueto,  right-handed  pitcher  for the Cincinnati
Reds baseball team, was leading the major leagues with
a 0.708 WHIP after his second complete-game shutout
of the season.

When my birthday was coming up, I told my wife about a piece
of technology I really wanted and asked her to buy it for me.  It
cost $300.  She said it was too expensive,  and she didn't get me
anything but a card.

In the last three weeks she has purchased three birthday gifts for
friends, each costing about $100. She put in a ton of effort to get
exactly the right gift for each one.  Am I justified in feeling hurt?

                                                                         – Ignored in Ithaca

Ted Fiskevold wrote Sun 5/4/14 @13:50 CDT answer-
ing the Duane Eddy trivia quiz he posted last week.

Duane  Eddy  was married to Miriam (Mimi) Johnson,
who recorded also  (a couple of singles)  on the Jamie
label.  She later became Jessi Colter and married Way-
lon Jennings.  They had a son,  Shooter Jennings,  who
is a touring and recording artist and a radio personality
on SiriusXM Radio's "Outlaw Country" channel.

A state judge ordered the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to reinstate a
Greenfield policeman's "OINK" vanity license plate. . . .

A 17-year-old boy got 50 years in prison for raping a 93-year-old
woman in Anderson.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A 12-year-old boy pointed a pellet gun  at a policewoman in South
Bend and told her it was not loaded when she pointed a real gun at
him and told him to drop it.
                                                          [courtesy South Bend Tribune]

A 56-year-old man was shot multiple times  and dragged  for  more
than a mile by a pickup truck over a rural road  in  Woodford Coun-
ty (he died before being tied to the truck, the coroner said; his broth-
er was arrested). . . .

Lexington's most wanted: Ashley Umstead, WF, 30, 5'9", 135 lbs (Herald-Leader); Elkhart, Ind.'s, most wanted: Lori Beth Nast, WF, Theft, fraud, AWOL from work release (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Matt Bevin, Senator Mitch McConnell's Tea Party challenger in
the  Republican  primary,  said their likely November opponent,
Democrat Secretary of State Alice-in-Wonderland's Groin  Ali-
son  Lundergan  Grimes,  is  "just a young woman with no life"
(you remember what State Rep. Stan Lee called her last week). . . .

An accountant accused of embezzlement at the  Abbey of Gethsem-
ani in Nelson County said the accusation against him is  a  cover-up
of his revelation of sexual affairs at the oldest Catholic monastery in
America "between monks and female lay employees . . . and outside
women" and between a lay supervisor and an employee. . . .

Governor Stevie's hired lawyers, challenging a court ruling the state's
attorney general refused to appeal,  said recognition of gay marriage
is injurious to the birth rate  and therefore to the economy also (give
a lawyer a fee, and she'll write a brief).

                                                   [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A man kept his mother's body in a freezer for three years  in Pulaski
County while spending her Social Security checks, then shot himself
to death in front of a deputy sheriff when found out.

                                                                        [courtesy Snopes, UPI]

WBVR ("The Beaver") country radio in Russellville was running a
promotional "Show Us Your Beaver" contest.
                                                                                        [WBVR-FM]

"Life  in Lubbock,  Texas,  taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you're going to

 burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you
 should save it for someone you love."
                                                                     – Butch Hancock

"Donald Sterling would not be banned from the National Football League for life – we have
 a team called the Redskins."
                                                       – Richard Sherman

"The process of dialogue had begun, only it was drowned out by shots from Kalashnikovs."

                                                                            – Ukrainian Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk

"Man!"
                – Clayton Lockett, as he was dying slow in a botched execution in Oklahoma

"The United States is a tundra of a human being's right to existence."

                                                                           – [North] Korean Central News Agency

"Always be in the winners circle with a true winning stallion."

                                  – Nichole Zimmerman, a/k/a Jessica Rabbit, of Louisville, Ky.,
                                     in a Kentucky Derby Festival "escort service" ad on line

"It's time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress."
                                                                                        – Monica Lewinsky, in Vanity Fair

"Barack Obama has the shape of a monkey.  It would be better for him to live with other
 monkeys at a wild animal park in Africa, licking bread crumbs thrown by onlookers."

                                                                                      – Kang Hyok, North Korean factory worker

"I'm not fuckin' STUPID – but I used to."
                                                                          – Leonard Simon

The "Hey, you!" app will prevent your walking away from your "smart" phone.

You've done it,  you know – left it on your desk, in your car, in your mistress's – uh,
er – never mind; you know.  But if you have the app, and you get a certain distance
from your phone, it will speak to you:  "Hey,  you – where you goin',  without me?"
And the best part is,  you don't need to plant a device on or in yourself  to  make  it
work (no clip, no chip!).  It operates on newly patented body odor recognition soft-
ware.

May 5

Tatiana Celia Kennedy Schlossberg, 24

May 6

"Folk singers":  Bob Seger, 69

May 7

Johnny Unitas (1933-2002)
Teresa Brewer (1931-2007)
Evita (1919-1952)
Tito (1892-1980)
George ("Gabby") Hayes (1885-1969)
Tchaikovsky (1840-1893)

May 8

Toni Tenille, 74 (1940)
Ricky Nelson (1940-1985)
Fulton Sheen (1895-1979)
Harry Truman (1884-1972)

Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson and his husband were
headed for a divorce.  . . . Voters repealed a prohibition
of coin-operated video games in a referendum in Marsh-
field, Massachusetts.  . . .  A naked man doing push-ups
in the street  in  Portland,  Oregon,  was struck by a car
and killed. . . . A high school teacher turned on a porno-
graphic video in Kansas City, Kansas;  a student took a
picture of it with her "smart" phone and sent it to her boy
friend; he sent it to another friend, and, of course, it soon
showed up on  Clutterbook  Facebook  (the girl and her
boy friend were suspended from school for  "inappropri-
ate use of electronics").  .  .  .  The town of St. Andrews,
Scotland,  erected a statue of its pet  stray  cat,  Hamish
McHamish. .  .  .  Anti-abortionist Laura Ingraham cited
the botched Oklahoma execution as an  example  of our
"culture of death." .  .  .  An anti-gay candidate for state
senator in North Carolina was revealed to be  a  former
female  impersonator. . . . A teacher in Calhoun County,
Illinois,  was  charged  with leaving a bomb threat in the
ladies'  room,  semiliterate to appear to have been writ-
ten by a student. . . . A man struck a cop car on I-285
in Dunwoody, Georgia, and, when asked for his driver
license, handed the officer a beer. . . . In the first May
Day parade in Moscow's Red Square since the Soviet
Union collapsed, marchers carried signs reading "Let's
go to Crimea for vacation." . . . Boo Boo, a baby bear
in a touring petting zoo,  bit 18 students at Washington
University in St. Louis, Missouri. . . . A thousand cans
of rotten herring exploded at a warehouse in Enaanger,
Sweden. . . .  A Newfoundland town's auction of a 25-
ton whale carcass on E-Bay got a bid of $2,000 before
it was canceled for violation of site rules. . . . Eight hun-
dred babies competed in an annual crying contest in Hi-
roshima, Japan (warning: this is not a "cute kittens" vid-
eo). .  .  .  A man and woman were arrested for having
sex on the front lawn of a Catholic church in Salt Lake
City,  Utah,  during a wedding.  . . .  A  British  woman
was arrested for being  too  loud  joining the "mile high
club" in a bathroom with a man she just met on  a  Vir-
gin Atlantic Airways flight  from  London to Las Vegas.
.  .  .  Police in Denver,  Colorado,  were searching for
the  thieves  of $12,000 worth of marijuana. .  .  .  Two
journalists on opposite sides of the war in Syria literally
turned the table over and went to blows on a  TV  talk
show in Jordan.  . . .  A man seeking a new mate on a
TV dating show in Turkey  admitted that he had murd-
ered his former wife and a former lover. . . . Hundreds
of fish fell from the sky  in Sri Lanka. . . .  "Noah" dis-
placed "Jacob" as the most popular baby boy name in
America  after a 14-year reign by Jacob  (Sophia was
the most popular baby girl name for the  third  straight
year. . . . Arizona outlawed "revenge porn." . . .  Lon-
don's Daily Mail apologized to J. K. Rowling. . . . An-
other human foot washed up on the waterfront  of Se-
attle, Washington.

A woman on trial in Tampa,  Florida,  for killing her two
children said she loved them until they were 6 years old
but they became "mean" and "sassy" when they reached
their teens – especially her 16-year-old daughter, whom
she called "mouthy."

I am a high school student.  Last year,  "Ellie" invited me to her
16th birthday party,  and after that we became inseparable best
friends. She was wonderful and supportive.

Lately we have grown more and more distant.  A few weeks a-
go, Ellie's family had a crisis, and we took up a collection. I did-
n't want Ellie to feel like a charity and wanted her to see that the
collection was due to compassion.  She  seemed  thankful,  but
now she spends time with other friends and rarely with me. She
says she is too busy to hang out and won't answer my texts. But
I see her Facebook posts, and she tags other friends. The funny
thing is,  when I tell her about things I've done with others,  she
becomes jealous.

How do I bring Ellie back?
                                                                     – Chicago Student

. . . Procol Harum challenged Boko Haram to a
soccer match  (nah,  we just made that up).

Len wrote Sun 4/27/14 @163:13 EDT:

Taking last week's Dear Eleanor topic to its logical conclusion . . . .

Ted Fiskevold wrote Sun 4/27/14 @15:19 CDT re last week's birthdays:

That’s good, calling Duane Eddy a singer.

No Googling:  His first wife also recorded on Jamie: What was her
name?  She later became an actual country singer and changed her
name?  What was her new name?   For extra points, what was her
second husband’s name?    And who is their late-in-life son who is
also a well-known musician/artist?

Not to mention "country."  We have no clues to your trivia questions with-
out Googling. We'll leave it to our readers.  – Editor


Publius Leget wrote Sun 4/27/14 @10:26 CDT re Lodi, Indiana:

"Stuck in Waterman again" just wouldn't make much of a hook for
a popular song, would it?

                                                                [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

        [courtesy Michiana Crime Stoppers]

South Bend's most wanted: Emily Weaver, WF, 5'6", 135 lbs, a/k/a Emily Schlemmer, forgery

And then there's "Carrollton  or  Finly"  (and that's ex-
actly what it says on the signs at the city limits on U.S.
Highway 52), in Hancock County.  Established as Kin-
der post office in 1847. Changed to Carrollton in 1869.
Called  Reedville  by the B&O Railroad,  which had a
station there. The post office, taken away in 1905, was
re-established as Finly in 1913,  for Congressman Finly
Gray.  Whether it's spelled  "Finly"  or "Finley"  on  the
state highway department road map depends on which
year's map you're looking at.  This is the town that was
immortalized as "The Little Town o' Tailholt" by James
Whitcomb Riley in his 1879 poem of that title.

And, guess what! There's another Carrollton, 65 miles
to the northwest, in southeastern Carroll County. And
there is a newer Kinder,  25 miles to the southwest, in
Johnson County (post office established 1886).  Rand
McNally's Road Atlas  and Family World Atlas  avoid
all this confusion by not listing Carrollton (either one)
or Finly (or Finley, or Kinder or Reedville or Tailholt)
at all. 

Baker and Carmony spell it "Finley" in their F listings
and both  "Finly"  and "Finley"  in their discussion of
Carrollton, in the C listings,  in Indiana Place Names
(and misspell the Congressman's name "Finley" Gray). 

Social studies teacher Elizabeth Alexander, 26, was arrested for kissing, groping and "sexting" a 15-year-old boy at Scott County High School in Georgetown (photo courtesy WFIE-TV Channel 14 Evansville, Indiana)

State Rep. Stan Lee of Lexington, emcee  at the Republicans'
Reagan Day dinner in Lexington,  again called Democrat U.S.
senator candidate Alice-in-Wonderland's Groin Alison Lund-
ergan Grimes an "empty dress." . . .

Lexington's most wanted: Shavanna Faulkner, BF, 25, 5'5", 138 lbs; Meganne Gravitt, WF, 32, 5'10", 175 lbs

                                                                                                                [courtesy Herald-Leader]

A Boone County deputy sheriff jumped on the hood of  a  car
leaving an outdoor party near Cincinnati and shot the 19-year-
old female driver to death through the windshield.

                                                    [courtesy Cincinnati Enquirer]

The men's varsity tennis program was discontinued at West-
ern Kentucky University for lack of funds. . . .

Rant Paul randed against the minimum wage in the West End
of Louisville.
                                                        [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"There is so much stupid packed into those words you'd need a chisel to
  get it all out."
                           – Leonard Pitts, Miami Herald columnist, regarding remarks by Cliven Bundy

"It's better to have nothing than to have something somebody else wants."
                                                                                                                            – Butch Carroll

"Billy Vincent for Edmonson County Sheriff – Honest, Hardworking,
 and Integrous."
                                                – political ad paid for by candidate

"It's better to have nothing than to have envy."
                                                                                – Leonard Simon

God Shammgod, 38
Penelope Cruz, 40
Ray Parker Jr., 60
Arnold George Dorsey ("Engelbert Humperdinck"), 78
Ron Popeil, 79

Little Walter (1930-1968)
Sonny James, 85
Mimi Farina (1955-2001)

A deputy sheriff in Knoxville,  Tennessee,  was  fired  after
strangling a student at a University of Tennessee house par-
ty, bringing the student to his knees. . . . Another 683 Mus-
lim Brotherhood supporters were sentenced to death in E-
gypt (most of whom were not in court). . . .An Italian man
was crushed by a falling piece of a 98-foot crucifix memo-
rial to Pope John Paul II in an Alpine village. . . .Lupita N-
yong'o  was  named the most beautiful person in the world
by People magazine.  . . .  A  teacher  in  Houston,  Texas,
was charged with a felony for performing a lap dance on a
15-year-old boy for his birthday  (in  the  classroom,  with
the other students for audience).  . . .  A British tourist was
arrested in Sri Lanka for a tattoo of the Buddha on her arm.
. . . A federal marshal shot and killed a defendant lunging at
a witness in a courtroom in Salt Lake City,  Utah. .  .  .  The
loser of a cop game  on  line  posed as the winner and dialed
911 to report that he had killed his mother, drawing helicop-
ters and a 60-officer  SWAT  team  to the winner's home on
Long Island, New York. . . . Art historians recovered a lost
collection of Andy Warhol paintings stored on 5.2-K flop-
py disks. . . . A man's TV, laptop, speakers and game con-
sole were confiscated in Strood, England, when he would-
n't quit playing Celine Dion's recording "My Heart Will Go
On" loud enough for all the neighbors to hear  (he was al-
lowed to keep his I-phone and MacBook).  . . . A KFC in
Manchester, England,  refused to serve a 13-year-old boy
because he was  "too  young." . . . The Toronto,  Canada,
public library was asked to removed the  Dr.  Seuss  book
Hop on Pop because it promoted violence against parents.
. . . The Budweiser blimp Red Zeppelin was lost in the Ca-
nadian  Maritimes. . . .  A man was arrested three times in
seven hours in Vienna,West Virginia – first for prescription
forgery, then twice for domestic violence. . . .A block-long
sinkhole swallowed six cars in Baltimore, Maryland.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, Raw Story, AP]

Yesterday's Kentucky Derby, for the first time,  was seen by every-
one at Churchill Downs – even the drunks in the infield – on a new
90-by-170-foot, 9-million-pixel Panasonic TV screen,  80  feet  off
the ground in the backfield,  and dwarfing even the Downs' famous
Twin Spires by 50 feet (it's also 30 per cent bigger than the huge vi-
deo screen  at the Dallas Cowboys' AT&T Stadium, where most of
the 80,000 fans would not have been able to see the  NCAA  Final
Four basketball tournament without it). . . .

The filly Rosie Napravnik rode the filly Untapable to victory in the
Kentucky Oaks the day before the Derby, for Rosie's second victo-
ry in three tries at the all-filly Oaks. . . .

A former "Buffalo Jills" cheerleader, one of five suing the National
Football League's Buffalo Bills,  described  a  "jiggle test" they had
to pass to be selected for game day appearances.

    

Donald Sterling, 80,  owner of the National Basketball Association's
Los Angeles Clippers, caught hell for asking his lady friend,  V. Stiv-
iano (left), 31, to quit publicizing her relationships with black basket-
ball stars,  including  Magic Johnson  (and Stiviano caught hell from
Sterling's wife, in a lawsuit).  Sterling, who was sued in 2003 for dis-
crimination in rentals of apartments he owned,  received  a  "lifetime
achievement award" from the National Association for the Advance-
ment of Colored People in 2009 and was to receive another this year
(it's about the money).   Questions:  1. What is Stiviano's "ethnicity"?
2.  What does the "V." stand for in  "V.  Stiviano"?  (Vanessa?  Vene-
ta?  Vaniquah?  Viva?  Vevetze? . . . .)

My husband was 20 years older. After his first heart attack the
meds made sex impossible.  I cried every day  for  three  years.
Then I started menopause and found that cuddling and hugging
brought us closer than ever.  I am now 53 and widowed,  and  I
have rediscovered sex.   I am seeing a man whose wife is going
through  menopause.   She has agreed to  an  open  marriage.  I
wish everyone would be so open.   It could ease a lot of suffer-
ing.
                                                                                       – Texas