fuddkain.jpg Comic lookalikes: Elmer Fudd, Tim Kaine

Etta Jane Darrig wrote Sun 10/23/16 @11:11 CDT re the
"Gospel according to Groad":

Does that mean that Jesus loves you but not everybody
loves you, or does it mean that Jesus does not love ev-
erybody but He loves you?

I'm a screamin' Baptist from Edmonson County,  Ken-
tucky, and I need to know!

Good question,  and it is that ambiguity, in part,  that makes it
funny,  is it not?

Here's a slight revision – the Gospel according to Courtney:

By  the  way,  are you any kin to our occasional correspondent Jane
Etta Darrig?    – Editor

jesluvu2.jpg Jesus Loves You – but not everything you do

Stephen Yates wrote Sun 10/23/16 @ 11:30 CDT:

Life Saver Dude should have said last week,  "Dude!  The
Cubs are going to the World Series!"

He missed the deadline.    – Editor

Students wore Confederate T-shirts, caps and flag capes to North
High School in Bloomington. . . .

hookhyat.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Daniel Hooker, WM, 6'1", 175 lbs, meth, coke, FTA; Jacklyn Bell, WF, 5'10", 75 lbs, meth, FTA; Berrien County, Michigan's: Mary Juanita Pallas, WF, sex offender failure to report; Jennifer C. Hyatt, WF, larceny in a building, contributing to delinquency of a minor (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

"Ballot  selfies"  are  legal  in Connecticut, Hawaii, Idaho, Indi-
ana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Monta-
na,  Nebraska, New Hampshire, North Dakota,  Oregon,  Rhode
Island,  Utah, Vermont,Virginia,Washington,Wyoming,  and  the
District of Columbia.
                                                      [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A woman went to sleep in a dumpster behind a hotel in Flor-
ence and woke up in a garbage truck in a Steak 'n' Shake par-
king lot.
                                                                        [courtesy Lex18]

A new dress code for state workers prohibits flip-flops and
exposed belly buttons.
                                        [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Doug Parker, 61, member of the Little Hope Missionary Bap-
tist Church, died.
                                                        [courtesy Edmonson News]

litlhop1.jpg Little Hope Cemetery, est. Dec. 7, 1889

This cemetery is near Castor,  Louisiana.    Here's  Mr.  Parker's  church:

NoHoCC01.jpg Little Hope Missionary Baptist Church, established 1842, rebuilt 1983

It's in Barren County,  on the road from Mammoth Cave National Park to Cave
City,  just three miles  east  of  Edmonson County.  The name plaque, blown up
in the inset but shown on the church facade just to the right of the portico, mea-
sures only about one foot by two  and makes one wonder how proud the parish-
ioners are. Or, as our editorial assistant, a screaming Baptist herself, said, "They
must not have said it out loud when they named it."

We found little hope also in Texas,  Alabama,  Mississippi  (Little Hope Primi-
tive Baptist) and Tennessee.  But most curiously of all, www.churchfinder.com
directed us to a Little Hope Baptist Church at 107 N. Dickerson St. in Park Ci-
ty,  Kentucky  (also in Barren County).  We did not find it.   Nor did anyone at
the Pick 'n' Grin Parlor, in the center of town,  know where it was.  But we did
find  Dickerson Street,  and the photo below depicts the only church we found
in the 100 block of North Dickerson, or anywhere on Dickerson Street.

Parkbapt.jpg Park City Baptist Church;Dickeerson St.

Biggest church in town.  But it faces 2nd Street (Park City's main street), not
Dickerson.   We found a mail box with the number "107" in the 300 block of
Dickerson Street,  but it was in an entirely residential neighborhood.

Dickerson Street itself  was not that easy to find  (no one at the Pick 'n' Grin
seemed to  know  where  it  was,  but it's just a couple of blocks north of the
Pick 'n' Grin.

While we have no Little Hope church or cemetery here in Edmonson Coun-
ty, we do have a New Hope and New Home Baptist churches.

All of which prompts our new reader participation exercise: Name that church,
rename that church.

janeyare.jpg   Lexington's most wanted: Jane Elshawa, WF, 38, 5'9", 215 lbs, robbery; Marquess Smith, BM, 19, 5'6", 125 lbs, assault, robbery and murder; Yarelis Rios, a/k/a Yareals Rojas, HF, 30, 5'0", 140 lbs, theft, impersonating a police officer (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "I've groped a few gals, until they say stop again." – Leonard Simon

New "smart phone" "apps" will:

Analyze your tongue-kissing quality –
Alert you when your fly is open –
Turn a refrigerator into a stereo and a photo album –
Tell you what's playing on the radio when the disk jockey won't –
Tell you when you're thirsty –
Indicate male-female ratios at local bars – and
Check mattress contours (to let you know if your spouse had
    someone else in bed with her/him while you were away).

                                                        [courtesy Chuck Shepherd, News of the Weird]

Hundreds of women in yoga pants marched past the home of a
man  in Barrington,  Rhode  Island,  who had written a letter to
the editor of the Barrington Times urging women  not  to  wear
yoga pants in public. . . A guard was killed,  and  174  inmates
fled a prison in Haiti. . . . Britney Spears had a wardrobe mal-
function on stage in Vegas. . . . A  man  in  Fresno,  California,
was sentenced to 1,503 years in prison for raping his teen-age
daughter over a period of four years,  and a man  in  Glasgow,
Montana,  got 60 days in jail  (with credit for 17 days already
served)  for repeatedly raping his 12-year-old daughter  (plus
a 30-year "suspended" prison sentence).  . . .  A  couple  at  a
Cracker Barrel restaurant in Greenville,  South Carolina,  left
their waitress a note telling  her  "The woman's place is in the
home" in lieu of a tip. . . . Pedals, the beloved black bear who
walked the roads of Rockaway Township, New Jersey,  on his
hind legs,  was killed by a hunter.  . . .  A woman drew phallic
symbols with peanut butter on cars  outside a gathering in Am-
herst,Wisconsin, in the mistaken belief it was a Donald Trump
rally.
                                                              [courtesy Harper's, AP]

diankail.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Diana D. Allen, WF, a/k/a Patience Martinez, 37, 5'8", 150 lbs, criminal deprivation of motor vehicle, domestic battery; Devin C. Jurado-Boyer, WM, 23, 5'9", 170 lbs, criminal trespassing; Robert L. Morgan, WM, 65, 5'5", 135 lbs, miscellaneous housing violations, no idea who Willie Nelson is; Kailie L. Wells, WF, 27, a/k/a Kayla Wells, 5'0", 130 lbs, escape from work release (City of Wichita)

Quotation of the century:  "Who stinks now?"  – Billy "Goat" Sianis in a telegram to Chicago Cubs
owner P. K. Wrigley after the Cubs lost the 1945 World Series to the Detroit Tigers.

I have been with the same guy for six years,  married for
one.  He has two sons from a previous marriage, and she
is not in the picture.  If it is relevant, I'm a male, too. My
husband has asked me  if I could accept his moving into
his own apartment for a year because he has never been
on his own.

He says he doesn't want us to break up, just live apart for
a while.  The boys would stay with me in our home,  and
he would take them to  spend  the  night  every  so  often.
We would also have a weekly date night just to keep our
relationship  "on  track."   He married his ex right out of
high school, and they had children right away; so he real-
ly hasn't ever been on his own.

I have not given a response other than asking a few ques-
tions. Truthfully the idea makes me mad as hell and I just
want to tell him to leave if you want  and take your damn
brats with you!  Then I calm down and realize I can't live
without him and the boys.  Or  maybe  I can.  I feel this is
unbelievably  selfish  of  him,  but  I  kind  of  understand.
But the boys have already been abandoned by their moth-
er;  how would this plan affect them?  I  am  so  confused,
and hurt.  Help!
                                                    Marriage Possibly Ending

lifesv11.jpg Life Saver Dude: Dude, you be one bad-ass bear!

kainfran.jpg Celebrity doltalikes: Tim Kaine, Democratic nominee for Vice Presdient; Terry Francona, manager, Cleveland Indians

     

kissbaby.jpg Little girl cringes as Trump tries to kiss her at rally (Frisky)

allendes.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Allen Ecker, WM, 5'1", 165 lbs, theft, probation violation; Kelly O'Banion, WF, 5'6", 120 lbs, possession of a legend drug; Deshone Chester, BM, 5'10", 170 lbs, domestic battery; Kirsten Baughman, WF, a/k/a Kirsten Kraus, 5' 3", 170 lbs, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Thousands of voter registration records were found to be in-
correct, with wrong birth dates, wrong first names, etc. – but
election officials said there was no great cause for alarm. . . .

A herd of 23 bison from South Dakota were released in the
Kankakee Sands prairie preserve in Newton County. . . .

Wind energy farms in central Indiana turned  their  turbines
down to protect migrating bats. . . .

Counterfeit Adidas, Nike and other items were seized with
a search warrant from booths at the Covered Bridge Festi-
val in Parke County. . . .

Unsold pumpkins were being fed to the wolves in Tippeca-
noe County. . . .

"KKK" was spray-painted on seven Democratic Party yard
signs in Kokomo.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A high temperature of 87° on Tuesday, October 18, set a rec-
ord in Louisville (the old record of 86° was set in 1906).

                                                     [courtesy Courier-Journal]

A Lexington gasoline station was held up by a creepy clown.

                                                                      [courtesy Lex18]

fryetayl.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Tonya S. Frye, WF, 23, 5'4", 135 lbs, receiving stolen property; Larry C. Blanken, WM, 60, 5'10", 200 lbs, possession of matter portraying a minor in a sexual performance; Decarol Jones, BF, 34, 5'2", 120 lbs, felony probation violation (multiple warrants), Ebonic first name (been here before); Eugene Dyer, WM, 26, 5'10", 155 lbs, burglary; Tayler Courtney, WF, 32, 5'9", 120 lbs, manufacturing methamphetamine, misspelt white first name (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Self-driving vehicles?  We had those years ago.  They were   called 'horses'." – Leonard Simon

 

sweebeer3.jpg one sip of our chocolate peanut butter porter and you'll be sayin' Sweet Baby Jesus!

socoraut.gif Socorro Canas, a/k/a Ana Canas, WF, 24, 5'3", 125 lbs, brawling, fighting, disorderly conduct, rude manner; Raymond J. Weaver, BM, 27, a/k/a Jordan W. Raymond, 6'3", 230 lbs, domestic battery, prevent domestic witness from making a report, marijuana, hallucinogenics, BAD BOY; Autumn L. O'Conner, a/k/a Summer Mills, WF, 5'3", 150 lbs, possession of drug paraphernalia, petty theft (City of Wichita)

A woman scaling down a skyscraper from a 14th floor balcony to es-
cape her "Tinder" date fell to her death in Sydney,  Australia.  . . .  A
hospital birth bill to a couple in Utah included a  $39.35  charge  for
"skin to skin" – i.e.,  the mother's holding her baby immediately after
delivery. . . . A Newfoundland motorist hit a moose while looking a-
cross the highway at the wreckage of a vehicle  that  had hit a moose.
.  .  .  A 24-year-old woman asked her father for a ride to a job inter-
view at a bank in Fort Lauderdale,  Florida,  which she then robbed.

                                                                        [courtesy Harper's, AP]

     

jarrchak.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Jarrod Fitzgerald Guidry Jr., BM, assault with intent to murder, carrying a concealed weapon, felon with firearm, absconding probation; Chakari Jenela Palmore, BF, uttering & publishing; Yusef Lateef Phillips Jr., BM, assault with a dangerous weapon, carrying a concealed weapon, felon with firearm (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

  

The Gospel according to Groad (as interpreted by Malachi)

jesluvsu.jpg Jesus loves you (but not everybody)

My daughter and I have not spoken in over 12 years.  I
am now getting up in age  (82),  and  I don't know what
to do to even say hello to her.     She's told me over and
over that she does not love me  or  want anything to do
with me.  But she is my daughter, and I still love her.

My grandson, her son. got married last year, and I was
not invited to the wedding.   My grandson and I stay in
touch,  but I don't want him to get in the middle of this,
nor do I want my two sons to get involved.  They don't
like their sister much.   My daughters-in-law have tried
to be her friends with her,  but  she  will  not  call them,
either.

We were never really that close even though I've tried
in the past to be there for her.  She's strong-willed and
feels she  doesn't  need  anybody  but her husband, her
son and now her daughter-in-law in her life.  This  is  a
real shame. I don't know how many more years I have,
and  I just want to let her know I've always  loved  her.
Friends have told me to move on and know that I have
done everything one can do. All these years,  I've been
deeply depressed because of this.  What can I do?

                                                                    Missing Her

The Cleveland Indians,  who have not won a World Series since 1948,  will be
host to the Chicago Cubs, who have not even been to a World Series since 19-
45  (the Indians got there in 1954, 1995 and 1997;  the Cubs last won a World
Series in 1908) in the first game of major league baseball's championship  at 8
p.m. Tuesday (EDT) .

And, unlike the "playoffs," the "World" Series will be on TV – the Fox TV net-
work, not one of Fox's cable/satellite stations. . . .

 
                                           NFL cheerleaders

chilfare.jpg witch to waiter: May I see the children's menu?

skagtrum.jpg Muical lookalikes: Ricky Skaggs, Donald Trump

Howard DeFerrari wrote Sun 10/9/16 @19:49 CDT:

Vladimir Putin looks good for 84.  Hope I look
as good at that age.  You put us both to shame.

That's 64!  Typo.    – Editor


Jane Etta Darrig wrote Sun 10/9/1 @11:09 CDT:
from Edmonson County, Kentucky:

$12 a month would be well spent to stop your
dumb news from Kentucky.

    
Nicolle R. Olmstead, WF, 33, 5' 8", 150 lbs.,  has been re-
ported wandering the streets of Columbus bumming rides
by  jumping  into  vehicles.  She was recently jailed on  a
charge of obstructing  traffic by such behavior,  and  was
reported seen around the town of North Vernon. . . .

A Fort Wayne woman named Amber, who abducted her two
children,  aged 6 and 7,  said she killed them to protect them
after an "Amber Alert" was issued for them.

The NRA and PETA were at war over a referendum to estab-
lish a constitutional right to hunt.

                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

nicolleo.jpg Police search for missing Columbus woman

beheytkl.jpg Most wanted in "Michiana": Laporte, Ind.: Gabriel Beheyt, WM, 6'1", 165 lbs, burglary (reported wanted in South Bend, Ind., two weeks ago, for disorderly conduct); Berrien County, Mich.: Derando Deyontay-Jimmy Miles, BM, fleeing a police officer in a vehicle; Berrien County, Mich.: Tyrone Allen Jr., BM, absconding parole, tampering with an electronic monitoring device; South Bend, Ind.: Joseph Kline, WM, 6'0", 245 lbs, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Fulton, the largest city in Fulton County, Kentucky  (but not
the county seat – Hickman is, and Clinton is the county seat
of the adjacent  Hickman  County  –  Albany  is  the  county
seat of  Clinton  County,  some 200 miles east of Fulton and
Hickman counties),  home  of  our occasional correspondent
John M. Greer,  is adjacent to,  and just north of,  South Ful-
ton, Tennessee.   Running  parallel  to 2nd and 3rd streets in
Fulton, Kentucky,  and between them,  is Green Street;  and
so:   The block north of 1st Street  is the "100 block" of Ed-
dings Street and Carr Street, to the east (named for Fulton's
most famous  early  citizen,  Benjamin Franklin Carr),  with
addresses of 100,  101,  etc.,  and  the  block  north  of  2nd
Street is the  "200 block,"  with addresses of 200, 201,  etc.;
but, the block north of Green Street is the "300 block," with
addresses of 300, 301 etc., and the block north of 3rd Street
is the 400 block, with addresses of 400, 401, etc. (Mr. Greer
lives just north of  3rd  Street,  at  405  Eddings  Street);  the
block north of 4th Street is the 500 block, etc.

"My kids are in a better place.  They don't have no worries no more."

                                                                        – Amber Pasztor, murderer of two of her own children

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "How can there not be a Big Foot?  I just saw a Big Foot expert on the   Finding Big Foot series on cable TV." ` – Leonard Simon

                                                                                   

"Swipe&Feed" enables a mother to hold her baby
 and her "smart phone" at the same time.

 

strumpos.jpg Here: See all the women in the Donald's life assume their defensive stances

Melania Trump wore a shirt marketed as a "pussy bow" to last Sun-
day's presidential debate. . . . Vladimir Putin won the first Venezu-
elan Peace Prize. .  .  . ISIS issued a fatwa prohibiting  indoor  cat
breeding in Mosul, Iraq. . . .Transparent glass toilet cubicles made
their debut in Shiyan Lake Ecology Park in China. . . . A sinkhole
swallowed a public toilet in Virginia. . . . Eight  snakes  engaged in
an orgy in a back yard pool in Australia.  . . .  A Dutch tourist was
sentenced to three months at hard labor  in  Myanmar  for unplug-
ging an amplifier broadcasting Buddhist chants  that were disrupt-
ing his sleep. .  .  . Nine Australian men were arrested in Malaysia
for stripping down to underpants resembling  the  Malaysian  flag.
. . . Surgeons removed a 6-inch hairball from the stomach of a 38-
year-old woman with "Rapunzel syndrome" in Arizona. . . . A sur-
vivor of both world wars celebrated his bar mitzvah in Israel at the
age of 113.  . . . Three airlines added "fire containment bags" for o-
verheating cell phones  –  but a day later,  the Federal Aviation Ad-
ministration banned all Samsung Galaxy Note 7 "smart phones" on
all flights "to, from, or within the United States."

                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, AP]

Merchants and officials in South Bend, Indiana, were concerned
that the University of Notre Dames football team's losing record
(2-5 after last night's loss to Stanford) might put a big dent in the
city's economy.

Huh?  Wha'?  I don't get it.  Why did you tell the gossip-
plagued stepdaughter her river needs a dam?
                                                                         Fred Dean

:

Bourbon was bottled in Bloomington. . . .

The Columbus City Council approved an ordinance allow-
ing citizens to keep as many as four chickens in their back
yards.
                                           [courtesy Columbus Republic]

stormipa.jpg Stormi Thompson, BM, 6'1", 145 lbs, burglary; Paige Bultinck, WF, 5'5", 150 lbs, theft, possession of cocaine; Cassie McEndarfer, WF, 5'4", 105 lbs, coke; Tamekia Burks, BF, 5'5", 180 lbs, kidnapping; David Garab, WM, 6'0", 155 lbs, theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

 

ngtray.jpg Bobby Singleton, Tracy White

Bobby Singleton, 79, and Tracy White, 43, who live togeth-
er in Clark County, set at each other with fire pokers  in  an
argument over whether to have sex  (both were arrested for
assault).
                      [courtesy Kyle White, Kentucky Sports Radio]

A cross was burned in the front yard of Tawaka Harris,  a
black woman living in a trailer park in Owensboro.

                                                                  [courtesy Lex18]



  Dan Johnson, left, bishop of the Heart of Fire Church in
  Louisville and candidate for state representative,  poses
  with friends for a Clutterbook Facebook photo.    Other
  Clutterbook  messages  he  has  posted  include   "Allah
  sucks.   Mohammed sucks.   Islam  sucks.   Any of  you
  Hadjis have an issue with me saying this, IM me and I'll
  gladly give you my address.   You  can  come  visit  me,
  where I promise I  will  KILL YOU  in my front yard!!"
  and a photo of himself, his white wife and his two white
  children labeled "The only race you can legally discrim-
  inate against!"

Read more here: http://www.kentucky.com/news/politics-government/article105142071.html#storylink=cpy

                                  [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

The Lexington Herald-Leader now wants us to pay it $143-
.88 a year for a subscription to get  anything  from its web
site; so we no longer have free access to Lexington's most
wanted.    And,  so,  we move from Fayette County,  Ken-
tucky,  to Fayette County,  Iowa,  to bring you:

   

scotrach.jpg Wanted in West Union, Iowa: Scot Alan Boice, WM, 52, 5'11", 180 lbs, failure to serve jail time; Rachel Cowen, WF, 55, 5'3", 115 lbs, assault; Eric McGrane, WM, 47, 5'6", 145 lbs, DWI, probation violation (Fayette County, Iowa, Sheriff)

And, therefore, there may be no dumb news from Kentucky here for
a while, but you can still sure get it for $12 a month.    – Editor

The Prescription Shop, a drugstore in Brownsville, went out of busi-
ness and held a "going out of business" sale  (and, all junkies attend-
ed).
                                                                      [courtesy Strange Times]

   

bronclon.jpg Even the tiny little Brownstown has creepy clowns (this is a "meme" on line; photographer unknown)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "For the love of Pete and all things holy,  we watched Tommy  James do 'Crimson and Clover' over and over on Ed Sullivan.  Rita!  Is nothing sacred?" – Leonard Simon

California doctors were using twisted logic  to justify
their obfuscation of death certificates to protect hos-
pitals infecting patients with a "superbug." . . . Lind-
say Lohan lost half her ring finger  trying  to  anchor
a boat, but it was surgically reattached (the half-fing-
er, not the boat). . . . Hackers played a pornographic
film on a billboard in Djakarta.  . . .  A gang of child-
ren aged 4 to 8 trashed a church in  Western  Austra-
lia. . . . Forty-six cows escaped from a farm and ate
themselves to death on high energy foods  at a store
in France (beef – it's what's for dinner). . . .  A 68-
year-old  Florida  millionaire  discovered  that  his
24-year-old wife was his granddaughter. . . . Street
lights were turned off in Reykjavik, Iceland,  to im-
prove the view of the Northern Lights. . . . Playboy
magazine replaced its playmate of the month with a
Libyan-American Muslim woman in  a  hijab,  who
didn't take off even a sock.

                          [courtesy Harper's, the Frisky, AP]

This is the "Buck-Off," said to be the "first sex toy for
transgender men."  You can read about it here.  (We-
're so confused!   We  thought  a  "transgender  man"
was a man who wanted to be a woman, but the arti-
cle  seems  to say  it's  the  opposite – a "woman be-
coming a man."  We need not only more detailed ID
cards but also clearer concepts and terminology.  –
Editor, Tabloid Headlines)
                                                    [courtesy the Frisky]

The National Collegiate Athletic Association reloca-
ted a 2017 subregional basketball  tournament  from
Greensboro,  North  Carolina,  to  Greenville,  South
Carolina,  in protest of North Carolina's law restrict-
ing trans bathroom rights. . . .

The "wild card" games and divisional Major League
baseball playoffs were/are not on TV.

I recently went on vacation with my mom, stepdad
and brothers.  We went to the river where my step-
dad has been going for about 30 years.    Everyone
else in the community has been going there  just as
long.    My mom and stepdad met each other while
they were married (to other people)  and, well, you
can put the rest together.  Many   families  have  ta-
ken sides; so being the daughter, I'm no stranger to
the weird vibes in these social situations.

Upon meeting the rivergoers I quickly realized that
some of them were on my stepdad's ex-wife's side.
How did I know?   They avoided talking to us and
didn't invite us to partake in group watersport acti-
vities.  In one case,  after I introduced myself,  the
woman looked at me,  scoffed,  and walked away.

This isn't something I take personally.  The situation
has nothing to do with me,  and the affair happened
six years ago. If they're getting hung up about some-
thing that's not even their business, that's their prob-
lem.  But  I  never  know  whether I should stand up
for myself,  kill them with  kindness,  or  just  ignore
them.  What do you think?
                                                Boating with Baggage

lifesv07.jpg Life Saver Dude: Dude! that's a feliny! (to mug shot of cat holding blotter: I sold the dog on Craigslist TWICE! Stripey Malone 48905)

Ass High Bay LED lights, cut 3 per cent of its work force.  .  .  .

bigassfn.jpg Big Ass Solutions of Lexington, maker of Big Ass Fans and Big Ass High Bay LED lights, cut 3 per cent of its work force

Lexington has a dancing traffic cop. . . .

Two day care workers in Lexington were investigated for play-
ing "smack for a snack,"  in which children had to line up  and
allow themselves to be swatted on the legs or the hand  to  get
yogurt. . . .

A  Creepy  Clown  was arrested in Middlesboro for wearing a
mask  in  public  (you can see his mug shot in costume  at this
link, and here's a photo of the whole clown being busted, pub-
lished by the BBC).
                                              [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

theldion.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Thelma Slone, WF, 39, 5'4", 170 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, failure to comply with sex offender registration (she was here earlier this year); Banks Hotchkiss, WM, 25, 5'5", 120 lbs, Thelma's boy friend; Shalanda Vinegar, BF, 31, Banks' girl friend; Stephanie Dampier, WF, 46, 5'4", 153 lbs, Thelma's girl friend; Dionne Hayes, BM, 36, 5'9", 170 lbs, Banks' boy friend (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

" . . . Whether it be your significant other, your father, or mother, grandfather, grandmother,
whomever . . . ."
                                    – Brett Barry, on public radio's "Sound Beat"

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Beer is not a drink; it's a kidney flush." – Leonard Simon

Brangelina was split up at Madame Tussaud's wax museum
in London. . . . National Public Radio quit taking comments
on its news articles on line and directed listeners to Twad-
dle Twitter and Clutterbook Facebook. . . .  Number of bug
requests submitted to the U.S. Foreign Intelligence Surveil-
lance Court last year: 1,457.  Number denied: 0.   Per cent
of  Americans  who have used ride-hailing apps like Uber
and Lyft:  18.  Per cent who have never heard of them:  33.
. . . An Italian convicted of patronizing a 15-year-old pros-
titute was ordered by the judge to buy her  30 books  cele-
brating the dignity of women, including The Diary of Anne
Frank and a collection of poems by Emily Dickinson. . . .
Anthony  Weiner  was accused of "sexting"  a 15-year-old
girl. . . . Creepy  Clowns  were arrested in Kentucky, Ala-
bama and Tennessee and were sighted in Maryland, Geor-
gia, North Carolina and Pennsylvania. . . . A  Crime Stop-
pers chapter president  in Windsor,  Ontario,  was  busted
for trafficking in marijuana. . . . A farmer in Cumbria, En-
gland, branded his sheep by painting them all  orange. . . .
The city council of Kenai, Alaska, will vote October 5 on
a proposed ordinance to require cats to be leashed. . . .  A
study at Duke University concluded  that  men  are  more
likely to believe in God immediately after having sex. . . .
Offers of a handshake and a "high five" by the Canadian
Prime Minister,  Justin Trudeau,  were rejected by Prince
George,  3,  on His Little Highness' arrival in British Col-
umbia.
                                                    [courtesy Harper's, AP]

Kentucky sportswriter Barry Wood suggested the following
revision of the Major League baseball playoff system:   Un-
less there is a team with a better record  than any of the di-
vision winners,  there  should  be  no  "wild  card"  invitees.
For  example,  as  of  this  morning  in the National League,
the Chicago Cubs led the Central Division  with 102 victo-
ries,  17½  games ahead of the second-place St. Louis Car-
dinals, who have won 85 games; the Washington Nationals
led the East with 94 wins,  7 games ahead of the New York
Mets, who have  won 87, and the Los Angeles Dodgers led
the West with 91 wins,  5 games ahead of the San Francisco
Giants, who have won 86.  None of the second-place teams
was  even  close  to  the division winner with the third best
record.  No  wild  card.  The Mets and the Nats should play
it off for the chance to play the Cubs  in  the  league cham-
pionship series.

In the American League,  it was the Texas Rangers leading
the West with 95 wins,  9 games ahead of the Seattle Mari-
ners, who have won 86; the Cleveland Indians led the Cen-
tral with 93 wins, 7 games ahead of the Detroit Tigers, who
have won 86; and the Boston Red Sox led the East with 93
wins,  5 games ahead of the Toronto Blue Jays and the Bal-
timore Orioles, each with 88 wins.  No wild card.  The Indi-
ans and the Red Sox can play off  to play the Rangers.  (If
two or more teams tied for the best record, you could seed
the three either by their margins of victory in their divisions
or by their records against one another.)

Then on to the World Series.  Or,  Barry says,  if you must
let crybabies into the playoffs, let 'em all in:  Do it like the
Kentucky high school basketball tournament:   Put  all  15
teams in each league in a  single  elimination  tournament;
give the team with the best record a bye in the first round.
Seed the rest of the draw  or  not.   Better,  not.  Make the
draw random, and let 'em weep (sob, wail).

I am an African-American woman and I have a 6-year-old
son by a Mexican.  The boy is my pride and joy and looks
exactly like me except for his fair skin.  Whenever I leave
the house with him,  strangers seem to feel the need to ask
me rude questions,  like,  "Are you baby-sitting that sweet
little fella?"  Even those who assume  it's  my  child  have
the nerve to ask about the father's ethnicity.  What should I
say?
                                                         Color Blind in Texas

lifesv10.jpg Life Saver Dude scowls at two-headed 2016 election Creepy Clown