:

Malachi Dean wrote Sun 10/24/21  at 10:10 CDT:

A correction:  Tom Petty's years were 1950-2017, not 1950-1917.

Tested positive, 1,022,202; died, 16,683.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A 69-year-old woman in the Grant County town Matthews was
killed by a pit bull dog  after she fell to the floor holding her 3-
year-old granddaughter.
                                                        [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

enriquem.jpg South Bend's most wanted:  Enrique Mendoza, HM, 5'9", 190 lbs, stalking, dom. battery, resisting, FTA; Jimmie Hughes, BM, 5'2", 125 lbs, domestic battery, FTA; Daejha Jones, BF, 5'2", 115 lbs, domestic bat. w/deadly weapon, FTA; Nicholas Lee, BM, 5'6", 160 lbs, battery w/deadly weap.; Steven Parker, WM, 5'8", 145 lbs, probation violation (robberyI) (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

Greensburg, population 12,000, was offering "remote" workers
$7,000 plus up to $5,000 in moving expenses and "grandparent
service" to move there.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Tested positive, 748,786; died, 9,852.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]
               
Sexy photos emerged from a "man pageant" held in connection with
homecoming at Hazard High School. . . .

A $1,000 reward was offered for return of a baby kangaroo named
Scooby-Doo kidnapped from a Laurel County farm  and  for infor-
mation on the roonapper.
                                                                                [courtesy LEX18]

rileyjas.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Jason Wayne Riley, WM, 42, 5'11", 150 lbs, parole viol. (absconding supervision) (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Recently Jim Logsdon, whom I call Big Sexy, said, 'Wheat,       your ex-wife,  Sue,  is still a good looking woman.'   Never       having experienced inferiority or jealousy, I replied,  'She's       no Wheatley'."                                                                          – Leonard Simon

kaleokal.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Kaleokalani Charro Bush, Pacific male, 49, 6', 210 lbs, injury to a child; Emmanuel Jermaine Ramson, BM, 35, 5'7", 175 lbs, inj. to chil., elderly, burg.; Tina Nicole Wellmaker, WF, 41, 5'3", 125 lbs, meth in jail; Alexis Palacios Lopez, HM, 35, 250 lbs, robbery, injury to a  child; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jaylyn Javania Williams, BF, 19, 5'9", 130 lbs, prob. viol. (theft) (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)

Lions  tested  positive  at zoos in Utah and Colorado. . . . Ask  Delphi,  an ar-
tificial intelligence bot developed to offer ethical advice  with the imprimatur
of machine learning,  made pronouncements  such  as  "Being a white man is
more morally acceptable than being a black woman"  and  approved  of  Elon
Musk’s painting his face on the moon if it made him happy. .  .  . It was repor-
ted that at least  nine  other  missing  bodies  were discovered during the two-
month search for Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie. . . . The judge in the Kyle
Rittenhouse murder case in Madison, Wisconsin, ruled that the two men shot
to death could not be referred to in the trial  as  "victims"  but could be called
"looters" or "rioters." . . . Merriam-Webster added 455 words to its dictionary
on line. . . . Clutterbook  Facebook  changed its name to  Mega Clutter  Meta-
verse.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

rugambwa.jpg Locked-up-in-San-Angelo (by-the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Sylvester Rugambwa, 52, susp. lic.; Julie Coulston, 28, FTA; Layla Reese, 25, theft, evading; Dustin Teague, 25, mobery; Lucy Rivas, 40, theft; Tejo-TejoYessica, 27, no seat belt; Amy Imenez, 41, marijuana; Carbajal Mariesol, 29, mobery

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Norah O'Donnell.

Atlanta Braves pitcher Ian Anderson, with a no-hitter and
a 1-0 lead through five innings of game 3 of the World Se-
ries against the Houston Astros, was taken out for a pinch -
hitter who failed (the Braves won anyway, 2-0). . . .

Former  Green Bay Packers  quarterback  Bret  Favre  re-
paid $600,000 in Mississippi welfare money he was paid
for speeches he didn't show up for. . . .

Four high school girl volleballers, aged 18 and 17,  were
charged with felony indecency in stripping a 14-year-old
teammate on a bus in Milam County,  Texas, in what was
said to be an annual tradition.

lifebigf.jpg This is why there are no new Bigfoot sightings Life Saver Dude: Duh

Stephen Yates wrote Weds 10/17/21  at 17:36 CDT:

Renée Denney wrote Weds 10/17/21 @19:29 CDT:

Ahhh!  'Tis true!  Nothing comes between a Scot and his kilt!  Slàinte!

Tested positive, 1,011,223; died, 16,470.
                                                                  [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Maura Sparks, a Marion County girl allowed to join the Boy
Scouts at age 15 two years ago, became an Eagle Scout.

                                                    [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg  took  paternity
leave after  he and his "husband" adopted girl and boy twins.

                                                              [courtesy USA Today]

jazminjo.jpg Wanted in Tippecanoe County: Heng Lu, age, sex & ethnicity unknown, mutilating a cat; Jazmin Johnae Miller, BF, 29, 5'7", 140 lbs, rearrest; Jurvais Laquest Gadberry, BM, 34, parole viol. (attmp. murder); Crystal Marie Niewes, WF, 5'8", 160 lbs,escape, welfare fraud; Johnny Ray Trombley, WM, 28, 5'9", 180 lbs, rearrest (Google)

Tested positive, 740,285; died, 9,663.
                                                                                            [courtesy N.Y. Times]

murillor.jpg Covington's most wanted (all "armed & dangerous"): Martin Murillo-Rodriguez, HM, 42, 5'7", 200 lbs, a/ik/a "[several]", assault 1°, felon with handgun; Lakisha Bandy, BF, 29, 5'4", 150 lbs, family assault 2°; Jovaun McCrary, BM, 28, 5'8", 180 lbs, burglary 1°; Robert Haynes, a/k/a Teddy Smith, WM, 33, 6'0", 165 lbs, robbery 1°, burglary 1° (River City News)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a   hood or a tailgate."                                                          – Leonard Simon

Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
                                                            39A: 
                                                                                  Answer:  HEH  

Ratio of residents to public bathrooms in New York City: 7,358 to 1. . . .
In Singapore:  197 to 1. . . . Percentage changed in the number of babies
named  Alexa  since  the introduction of Amazon.com's electronic assis-
tant:  -79.  . . .  Minimum number of children already named Alexa who
have legally changed their names:  4. . . . Kanye West trimmed his name
to Ye. . . .  Dr. Rachel Levine was sworn in as the first U.S. openly trans-
gender four-star admiral..  . . A burglar in India left a note inside a home
asking why the door was locked when there was no money inside.. . .Co-
lorado park workers removed a tire that had collared a 600-pound elk for
more than two years. . . . After years of wondering about the use of "slut"
on the last page of John Steinbeck's handwritten  Grapes of Wrath manu-
script, scholars were informed that it means "the end" in Swedish. . . .  A
co-ed died in a hot dog eating contest at  Tufts  University  in Massachus-
etts.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

shaudrik.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Shaudriek Maraude Criner, BM, 25, 6'2", 170 lbs, felon w/a firearm; Ezekiel Guadalupe Chavez, HM, 25, 5'6", 135 lbs, aggr. domesticbattery; Virginia Lynn Sheldon, W, "sex (select one)", 36, 5'3", 160 lbs (flattering photo not available), probation violation (opiates); Billy E. Jones, WM, 35, 5'10", 265 lbs, aggravated battery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

gonzalor.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Gonzalo Ramirez, 32, DUI; Gabriela Ornelas, 19, family assault; Wendy Ward, 40, mj; Cindy Martinez, 32, interf.; Stephanie Sanchez, 42, intox.; Kaylee Pickens, 23, mj; Julia Sosa, 20, intox.; Daniel Ford, 36, marijuana

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include the supervisor.

After beating the University of Iowa, ranked No. 2
in the nation,  24-7 in football,  Purdue  University
(4-2) tweeted, "We just beat the No. 2 out of Iowa."

lifesnot.jpg What do you get when you pick a pig's nose? Ham boogers Life Saver Dude: I know, I know, snot funny

                                                                        [courtesy In Touch Weekly]

Anthony Dean voted in last week's poll 10/10/21 @11:02 CDT:

Facebook should be required to generate  unbiased  newsfeeds.
It's OK to include posts that are untrue or infuriating, but there
is no excuse to prioritize them. If it wants to do that, Facebook
should change its name to "Hatebook."

It's a case of truth in advertising.  Facebook  pretends  to  be  a
medium in which everyone can participate; yet it favors people
who just want to make everyone angry.

But . . . but . . . what about freedom of speech?    – Editor

Jonell Carder wrote Fri 10/15/21 @11:20 CDT:

An'  they think they're doin' it right.

J. Rothgar Hemingway wrote Sun 10/10/21 @10:22 EDT:

Wouldn't a more appropriate answer to last week's crossword
puzzle clue have been ESPAÑOLS?

Tested positive, 999,870; died, 16,245.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Kokomo High School students and their parents were protest-
ing a dress code.  One girl was removed from class once for a
hole in her trousers near the knee  and once for a bra strap ex-
posed by book bag weight.
                                                       [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]

                                                   

rushvill.jpg Wanted in Rushville: James Michael James Allen. WM, 6', 140 lbs (Greensburg Daily News]

davoncoo.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Keirsten Woodward, WF, 5'10", 300" lbs (Yorkshire hog): theft; Keosha Bellman, BF, 5'7", 200 lbs  (Yorkshire hog), battery of an officer by bodily waste; James Brown,WM, 6'2", 230 lbs, parole viol. (child molesting); Shayla Sink, WF, 5'4", 110 lbs, welfaare fraud; Davon Cooper, BM, 6'1", 210 lbs, identity decept.(Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)

Tested positive, 729,974; died, 9,376.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

The nonunion driver of a Heaven Hill distillery truck in Bardstown
flipped it when he took his hands off the wheel  to make a threaten-
ing gesture to striking distillery workers.

                                             [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Police  found  sufficient evidence on a Bowling Green man's Slap-
crap Snapchat account to arrest him for rape.

                                                       [courtesy Park City Daily News]
                   

testermi.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Michael Tester, WM, 29, 6'3", 300 lbs, persistent felony offender (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to have sex with   me, Amy."                                                                        – Leonard Simon

damienle.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Irsvin Alan Rodriguez, HM, 27, tattoo on left arm, property dam.; Damien Lee Mote,WM, 27, 5'7", 125 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. dom. bat.); Victor Nathario Walker, BM, 30, 6'1", 265 lbs, tatoos, neck & arms, aggravated battery of an officer; Daniel Joseph Wood, WM, 36, 5'8", 135 lbs, internet child pornography; Ezekiel Guadalupe Chavez, HM, 25, 5'6", prob. vil (agr. dom.bat.) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Paul McCartney said it was John Lennon, not he, who broke up the Beat-
les. . . .  Woody Harrelson punched a man who would not stop taking pic-
tures of him and his daughter at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C.
.  .  . DC Comics announced that the next issue of Superman Jr.  ("Son of
Kal-El") will include his romance with a male. . . . The London Metropol-
itan Police Service  announced  it had dropped its sexual assault investiga-
tion of Prince Andrew. . . . 'Judge Judy" was becoming "Judy Justice.". . .
The Rolling Stones retired their 1971 hit "Brown Sugar" out of racist con-
cerns.
                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

jacoblrg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Donald Butler, 62, DUI 2d; Kayden McNeill,38, theft, c.s.; Natalie Burgins, 20, drunk, tres.; Emily Lopez, 20, marijuana; Annahjean Burkleo, 34, ctl. subs.; Towanda Northan, 52, DUI; Leigha Tanguma, 27, theft; Jacob Large, 38, DWOL, c.s.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Greta Thunberg.

lifeworm.jpg "Gad! I hope that's not me" Life Saver Dude: "It's the wrigglin' image"

Fred Dean wrote Sun 10/3/21 11:10 PDT:

She does look kind of "pudgy," but not as grotesque as I expected . . . .

Try this:

hillafat.jpg Hefty Hillary feuds with Bill over 'fat farm' suggestion, former first lady has packed on 40 pounds in four months, Bill Clinton has stayed thin since his heart bypass surgery, courtesy National Enquirer

Tested positive, 985,949; died, 15,982.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]
  

Indiana (49.5%) trailed Kentucky (53.2%) and Ohio (50.7%) in
percentage of people fully vaccinated.
                                                                       [courtesy WLWT-5]

Tested positive, 716,455; died, 9,162.
                                                                      [courtesy N.Y. Times]

distiller.jpg Distilleries across Kentucky

    

jeffbard.jpg Look, Ma! Only 80! And only 16 in Louisville alone, and only 6 more in Bardstown!

                                                                                [courtesy Kentucky Living magazine]

The  statue  of Confederate Captain Robert D. Logan near  the  Centre
College campus in Danville was covered with a tarpaulin. . . .

The Southeasterm Conference fined the University of Kentucky $250,-
000 after its fans stormed their football field to celebrate  their   team's
upset of the University of Florida.
                                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

cheyanne.jpg Busted in Bardstown: Joe Kimball, 60,Bloomfield,controlled substance; Cheyanne Dawn Gutknecht, 23, Springfield, contempt of ct.; Melena Ann Allen, 27, Bloomfield, receiving stolen property,meth, criminal mischief, trespass, c.s., paraphernalia; Ezekiel Thomas Stallings, 28, Bardstown, contempt of court (Nelson County Gazette)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I have sex at least once a day for health reasons.  The other   two are just for pleasure."                                                                        – Leonard Simon

Sara Duterte-Carpio, daughter of the President, and Ferdinand Marcos Jr.,
son of the President who ruled for 21 years,  announced their candidacies
for President of the Philippines.  . . .  Lawyers requested fewer court hear-
ings for Myanmar's ousted President Aung San Suu Kyi  because she was
tired. .  .  .  Protesting activists followed Arizona Senator Krysten Sinema
into a public restroom. .  .  .  A Turk missing from a drinking party joined
a search team out looking for him. . . .  President Biden proclaimed Indig-
enous Peoples Day.
                                                      [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

recendez.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Tew Cade,22, family restraint; Caylie Martin, 23, marijuana; Deniela Recendez, 28, public intox.; Mason Sattarphai, 18, DUI; Madline Ridgeway, 30, DUI 2d; Beatrice Sanchez, 22, mobery 6°; David Ellichman, 35, c.s., DUI

Do you think "Clutterbook" "Facebook" should be regulated, like Big Tobacco?

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Frances Haugen.

life2th.jpg 2th Avenue Life Saver Dude: 1th time I ever seen dat

Fred Dean wrote Mon 9/27/21 @-09:30 PDT:

I'm looking forward to seeing a current photo of Hillary

(not)!

                   

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 9/26/21 @10:01 CDT:

I was so disappointed with last week's Dear Eleanor column!
The advice was actually good.  What's happening?

See next letter.
                              – Editor

Stephen Yates wrote Sun 9/26/21 @09:20 CDT:

How did "Ruined My Appetite" get by your editors without sign-
ing her real name, Karen?

"Giant crawfish"?  Sounds to me he was grilling a lobster.  What
do this d.c. and her other daughter  have  against shrimp and lob-
ster brought to boil by an Asian congermonger?

Malcolm Y wrote Sun 9/26.21 @10:10 CDT:

More Alabamans died than were born in 2020?   Now  we're
getting  somewhere.

Tested positive, 969,375; died, 15,686.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A 43-year-old Zionsville man climbed into a dumpster in La-
fayette and shot himself to death.

                                    [courtesy Lafayette Journal & Courier]

townsend.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Edward Townsend, BM, 5'8", 180 lbs, domestic battery; Keith Hilger, WM, 6'2", 230 lbs, domestic battery; Terrence Gordon Jr., BM, 5'11", 190 lbs, stalking; Johnathon Elliott, BM, 6'1", 170 lbs, auto theft; Marco Olvera, HM, 5'5", 180 lbs, deadly battery; Joshua Smith, BM, 6'3", 245 lbs, handgun w/o license (Michiana Crime Stalkers Inc.)

Tested positive, 700,971; died, 8,896..
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

juliojim.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Julio Jiminez, HM, 34, 5'4", 150 lbs, rape of victim < 2, sexual abuse of victim < 12 (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Grant Merideth was named most improved at the bass fishing con-
test.
                                                                             [Edmonson News]
 

        The Editor's wife rakes hickory pignuts, not leaves [Tabloid Headlines photos]

A school bus returning from a football game burned up on I-75 in Lexington
(all the kids got off safely). . . .

                                                                                                              [courtesy LEX18]

buttbutt.jpg One person dead after head-on crash [looks like a butt-to-butt crash to us]

Brownsville has partnered up with KaBoom!, Strive To-
gether,  RGV  Focus,  and United Way  to build the first
technological playground in Texas.  Approximately 700
drawings were submitted by elementary students  show-
ing their dream playgrounds.   Their parents pleaded for
literacy, inclusivity and technology.   Children  can  find
there the alphabet, numbers, shapes,  Spanish  and  Eng-
lish  sentences  and  games  that require them to play to-
gether.
                      [courtesy ValleyCentral.com CBS 4 NBC 3]

fuentyam.jpg Wamted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Paul Everett Sanders Jr., WM, 63, 5'9", 160 lbs, failure to register; Amy Fuenty, WF, 35, 5'9", 165 lbs, probation viol. (opiate); Jadyn Larae Preston, WF, 20, 5', 205 lbs (Yorkshire hog), felon w/gun; Amy Danielle Hetcher, WF, 45, 5'5", 125 lbs, prob. viol. (aggr. assault); Hunter Foster, WM, 18, 5'7", 130 lbs, attempted robbery (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Excuse me, miss, but – did it hurt when   you fell – from Heaven?"                                              –  Leonard Simon   <–– Kelly is Leonard's daughter-in law

izettamsm.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Kansas, not Texas): Chad Christian Coffey, WM, 40, 6'3", 275 lbs, assault; Izetta Marie Smith, BF, 58, 5'9", 270 lbs (Yorkshire hog), fam. assault; Takeisha Lewis, BF, 31, 5'8", 130 lbs, DUI Alprazolam; Wanted in Waco: Kasey Nitschke, WF, 46, 5'9", 250 lbs (Yorkshire hog); meth, probation violation; Raimundo Sanchez, HM, 27, 5' 9", 220 lbs, injury to child, probation violation (Abilene, Waco Crime Stoppers)

Switzerland voted 64.1 per cent to legalize same sex marriage. . . .  An ac-
tor at a "haunted house" in Berea, Ohio, stabbed an 11-year-old boy in the
foot with a Bowie knife. . . . Barbara Bush and Ronda Rousey had  babies.
. . . Justice Kavanaugh tested positive. . . . "Hips Don't Lie" singer Shakira
reported being attacked by wild boars in a park in Barcelona, Spain.

                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

mandycr.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Mandy Cruz, 24, cntrld. s.; Rebecca Comstock, 37, mail theft; Donni Robertson, 36, joy riding; Angelica Olvera, 24, marijuana; Kelli Kirk, 32, failure to ID; Crystan Boothe, 35, DUI; Maria Fernandez, 41, ctrld. subs.; Christina Perez, 24, theft, paraphernalia

lifepunc.jpg An English professor wrote: "a woman without her man is nothing"; all the females wrote: "a woman: without her, man is nothing"; Life Saver Dude: Punctuation sorta makes a difference, no?