Malachi wrote Sun 1/23/22 @08:00 CST:

Why don't you include comedians in your  tabloid  deadlines?
You didn't include Louie Anderson  this  week;  you didn't in-
clude Bob Saget last week; and you didn't include Norm Mac-
donald in September when he died.    These were all pretty fa-
mous people.

It's too sad when comedians die.  But I'll let our roving reporter ed-
it them in from now on.    – Editor

Tested positive, 1,607,951; died, 21,301.
                                                                 [courtesy N.Y. Times]

CANDLES Holocaust Museum and Education Center in Terre
Haute is offering scholarships for  travel  to  Poland  to experi-
ence the story of the Holocaust.
                                                        [courtesy Terre Haute Star]

warrenry.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Warren Ryan, BM, 5'7", 160 lbs, felon w/handgun; Carlton Collins, BM, 5'8", 155 lbs, freckles or pox, robbery; Josiah Salinas, HM, 5'6", 130 lbs, probation viol. (weapons); Terrence Mcelvene, BM, 5'6:, 210 lbs,domesticbattery; Willie Neal, BM, 5'8", 175 lbs,coke

Tested positive, 1,152,288; died, 12,905.                                                                         [courtesy N.Y. Times] John Hawkins III,   of Harrodsburg,  was charged with stealing 100 pairs of women's bras and underpants from Franklin County homes.                                                                                 [courtesy LEX18] Insomnia  Cookies,  a  late-at-night  bakery  founded  in a dormitory room by a University of Pennsylvania student, set up a new location in downtown Bowling Green.                                                                          [courtesy WBKO-TV]

hockerch.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Hocker, BM, 29, 5' 11", 190 lbs, burglary (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I like my bitches sassy, saucy and a little bit bossy."                                                                          – Leonard Simon

turnbull.jpg Arrested in Abilene: Jonathan Manuel Turnbull,BM, 31, 5'5", 200 lbs, aggrav. robbery; Joel Flores, BM, 21, 5'10", 155 lbs, injury to a child; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Tex.): Christina Ann Jones, HF, 22, 5'4", 140 lbs, tattoos neck,chest, by right eye, opiates; Maajeeda Aisha Williams,BF, 46, 6', 150 lbs, criminal threat, damage (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff)

Sarah Palin tested positive. . . .  Elton John tested positive. . . .  The pastor
of a megachurch in Tulsa, Oklahoma,  apologized for rubbing his spit into
the face of a parishioner (his brother), saying "Receiving vision from God
might get nasty." . . . Czech folk singer Hanka Horka,  57,  died after inten-
tionally exposing herself to Covid-19. . . .  Governor  Jim  Justice  of West
Virginia told Bette Midler to kiss his dog's ass – and held it up to show her
– after she called his state's citizens "poor, illiterate and strung out"  in pro-
test against Senator Joe Manchin. . . .
                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

helmag.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Justin Thorne, 28, ctl. subst.; Destiny Delarosa, 23, DWOL; Yolanda Saldana, 33, mobery; Katarina Casco, 33, DUI; Esperanza Perez-Concepcion, 26, ICE; Maria Del Carmen Aimerich-Reyes, ICE; Alicia Hernandez, 33, DUI; Jeff Byler, 22, Evading with seapon

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Aaron Rodgers.

lifebcat.jpg I meant to behave but there were too many other options Life Saver Dude: Now there's one cool cat

Jonell Kerr wrote Sun 1/16/22 @14:02 EST: Exactly what was he resisting?   It does- n’t appear that he's missed out on much. "Law enforcement," it said.    – Editor J. Ewing wrote Sun 1/16/22 @22:27 EST: I think you may have to  come up with a new category for your mug shots – some- thing  like  "criminal with the most color- ful/interesting hairdo."

Bobby Armstrong, BM, 6', 150 lbs.: Resisting

Tested positive, 1,528,366; died, 20,751.
                                                                  [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A man driving a motorized  street sweeper,  running into other
vehicles and chased for an hour by police in Richmond, finally
was sought on an arrest warrant issued six weeks later.

                                         [courtesy Richmond Palladium-Item]

malachai.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Malicha Causey, BM, a/k/a Malachi Ceusay, 5'10", 150 lbs, stalking; Davontae Williams, BM, a/k/a William Devoté, 5'10", 175 lbs,dom. battery; Derrick Jiggetts, BM, a/k/a Jigaboo, 6'2", 180 lbs, domestic battery; Anthony Harris, BM, a/k/a Hairless Tony, 6', 270 lbs, domestic battery, coke, mj

Tested positive, 1,067,360; died, 12,719.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

The sign overhanging the Main Street sidewalk at the Bank of Ed-
mon County in Brownsville read,  "Years in business,"  then flash-
ed "96,"  then flashed "Times bought and sold,"  and finally flash-
ed "0."
                                                          [a Tabloid Headlines special]

The  Lexington  Humane  Society  celebrated Betty White's 100th
birthday.
                                                                              [courtesy LEX18]

     

tyreewil.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Tyree Williams, BM, 24, 5'8", 165 lbs, absconding parole (burglary) (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); tharpbil.jpg Arrested in Boyle County: Billy Tharp, DUI, meth, endangerment, evading (LEX18)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Asking freckle-faced humans to vote for an ID is at its   roots racist."                                                                 – Leonard Simon

dreyawnd.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Richard Allen Kepner, WM, 54, 5'5", 150 lbs, tattoos on hads, neck, shoulders, arms & back, weapons & opiates; Dreyawn Devin Morton, BM, 27, 5'9", 240 lbs, burglary, theft; Phillip Andrew Davis, WM, 35, 5'5", 145 lbs, crossed eyes, battery of Leo [sic]; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Rodaesia Winter Hines, BF, 19, 5'6", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), murder & robbery (Sedgwick County, Kans., Sheriff, Abilene Crime Stoppers)

 A new law in New York prohibits  insurance  companies  from denying
 coverage to homeowners because of certain breeds of their  dogs,  such

as pit bulls. . . . A goose flying upside down in the Netherlands was said to be just show- ing off.  . .  .A statue of Theodore Roosevelt on  a  horse  flanked by a black man  and an Indian  on  foot  was  removed from in front of  the  Museum of Natural History  in New

 York City. . . . Three monkeys are missing from the crash of a dump truck
 and a truck carrying 100 monkeys in Pennsylvania.

                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

easterln.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Erin Easterling, 38, DUI, mj; Liza Salazar, 41, DUI; Emma Guerrero, 22, DUI; Livia Busby, 18, tresp.; Schuyler Turner, 21, ctl. sub.; Margo Casillas, 37, fighting, DOC; Shelby Pennnington, 29, DUI; Nicole Juarez, 21, marijuana, drug paraphern.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Ivanka.

lifepass.jpg "Sorry that password won't work . . . " Life Saver Dude: Fuck you

The Coleman Family wrote Sun 1/9/22 @15:24 EST:

GET THESE TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE
AND FUCK OFF!  Remove us from you contact lost [sic].

Tested positive, 1,429,683; died, 20,226.
                                                                 [courtesy N.Y. Times]

obaniont.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Terry O'Banion, WM, 5'8", 175 lbs, intimidation; Gerell McKinley, BM, 6'1", 230 lbs, cocaine; Joseph Olivo, WM, 6', 185 lbs, traffic; Neil Stinette, WM, 5'11", 200 lbs, armed robbery; Bobby Armstrong, BM, 6', 150 lbs, resisting

Tested positive, 984,233; died, 12,536.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

mattingl.jpg Busted in Bardstown: Joseph Daniel Mattingly, 26, Campbwllsville, evading police; Lolita Ann Simonton, 41, Bardstown, meth, marijuana; James David Aughton, 24, Bloomfield, contempt of court; Savannah C. Bush, 24, Louisville, controlled subst.; Seth Austin Stroming, 22, Paducah, Meth, mari., felon w/gun (Nelson County Gazette)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I came home one night about half-drunk, and the next morning Mama   said,  'Leonard,  you were about half-drunk last night!'  and  I  replied,   'Sorry, Mom, I ran out of money'."                                                                                              – Leonard Simon

amadeust.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Amadeus Tucker, BM, 19, 5'11", 208 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. robbery); Ashley Thomas, BF, 30, 5'7", 115 lbs., provation violation (burglary); Andrea Gonzalez, WF, 32, 5'3", 120 lbs, probation viol. (opiate); Seneca Rowland, BF, 37, 5'6", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), forgery; Anthony Smith, BM, 24, 5'8", 160 lbs, parole viol. (aggrav. escape) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tested positive. . . . The man who bought Kyle
Rittenhouse a rifle pleaded "no contest"  to contributing to the delinquen-
cy of a minor. .  .  .  Coronavirus vaccinations quadrupled in Montreal af-
ter liquor and marijuana stores announced they  would  require  proof  of
them. .  .  . A Spanish court ruled that animals are sentient beings eligible
for considerations like joint custody when their owners divorce. . . .  Chi-
cago Mayor Lori Lightfoot tested positive. .  .  .  Dr. Fauci called Senator
Roger Marshall (R-Kansas) a moron.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

     

olverajm.jpt Arrested in Abilene(Texas, not Kansas): Gary Don Lindley, WM, 57, 6', 220 lbs, failure to register as sex offender; David Dutka, WM, 45, 5'9", 160 lbs, continuous family violence; Jesse Manuel Olvera, HM, 23, 6'2", 250 lbs, robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Nick Saban.

lifewair.jpg In Wisconsin you can smell the dairy air Life Saver Dude: I smell it ever'whair

Tested positive, 1,333,147; died, 19,614.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]

hudnallj.jpg Wanted in South Bend (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Jason Hudnall, 5' 9", 200 lbs, parole violation (nonsupport): Antonio Dallas, BM, 5'9", 160 lbs, parole violation (armed robbery): Charles Buggs, BM, 6'4", 200 lbs, parole violation (nonsupport): Dennis Douglas, BM, 5'5", 135 lbs, parole violation (burglary): David Jackson,WM, 5'8", 185 lbs, parole violation (op. on susp. lic.)

Tested positive, 922,708; died, 12,390.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Forty  vehicles  collided together in the snow on I-64 near Mount
Sterling. . . .

Kentucky  Senator  Rand  Paul,  who signed the "US Term Limits
Pledge" in 2019 to limit senators to  two  terms  in office,  filed to
run for a third term.
                                                                              [courtesy LEX18]

   

sloanick.jpg Lexington's most wanted (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers): Nick Sloan, WM, 30, 5'7", 195 lbs, felony shoplifting; Robert Patton, BM, 41, 6'2", 170 lbs, assault, felon w/firearm; David Hedges, WM, 38, 5'10", 150 lbs, meth, armed felon

michelmo.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Michael Elmo Egbert, WM,  52, 5'9", 247 lbs, burglary, opiate distribution (at the best of our perception, the legend on his shirt is "JUSTIDIT"); Scott Cabrales, WM, 34, 5'11", 218 lbs, DUI, manslaughter; Domonique Shanae Carter, BF, 33, 5'5", 157 lbs, opiates, mj & paraphernalia; Reontae Bernard Crosby, BM, 19, 5'6", 170 lbs, murder 2° (City of Waco)

saucedop.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Pedro Saucedo, HM, 51, 6'2", 170 lbs, aggravated assault; Haleigh Brianne Vitek, WF, 23, 5'2", 105 lbs, burglary; Matthew Turner, BM, 26, 5'11", 300 lbs, robbery; Dayshaun Jaquan Henry, BM, 20, 6'0", 270 lbs, sexual assault of child, failure to register (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Alfredo Antonio Trujillo was born December 31, 2021,  in Salinas,  Cal-
ifornia,  and his twin sister,  Aylin Yolanda Trujillo,  was born January 1,
2022. . . .  Whoopi  Goldberg  tested positive. . . .  Congresswoman Mar-
jorie Taylor Greene  was banned from  Tweeter  Twitter   and  suspended
from Clutterbook Facebook. . . . More on how to say "omicron." . . . The
Governor of Louisiana said he would posthumously pardon Homer Pleas-
sy of his conviction in 1892's Plessy v. Ferguson case that declared "sepa-
rate but equal" to be constitutional. .  .  .  A lawsuit against the rock band
Nirvana by a man pictured  naked  on its 1991 album "Nevermind" when
he was a baby was dismissed. . . .  The  skies  rained  fish  in a tornado in
Texarkana, Texas. . . . A man was charged with forgery in Hartford, Con-
necticut, for using a  fake  Covid-19 positive  test  result  to avoid a court
appearance on a previous felony charge. .  .  .  Cats were accused of start-
ing more than 100  house  fires  in Seoul,  South  Korea,  in the last three
years.  .  .  .   An ostrich jumped off a truck and ran down the highway in
Kuala Lumpur.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

coleshor.jpg Locked up in San Angelow (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Cole Short, 18, DUI; Imelda Garcia, 31, family assault; Melissa Fuller, 36, assault by drunk; Jackie Carpenter,45, DUI; José Cadéña, 36, DUI; Barbara Lasater, 60, marijuana; Monica Mares, 35, mj; Alonzo Paras, 48, fictitious license plate

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the  Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every  Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the  near future include Andrew Cuomo.

lifewaah.jpg Every time I say "bah" doesn't mean you have to say "humbug" Life Saver Dude: Waah!

Malachi wrote Sun 12/26/21 @10:10 CST:

Why did the pronunciation of the first syllable of "omicron"
change from a short o to a long o when it became a virus?

We dunno.  The long o ("OH-mi-cron")  is a British pronunciation,
but the short o ("OM-i-cron") is the preferred pronunciation found
in  reputable  dictionaries. (and the correct pronunciation in Greek,
of which it is a letter of the alphabet).   There's an article  in  Good
Housekeeping  indicating that the oddball pronunciation may have
been  initiated  by  an  official  at  the  World  Health  Organization
(WHO).

And, what about "The Centers for Disease Control is . . . "?
                                                                                                    – Editor

Tested positive, 1,250,565; died, 19,037.
                                                                         [courtesy N.Y. Times]

jameica.jpg Indianapolis' most wanted (Central Indiana Crime Stoppers): Richard Allen, BM, pointng a firearm; Jameica Atkinson, BF, 5'9", 150 lbs, welfare fraud; Alejandro Batana, HM, 5'6", 185 lbs, child molesting; Alasa Adams, BF, 5'5", 150 lbs, theft; Nathaniel Anders, WM, 6', 160 lbs, poss. of syringe

Tested positive, 864,599; died, 12,149.
                                                                        [courtesy N.Y. Times]

angelpoy.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joseph William Hamilton, 23, Bardswotn, probation violation; Micheal sic] Ray Humphrey, 42, Bardstown, controlled substances; Angela Poynter, 39, Bardstown, controlled substances; Michael Anthony Ryan, 44, Bardstown, failue to appear; Kenneth Wayne Mudd, 41, Bardsstown, assault

carlonle.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) (Abilene Crime Stoppers): Carlon Leigh Hale, WM, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, aggrav. sexual assault of a child; James Allen Sims,BM, 43, 5'11", 170 lbs, sex offender failure to register; Patricia Hatfield Vaugh, WF, 54, 5'3", 145 lbs, injury to elderly, theft; Stephon Deshawn Woodards, BM, 20, 6'2", 145 lbs, retaliation; Christopher Adam Janes, WM, 28, 5'11", 180 lbs, family assault

monicast.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Brian Dean Davenport,WM, 53, 6', 160 lbs,tattoos arms & shoulders, probation violation (theft); Monica Crystal Castro, HF, 35, 5', 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), tattoo, right hand, probation violation (meth); Tannica Joy Tillis, BF, 34, 5'1", 110 lbs, tattoo wrist, battery with deadly weap.; Cain Daquan Fanning, BM, 24, 6'1", 124 lbs, tattoo rt. temple, domestic battery; Wanted in Waco: Devin Michael Ferrill, BM, 29, 6'1", 180 lbs, evading (Sedgwick County (Kans.) Sheriff, City of Waco)

The Guardian dubbed Dr. Anthony Fauci the "sexiest man alive."  .  .  .
The  United  Mine  Workers  called on West Virginia Senator Joe Man-
chin to support President Biden's economic recovery plan. .  .  .  China
threatened to throw Lithania into the "garbage bin of history" after the
little country offered Taiwan an embassy.
                                                                                  [courtesy Harper's]

keylihot.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Anthony Paz, 22, DUI; Keyli Ho, 23, assault w/deadly weapon; Genevieve Garcia, 22, marij.; Ashley Henderson, 40, DUI; Brandy Jimenez, 38, DUI; Carmen Pedroza, 34, fam. assault; Kelsey Meaders, 28, family viol.

lifecrow.jpg Successful defense attorney with a manslaughter of crows Life Saver Dude: O, now I get it, but, whence a gaggle of geese?