August 28, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket
– this week's headlines:
hed22084.jpg
What he's hiding from America, Biden too sick to run again, Two cases
of Covid taking terrible toll, losing memory and struggling to walk,
turns 80 in November (Globe); Shatner, 91, dementia nightmre
(Enquirer); Britney finally talks, 'I love my new life,' How therapy
&
faith
saved her, marriage, music & trying for baby (Life & Style);
Bride Britney falls off the wagon, tragic new meltdown (Enquirer);
Greedy Charles took $1.2 M, Bin Laden bribe after 9/11 attack, denied
blood money backwash warnings, laundered cash through his own charity
(Enquirer)
hed220842.jpg MIA for 6 weeks, Why Miley Disappeared (L&S)
Dumb news from
Indiana:
"If you
see it, kill it!" is the slo-
gan applied to the spotted
lan-
ternfly, haunting Indiana from
Vevay to Huntington. It's a
problem for wineries and orch-
ards as it sucks sap from vines
and trees, slowing growth of
fruit and mutating the acidity
of grapes.
|
|
[courtesy
Indianapolis Star]
johnruth.jpg
South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): John Ruth, WM,
6'1", 210 lbs, altering death scene; John Fountain, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs,
intimidation;
Mya
Hershberger, WF, 5'4", 170 lbs,, meth; Wynter Thompson, BM, 5'10", 160
lbs, felon with handgun; Bruce Pfeifer, BM, 5'9", 150 lbs, coke
Madisonville
police arrested a male North Hopkins
County High
School English teacher on 11 counts of distributing
obscene mat-
ter to minors for an animated video shown to a class;
and the
county sheriff arrested another male teacher, at Hopkins
County
Central High, for sexual abuse of a female student.
[courtesy WKYU-FM radio]
Burglars took $25,000 from the Pulaski County
Sheriff's evidence
room.
[courtesy LEX18]
joshuada.jpg
Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joshua David Byrnes, 38,
Livingston, probation violation; Shawn Michael Cecil, 48, Bardstown,
meth; Kimberly Michelle Downs,
WF,
31, Bardstown, heroin, paraphernalia; Joseph Christopher Donahue, WM,
56, Bardstown, DUI, mariuana, etc.; David Lee Bradshaw, WM, 43,
Bardstown, FTA
Quotations of
the week:
"Vote one,
two, three times, whatever."
– Marjorie
Taylor Greene
"Fuck off, you fuckwads!"
– Peterborough, Ontario, Mayor Dianne Therrien
to QAnon Covid-19 protesters
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"I'm humble, and
proud of it."
–
Leonard Simon
|
|
stevknob.jpg
Arrested in Wicita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick
County Sheriff): Steven A. Koob, WM, 57, 5'10", 150 lbs, arson,
aggravated assault; Mark Rochazy
Sonsena,
AM, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, Ag. assault; Osvaldo Herrera, HM, 45, 6', 180
lbs, ag. assault; Curtis Lee Clark, WM, 43, 5'11", 175 lbs, scars, rt
shoulder & knees, prob. viol.
Birthdays:
August
22: Diana
Nyad, 73
Cindy
Williams, 75
Duane
"Bill"
Parcells, 81
Carl
Yastrzemski,
83
Valerie Harper
(1939-2019)
August 23:
Mark Russell,
90
Barbara Eden,
91
Vera Miles, 93
Kobe
Bryant
(1978-2020)
August
24: Marlee
Matlin, 57
Cal Ripken
Jr., 62
Mike Huckabee,
67
Mason
Williams, 84
August
25: Billy Ray
Cyrus, 61
Declan
Patrick
McManus ("Elvis
Costello"), 68
Rollie
Fingers, 76
Sean
Connery
(1930-2020)
Regis Philbin
(1931-2020)
Ivan
the Terrible
(1533-1584)
August
26: Macaulay
Culkin, 42
Leon Redbone
(1949-2019)
August
27: Paul
Rubenfeld
('Pee-wee
Herman"), 70
Susan
"Tuesday"
Weld, 79
Daryl
Dragon
(1942-2019)
August
28: Lee Ann
Rimes, 40
Eileen
Regina Edwards
("Shania
Twain"), 57
Lou
Piniella, 79
Tabloid
deadlines:
Jerry Allison, 82
Joe E. Tata, 86
Len Dawson, 87
Virginia Patton, 97
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
52d "Mustard, for one: Abbr."
Answer: COL
[New
Yorker 8/8/22]
benjamin.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff)
(Texoma's most wanted): Benjamin Graves, WM, 53, 6'2", 220 lbs, prob.
viol. (abandoned child); Amanda Kay Gourley, HF,
30,
5'6", 138 lbs, contr'l'd substances; Manuel José Cruz, HM, 22, 5'9",
250 lbs, evad. arrest; Lindsey Mae Collins, WF, 35, 150 lbs, abadoning
child; Mitchell Ray Alexander, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, fraud
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Wendy’s pulled lettuce from
sandwiches in restaurants in Michigan, Ohi-
o and Pennsylvania after customers reported falling
ill. . . .
Finland's
prime minister, Sanna
Marin, took a drug test to quiet protests of videos
showing her singing and dancing with stars. . . . A woman was
denied an
abortion in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, even after an X-ray showed
that her
fetus had no
skull. . . . Argentine police linked Placido
Domingo to a set
involved in sexual traffic with minors. . . . A pastor in
Kansas City, Mis-
souri, apologized for calling his parishioners "poor,
broke, busted and
disgusted" for not buying him a Movado
watch. . . . A Chinese woman
won a lawsuit against a man accused of breaking three of
her ribs
in a
hug. . . . A woman in Tennessee was charged with murder
for a meth-
laced kiss to a jailed inmate who died. . . . A Welsh
woman was ordered
to replace "SLUT HO" (or something
like that) from her automobile li-
cense plate. . . . Abortion opponents in Michigan
south to block a state
constitutional amendment to allow abortions on account of typographical
errors in the referendum, including missing spaces
in "ORALLEGED-
PREGNANCYOUTCOMES" and "DECISIONSABOUTALLMATTERS-
RELATINGTOPREGNANCY." . . . A pack of five dogs killed a
woman
postal
carrier in Putnam County, Florida. . . . An 8-year-old
boy in Menom-
onie, Wisconsin, advanced to the U.S.A. Mullet Championship. . . .
Naomi
Judd's death was said to be a gun
suicide.
[courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
dougchek.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Doug
Cheek, 50i, felon with firearm; Destini Casey, 21, assault of p.o.,
parapher.; April Sanchez, 29, trespass; Kimber Bradley, 19, controlled
substs.; Chelsie Martinez, 31, mobery; Kayla Browne, 31, controlled
substs.;
Monica
Hogeda, 42, trespass; tangumam.jpg Timothy Mitchell, 53, failure to ID
fugitive; Emerald Medina, 34, no insurance; Whitney Walker, 26, theft;
Kennedy Counts, 22, ctrl. substs., parole violation; Crystal Beck, 43,
wrong way on 1-way; Manuel Tanguma, 52, trespass
Dear
Eleanor:
I live out
in the country and have found a wonderful kennel
for my dog.
The owner and two helpers all are kind and ef-
ficient and obviously dog
lovers. The kennel costs $40 a
night. My question
is, how big a tip to leave? Sometimes
one of the helpers is working
when I pick up my dog, and
sometimes it's the owner.
Should I tip differently for the
helpers versus the
owner? Please advise. I want to do right
by them!
Asking for a Tip on Tips
Dear Tippy:
Never tip an owner;
s/he sets the prices. As for the others,
give a dog a
bone. Forty dollars is more than it might cost
you and your dog to stay in a motel.
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Vladimir
Putin.
lifebutt.jpg
"I really didn't mean to push all your buttons; I was just looking for
mute!" Life Saver Dude: You can hit my buttons any old time, cunty
honey!
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET
THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
the message
exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
without that
redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines or
you'll keep
getting this shit! ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.
We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett
August 21, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket
– this week's headlines:
hed22083.jpg
Trump v. Fox: New feud! Why furious ex-prez brands old pals traitors,
What anchors saying about January 6 (Globe); How they do it all! Kelly
Clarkson, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, Secrets, strategies,
& sacrifices they had to make to rear strong children (US);
Caroline
Kennedy marriage crisis, moves 10,500 miles from hubby Edwin
Schlossberg (Globe); Terrible sores, monkeypox pandemic night
mare(Globe); 30 years after cancer diagnosis, Olivia Newton-John: 'My
wonderful life' Olivia Newton-John (Examiner); Charlize Theron, 47:
'Why I'll always be single' (Star)
LETTERS
to the EDITOR:
Fred Dean wrote Sun
8/14/22 @11:07 PDT:
Amazing coincidence!
Eddie Fisher (1928-2010)
Jimmy Dean (1928-2010)
They were born the same day –
August 28 – but they did
not die the same day: Fisher, September 22, Dean, June
13. – Editor
Dumb
news from Indiana:
centrin1.jpg
Wanted in central Indiana (Central Indiana Crime Stoppers): Alejandro
Batana, HM, 5'6", 186 lbs, child molesting; Jameica Atkinson, BF, 5'9",
150 lbs, welfare fraud; Alasa Adams, BF, 5'5", 160 lbs, theft; Richard
Allen, BM, pointing a firearm; Nathaniel Anders, WM, 6', 160 lbs,
syringe; William Anthony, 5'9", felon w/firearm; Angel Lopez, WM, 6',
155 lbs, meth
centrin2.jpg
Thomas Baduria, WM, 5'7", 185 lbs, battery; Shavonna Dorsey, BF, 5'3",
120 lbs, syringe; Leslie Atkins, WF, 5'10", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog),
forgery; Michael Alvey, WM, 5'9", 155 lbs, battery by body waste; Jesus
Avila, HM, 5'5", 145 lbs, battery; James Mulgannon, WM, robbery;
Emeterio Islas , HM, 5'8", 135 lbs, sex with a minor
![centrin3.jpg Edward Averitte, BM, 61, 240 lbs, sex offender failure to register; Carlos Vergara, WM, 5'7", 155 lbs, robbery; Paulina Corrales, HF, theft; Xavier Rys Jones, BM, 6'3", 205 lbs, murder; Louis Deberry, BM, counterfeiting; Juan Palacios, W[sic]M, recklessness](centrin3.jpg)
centrin3.jpg
Edward Averitte, BM, 61, 240 lbs, sex offender failure to register;
Carlos Vergara, WM, 5'7", 155 lbs, robbery; Paulina Corrales, HF,
theft; Xavier Rys Jones, BM, 6'3", 205 lbs, murder; Louis Deberry, BM,
counterfeiting; Juan Palacios, W[sic]M, Racketeering
Indiana and
Purdue universities were undoing their combina-
tion IUPUI
university in Indianapolis ("Ooey-Pooey") – it was
not clear what would become of IUPUC ("Ooey-Puck")
in Co-
lumbus.
[courtesy Columbus Republic]
A grandmother
drowned in a creek in Brownsburg trying to res-
cue her
grandchildren, who survived.
[courtesy
wthr.com]
lifebutt.jpg "I really didn't mean to push all your buttons; I was just
looking for mute!" Life Saver Dude: You can hit my buttons any old
time, cunty honey!
bardwed1.jpg Nelson County Fair baby contest winnters: multiple births, 12-24 months: Emery & Everett Miles, Bardstown
bardwed2.jpg
Girls 12-17 months, Karsyn Cox, Bardstown,Claire Crepps, Cox's Creek,
Lilana Mitchell, Bardstown; boys, 12-17 months, Tranton Cissell, Luke
Durbin, Bardstown, Alexnder Cornish, Chaplin
bardwed3.jpg
Girls, 18-24 mos.: Dani Coulter, Cox's Creek; Preslee Colema,
Bardstown; Jolie Clark, Lorretto; Boys, 18-24 mos., Jackson Wright,
Anakin Moss, Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette)
Kentucky
schools are back
in session (one started as early as
August 2).
[courtesy WKYT]
Quotations of the week:
"This cheese is so good, I'd like
to edam;
but this cheese is even gouda."
– John M. Greer
"Nobody was more surprised
than me that I was able to walk unimpeded directly
to the Capitol."
– Thomas
Robertson, Virginia cop sentenced in Jan.
6 riot
"I just learned that Merrick Garland is a
Jew. Therefore I withdraw all my previous
criticism of him. I cannot withstand
another wave of charges of anti-Semitism."
– former
Iowa Congressman Steve
King
Birthdays:
August 15: Jennifer Lawrence, 32
Ben Affleck, 50
Melinda Gates, 58
Jimmy Webb, 76
Stephen Breyer, 84
Bobby Helms (1933-1997)
August
16: Rumer
Willis, 34
Madonna, 64
Julie Newmar,
89
Ann
Blyth, 94
Tony Trabert
(1930-2021)
August 17: Sean Penn, 62
Robert De
Niro, 79
John "Boog" Powell, 81
Maureen
O'Hara
(1920-2015)
August 18:
Robert
Redford, 86
Roman
Polanski, 89
Rosalynn
Carter, 95
Molly Bee (1939-2009)
August 19: Tipper
Gore, 74
Bill
Clinton, 76
Eddie Raven, 78
Debra
Paget, 89
Ginger
Baker
(1939-2019)
August
20: Robert
Plant, 74
Ron Paul, 87
Don King, 91
"Sneaky" Pete
Kleinow
(1934-2007)
August 21:
Usain Bolt, 36
Amy Fisher, 48
Jackie
DeShannon, 81
Kenny Rogers
(1928-2020)
Tabloid
deadlines:
Anne Heche, 53
Nicholas Evans, 72
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
30D
"Heavens to
Betsy!"
Answer:
GEEZLOUISE
[L.A. Times
8/16/22]
Borf
's weekly BONUS:
Jill
Biden tested positive. . . . Factor
by which best sellers about Donald
Trump outsold those about Joe Biden in the first two years of
their terms:
10. . . . Percentage
by which women are more likely to be interrupted in
their testimony to Senate committees: 10. . . . Factor
by which men are
likelier than women to claim having had sex on an airplane: 4.
. . . A hog
weighing 300 pounds was reported "at large" in Carter County,
Tennessee.
. . . An elephant
that killed a 70-year-old woman in India returned to her
funeral to trample her again. . . . The Kettle Moraine
School District of
Wisconsin prohibited the use of transgender
pronouns in its e-mail. . . .
The governor of Pennsylvania prohibited conversion
therapy. . . . A couple
were arrested for having sex on an amusement park ride in Sandusky,
Ohi-
o.
. . . A pissed-off
copilot jumped out of an airplane to his death in North
Carolina. . . . A 42-year-old Iowa woman's five great
danes bit her to death.
[courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
Dear
Eleanor:
Many years ago my
husband, "Sam," and I divorced.
I started seeing someone else and became
pregnant.
That man left me, saying he
didn't want more child-
ren. Sam and I began
dating again, and he said we
could
remarry if his name went on the baby's birth
certificate. The biological
father didn't care, and I a-
greed. Three months after the baby was born, Sam
and I remarried.
That was 13
years ago. The problem is, sometimes
Sam and I will
argue, and he'll say, "Just take your
daughter and get out" and other
hurtful things, indi-
cating he's
not her real father and so there's nothing
to tie us together.
I'm worried
that our daughter will find out about her
parentage and
be hurt. Should we tell her about her
biological father? I
know he recently got out of pris-
on from a year sentence for child
molesting. I don't
know where
he's living, but I don't want him around
my daughter. Any
suggestions?
Living a Lie
Dear Liar:
Funny way to
spell "fucking" ("seeing"). Funny way
to spell "our" ("my").
Yes! Tell the little bitch
when she's old enough to deal
with it.
She's entitled to know.
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Brennan Bell.
lifesqua.jpg
"I suddenly feel uncool""In a place like this we're just a couple of
squares" Life Saver Dude: Who'd-a-thunk squares woulda been in uneven
numbers?
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET
THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
the message
exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
without that
redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines or
you'll keep
getting this shit! ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.
We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett
August 14, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket –
this week's headlines:
hed220782.jpg
His friends blast Meghan, Prince Harry liing a lie? Misery, money
problems, missing William, humiliated by UN speech protesters, wants to
return to England (L&S); Puppetmaster Meghan destroying Harry, how
she pulls his strings to get exactly what she wants Globe); Ben: 'J-Lo
saved my life,",
overcoming
addiction, and a second chance (Star); Hollywood's most amazing
transformations, Clark Gable changed his voice, Lucille Ball hid secret
hair color (blonde), Marily Monroe stole her look, John Wayne was
coached to act tough (Closer); Hollywood's 15 biggest cheapskates, Lady
Gaga, Leonardo DiCaprio (Examiner)
hed220822
The Queen hates Meghan! What Her Majesty says behind closed doors, How
Harry's wife got under Elizabeth's skin, Why miffed monarch will never
forgive her (Enquirer); Cut deal to squeal! Epstein madam sashed in
prison country club (Enquirer)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Fred Dean wrote Sun 8/7/22
@08:28 PDT:
It appears that Indiana has not lost its
distinction as the
only Southern
state north of the Mason-Dixon line.
Actually, only about two-thirds of
Indiana is north of the Mason
Dixon line, which, if extended, would run through your home town
of Rushville, Indiana. Check it out on a map. Mason's & Dixon's
line defines the boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania.
– Editor
Dumb news from Indiana:
gemauryk.jpg South Bend's mot wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Joseph Cooke, BM, 5'6", 160 lbs, battery of safety offl.;
Samuel
Scott, WM, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth; James McClellan, WM, 5'10", theft;
Ge'Maury Kelly, BM, 6'3", 185 lbs, probation violation (domestic
battery)
The Bartholmew
County Prosecutor was charged with
two
felonies and four misdemeanors in a dispute
with a neighbor
over two dogs and a BB gun.
[courtesy Columbus Republic]
Three persons were killed in the
unexplained explosion
of a
house in Evansville that damaged 39 other
houses, rendering
11 of them uninhabitable.
[courtesy Lex18]
A
crying woman apologized to the Breathitt County librarian
that flood
waters carried away her checked-out books.
[courtesy LEX18]
A Budweiser
Light truck overturned on an interstate highway
ramp in Louisville, spilling its entire load – hundreds
of cans
of beer.
[courtesy UPI]
sylviapr.jpg
Busted in Bardstown:: Gwen Lanette Crowe, 47, Bardstown, contempt of
court; Morries Gordon Judd, 49, Louisville, DUI; Ghristopher Garret,
Phillips,
38,Bardstown,
theft; Joseph Stephen Graves, 65, Nicholasville, theft; Sylvia Pricilla
Fiers, 35, Smithland, failure to appear (Nelson County Gazette)
"I told her that was the least of her concerns."
– Breathitt County librarian Mr. Bowling, to the Eas-
tern Kentucky woman
who lost books to a flood
Birthdays:
August
8: Roger
Federer, 41
Connie
Stevens, 84
Dustin
Hoffman, 85
August
9: Chris
Cuomo, 52
Bob Cousy, 94
Whitney
Houston
(1963-2012)
Dollie
Mae Nicely
Krahenbuhl,
(1909-2020)
August
10: Kylie Jenner, 25
John
Conlee, 76
Rocky
Colavito, 89
Eddie Fisher
(1928-2010)
Jimmy Dean
(1928-2010)
Rhonda Fleming
(1923-2020)
August
11: Terry
Bollea ("Hulk
Hogan"), 69
Arlene Dahl
(1925-2021)
August 12:
Pete Sampras,
51
Mark
Knopfler, 73
George Soros, 92
Porter Waggoner (1927-2007)
August 13: Janet Yellen, 76
Dave "Baby"
Cortez, 84
Fidel Castro
(1926-2016)
August
14: Halle
Berry, 56
Gary Larson, 71
Maddy Prior, 75
Susan
Saint James,
76
Connie Smith,
81
David
Crosby, 81
Arcangela
Felice Assunta
"Lina"
Wertmüller von
Elgg Spañol
von Braueich
(1928-2021)
Tabloid
deadlines:
David McCullough, 89
Holland Lamont Dozier, 81
Olivia Newton-John, 73
savanhal.jpg
Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita,Kansas) (Texoma's most
wanted): Michael Douglas Brown, WM,60, 6'2", 240 lbs, prob. vi.
(stalking); Kimberly Elaine Gibson, BF, 61, 5'11", 158 lbs, ctrld.
substs.
Jorge
Alexander Gonzalez, HM, 23, 5'11", 230 lbs, family viol.; Savanha
Linderman, WF, 20, 5'5", 190 lbs (Yorkshire hog), burglary; Robert Lee
Hargrove, BM, 39,5'4", 130 lbs, burglary
Crossword
puzzle clue of the
week:
19A
"Taking
inventory?"
Answer:
SHOPLIFTING
[New
Yorker
8/1/22]
Auditory
thought of the
week:
If U.S. Secretary of
State Anthony Blinken
shortened his first name to an ini-
tial, like National Public
Radio's A. Martinez', he'd be known as Abe
Lincoln.
How old stars look today:
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Jim
Morrison led the list of the 25 most overrated singers
of all time (Britney
Spears, Axl
Rose, Miley
Cyrus and Bob
Dylan were in there, and Katy
Perry
brought up the bottom). . . . Governor Gretchen
Whitmer of Michigan tested
positive. . . . Lightning
killed three people in a park abutting the White House.
. . . Death Valley, California, got 94 per cent of its annual
rainfall in 24 hours,
stranding more than 1,000 visitors. . . . Scientists noted
that June
29 was the
shortest day in history, 1.59 milliseconds less than the
typical 24-hour cycle;
horologists called for a negative leap second to keep clocks
aligned, and Meta
fretted that such a correction could wreak havoc on tech
systems. . . . A couple
were indicted in Charlotte, North Carolina, for the murder of
a hotel clerk after
their pet
rabbit went missing.. . . The most beautiful
women of all time (may-
be you agree; we don't). . . . The World Health Organization
was condsidering
a name change for monkeypox,
which some find racist.
[courtesy
Harper's, LEX18, AP]
shantazr.jpg
Wante4d in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Michael Scott
Kendall, WM,40, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol. (dom. assault); Kayce
Ellen Arnold, WF, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs, probation violation (burglary);
Wanted in Waco, Texas: Michael Scott Kendall, WM, 40, 5'7", 165 lbs,
probation viol (dom. assault);
Kayce
Ellen Arnold, WM, 42, 5'7", 180 lbs (Y. hog., pro. vi. (burglary);
Wanted in Waco (Texas): Shantazur Gaines, BF, 24, 5'4", 100 lbs, org.
crime; Treyvon Norwood, BM, 20, 6'1", 175 lbs, organized crime
(Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff, Waco Crime Stoppers)
Dear
Eleanor:
My wife and I have a
23-year-old son who is a heroin
addict. "Rob" has been to rehab twice and has
relapsed
again. We've been attending Nar-Anon meetings eight
weeks
and find them helpful, and Rob has not yet. hit
rock bottom. He still has income from odd jobs
and un-
employment
that won't last much longer. He has a pre-
scription for
Suboxone and still sees a psychologist ev-
ery month as
part of his treatment. Inour Nar meetings
we are learning that others have it much worse. We
also
are learning
that we are "textbook enablers." My wife
manages our son's finances and dispenses his
Suboxone,
and we allow
him to live with us, making sure he is fed
and clothed.
Nar-Anon says
to cut all ties until he gets clean. But we
are afraid that he will go off the deep end
and we'd lose
him
forever. This kind of tough love scares me. As bad
as things
are, we are afraid to put the hammer down and
throw him out. We also have
two younger children, and
this isn't
doing them any good. What do you think?
Dad in
Wisconsin
Dear Dad:
Nar is right. Turn the
little fucker in to the police. Think of
the youngsters.
The sports:
According to
definition.org, National Football League quar-
terbacks
not highly rated by their teammaates included Joe
Namath,
Matthew
Stafford, Bernie
Kosar,
Boomer
Esiason
and Phil
Simms,
![quantavi.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Quantavis Mason, 21, fam. assault; Christina McGuirre [sic], parole viol.; Heather Herrara,40,, trespass; Witney Smith, 35, public intox., paraph.; Trinity Bushner, 47, public drunk; Janie Whiteker, 34, DUI; Tyler Sanchez, 26, ctrl. subs.](quantavi.jpg)
quantavi.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas,Sheriff):
Quantavis Mason, 21, fam. assault; Christina McGuirre [sic], parole
viol.;
Heather
Herrara,40,, trespass; Witney Smith, 35, public intox., paraph.;
Trinity Bushner, 47, public drunk; Janie Whiteker, 34, DUI; Tyler
Sanchez, 26, ctrl. subs.
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Merrick
Garland.
lifepolk.jpg
"Pokageists are WAY more annoying than the regular kind" Life Saver
Dude: A-one, and a-two, and-a . . . let's dance!
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
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But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
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We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett
August 7, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket –
this week's headlines:
hed22081.jpg
Mass shootings, violent mobs, economic terror! America's 2nd Civil War
erupts (Enquirer); Meghan wins, Why Harry's becoming a U.S. citizen
(Globe); Judd family feud over Naomi's $25M will (Enquirer);
Hollywood's eight hottest cougars,
Sharon
Stone 64, Demi Moore 59, Susan Sarandon 75, Halle Berry 55, Kim
Kardashian 41, Madonna 63, Olivia Wilde 38, Courtney Cox 58 (Enquirer);
Trump family feud explodes, Ivanka & Jared are out! (Globe);
Jennifer Lopez battling paralysis (Enquirer)
Dumb news from
Indiana:
Indiana became the
first state to enact an anti-abortion
act
since Roe v. Wade was overturned.
[courtesy LEX18]
Muncie author Jason R. Jamison was
nominated for an Indi-
ana Authors award for his book Hillbilly
Queer: A Memoir. . . .
Northern Indiana Congresswoman Jackie
Walorski and three
other persons were killed in an Elkhart County motor
vehic-
le accident.
[courtesy
Muncie Star Press]
canarecc.jpg
South Bend's most wanted: Allen Johnson, WM, 5'4", 130 lbs, armed
robbery; Adrienne Canarecci, WF, 5'4", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog): Meth,
syringe; Patrick Austin, BM,
5'10",
170 lbs, pro. viol. (fam. bat.); Joseph Wingo, BM, 6', 270 lbs,
robbery; Berrien County, Michigan's: Kenneth Acklin, BM, embezzlement,
tamper. (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.)
A
Breathitt County woman tied
her 11-year-old daughter and
3-year-old son to her to protect them from a flood. . . .
A Frankfort couple who dumped a seriously injured
dog in a
dumpster
were charged with torturing the animal.
[courtesy LEX18]
slonejoe.jpg
Lexington's most wanted: Joseph Gage Slone, WM, 5'7", 195 lbs,
marijuana (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Jennifer Tolson, WF, 36, 5' 5",
145 lbs., escape; Darrion Saliford,BM, 19, 5'3", 130 lbs, wanton
endangerment, rsp
Quotations of the week:
"Jesus Christ! I'm so glad
I was wrong!"
– The late Edwin
Kagin, National Legal Director of American
A-
stheists and founder of Camp
Quest, looking down from Heaven
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"I had to give up
my dreams of starting my own business. It seemed that
everyone in Sunfish already had a stripping pole."
– Leonard Simon
|
|
shauntil.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (IKansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County
Sheriff): Mitchell Lamont Lewis Jr., BM, 53, 5'1", 170 lbs, prob.
(battery); David Lee Crawford,WM, 37, 5'11", 195 lbs,felon w/firearm;
Jacob Steven Clark, WM, 18, 5'9", 160 lbs, libertis w/a child;
Heather
Leann Leonard, WF, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, offender act violation; Markle
Arie Henderson, BM, 19, 6', 160 lbs, aggravated robbery; Bryan Isidro
Zuniga, HM, 20, 5'8", 140 lbs, aggravated robbery; Ja-Shaun Tyrell
Ginn, BM, a/k/a Baby Heavy, Jay, Shauntil, Woo, Tony Dias, 18, 5'8",
140 lbs, robbery
Birthdays:
August 1: Ramblin'
Jack Elliott, 91
He, Claudius (10 BC - 54 AD)
August 2:
Lennon sister Kathy, 79
Isabel
Allende, 80
Garth Hudson, 85
James Baldwin
(1924-1987)
August
3: Tom Brady, 45
Martha Stewart, 81
Ramon Estevez
("Martin Sheen"), 82
Tony Bennett, 96
August
4: Evvy "The Pill"
Yadadada, 18
Meghan
Markle,41
Barack
Obama, 61
Frank Guzzo
("Frankie
Ford,"
1939-2015)
August
5: Marine Le
Pen, 54
Wendell Berry,
88
Neil
Armstrong
(1930-2012)
August 6:
Soleil Moon
Frye, 46
JonBenét
Ramsey
(1990-1996)
August
7: Rodney Crowell,
72
Garrison
Keillor, 80
B. J.
Thomas,
(1942-2021)
Correction
correction:
Cy Young in
the July 24
edition wasn't
wrong after
all.
Cy
Young the
baseball
pitching ace
was born March
29,
1867, and
died in 1965;
but Cy Young the
javelin
thrower was
born July 23,
1928, and
died in 2017.
Tabloid
deadlines:
Vin Scully, 94
Nichelle Nichols, 89
Bill Russell, 88
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
40A "Good gravy!"
Answer:
JEEZLOUISE
[l..A.
Times 7/23/22]
mccampbl.jpg
Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most
wanted) : John David McCampbell, BM,35, 6'1", 270 lbs, probation viol.;
Mary Jo Camacho,
HF,
55, 5', 110 lbs, forgery; Mary Zollicoffer, BF (sic), 54, 5'4", 130
lbs, probation vi.; Regina Martin, WF, 45, 5'4", 145 lbs, prob. viol.;
Dalton Lee Fields, WM, 30, 5'7", 170 bs, burglary
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
And here's more on one of the headlines above: Naomi
Judd left nothing
to daughters Wynona or Ashley in her last will, but everything
to her hus-
band, Larry Strickland, as executor, to do with as he pleased.
. . . Taylor
Swift's private jet has produced 8,293.54 metric tons of
CO2 this year, 1,-
184.8 times higher than an average person's. . . . French President Em-
manuel Macron decried Russia as an "imperial colonial power"
while on
tour of West African countries that were once French
colonies. . . . Con-
gressman Glenn
Thompson (R-Pa.) attended his gay son's wedding to an-
other man less than a week after he voted against a bill that
would have
allowed such marriages.
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Dear Eleanor:
I have had all I can
take from your female readers
who complain about lack of intimacy from their
husbands. You tell them to have their husbands'
testosterone checked and seek
counseling. Allow
me to give you
a better answer.
It's true that men, as they get older and live with
their partners for years, might not be as excited a-
bout intimacy as in their younger
days. This does
not mean they are not
interested in intimacy. It
means they are
no longer interested in their part-
ners.
Here are my questions for those female readers:
How big is your rear end? Do you have health
is-
sues that make your partner think
he is living in a
nursing home?
Are you out of shape and over-
weight because
you sit, eat and watch TV all day?
Do you snore, keeping your
partner up most of the
night?
I could go on, but I think you get the point. In my
opinion, 80 per cent of females over the age of 30
are overweight, and a
good percentage are obese.
Let's face
it. Not sexy.
So, after 30-plus years of marriage, you look
at
your spouse; and what else can I say? I know men
have issues, too, but we
don't all need to have our
testosterone checked if we
are not intimately exci-
ted by our mates.
This doesn't mean we don't still
love them.
Bob
(location secret for reasons)
Dear Hide-o Bob:
So, "You fat asses quit
griping and spruce up,"
huh? OK, Bob,
I'll tell 'em. Thanks.
conchita.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff):
Conchita Bermea, 39, c.s.; Jaime Eckert, 33, mobery; Chelsei Martinez,
37, mobery;
Rosamaria
Romero, 49, parole violation; Cristina Sibilboro, 35, parole violation;
Cherisa Hudson, 37, driving w/o lic.; Angel Sanchez, 52, ctrld. sub.;
Lisa Pacheco, 50, mobery
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Alex Jones.
lifedown.jpg "Lay down" "It's 'lie down,' not 'lay down,' Stupid" LIfe Saver Dude: Some owners just don't get it
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET
THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
the message
exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
without that
redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines or
you'll keep
getting this shit! ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.
We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett
