September 25, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse
the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermar-
ket – this week's headlines:
hed22094.jpg
CIA issues red alert last seen 21 years after twin towers fell, New
9/11 terror attack warning! Al Qaeda revenge for drone strikes on two
Bin Laden successors, Aymanal-Zawahiri killed July 31 (Globe); Lauren
Bacall's mysterious world,
Bronx
native,international star at 19, led secretive, fascinating life known
to only a few - exclusive interviews, Humphrey Bogart, Angelica Huston,
Barbra Streisand, Ted Kennedy (Closer); Secret untold story, Nasty $450
million Stallone divorce, Sly, 76,
Jennifer
Flavin, 54, why wife had enough after 25 rocky years! (Enquirer); At
86, why he's still irresistible, Robert Redford's women finally tell
all!, Jane Fonda, Meryl Streep, Mia Farrow, Faye Dunaway,Barbra
Streisand, Scarlett Johansson (Examiner)
LETTERS
to the EDITOR:
Fred
Dean wrote Sun 9/18/22 @08:53 PDT:
I
liked Dear Eleanor's advice to Rennie!
After taking a
24-13 lead over Indiana after three quarters,
Western Kentucky lost to the Hoosiers 33-30 in football
in Bloomington.
[courtesy
Indianapolis Star]
rasimkur.jpg
South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Rasim Kurtic,
WM, 6'1", 185 lbs, robbery; Shannon Groves, BM, 5'8", 200 lbs, mobery;
Shaquille Weatherspoon,
BM,
probation violation, felon with handgun; Jesse Lottie Jr., BM, 6', 190
lbs, leaving scene; Duwayne Allmon, BM, battery with deadly weapon;
Hansen Austin, BM, 6', 180 lbs, cocaine
erskinej.jpg
Erskine Jones, BM, 5'11", 170 lbs, fel. w/gun; Elisa Casrillo, HF,
5'4", 120 lbs, battery of police ofcr.; Dontece Malone, BM, burglary,
battery; Melissa Garcia, WF, 5'3', 180 lbs (Yokshire hog), meth; Aaron
Hope III, BM, 5'5", 110 lbs, viol. of release conds.
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Gasoline in
Brownsville: $2.999/gal. . . .
Senator Mitch McButthead said
Florida Governor Ron De-
Santis "helped"
Venezuelan migrants by flying them to
Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts. . . .
[courtesy
Louisville Courier-Journal]
Snakes
and mice were falling from the ceiling at a
Lexington
high school. . . .
LexArts,
a cultural development nonprofit in Lexington, call-
ed on local artists to paint Maker's
Mark whiskey bottles to
celebrate LexArts' 50th anniversary.
[courtesy LEX18]
merrilee.jpg
Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette); Merri Lee Nelson, 55,
Bardstown, contempt of court; Rebecca Lynn Bowman, 52, Bardstown,
contempt of court;
Justin
Scott Jackson, 34, Springfield, escape, paraphernalia; Brittany Renée
Hall, 33, Mt. Washington, contempt of court; Brandon Lynn Ritchie, 22,
Shepherdsville, contempt
Quotations of
the week:
"I told my psychiatrist I had
suicidal tendencies. He told me to
pay in advance."
– Rodney Dangerfield
"Anyone who goes to a
psychiatrist needs his head examined."
– Samuel Goldwyn
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"Excuse me, Miss,
but – may I butt in?"
– Leonard Simon
|
 |
Birthdays:
September
19: Lesley
Hornby
("Twiggy
Lawson"), 73
Dave
Bromberg, 77
Sylvia
Fricker, 82
"Mama" Cass
Elliott
(1941-1974)
September 20: Sofia
Costanza
Brigida
Villani
Scicolone ("Sophia
Loren"), 88
September
21: Bill
Murray, 72
Stephen
King, 75
Bill
Kurtis, 82
Leonard Cohen
(1934-2016)
September
22: Joan
Jett, 64
Debby
Boone, 66
Tommy
Lasorda
(1927-2021)
September
23: Bruce
Springsteen,
73
Ray
Charles
(1930-2004)
September
24: "Mean"
Joe Greene, 76
Gerry
Marsden (of
"and the
Pacemakers";
1942-2021)
September
25: Cheryl
Tiegs, 75
Michael
Douglas, 78
Ian
Tyson, 89
Barbara
Walters, 93
Ferdinand the
Wise
(1712-1759)
Tabloid deadlines:
Maury Wills, 89
Crossword puzzle clue of the
week:
93A "Field
competitions for electricians?"
Answer: CURRENTEVENTS
[L.A. Times 8/28/22]
quintana.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick
County Sheriff): Richard David Piper,40, 5'8", 180 lbs, tattoos all
over, probation violation (opiates); Quintana Renée Martinez, HF, 25,
5'3", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation viol.
(aggravated
battery); Casey Bray, WM, 42, 5'11", 225 lbs, battery on prison
officer; Acucena Iveth Solorzano, HF, 34, 5'8", 160 lbs, prob.viol.
(opiates); Andre Antoine Martel Smith-Allegree, BM, 39, 5'11", 155 lbs,
assault & battery, felon with firearm
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Percentage by which Americans drink alcohol less often
then the average
person worldwide: 18. . . . By which they get drunk more
often: 58. . . .
An armed man wearing a clown wig in a Delmont, Pennsylvania,
Dairy
Queen told police he was "working to restore Donald Trump to president-
king of the United States." . . . A British psychic who
predicted Queen E-
lizabeth's death using asparagus
tips said her son Charles will resign as
king next year. . . . Five banks in Lebanon were held up by
their own ar-
med depositors seeking to withdraw their
own money. . . . A section of
East 101st Street in Harlem was renamed Cicely
Tyson Way. . . . Would
we ever have heard of the Turks and Caicos islands had it
not been for
Hurricane
Fiona?
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
maywaldo.jpt
Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) (Texoma's most
wanted): James Nicholas Maywald, WM, 27, 5'4", 174 lbs, family assault;
Thania Yesania Morales, HF
29,
4'5", 120 lbs, joy riding; Adrian Lee Gipson, BF, 5'4", 156 lbs,
burglary; Jacklyn Faye Kilner, WF, 52, 5'4", 143 lbs, probation
violation; Obahykiner Jamie Fuller, BM, 48, 6', 18 lbs, fraud
Dear Eleanor:
My wife, my granddaughter and I recently
took a six-hour flight home. I thought we
would have the middle section of
the plane
to ourselves; and when we
boarded, I notic-
ed there were four seats. As I
put our carry-
ons into the overhead bin my wife
plopped
herself down next to
another male passen-
ger.
Whenever we fly, my
wife always says she
needs to sleep and doesn't want
to talk. But
on this flight she began a
conversation with
this man and did not once look in
my direc-
tion. When
snacks were served, she hand-
ed one to the guy but paid no
attention to
me or our granddaughter. Then
when I pul-
led out the breakfast sandwiches
I had pur-
chased earlier, she gave hers to
the guy be-
side
her. I was furious. She chatted with
this guy the entire flight. The
only time
she spoke to me was to get me to
move so
that she could go to the restroom.
When we got
home I questioned her. She
didn't like my attitude
and said that next
time she'd sit next to a
stranger instead of
me. She even admitted she
knew I was an-
gry during the flight; but she
never answer-
ed my original question,
which was why
she was so eager to
converse with this fel-
low when she always tells
me she prefers
to sleep on long flights.
I think she
was enjoying flirting. What do
I do?
Mahalo
in Hawaiii
Dear Hawie:
Try cocaine.
The sports:
With the first all-Latino
lineup in Major League
baseball history, the Tampa
Bay Rays beat the
Toronto Blue Jays 11-0 on
Roberto Clemente
Day and the first day
of Hispanic Hereitage
Month, September 16. . . . The University of O-
regon apologized for student fans
who yelled
"Fuck
the Mormons" at a football game against
Brigham University.
poullard.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff):
Demarcus Poullard, 28, ctrld subs; Nina Souder, 38, controlled subs;
Lisa
Pacheco, 50, marijuana;Ariel Borrego, 19, family assault; Crystal Beck,
43, criminal trespass; Deanna Kleinertz, 35, DUI; Vincent Hardin, 60,
paraphernalia
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the
Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside
Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.
Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Ron
DeSantis.
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
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TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
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exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
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We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"whew!
I just created a 24-hour period of alternating lightness and darkness
on earth" "What are you going to do now?" "Call it a day . . . " Life
Saver Dude:: Call it quits, Dude!
"Your worst humiliation is only
someone else's momentary entertainment" – Karen Crockett
September 18, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse
the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermar-
ket – this week's headlines:
hed22093.jpg
The real story, Brad's Hell, Screaming fights, name-calling and
Angelina's plot to gethim arrested, she begged toget back together, but
he said no, now she's hirred a political fixer to destroy him (US);
Royal affair bombshell, which husband cheated?
Harry,
William, Charles, it's an open secret in fhe aristocracy (L&S);
Putin says he's losing Ukraine because FBI seized stuff (Borowitz);
Insurrctionists say Biden hurt their feelings (Borowitz); Lindsey
Graham warns of voting in the streets (Borowitz)
Dumb news from Indiana:
A Columbus woman
charged with trespassing said she was
only checking on the safety of an Australian shepherd
dog
forced to stay outdoors in a heat wave asked for a jury
trial.
[courtesy
Columbus Republic]
herroonw.jpg South Bend's most wanted: William Herroon, WM, 5'9", 190 lbs, violating supervised rel.;
(Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Danisha Lane, BF, 5'5", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), armed robbery, failure to appear
Nine
persons were shot in four separate shootings in
Lexing-
ton Saturday night, September 10.
[courtesy LEX18]
ambersue.jpg
Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Michael Wayne Rhodes, 61,
Bardstown, dom. assault; Shanna Maarie Peake, 31, Bardstown, probation
violation;
Shawn
Michael Cecil, 49, Bardstown, meth traffic; Amber Sue Nicole Gritton,
30, Bardstown, f.t.a.; William Andrew Wathen, 43 Bardstown, meth traffic
Quotation of the
week:
"FUCK IMPERIALISM, ABOLISH MONARCHY."
–
a Scotswoman in Edingurgh, on a sign
held near a cathedral
awaiting Queen Elizabeth's corpse
– she was arrested (the
woman holding the sign, not the
Queen)
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"Excuse me, Miss,
but, do you have a mirror there? Is that why I can
see myself getting into your pants?"
– Leonard Simon
|
 |
dubbadubba.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick
County Sheriff): Anthony Joseph Longoria, WM, 41, 5'6", 150 lbs,
burglary; Eric Scott Stewart, WM, 47, 5'8", 170 lbs,
probation
viol. (burglary); Andrew Jurado-Morales, HM, 21, 5'8", 195 lbs, battery
on law officer, felon w/gun, mj.; Wanted in Waco (Texas): Dangelo
Wright, BM, 31, 5'9", 108 lbs, family assault (Waco Police Dept.)
Birthdays:
September 12: Jennifer
Nettles, 48
–>
Leonard
Peltier, 78
Maria
Muldaur, 79
September
13: Dupey
Dumpy, 76
Jacqueline
Bisset, 78
David
Clayton-Thomas,
81
Barbara
Bain, 91
Mel
Tormé
(1925-1999)
September
14: Joey
Heatherton, 78
Amy Winehouse
(1983-2011)
|
|
September
15: Henry
Charles Albert
David
Mountbatten-Windsor
("Prince
Harry"), 38
Dina
Lohan, 60
Dan
Marino, 61
Tommy
Lee Jones, 76
Oliver Stone,
76
Marco
Polo
(1254-1324)
September 16:
Amy Poehler,
51
Rosemary
Casals, 74
Elgin
Baylor
(1934-2021)
September
17: David
Souter, 83
King
Charles III
(of France)
(879-929)
September
18: Lance
Armstrong, 51
Otis
Sistrunk, 76
Frankie
Avalon, 82
Jimmie
Rodgers (not that Jimmie
Rodgers),
(1933-2021)
Tabloid deadlines:
Jean-Luc Godard, 91
Sean Connery, 90
Ramsey Lewis, 87
Ken Starr, 76
Anthony Varvaro, 37
dubbadubba.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick
County Sheriff): Anthony Joseph Longoria, WM, 41, 5'6", 150 lbs,
burglary; Eric Scott Stewart, WM, 47, 5'8", 170 lbs, probation viol.
(burglary);
Andrew
Jurado-Morales, HM, 21, 5'8", 195 lbs, battery on law officer, felon
w/gun, mj.; Wanted in Waco (Texas): Dangelo Wright, BM, 31, 5'9", 108
lbs, family assault (Waco Police Dept.)
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
33A "Daamg!"
Answer:
OMG
[New
Yorker 9/7/22]
marcanth.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff):
Marcanthony Garza, 21, mj; Destini Casey, 21, resisting; Brittney
Clark, 22, ctl. subs.;
Lorin
Martinez, 50, marijuana; Mary Aguilar, 50, ch. safety; Yasmeen
Olofsson, 24, DUI; Tracy Medrano, 52, theft; Cody Anderson, 28, c.s.
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Even Lindsey
Graham criticized ex-President Trump's suggestion to
par-
don everyone involved in the Jan. 6 insurrection. . . . A
San Francisco
rape victim's DNA was matched with that of a burglary
suspect of six
years prior; she was arrested, and she has sued
the police. . . . A black
pastor arrested for watering an out-of-town neighbor's garden
has sued
the police. . . . A 2-year-old's back yard birthday
party in Connecticut
was crashed by a black
bear who wanted a cupcake. . . . Queen Eliza-
beth's horse West Newton won a race at Pimlico
two days after the mon-
arch's death. . . . The Queen's four corgis
will move in with Prince An-
drew. . . . A 77-year-old man was killed by his pet
kangaroo in Australia.
. . . An Iranian woman who was convicted of
murdering her husband and
died on death row nonetheless was hanged
after her death. . . . A motor-
ist on
cocaine in Las Vegas, Nevada, drove into a car driven
by a motor-
ist on meth, killing him. . . . Roger
Federer announced his retirement. . . .
A semitrailer crash in Oklahoma City spilled a load of dildos
and lube
onto I-40.
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
chanceal.jpg
Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) (Abilene Crime Stoppers):
Chance Alan Angley, WM, 38, 5'9", 160 lbs, meth, child porn; Keeland
Latrell Woodwardds, BM, 24, 6'2", 160 lbs, robbery;
Jennifer
Leeann Kennedy, WF, 5'3", 170 lbs (Yorkshire hog),exploit. of elderly;
Daymond Lamont Stewart, BM, 24, 6'3", 250 lbs, aggr. assault; Juan
Tejeda, HM, 57, 5'8", 210 lbs, theft, exploitation of elderly;
Tyrus
Nicholas Hart, BM, 27, 165 lbs, burglary; Antonio Delrio, HM, 35, 5'7",
200 lbs, impersonating ofcr.; Charles Arthur Mayes, BM, 24, 5'8" 180
lbs, robbery
Dear
Eleanor:
I have my 30th high school reunion
coming up, and I am
trying to decide whether I should attend. I have
several
dear friends planning to go, and I would love to see
them.
However, I
have a former boy friend who also plans to at-
tend. I removed him from my
life and I don't care ever to
see him again. He has a
manipulative and narcissistic
personality I found a few months after first dating
him. I
am torn between seeing my friends and avoiding
him Do
you have any
advice?
Renée
Dear Rennie:
Disguise
yourself. Go as a witch or a floozie, maybe. Or
maybe as a man.
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in
intellectual
dissection of important current events are invited
to attend the WeeklyWorld News Round Table at
the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville,
Kentucky, after church every Sunday. Guest speak-
ers lined up for meetings in the near future include
Venezuelan migrants
from Martha's Vineyard, Mas-
sachusetts.
|
 
|
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
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THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
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exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
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cial filter to detect that.)
lifehatc.jpg Wearing a Cowboy Hat, what you think you look like, what you actually look like: Life Saver Dude: Duh
"Your
worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen
Crockett
September 11, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse
the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermar-
ket – this week's headlines:
hed22092.jpg
25 years without Diana (People); Court ruling exposes truth, Cruel lie
killed Diana, Tricked into divorce by forged documents, Deliberately
driven into paranoid frenzy (Globe); Family war explodes, Lies &
betrayal,
Furious
Trump discovers Mar-a-Lago mule, Ivanka, Melania, Jared (IT); Celebrity
Fixer Bert Fields' secret files exposed, addiction, dishy dirt, gay
scandals, Harvey Weinstein, Madonna, Tom Cruise, Warren Beatty
(Enquirer)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Tony
Dean wrote Sun 9/4/22 @09:04 CDT re last week's Dear
Eleanor:
Sandy Mama should keep the
name Sanne and its spelling for her
daughter. That way the
child will have the pleasure of correcting
her teachers. (And what kind
of a dumb fuck would add a "d" to a
name that doesn't have a d sound in it?)
Carole
Otis wrote Sun 9/4/22 @10:27 CDT:
Jared
Kushner living forever? Now. there's a
frightening thought!
No, wait a minute! It would certainly give life
sentencing a new
meaning! Maybe he should be careful of what he wishes
for.
Dumb news from Indiana:
The Haute
couture competition in Terre Haute this year will
include Shikha Bhattacharyva, Amanda Lubold,
Alexandrea
Morin, Abigail Leigh Clouse, Brenna Deal, Harriet Howard
and Kasey Chew.
.
[courtesy Terre
Haute Star]
montanez.jpg
Fort Wayne's most wanted (TheMostWanted.net): Kenneth Eugene Belt, WM,
47, 5'6", 129 lbs, eagle & flag tattoo on right arm, probation
violation (meth): Jesus Emmanuel Chamorrowmontanez, HM, 38, 5'6", 160
lbs, tattoos all over,
robbery,
DWOL; Marjorie Joann Duncan, WF, 42, 5'4", 130 lbs, tattoos hearts on
rt. hand, l. ankle, Mickey Mouse on rt. thigh & rt. ankle, boxing
gloves on back, cocaine; Andre Lamont Bailey, BM, 56, 5'10", 205 lbs,
paraphernalia, obstructing justice
A
Russellville middle school teacher was suspended
for tell-
ing her class that once, as a child, she could not touch
her
father, a coal miner, because he came home "black as Deme-
trius" – one of her pupils in the class.
[courtesy LEX18]
deniesha.jpg
Locked up Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Joshua Ray Merrit Hardin,
WM, 28, Taylorville, contempt of court; Deniesha Noelle Hobbs, WF, 26,
Louisville, no charge, merely suspicion; Samantha Renée Ankeny,
31,
Louisville, heroin; Julie Mae Shaw, 41, Bardstown, prob. viol.; also
ID'd as Amber Lynn Shelburne, 30, New Hope (do you reckon they made a
mistake?), contempt; Charles Ray Nation, WM, 27, Bloomfield, contempt
Quotation of the
week:
"My job is to be wherever my clients want me to be and to do
nothing in particular."
– Shoji
Morimoto, a Japanese who
rents himself out as a companion
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"Excuse me, Miss,
but, were you born beautiful?"
– Leonard Simon
|
|
Birthdays:
September
5: Dweezil
Zappa, 53
Loudon Wainwright III, 76
Al Stewart, 77
Raquel Welch, 82
Bill Mazeroski, 86
Bob Newhart, 93
Freddy
Mercury
(1946-1991)
September 6:
Christopher
Christie, 60
Carly Fiorina,
68
Jane Curtin,
75
September 7:
Molly Holly,
45
Julie
Kavner, 72
Sonny Rollins,
92
Charles
"Buddy" Holly
(1936-1959)
September
8: Alecia
Beth Moore
("Pink"), 43
Neko
Case, 52
Zachary
Richard, 72
Bernie
Sanders, 81
Christoph
von Dohnányi,
93
Isaac Sidney
Caesar
(1922-2004)
September
9: Michael
Bublé, 47
Otis
Redding
(1941-1967)
September 10:
Margaret
Trudeau, 74
José
Feliciano, 77
Roger Maris
(1934-1985)
September 11:
Harry Connick
Jr., 55
Bashar
al-Assad, 57
Leo Kottke,
77
Dylan
Klebold
(1981-1999)
Tabloid deadlines:
Queen
Elizabeth, 96
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
4D
"Screw you"
Answer:
BITEME
[New
Yorker
8/53/22]
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
The thermometer hit 127
degrees in Death Valley, California, September
1, setting a world record for September. . . . Life
expectancy in the U.S.
fell to 76.1 years from 79 three years ago. . . . A
4-year-old brought a
loaded gun to school in Corpus Christi, Texas. . . . A
Saudi woman was
sentenced to 45
years in prison for damaging her country on "social
medi-
a." . . . New words in Merriam-Webster's dictionary include
"adorkable"
and ICYMI. . . .
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Country
music song of the week:
"I just don't like this
kind of living," Hank
Williams.
Dear
Eleanor:
I've caught my boy friend staring at
his
mother's rear end. She sometimes walks
around the house in tight booty shorts so
short you can see part of her
butt.
I don't know
what to do; I've even thought
about breaking up with him. We usually
hang out at my house, but whenever
we
are at his house and his
mom wears short
shorts, I catch him. Please
advise.
Can't
Unsee
Dear Canty-Cant:
Take your own pants off and fart in his
face.
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:
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But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
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exactly as it appears above without quotation marks, and
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redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines or
you'll keep
getting this shit! ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.
We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include King Charles.
"Your worst humiliation is only
someone else's momentary entertainment" – Karen Crockett
September 4, 2022:
Things you would never know if you did not browse
the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermar-
ket – this week's headlines:
hed22091.jpg
Saturday Night Fever secrets & scandals Travolta's tragic romance,
who got $7,000 bribe, why neighborhood gang bombed set (Examiner);
Olivia Newton-John's secret affair with Travolta (Globe); John Travolta
tells all!'The Olivia only I knew! (Star);
Chilling
reason cops burying the truth: Naomi Judd gun death cover-up, who
really pulled the trigger*, explosive evidence found, what family wants
to hide (* they don't say, in the article" Examiner); Ashley &
Wyonna Judd: 'Why we forgave our mom' (Closer)
hed220912.jpg
U.S. grand jury untold story, Taking down Trump! What FBI found at
Mar-a-Lago, White House aides' testimony, real reason ex-Prez fighting
for life (Globe); J-Lo going bald! (Globe); After long lusty life, Cher
confesses: 'I've loved only two men' Robert Camilletti, Greg Allman
(Examiner)
Dumb news from Indiana:
Eggokoko, a Kokomo cat, is 1
year old. . . .
The Old Fogies will play the Old Geezers
in softball today, and the Kokomo Cuties
swill
play the Heart Warmers (two teams
of men dressed as women) at Kokomo Mu-
nicipal Stadium today. |
– Kokomo
Tribune
|
Kentucky's
only native American commonwealth's attorney
(prosecutor), Lexington's Lou
Anna Red Corn, announced
her retirement.
kapetani.jg
Busted in Bardstown (courtesy Nalson County Gazette): Anthony Curtis
Kapetanios, 30, Columbus, Ind., criminal mischief; Tami Lee Bartley,
47, New Haven, contempt of court;
Michael
David Thomas, 59, Bardstown, meth; Catherine Gabrielle Leake, 35, c.s.
& drug paraphernalia; Bradley Jason Johnson, 35, Nashville,Tenn.,
heroin
Quotation of the
week:
"God and
Jesus were stupid."
– Natty Bumppo
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
"Why are rappers
constantly grabbing their crotches? Does rapping give
you the crabs?"
– Leonard Simon
|
 |
kapetani.jg
Busted in Bardstown (courtesy Nalson County Gazette): Anthony Curtis
Kapetanios, 30, Columbus, Ind., criminal mischief; Tami Lee Bartley,
47, New Haven, contempt of court;
Michael
David Thomas, 59, Bardstown, meth; Catherine Gabrielle Leake, 35, c.s.
& drug paraphernalia; Bradley Jason Johnson, 35, Nashville,Tenn.,
heroin
Birthdays:
August 29: Neil Gorsuch, 55
Michael Jackson (1958-2009)
John McCain (1936-2018)
August 30: R.
Crumb, 79
Warren
Buffett, 92
Vic Seixas, 99
Peter the
Cruel
(1334-1369)
August 31:
Richard Gere,
73
Van
Morrison, 77
September
1: Barry
Gibb, 76
Leonard
Slatkin, 78
Lily Tomlin,
83
Harold Jenkins
("Conway
Twitty,"
1933-1993)
September
2: Salma
Hayek, 56
Jimmy
Connors, 70
Terry
Bradshaw, 74
Jimmy Clanton,
84
September
3: Charlie
Sheen, 57
Valerie
Perrine, 79
September 4:
Beyondsay, 41
Tom
Watson, 73
Gene Parsons,
78
Mitzi Gaynor,
91
Tabloid
deadlines:
Mikhail Gorbachev, 91
Tom
Clemmons, 71
Charlbi Dean,32
Neena
Pacholke, 27
Crossword puzzle
clue of the week:
43A
"Butt"
Answer:
ASS
[New
Yorker
8/23/22]
juanchap.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Juan
Chapoy, 70, family assault; Calli Jensen, 59, trespass; Calvin Miller,
54, mobery; Brenton Frizzell, 18, robbery;
Dora
Buitron, 29, credit/debit card abuse; Arturo Cardenas, 34, FTA; Brenda
Callindo, 33, DUI; Matthew Porter, 30, trespass, parole violation
Borf
's weekly BONUS:
This
sketch in a Chinese mathematics
textbook was deemed obscene by na-
tional authorities. . . . Jared
Kushner
said he might live forever.
. . . The re-
mains of two children were found in
|
 |
suitcases
sold in an auction
on line in New Zealand . . . Four persons were
injured when 150,000
tomatoes were spilled from a truck that crashed on
an interstate highway in California. . . . The
tomato flu was harassing India.
. . . The
United States Postal Service introduced a new
stamp commerating
the
centennial of the birth of cartoonist Charles M.Schulz
(1922-2000), the
creator of "Peanuts." . . . Mickey
Dolenz, sole survivor of the Monkees,
su-
ed the FBI. . . . Dolly Parton launched a new line of
pet apparel called Dog-
gy
Parton.
[courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
Dear
Eleanor:
I was adopted, and
most of my biological
family was gone when I began
seeking
them out. I did find my
great grandmoth-
er who was Dutch. Her name
was Sanne
(pronounced "Sah-nuh." My husband
and
I are expecting a daughter,
and I want to
name her Sanne. My husband
is fine with
that but disagrees with
the spelling. He's
concerned that our little
girl will have to
explain
and correct her name for people
the rest of her life.
He proved it
to me by texting it to friends
and asking them to pronounce it.
The ma-
jority said
"Sand." He thinks we should
name the baby Sana –
phonetically close,
but nowhere near
Dutch. I feel as if I am
getting ganged up on here a
little. Every-
one likes the
name and has been support-
ive of my wanting to honor my
great gran
but agrees with my husband or
suggests u-
sing it as a middle name. I need
an outside
opinion, please.
Don't Like "Sand"
Dear Sandy Mama:
I looked
it up: It's Dutch for Lily.
You might name
the kid Lily or Lilly
and nickname her Sandy.
There are a number of famous "San-
nes." You
might want to look them
up if you
want to continue your ar-
ument.
The sports:
Five Hawaii batters were hit by
pitches in the third
inning of the Little
League World Series champion-
ship game (Hawaii
beat Curaçao 13-3).
. . . Serena
Williams
lost in the U.S. Open tennis tournament.
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday. Guest
speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Serena Williams.
lifebiot.jg "PRO BIOTICS" "ANTI BIOTICS" Life Saver Dude: Ya fer 'em er ag'in' 'en?
HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE:
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inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET
THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
the message
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"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett