August 27, 2023:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting
for your wife at the counter in the supermarket – this
week's headlines:
hed23084 Sandra
& Bryan: It's over! Heartbreak, jealousy, separate bedrooms (Star);
William & Kate: Fighting's over! (Life & Style); Wheel game
changes, Ryan ditching Vanna (Globe); Angelina &
Brad
peace deal! (Globe); Why dwarfs hate Hugh Grant, battle over Wonka's
Ooopa Loompas (Examiner); Meghan & Harry: Gruesome twosome, why the
Beckhams bailed (David & Victoria)
hed230842.jpg
Divorce! Shady doings! Cheating! Melania's smoking gun . . . Inside the
nasty Trump family feud, dark secrets exposed leave Donald out to dry
(Examiner); Stars who found late lfe love, Salma Hayek, Gwen Stefani,
how to
never
give up on romance (Examiner); Divorce No. 2 turns nasty, Christine
Baumgartner, Kevin Costner unlucky in love! Real reason he can't find
happiness, inside his scandalous playboy past, the first beauty to
break his heart (Examiner)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
This issue of Tabloid
Headlines crashed Thursday on Thun-
derbird and had to be rebuilt from scratch.
[the Editor]
Dumb news from Indiana:
rippykok.jpg
James Eugene Rippy, 40, of Peru, Indiana, was sentenced to 29 years in
a federal prison for child pornography involving a boy,
for
four years beginning at age 13, and 97 videos and 1,134 photos on 7
cell phones and 4 I-pads, plus alcohol and marijuana (Kokomo Tribune)
mcthuner.jpg
South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Jeffrey
Williams, BM, 6', 180 lbs, some tattoos, dom. battery;
Rodney
Liggins, BM, 5'8", 180 lbs, habitual traffic offender; Maruice McThune,
BM, 5'11", 145 lbs, upside down ears, altered firearm
Quotations of the week:
"There's probably no one that knows RICO
better than I do."
– Rudolph
Giuliani
"You better recalculate, mother-fucker!
You are a fucking,
full-on dick!" – Texas Congressman and former White House
physician
Ronny
Jackson to police who had
handcuffed him at a rodeo
"God will not entertain the poor in
Heaven. You will not go there.
I will also stand at the entrance to
keep you from going there." – Ugandan
archbishop
Paul
Ssemogerere
Birthdays:
August 21: Usain Bolt, 37
Amy Fisher, 49
Jackie DeShannon, 82
Kenny Rogers
(1928-2020)
August 22:
Diana Nyad, 74
Duane "Bill" Parcells, 82
Carl Yastrzemski, 84
Cindy
Williams
(1947-2023)
Valerie Harper
(1939-2019)
August 23: Barbara
Eden, 92
Vera
Miles, 94
Kobe
Bryant
(1978-2020)
Mark
Russell
(1932-2023)
August
24: Marlee
Matlin, 58
Cal Ripken Jr., 63
Mike Huckabee,
68
Mason
Williams, 85
August
25: Billy Ray
Cyrus, 62
Declan
Patrick
McManus ("Elvis
Costello"), 69
Rollie Fingers, 77
Sean Connery (1930-2020)
Regis Philbin
(1931-2020)
Ivan the Terrible (1533-1584)
August 26: Macaulay Culkin, 43
Leon Redbone
(1949-2019)
August
27: Susan
"Tuesday"
Weld, 80
Paul
Rubenfeld
('Pee-wee
Herman")
(1952-2023)
Daryl
Dragon
(1942-2019)
Tabloid
deadlines:
Bob Barker, 99
Windham Rotunda ("Bray Wyatt"), 36
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
22D "Letters of disrepute
in a Marc Maron
podcast title"
Answer: WTF
[New
Yorker 8/8/23]
keonabra.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by the Sedgwick
Sher.): Tyler Hatfield, WM, 35, 5'11", 150 lbs, interference w/LEO;
Keona Bradley, BF, 30, 5'6", 106 lbs, escape); joseluis.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas)
(Texoma's
most wanted): Jose Luis Corona, 45, 5'6:, 160 lbs, controlled
substance; Leigh Beth Dilday, WF, 49, 5'5", 170 lbs, theft of firearm;
Laura Elaine Jenkins, WF, 41, 5'6", 145 lbs, prob. violation (false
ID); Derrick Dewayne Holt, BM, 56, 6'1", 201 lbs, ctl. substance
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
An annual "Soccer
for Peace" tournament in Edmonton, Alberta, was can-
celed because of fighting between the players. . . . A
70-year-old man exi-
ted an ambulance taking him to the hospital in Port St.
Lucie, Florida,
while
it was still moving on I-95, was struck by several cars,
and died. . . .
A power outage in Sayreville, New Jersey, was blamed on a bird
that drop-
ped a fish
on a transformer.
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in
intellectual dissection of important current
events are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round
Table at the offices of
Borf Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky, just after
services at the Boiling
Springs General Baptist Church every Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meet-
ings in the near future include Leonard Simon.
|
|
billcart.jpg Locked
up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff: Bill Carty,
62, mobery; Kailey Hunt, 24, marijuana; Isaiah Nevarez, 27, marijuana;
Jennifer Sentena, 27, mobery; Dusty Dominguez, 38, deadliy assault;
Misty Ramirez, 45, mobery; Andrew Coffee, 41, family violence; Kenneth
Phillips, 60, DUI
Dear
Eleanor:
The other day my boy friend saw a
mark on my ribs
just under my bust that he thought looked like a hic-
key. He knew he had not
given it to me, and when
he asked me
what it was I said I didn't know. It did-
n't hurt
and I
hadn't noticed it. This made him furi-
ous
because, in his words, he would have believed
that it
wasn't a hickey if there was a
reasonable ex-
planation,
but what was he supposed to think if I
simply
shrugged him
off? I got upset at being ac-
cused
of cheating, and I said I don't have an expla-
nation for
every bump and bruise on my body;
but
he should trust me
enough not to assume
that I was
cheating. We couldn't give each other satisfactory
answers;
so we just redressed
and went to sleep.
Snapped
Dear Snappy:
Get your guy's brother to
confess that he did it.
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lifefire.jpg Life Saver Dude: Good job, Bubba!
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – Karen Crockett
August 20, 2023:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket –
this week's headlines:
hed230820 Nasty surprise in $400M divorce, Costner's wife runs off with his best pal, Playdays in Paradise,
nights in same hotel, ultimate humiliation (Enquirer); Rattled by failures, flights & disasters, Harry & Meghan
baby to save marriage, praying for twins, surrogate will make history (Globe); Hollywood's secret crisis:
Battling booze, Bradley Cooper, Kristin Davis, Ben Affleck, Patricia Heaton, Brad Pitt, Jessica Simpson,
Who's sober now, who's still drunk (Examiner); Crystal Hefner: surviving the Playboy mansion (US Weekly)
Dumb news from
Indiana:
Flat Rock Hawcreek
educational ideal.
[courtesy Flat Rock - Hawcreek
School Corporation]
Purdue University denied any connections to Purdue Pharma.
[courtesy
Lafayette Journal & Curious]
javontay.jpg South Bend's most wanted: (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Brian Browning,
WM, 5'11", 230 lbs, DUI, dom. battery, intimid., resisting arrest; Melissa Wilson, WF, 5'5",
170 lbs, auto theft; Steven Taylor, WM, 5'8", 160 lbs, narcotics, meth; Breanna Jackson, BF,
5'4", 240 lbs (Yorkshire hog), theft; Javontay Gunnell, BM, 5'6", 160 lbs, domestic battery
Jefferson
County (Louisville) schools will restart their school
year tomorrow after a busing mixup canceled the
first week.
[courtesy LEX18]
rumbelow.jpg Busted in Bardstown: (Nelson County Gazette) John W. Rumbelow, 45, Bardstown, criminal trespass
3°; Christina Lynn Rumbelow, 69, Bardstown, crim. tresp.3°; Jonathan Michael Mulvaney, 38, Shepherdsville,contempt
of ct.; Brittney Nichole Childers, 24, Elizabethtown, mobery; Dominick Cervontae Woods, 21, Campbellsville, mobery
Quotation of the
week:
"Our presidential
election is not really democracy; it is costly bureau-
cracy, because it's already obvious that Putin
will be elected."
– Dmitry
Preskov, Kremlin spokesman
lexibar.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas (by the Sedgwick County Sheriff): Kelly Sears, WM, 34, 6', 180
bs,burglary;
Demetrius Carter, BM, 31, 5'10", 165 lbs, threa & battery; Alex
Martinez Ibarra, HF [sic], 34, 5'11", 165 lbs, threat
August 14: Halle Berry,
57
Gary Larson, 73
Maddy Prior, 76
Susan Saint
James, 77
Connie Smith, 82
David Crosby (1941-s023)
Arcangela Felice Assunta "Lina"
Wertmüller von Elgg Spańol von Braueich (1928-2021)
August 15: Jennifer
Lawrence, 33
Ben Affleck, 51
Melinda Gates, 59
Jimmy Webb, 77
Stephen Breyer, 85
Bobby Helms (1933-1997)
August 16:
Rumer Willis, 35
Madonna, 65
Julie Newmar, 90
Ann Blyth, 95
Tony
Trabert (1930-2021)
August 17: Sean
Penn, 63
Robert De Niro, 80
John
"Boog" Powell-
Maureen O'Hara
(1920-2015)
August 18:
Robert Redford, 87
Roman Polanski, 90
Rosalynn Carter, 96
Molly Bee
(1939-2009)
August 19: Tipper
Gore, 75
Bill
Clinton, 77
Eddie Raven, 79
Debra Paget, 90
Ginger Baker (1939-2019)
August 20: Robert Plant, 75
Ron
Paul, 88
Don King, 92
"Sneaky" Pete
Kleinow (1934-2007)
Tabloid
deadlines:
Jerry Moss, 88
chelsxan.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Kevin Vincent Ellis, WM, 39, 5'10", 230 lbs,
assault; Taniah Elaine Gipson, BF, 19, 5'6", 160 lbs, robbery; Detrick Jaron Gipson, BM, 43, 5'10", 211 lbs, theft;
Chelsea Xan Hoyt, Martian F, 28, 5'5", 160 lbs, theft; Nicholas Gergorio Torres, HM, 18, 5'8", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (evad.)
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
44D "Screw driver?"
Answer:
LIBIDO
[New
Yorker 8/10/23]
gatlinbv.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Eloy Salazar-Perez, WM, 28, DUI; Jennifer
Sanchez, WF, 34, paraphern.; Jose Moralez, WM, 45, murder; Tomas Torrez, WM, 58, fail. to reg.; Joe Rayes, WM, 23,
paraphern.; Johnny Rangel, WM, 22, public drunk; Calli Jensen, WF, 60, drunk; Robert Gatlin Bivins, WM, 28, Marijuana
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A car crashed into the second
story of a Mifflin County, Pennsylvania, home.
. . . Couples were reported having sex in driverless
taxicabs in San Francisco,
California. . . . Horse
tails were being chopped off in Colorado for sale on the
black market. . . . Babe Ruth, Elvis Presley and Aretha
Franklin all died on Au-
gust 16 (1948, 1977 and 2019,
respectfully. . . . Britney
Spears was sued for di-
vorce. . . . An orange
iguana was found at a state park near Denver, Colorado.
. . . "Transgender
women" were prohibited from participating in
international
women's chess tournaments.
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Dear
Eleanor:
I have been married to
my second wife for 10
years. Most things sre fine, but we have
one
area of conflict. It regards her daughter, my
stepdaughter, who has grown from a cute lit-
tle 9-year-old into a beautiful
19-year-old.
The problem
is her attire around the house.
She routinely
wears a sports bra and panties
around the house (around me). I find it dis-
tracting, to say the least.
I have discussed it
with her mother, but she sees
nothing wrong
with it, probably because
she dresses pretty
much the same way.
I can’t get my wife to understand that what
might be OK for her is inappropriate for her
daughter. What should I
do? By the way, I
have never said or
done anything inappro-
priate, but I find myself
looking at her more
often than I should. Help!
Stepdad
in Texas
Dear Stepdad:
Maybe
you should jump the little girl's bones
the next time Mama isn't
around. When Ma-
ma gets the news,
she'll likely better under-
stand.
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in
intellectual
dissection of important current events are invited
to attend the WeeklyWorld News Round Table at
the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville,
Kentucky, just after services at the
Boiling
Springs General Baptist Church every Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near
future include Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash.
|
|
lifecock.jpg Cock flavoured soup mix and I found the perfect soup for you Life Saver Dude: Hey, don't go therre!
HOW TO
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Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
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cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary
entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett
August 13, 2023:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the tab-
loids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this
week's headlines:
hed23082.jpg
Jessica Simpson, from billionaire to BROKE, bad luck & wild
spending sprees, $65 million in debt, selling Hollywood mansion and
downsizing to Nashville, begs mom, Tina, for emergency loan (In Touch);
More
stars struggling to pay their bills, Johnny Depp blows $650M, Tori
Spelling homeless (IT); Bella Hadid checks back into alcoholic rehab
(IT); Ron DeSantis says he'll live a year as a slave to prove it's not
bad (Onion)
hed230822.jpg Elon Musk changes own name to WTF (Borowitz); Trump e-mail asks supporters to serve prison time for him (Borowitz)
Dumb news from Indiana:
Indianapolis was
putting up "No
turn on red" signs at all inter-
sections in the downtown mile square. . . .
The Concerned
Clergy of Indianapolis called for the resignation
of Police Chief Randal Taylor over recent deaths caused
by the
police.
[courtesy
Indianapolis Star]
jackbalj.jpg
South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) Frederick
Burton, BM, 5'8", 195 lbs, upside down ears, parole violation (armed
robbery); Jack Balje, WM, 5'8",
195
lbs, parole vi. (burglary); Demarchus Morton, BM, 6'1", 190 lbs,
parole viol. (burglary); Richard White Jr., WM, 5'6", 190 lbs, prob.
vi. (domestic battery on pregnant woman);
Deshawn
Caradine, BM, 5'11", 190 lbs, esc.; Philip Lee, WM, 6', probation
violation (auto theft, escape),duplicity; Earl Breen, WM, 6'3", 200
lbs, parole violation (meth), duplicity
Indianapolis
area author John Green's The
Fault in Our Stars
joined hundreds of books no longer on the Hamilton
County
East Public Library's teen shelves on account of a new
policy
that targets books deemed not "age appropriate." "This is lu-
dicrous," Green tweeted. "It is about
teen-agers, and I wrote
it for teen-agers. Teen-agers are not
harmed by reading it."
[Indianapolis Star]
The
University of Kentucky, in Lexington, opened the James
B. Beam Institute for Kentucky Spirits, an educational
distil-
lery. . . .
Wolfe County became the first in the state to purchase
elec-
tric school buses. . . .
Jefferson County, home to Louisville, began its
new school
year last Wednesday but suspended classes for the rest of
the
week after school
bus route fiascoes, due largely to a shortage
of drivers, left some children on buses as late as 10 p.m.
. . .
Tristan Bowling, 3, of So is Calvin
John- Emmit
Bailey, 8, As was Frankfort, Ky.'s,
Clay County, is in the son,
9, of Fort of Wisconsin, is Josh
Scott last year.
top 25 in Kentucky's Campbell.
. . . in the national
Kids' Mullets Showdown.
. . .
finals. . . .
mulletsu.jpg
[courtesy
LEX18]
Quotation of the
week:
"We have to jump on this."
– Isaac
Villegas, Ecuadorian funeral
director, on Barbie coffin linings
|
Quotations
of the Wheat (Simon said):
I watched "Barbie"
and told Angel Eyes at the Corner Market that
she reminded me of her – and she didn't get it.
– Leonard Simon
|
 |
Birthdays
August
7: Rodney Crowell,
73
Garrison
Keillor, 81
B. J. Thomas, (1942-2021)
August
8: Roger
Federer, 42
Connie Stevens, 85
Dustin Hoffman, 86
August
9: Chris
Cuomo, 53
Bob Cousy, 95
Whitney
Houston
(1963-2012)
Dollie
Mae Nicely
Krahenbuhl,
(1909-2020)
August
10: Kylie Jenner, 26
John
Conlee, 77
Rocky Colavito, 90
Eddie
Fisher (1928-2010)
Jimmy Dean
(1928-2010)
Rhonda Fleming
(1923-2020)
August
11: Terry
Bollea ("Hulk
Hogan"), 70
Arlene Dahl
(1925-2021)
August
12: Pete
Sampras, 52
Mark
Knopfler, 74
George Soros,
93
Porter Waggoner (1927-2007)
August 13:
Janet Yellen,
77
Dave "Baby"
Cortez, 85
Fidel
Castro
(1926-2016)
Tabloid
deadlines:
William Friedkin, 87
Jaime "Robbie" Robertson, 80
Robert Swan, 78
Fernando
Villavicencio, 59
calvillo.jpg
Wanted in Wicihita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most
wanted): Jeffreu Alvin Swain, BM, 34, 5'10", 150 lbs, theft; Angela
Nicole Ward, WF, 37, 5'5", 100 lbs, probation violation
(assault
on public servant); Matthew Bartley Kingcade, WM, 34, 6'1", 192 lbs,
abandon. child; Shaquita S. Thomas, BF, 30, 5'4", 135 lbs, prob. viol.
(aband. child); Daniel Calvillo, HM, 47, 5'6", 190 lbs, theft
Crossword puzzle clue of the week:
1A "Less
than conformative"
Answer:
LGBTQIA
[Tabloid
Headlines]
roslynle.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County
Sheriff): Clark L. Curtis, WM, 44, 5'11", 175 lbs, offender
registration violation;
Samantha Marie Tate, WF, 28, 5'7", 130 lbs, prob viol. (theft & eluding); Jacqueline Johnson, BF, 61,
5'8", 175 lbs, probation violation (burglary,
theft);
Roslyn Lee Staks, BF, 46, 5'7", 176 lbs, probation viol. (aggr.
battery); Joshua Lee Joness, WM, 41, 6'2", 210 lbs, probation viol.
(aggr. battery)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Wayne Brady came out as "pansexual."
. . . Immigration lawyers sued
the Biden administration over a rule requiring asylum seekers
to sched-
ule appointments with border officials through a "smartphone
app" they
said was difficult to access and riddled with technical glitches
and poor
English-Spanish translation. . . . A rodeo bull
ran wild in Utah, escaped
the arena but was recorralled in the parking lot.
[courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
tracyhin.jpg
Lonnie Haley, 59, crim. tresp.; Tracy Hinds, 39, fam. ass.; Nathan
Ball, 48, DWOL; Joshue Brown, 24, fta; Kylie Brown, 45, ctll sub,
Johnny Bonda, 33, c.s.; Destanie Juarez, 22, family assault; Michael
Cordell, 32, ass.
Dear
Eleanor:
I was working out of town;
and when I got
home, my wife was gone. We were having
some marriage problems but were
supposed
to see a therapist after I
returned home.
I'll say it
again: When I got home she was
gone.
She packed her stuff and left me and
our dog all alone. I tried to
call and text but
no answer. I'm left in the
dark trying to find
out where everything went
wrong. I've start-
ed therapy by myself to try
to figure things
out. Please help with some
advice on how to
keep going in life.
Left
High and Dry
Dear Dryfuss:
Try saying 'bye.
DISCUSSION
GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in
intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside
Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after services at the Boiling
Spring Church
of Christ every Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future include Lily Jamali..
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HOW TO
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Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this
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THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"
But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate
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exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and
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redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines or
you'll keep
getting this shit! ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.
We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
"Your worst humiliation is only
someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett
August 6, 2023:
Things you would never know if you did not browse the tab-
loids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this
week's headlines:
hed230801.jpg
New Wheel of Fortune host, Ryan Seacrest secret life revealed, TV hunk
was childhood chunk, real reason he can't keep a gal, what Vanna says
about her
new
boss (Examiner); Tom Selleck's marriage survival guide (Examiner);
Atoka Oklahoma, heroic Reba rescues her tiny home town (Examiner);
Jessica Simpson, from billionaire
to
broke (In Touch); Trump only a few indictments away from clinching
nomination (Borowitz); Pence admits spending entire campaign fund on
Taylor Swift ticket (Borowitz)
LETTERS
to the EDITOR:
Anthony
Dean wrote Sun 07/30/23 @13:37 CDT
re last week's
"misdiction"
report on "12 a.m.":
People
and scientists should just say either noon or midnight.
Seems to me the European (and military) 24-hour clock is the
best solution.
Dumb news from Indiana:
The first penguin
chick born at the Mesker Park Zoo in Evansville
was named Louie
Pickle.
[courtesy
Evansville Courier]
lucaburg.jpg
South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Lucas Burger,
WM, 5'8", 140 lbs, burglary; Andres McLain, WM, 5'11", 170 lbs, battery
of pregnant
woman;
Scott Million, WM, 6'1", 200 lbs, strangulation; Roger Lollis Jr., BM,
5'7", 145 lbs, burglary; Jason Jackson, BM, 5' 10", murder; Kyre Young,
BM, 5'7", 170 lbs, coke
Mason
"The Viper" Maynard, 9, of Ashland, was billed
to fight Landon "Pitbull" Vandyke, 9, of Richlands, Vir-
ginia, at the Boone
County Brawl boxing match in Mad-
ison, West Virginia.
[courtesy WTRF]
Carroll County High School began requiring
pupils to turn
in their cell
phones at the beginning of each class.
[courtesy LEX18]
tarasher.jpg
Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Kenneth Earl Douglas, 40,
New Haven, c.s., paraphernalia, felon w/handgun; Tara Shavon Lydian,
42, Bardstown,
DUI;
Edgar Jay Norton, 36, Bloomfield, failure to appear; Keila Sheron
Gavin, 36, Decatur, Alabama, speeding; Mitch Braden Kanatzer Jr, 45,
Bardstown, cr. trespass
"Merthel
Whittle, 87, died July 22, 2023. She was married
to Leon Whittle, whom survives."
[Edmonson News]
Quotation of the
week:
"There's a fixation on a lot of dumb shit."
– Senator John
Fetterman (D-Pa.)
jadencha.jpg
Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by Sedgwick
County Sheriff): Wesley Michael Roberts, a/k/a/ "snipes GD's," a/k/a
"Snipes Bos," WM,
27,
6' 1"m 165 lbs, tattoos, threatening; Kristopher Alan Greer, a/k/a
"Outlaw," WM, 45, 6', 260 lbs, opiates: Jaden Emory Chadd, BM, 22, 5'
8", 155 lbs, burglary, battery
Birthdays:
July 30: Hope Solo, 42
Diva Zappa, 44
Kate Bush, 65
Arnold Schwarzenegger, 76
Paul Anka, 82
Buddy Guy, 87
Peter Bogdanovich
(1939-2022)
Casey Stengel (1890-1975)
July 31: Evonne Goolagong, 72
Geraldine Chaplin, 79
Philip the Good
(1396-1467)
August 1: Ramblin' Jack
Elliott, 92
He, Claudius (10 BC - 54 AD)
August 2: Lennon
sister Kathy, 80
Isabel
Allende, 81
Garth Hudson,
86
James Baldwin
(1924-1987)
August
3: Tom Brady, 46
Martha Stewart, 82
Ramon Estevez
("Martin Sheen"), 83
Tony Bennett
(1926-2023)
August
4: Evvy "The Pill" Yadadada,
19
Meghan
Markle,42
Barack
Obama, 62
Frank Guzzo
("Frankie
Ford,"
1939-2015)
August
5: Marine Le
Pen, 55
Wendell Berry,
89
Neil
Armstrong
(1930-2012)
August 6:
Soleil Moon
Frye, 47
JonBenét
Ramsey
(1990-1996)
Tabloid deadlines:
Paul Reubens ("Pee-wee Herman"),
70
Crossword
puzzle clue of the week:
23A "Make a rude noise"
Answer: BLOW
A RASPBERRY
[L.A.
Times,
7/11/23]
mystical.jpg
Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most
wanted): Mystica Lois Grando, HF, 27, 5'3", 181 lbs
(Yorkshire
hog), Probation viol. (ctrl. subs.); Salvador Prieto Jr., HM, 24, 5'
10", 160 lbs, cred. card abuse; Keisha D. Williams, BF, 37,
5'5",
110 lbs, aband. child; Tellis Anthony Smith, 44, 5'8", 160 lbs, cntrld.
substance; Amanda Reneé Sanamo, WF, 41, 5', 150 lbs, controlled
substance
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A 38-year-old manatee
died from having sex with his brother at an aqua-
rium in Sarasota, Florida. . . . A South Carolina man drowned
running a-
way from sheriff's deputies serving a warrant on someone else.
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Dear
Eleanor:
My bullheaded 50-year-old daughter has taken
gossip from 32 years ago to make my life hell.
I have four grown children. My
older daughter
called everyone she could think
of and said I
molested my
son when he was 5. My daughter
never checked to see whether it
was true.
I have never
been arrested for this or had char-
ges filed
against me. She further told all my
grandchildren and
great-grandchildren that
they should
never stop at my home. I am 74
years old, have trouble
breathing, and have
cancer in remission. I want
to see my family
before it's too
late. My daughter called my
sister-in-law and
told her she will not go to
my funeral when I die. I've
been denied vis-
its and phone calls from
family three years.
now. I desperately need a
family visit.
Sad and
Lonely
Dear
Sadsack:
You said
you were never arrested or charged,
but you didn't deny
it. What is your son's
memory?
tracieta.jpg
Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff):
Michael Sanders, 30, paraphernalia, theft, fraud; Dorothy Littlefield,
52, fail. to appear; Christopher Ray,
31,
burglary; Keith Conaker, 61, mj, crim. tresp.; Tracie Tatum, 44, theft;
Melissa Kelly, 38, mj, improper turn, trash; Caleb Hudson, 27, fraud;
Paul Bermea, 59, public order crimes
DISCUSSION GROUP:
Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly
World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside
Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church services at the
Boiling Spring
Church of Christ every Sunday. Guest speakers lined
up for meet-
ings in the near future include Donald Trump.
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lifemarr.jpg "Will you marry me?" LIfe Saver Dude: Maybe after you get insured
"Your worst humiliation is only
someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett