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I would like to welcome you to this year and ask that you sign my guest book even though you may have done so on another page. It would be nice to know that you are still with me. Please sign the book at the bottom of the page. It would mean a great deal to me. Below are the entries for this month.
Sign My Guestbook Here
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You are the person to be here in 1999.
Friday January 1, 1999
Congrads! We made it to 1999. This year has a lot of promis. I hope that the new year treats us all well. I know it will have a great deal of meaning for me. Not only will it be the year that I get my Social Security, but it also marks the second year Shawn has been my Friend. It will be the second year I have known Joel as well. This new year has a lot to offer. I can only hope that we all will enjoy what it brings us.
Saturday January 2, 1999
Now That all the hang overs have calmed down to a dull roar... :-) Shawn has been here for the last couple of days and will har to go home soon. We have had a good time in the last few days. We just
hung out and played games on the computer and thats all we need to do most of the time. It's just nice to relax and enjoy company. I'll write more later in the week as things get going in the new year.
Tuesday January 5, 1999
Today has been a very fun day for me. My sister knows I have felt a loss sence the dog I was taking care of for thr local pound was adopted. He had been here for two months and I had become very
attached to him. Well knowing that I was sad she took me out today and got me the one thing that would make me happy. Baby goats!!! Yes Goats. :-) She got three of them for me to take care of.
They are only a week old and have to be bottle fed. I have them in the house in a 4 X 4 wooden box. It's to cold out doors for them to survive. This may all seen strange to some of you who read this page but it's not at all strange in this house. I have raised goats for the last few years now and for me this is just parfor the couse in raising goats. It's also the most fun part. Baby goats are very amusing. they are also very affectionate. They are more fun than a barrel of monkeys. A ture joy to have around.
Wednesday January 6, 1999
Day two with the goats, Oh what a joy. They are just too fun. I'm sure most of you think I'm nuts but you have no idea how much fun having these little devils are. They have more personality than most
of the people I know. All I have done for the last 24 hours is smile and laugh.
I heard from SSI today and I should have some of my money by the end of the month. I don't know how much I will get right now but any would be welcome. It's been so long sence I have had any
money that I will be all the more happy when it's in my hands. I'll be able to get all the little thing most other people take for granted.
Thursday January 7, 1999
Shawn will be up after work tonight. He won't get in till late and thats fine so long as he get here safely.
I have been really tired as of late. I think it due to my numbers being so low and all. I have not been over exerting my self. I just feel kind of blah. I have noticed too, that I am getting nauseated more often. It seem to be most frequent when I am riding in the car. I have never been prone to motion sickness before so I don't know what is bringing this on. I know I should check with my Doctor and I most likely will on our next visit.
Monday January 11, 1999
Shawn and I had a good week end. He had his kids this week end and they were here too. They fell in love with the goats as I knew they would. I think they had a good time.
I called Social Security today to see if I could find out more about when to expect some money, as I have not heard from them sense I got the notice I would get it. I was not able to find out a lot but I do at least know now that I will get one check on the first of February. It will be my Regular benefit for SS. They did not have my SSI amount figured yet so they could not tell me when I would get it. But now I know I will get something in the very near future. It will be good to have some money that I did not have to borrow. I know I have said this before but most people don't even think about half of the stuff you use daily, until you can't afford to buy it. Like a light bulb, or a phone cord that the dog chewed up or paper
towels, new socks, shirts and pants. It really amazes me what you miss when you don't have it.
Wednesday January 13, 1999
Still no more word from Social Security. This sitting and waiting crap is for the birds.
The weather out side is really out of control. The temps are going from 30 above zero to as cold as 40 below and then are going back up to 35 above, and some where in the middle of this we are
suppose to get 2 feet of snow! thats the forecast for the next 3 days. Vermont! If you don't like the weather just wait a minute and it will change. What a great place to live.
Thursday January 14, 1999
Well Shawn will be tonight after work and the storm that is suppose to drop 2 feet of snow is going to hit tonight as well. I just hope it holds off till he get here. I really don't want him to drive in that kind of weather. I know he would drive through the gates of Hell it self just to get here. Dear! Even the post office does not deliver when the weather is to bad. You on the other hand.... :-)
Sunday January 17, 1999
Well Shawn made it up and the weather did hold off for his ride up here. Thank the powers that be for that. In fact the snow came in the form of Rain. It was a nice peaceful weekend all in all.
I think the fatigue I have been having is a little worse. I am finding that I am taking more naps than usual. I just feel drawn out a lot. Some day are better than others But still over all it is getting worse.
I have thought a lot as of late about the time I have left. The facts are I have had this a long time and have beaten the odds many times over. Ones own mortality is always a difficult thing to face. I am not "out of time" yet but the fact of the matter is I am not going to get better or be cured. I may only have a few years left and I need to make the best of them. I don't live in a fantasy world where one can deny that life will end. I live in reality. I never wanted to be seen as a dirty old man anyway. :-) We are all here for a limited time, some of us less than others. I am by no means ready to lay down and give up! Thats just not my style. There are some things I still want to do, places I want to go... I intend on doing all of them I can over the next few years. Some of them are even on the list for this year.
Perhaps all this contemplating is normal when a person faces the facts that time is no longer on your side. It's not the enemy, it's just not on your side anymore.
Monday January 18, 1999
Welcome to Monday folks. It would seem that this is destine to be a very unusual winter in the North country. This will go down in my book as the oddest winter in my recollection, But then with my
memory as it is that may not be saying a whole lot. :-)
Unless I miss my guess the next few weeks are going to go by very slowly as I wait for the first check to get here. All I can get at this point is I should see one the first of February and in my opinion
that is too far away. I guess if I have waited this long these next two week should almost like nothing, but then a watched pot never boils. I have so many things I would like to do with some of the money That I will get I don't know where to start. I'm sure it won't last long though. The one thing I would like to do is take another Cruise. I went on one about five years ago and it was the best time I ever had. I would like to do it again while I am still able. I have always gone on trips alone but this time I want to take Shawn. I think it would do him a world of good to go. I don't think it will take much to drag him away from that prison he calls work either. Will it Dear? :-)
Tuesday January 19, 1999
The baby Goats are doing really well. They are such a joy. Full of life and mischief. How they make me smile. Some times it's the little joys in life that mean the most to us and are the simplest to get. If I were asked to give advice to some one Who was in the same position as me, I would have to say, "Find some thing that bring you true joy and fill your life with it. Find some thing that makes you smile or laugh each and every time you look at it and fill your house and life with it." That is what has kept me going for as long as I have. Goats are not for every one I know and they are a lot of work but for me they are worth every moment.
Wednesday January 20, 1999
Yet another winters day passes. Thats just one more day closer to summer and one day closer to the day I will go on my cruise. The next few days look as though they are going to be rather uneventful
for the most part but I will fill in as much as I can. I think I am getting a touch of cabin fever. This is the first time I have ever had it but then again I have never really been without a car for this long either.
Thursday January 21, 1999
Shawn will be here after work tonight or should I say tomorrow very early morning. Today my Doctor sent me to see a dietitian and that was a joy. As I expected I was told how I need to change my
diet and how I need to eat better and more of this and less of that and so on. Well after a long talk about all this it came down to the fact that I have had this infection for over 10 years and I have eaten the same way for all this time. What I am doing can't be all that bad or I would be in much worse shape. So, for as long as this works I going to keep it the same way. The old "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" thing.
Monday January 25, 1999
My friend Dan and I went to Burlington today and we had a ball. We went to help out a friend of his who was having some trouble at work and then we went shopping. I did not get anything but I did
see a few thing I would have liked, of course they all had names and were a little on the cute side. :-) All in all it was a fun day out of the house.
I have noticed that my hands are giving me a bit more trouble when I try to handle small things or thin objects. They cramp up and lock that way and I have pull the cramp out. It's a bit painful but it beats leaving the cramp there and letting it go away by it's self.
Tuesday January 26, 1999
Today I booked the Cruise. It's on Carnival Cruise line and it's the ship Celebration. It's course will take us on an adventure to; Montego Bay and Grand Cayman and then to Cozumel Mexico. Yes I did say "US", Shawn will be going with me. !!! I think He needs this Cruise more than I do, and He has never been on one so He is in for a real treat. He has heard me talk about the first one I took, but hearing about one is not the same as being on one. Would you believe one of the first thing he said was "now I will have to get a new wardrobe, I don't have any thing to wear." Oh my Dear You silly silly man. You don't need any thing to wear. All you need is: one pair of dress slacks and one dress shirt, a suite coat, one pair of dress shoes W/socks, a speedo and a tank top and a pair of sandles. For the rest we go shopping at the first port of call!!!! Oh and a very high SPF sun blocker for the first day or two.
Thursday January 28, 1999
The checks are on the way!!!!! I got the letter today. The first two will be here soon and so will my monthly checks. Thank the powers that be that made this happen. I fell so relieved that this is all comming together. I know I have said this all before but it's been so long in the works and it has been a very hard struggle for me. My only hope through all of this was that I would still be here when the checks came. And I will be. YES!!!! I will even have a little time to be able to enjoy some of it. My only hope now is that my health hold out long enough to go on this trip and enjoy it. The facts are this will most likely be the last chance I have to go on a trip like this. I have not given up by any means but the facts are that I am not getting better and I won't get better either. Live for the day and make each one the best it can be is all I can do and so I shall do just that.
Saturday January 30, 1999
No checks yet. :-) Not that I thought they would be here that fast, after all it is the government. Then again this month has been full of surprises. Pleasent ones at that!!
Shawn will be here after work tonight, which with his shift change means first light tomorrow morning. Thats cool. I'll write more later next week.
Click this link to go to February 1999
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