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If YOU were a superhero, what would be your super powers, what would
be your name, and why?
7/18/99
Name: Happy Clapper
Super powers: Function effectively in society. Contribute to society. Be
subservient and obedient (without fail). Conform to mass media. Conform to
stereotypical anglo-saxon behaviour. Inability to think for myself. Inability
to survive without soap operas. Blissful naivete.
Why? Because it seems to work for so many other people, I wonder what I'm
missing out on.
5/12/99
I am tree. Walk
past and notice me shake.
Was that the wind disturbing my leaves? Doubtful. You ask
for my powers and here they are: I don't
murder young innocent animals and claim
them as 'food'. I don't murder my fellow planet
dwellers in the name of 'progress'. So, you can say that my
power is: the golden rule. That is all.
goodnight, god bless and watch out for those pesky kids!
5/12/99
I'm Rubfur guy. I run around and leave fur (hairs) on floors, beds,
food, in trees and everywhere else I go. On December 7, 1999 these
hairs will all burst out "gockadockadoo" What does this mean? Wait
and see.
4/28/99
My name is Dionne Warwick and I have the super power to resurrect
famous dead female singers, like Fontella Bass, Betty Everett, and Diana
Ross! Unfortunately I can't resurrect singing careers. But I can get
you a job as a psychic. I was also a former lover of Fidel Castro.
4/12/99
I think I would go the route of being Don Juan....Superpowers..I dont need
no stinkin powers.
4/3/99
If I could be a superhero, I would like to be the 3 dots ... you know,
as in "Oh, no! Not the ... Please! Anything but that!" Why? Because it
denotes unspeakable fear on the part of the speaker. I'm so frightening,
my name can't even be mentioned. My powers will be known as The Look
And The Sting. Example: Everytime my boyfriend or some other poor
unfortunate anger me, one look from my eyes can either : (a) freeze
them in complete fear, (b) vaporize them on the spot, (c) make them
start telling the truth, (d) just hand over all their spare cash to me.
The Sting comes from my tongue. This power came into existence after I
spent too many nights, tossing and turning, fuming over an insult and
kicking myself because only NOW have I thought of the perfect comeback.
With The Sting, I will always be witty, have a good comeback, able to
humiliate and reduce a full-grown man to tears at 50 paces, and able to
verbally flay the skin off a water buffalo. Tough things, those water
buffaloes.
Still Deluding Myself - Lady Lamp
3/29/99
I would be "StroSoOGo," which is of course short for "Strong Son of a
Goat." It's obvious from the name that my super powers would be to
climb rocky mountains in a single leap, chew up chunks of garbage into
useless bits of, well, garbage. And perhaps most powerful of all,
produce the most foul-smelling cheese which would over-power any villain
into helpless submission.
3/21/99
I am known, in small midatlantic circles, as the shuffler. This title
is derived from my primary superpower: being able to shuffle playing
cards with my feet while simultaneously masturbating with my
two hands. And while this may not seem to be a so-called "superpower",
the world of organized crime shudders in fear at the thought of it.
That, and I also occasionally have partially invisible ears.
3/11/99
Being able to survive, even thrive, without working, I'd be called
"Jobless Charmed Life Guy."
3/5/99
Yes, as you may have guessed, I would be Obscure Reference man! Not
only am I responsible for broadening the minds of all common citizens
everyhere with obscure quotes and references from movies, songs, books
and practically every other media out there, but I am also priviliged
with giving out supernatural advice from otherworldly, thereby 'obscure',
sources or 'references'. Yes, teaching the masses and always forcing
their plebian minds to go "Huh? What was THAT from, I's better find out!".
A mind full of useless or semi-useful information is a mind that is
happy and if I can make the world a happier place, then my job is DONE!
(where's my background music?)
3/5/99
If I could be any super hero, I would emulate my friend Frou-Frou the
Dancing Bear. One day I was making a house out of breadsticks when out
of the sewer a magical dancing bear with the odd name of "Frou-Frou"
came out. He knocked over my house of breadsticks and pointed at me,
saying, "Come dance with me! Let's make sandwiches for the hungry
children of the world!" So Frou-Frou and I raided my kitchen and
looked for all the bread, bologna, and peanut butter and jelly we could
find. We then got into Frou-Frou's magic flying ladle and flew to all
the hungry children of the world, making sandwiches. Ah, that silly
Frou-Frou! He would dance for the sandwich-eating street urchins while
I stood there watching in amazement. Sadly, I had to leave Frou-Frou
and come back to rebuilding my house of breadsticks. I hope the day
will come again when I can dance and make sandwiches with Frou-Frou.
He will live in the hearts of me and all the sandwich gobbling rug-rats
of the world. All hail the mighty Frou-Frou!!! Dance, Frou-Frou,
DANCE!!!
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