Coffee

Railway Station Cafe

A general cafe in a railway station, a woman JILL, is sitting at a table, drinking a cup of coffee while reading a book. A man, PAUL, walks up to the table.

PAUL
Is that seat free? (indicating the chair opposite JILL)

JILL
(glancing round at the full cafe, resigns herself to the company with a sigh) Yeah...

PAUL
Thanks... (Sits, placing a cup in front of him. He reaches down to his right, to a briefcase and removes a paper-back, contorting his head as he rises so he can see the cover of JILL's book) Ah, Wells... excellent choice...

JILL
(looking up from the book) Pardon?

PAUL
Your book... H. G. Wells... The Secret Places of the Heart, isn't it? (his book is now placed on the table in front of him)

JILL
Er, yeah... (she makes a quick glance at the cover of his book, she can't make out a title)

PAUL
Oh, it's Saul Bellow... you...

JILL
(interrupting, semi-forcefully) No...

PAUL
What?

JILL
Whatever it is, the answers no...

PAUL
I was just going.... why? you don't know what I was going to say?

JILL
It was going to be some lame chat-up line, disguised maybe, but still one. And I really don't need that now, I've had a bad day, I just had a bust up with my boyfriend, and I'm kinda feeling that a nice quiet read, without any company, is what the doctor ordered... I mean I am flattered, but no thanks...

PAUL
To be honest I hadn't even thought about it, I was just going to say that you spilt your coffee and your books resting in it... but forget I even mentioned it... (opening book and starting to read)

JILL
(looks sheepish, picks book out of liquid) Sorry...

PAUL
(Briefly glancing up from book) It's ok...

(Pause)

JILL I just didn't know...

PAUL (who had turned back to reading) Forget it...

(Pause)

JILL
No, I really am sorry...

PAUL
Pretend it never happened...

JILL
Ok... (she turns back to reading)

PAUL
(Looking up at her) Er... (indicating the book is in the liquid again)

JILL
(lifting the book up) Damn... (PAUL, mops up the liquid with a serviette from beside his cup) Thanks...

PAUL
It's alright... Look... (he paused)

JILL
Yes?

PAUL
Sorry, just waiting to be interrupted...

JILL
(A half-smile) Sorry... can we start this again...

PAUL
Sure... I don't think it'll work, but I'll give it a go... (Stands up, and moves slightly away from the table) Is that seat free?

JILL
(with an enthusiastic smile) It sure is, please join me... I've had a bad day, I could do with someone to talk to...

PAUL
(sitting) Well, I guess I was wrong... it did work...

JILL
I suppose it did...

(pause)

PAUL
You see this is where the repetition causes problems... the preliminaries are started and no-one can think of a good opening for a conversation...

JILL
(interrupting) No, wait I got one... So, you come here often?

PAUL
(Looking around) Well, yes, I mean I did once try catching a train at the cinema, but the only route they had was From Here to Eternity, and given I had a meeting in Brighton it could have been a problem, and, after a quick consultation with the woman in the kiosk, we decided that it was unlikely Eternity would be near Brighton so I ended up here...

JILL
Ok, I confess, it was a lame start to a conversation... you go then...

PAUL
I wouldn't say it was a lame start... I mean 'my horse has got a limp' that's a lame start, whereas 'so, you come here often' is just a bad chat-up line... something I wouldn't be allowed to use...

JILL
(with a smile) Sorry, just you do have to be careful, answer the wrong way to a pleasantry and some men think they, to use that ever so quaint colloquialism, got lucky... sorry

PAUL
No, it is I who should apologise... you are, of course, right, and you should be extra vigilant... I mean those lines must be coming at you all the time, what with such a delicate smile...

JILL
Thanks....

PAUL
See, just like that...

JILL
That was a line?

PAUL
Subtle wasn't it?

JILL
Rather pathetic, I thought, but then I never was an expert...

PAUL
It was weak, but anything stronger would have been noticed.... I had to think of a line that a smart woman, like yourself, wouldn't notice...

JILL
Was that you trying to sneak in some more flattery?

PAUL
No, 'cos that would be a line, and you already said you don't need that...

JILL
What about the 'delicate smile'?

PAUL
Oh, that was just a test, see if you were listening... you were

JILL
I do that sometimes...

(awkward pause)

PAUL
Well I think we've exhausted these non-conversations... is it back to reading in silence, or have I got to think of something interesting to say?

JILL
I'd suggest the interesting...

PAUL
I thought you might...

(pause)

JILL
Well?

PAUL
I'm thinking... interesting conversations don't just make themselves you know...

JILL
I know it's a novel start to a conversation, but how about names?

PAUL
Damn good idea, it's Paul...

JILL
Jill...

(Pause)

PAUL
Well that was a damp squib... (Pause) So, Jill, if you don't mind me asking, business or pleasure?

JILL
Well, I always prefer pleasure... business always gets dragged down in to the tedious formalities of numbers...

PAUL
I meant what are you doing at the station?

JILL
I had a feeling you might... pleasure... I'm meeting someone... yourself?

PAUL
Meeting someone... (pause) Is it just me or is this conversation a bit slow...

JILL
Well, your no genius, but I wouldn't say slow...

PAUL
Thanks... (pause) Another one that died a death... seems we have a terrible mortality rate in the conversation stakes... Ok... Miss 'I'm having a bad day, and I want to be on my own,' what seems to be the problem... that is if you don't mind me asking...

JILL
No, it's really quite uninteresting...

PAUL
I know, all personal problems are, but I was just being polite...

JILL
Then prepare to be be bored... It was my boyfriend getting a tad possessive, saying who I could and couldn't see, I told him it was my life and stormed out his house...

PAUL
My God, I didn't realise how dull problems could be...

JILL
Thanks... it's an art...

PAUL
I agree... so, who are you meeting?

JILL
Someone...

PAUL
Someone?

JILL
Yep, someone...

PAUL
Is that like a, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean, someone?

JILL
A Monty Python fan? No... just someone...

PAUL
Aaah vagueness... an attractive trait...

JILL
Unintentional, of course...

PAUL
Of course...

JILL
And your someone?

PAUL
What about my someone?

JILL
Will you be open or try to avoid telling me about them with a kind of obfuscating hyperbole?

PAUL
Given my poor vocabulary and a lack of a dictionary, I shall have to opt for just being unspecific... Someone special...

JILL
Special... that narrows it down. Young or old?

PAUL
When did we get on to twenty questions?

JILL
That was in the telepathic link... I knew you weren't paying attention... So young or old?

PAUL
Young...

JILL
Aaah, partner?

PAUL
Maybe...

JILL
I'll take that as a yes...

PAUL
Why?

JILL
Well, it could be because I was watching your body language and sensed that it must be so, or it could be this telepathic link, or perhaps it's just because it's my game...

PAUL
Seems fair...

JILL
Attractive...

PAUL
Thanks, I try my best...

JILL
It's a pleasure.... your partner, attractive?

PAUL
I think so... but beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

JILL
What's she like? (PAUL doesn't answer) Ahhh, refusal to answer... is it likely I'll be able to wheedle any more information out of you?

PAUL
I doubt it... I suppose you can try...

JILL
What does she do? (PAUL remains tight-lipped) Where does she work? (still silent) Tall or short? (silence) I guess you were right... (pause) you know, it's really quite incredible how annoying a conversation can be when no-one is willing to volunteer any information...

PAUL
I know... fun isn't it...

JILL
Not the first adjective that came to mind... (pause) You do realise, of course, that the vast majority of this conversation has been taken up with awkward pauses?

PAUL
There only awkward if you let them be...

JILL
Is that meant to be some feeble kind of enigmatic home-spun philosophy, or just a vain attempt to sound intelligent?

PAUL
Oh definitely a vain attempt... You have to understand that my whole life is just a vain attempt... a vain attempt to be interesting, to be popular, to be successful, to be loved...

JILL
A vain attempt to be loved? is this where the special someone comes in?

PAUL
Poor choice of words, sorry, in that instance, it wasn't a vain attempt. That was the one thing I succeeded in... being loved... Makes a change...

JILL
Oh God, don't get all self-pitying, it's never becoming...

PAUL
True, but then so few things are...

JILL
Indeed... (she glances at her watch) Oh, sorry, gotta go... (stands up, PAUL does likewise) ...my husband's train will be arriving in a minute... (reaching into a pocket she removes a card) ...call me, we should have dinner some time...

PAUL
(slightly confused) What about your boyfriend?

JILL
Oh, he won't mind... See ya... (runs off to one of the platforms)

PAUL
(Glancing down at the card, shrugs and places it in the ash-tray) Oh well... (a hand taps him on the shoulder, he turns round) Gary! (they hug, and kiss, affectionately)

GARY
(unclinching from the embrace) Who was that?

PAUL
That, I think, was some woman trying to chat me up... (GARY laughs) I'll have you know I'm a good-looking man...

GARY
You're telling me... Guess it's a good job I showed up then...

PAUL
I doubt it would've mattered, she wasn't my type, she had to leave to meet her husband, and besides, our boyfriends would have got jealous...

(They walk off together)

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Page last updated on 12th November 1998

Maintained by Julian Fletcher (julian@innocent.com)