This page was made for laughs. Giggle, enjoy yourself, crack up! What ever floats your boat. Here are some bumper stickers and I am going to shut up now, enjoy!
The following were found on actual cars:

1. So many stupid people... so few comets.
2. Horn broken. Watch for finger.
3. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
4. All generalizations are false.
5. Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
6. I brake for no apparent reason.
8. I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
9. Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal.
10. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
11. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
12. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
13. It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.
14. Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog, Dorothy.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
17. I love cats... they taste just like chicken.
19. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
20. Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
21. Born free... Taxed to death.
22. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
23. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
24. Rehab is for quitters.
25. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
26. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
27. All men are idiots, and I married their King.
28. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
29. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
30. Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
31. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
32. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
33. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
34. When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS
35. Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
36. No radio - already stolen.
37. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
38. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
39. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
40. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
41. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
42. Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
43. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
44. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
45. Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
46. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
47. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
48. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
49. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
50. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
51. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
52. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
54. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
55. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
56. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
57. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
58. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
59. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
60. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
61. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
62. Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
63. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
64. i souport publik edekashun.
65. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
66. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder....
67. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
69. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
70. Keep honking... I'm reloading.
71. Caution: I drive like you.


How it really happened...
This, of course is not fully documented. Now everything makes sense!!!(somewhat)
And God created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything that you'd like to have changed?"
She replied, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"
And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed, as she was holding that third breast in her hand, "What can be done with this useless boob?" And God created man.

NAME: Greg B
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was lousy.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS..?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.



The Top 15 Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us
15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks.
12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stockboy" display.
11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer.
10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition.
9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling.
8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct.
7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again.
6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe.
5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jack knifed a Big Wheel.
4. Caught hocking phlegm into tykes' hands and telling them it was "homemade Gack."
3. Your sales display, "Barbie's Struggle for Survival in Post-Nuclear Holocaust Malibu" was not exactly an overwhelming success.
2. Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe in a leather bar.
1. Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I R on break."

The Bashing

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.
Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A: A candlelit football stadium.
Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching it's rear and the other's a chimpanzee.
Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: She didn't. Her husband did.
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: What happens when a man opens his zipper?
A: His brains fall out.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions!
Q: What does PMS stand for?
A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity.
Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them!
Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: Why did god make man before woman?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Q: How can you tell when a man wants sex?
A: He's breathing.
Q: How can you tell when a man's had an orgasm?
A: You can hear him snoring.
Q. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
Q. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A. A pizza and a six pack.
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
Q. Why are men like blenders?
A. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Q. What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
A. One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Q. What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
A. The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.
Q. Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
A. Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A. Slow.
Q. What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
A. An insurance company.

The Come Back
If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"

Rule # 1
Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
Rule # 2
If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Rule # 3
If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Rule # 4
It is in neither your best interest nor ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
Rule #
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
Rule # 6
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
Rule # 7
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
Rule # 8
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.
Rule # 9
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
Rule # 10
Women who wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Rule # 11
When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, your saying, "This is our exit" is not necessary.
Rule # 12
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Hope you guys enjoyed it. I fond it amusing from a females point of view =) Some of those had validity.



An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought #300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in."

The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent #17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!"



Airliner intercom mistake(true story):

A friend of a guy in the Nutrition School at Tufts was one of the lucky passengers on board a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane "Bob". The captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use.

When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came on the intercom. "Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it "But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.

"After a short pause and several clicks...
"Jesus Christ - what a bitchin' ride! Boy I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job right about now." As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, "Don't forget the coffee!"


* The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
--Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

* Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
--Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

* Beauty is only a light switch away.
--Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

* I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
--Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

* Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
--Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

* God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust?
-- The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

* Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
--The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

* No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
--Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

* At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
--Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
--Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

* Make love, not war.-Hell, do both, get married!
--Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

* God is dead. -Nietzsche; Nietzsche is dead. -God
--The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.

* If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
--Revolution Books. New York, New York.

* A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
--Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.