And LAFAS spake all these words, saying..................

1. Thou shalt not partake in the wearing of fake items, or puffa jackets.

2. Thou shalt not talk loudly about thy townie social life and pretendeth that they taketh drugs.

3. Thou shalt not fancy Nick from the Backstreet Boys.

4. Thou shalt not wear platform shoes with tracksuit trousers.

5. Thou shalt not partake in conversation with townies for you will burst their heads with thy use of polysyballic words.

6. Thou shalt not go around singing all the bloody time in an airy- fairy girlie voice.

7. Thou shalt not cause others to choke on thy cheap imitation perfume.

8. Thou shalt not believe that Another Level are the most alternative band that existeth.

9. Thou shalt not have more gold hoop earrings in thy ear than brain cells.

10. Townies are not thy friends. Do not treat them as so, and if thou must talketh to them, thou must do so in a slightly sarcastic voice, so they cannot tell if thou is being serious or not, and thus are confused.

...................... And that is the word of the Lord. Amen.