The Life of Richard Currington
Very well... where do I begin?
A direct descendant of the great Le Chatelier, Richard Currington was born many years ago somewhere in England. He was a precocious youth (his first word was "Chemistry!") and quickly displayed an aptitude for abstract scientific thought. Throughout his early years he harnessed this tremendous power by dedicating his mind, body and spirit to the study of Chemistry. For exapmle, when he was 9, he constructed his own electron microscope with things he found around his room. When he was 12 he could recite 'Vogel's quantitative chemical analysis'... backwards. When was 15 he discovered Buckminsterfullerene (C-60), but thought it was trifiling and so never told anyone. All through his young life, when his little friends were going to the playing fields to play football... he would be in his private laboratory. When his classmates were using bunsen burners in class to find out what 'Specific heat capacity' of water was... he was using his Acetylene torch to test the melting point of Geranium... When his friends invited him down to the pub... he would be forced to decline because he was too busy with his advanced polymer research...
Then, at the tender age of 18, Currington left for Cambridge University as a place where he could continue his lifelong journey. While there, he made a host of new scientific advances including anti-gravity shoes, a cure for the common cold, and laid the groundwork for the GUT. Unfortunately, due to various national security issues, all his accomplishments were classified and he was issued a direct order never to advance science that quickly again, or he would face dire personal consequences.
Crushed and cast out of so-called 'intellectual' circles, Currington was forced to find some other means of subsistence. During this time he married and had a child whose first word was "Le Chatelier"... clearly this runs in the family. At this time, with his genius unrecognized and unappreciated, he became moody and depressive. At his lowest point he had a run-in with the law after he allegedly beat a person senseless after they flippantly told him that "Chemistry is merely a from of applied physics...". Enough evidence was never found and so Currington was let off, but he had become a changed, embittered man...
Eventually, to feed his family, Currington became a secondary school science teacher at Methwold High School during the 1996-1997 school year. It was during this relatively short period of time that he revealed himself to not only be a unparalled genius, but also the God of all Scientific Knowledge.
The ones he chose to make this known to was his Upper Sixth A-Level Chemistry class (later known as the 'Disciples of Currington'). During the lessons with this class, Currington demonstrated his many mental (and psychic) powers to simultaneously amaze and burn in VITAL chemical concepts to his students... During the actual A-Level Chemistry exam, the 'spirit of Currington' hovered over his students and allowed them to preform vastly above their actual mental level.
But there is a sad ending to this tale. Since it universally understood that genius is never understood in its own time, Methwold High School foolishly let the 'God of Knowledge' leave their premises and search for a more prestigious postion elsewhere... where he may in time reveal his powers to the world...
As you read this now, he is lurking... waiting... in another secondary school, a university, or maybe even chemical factory... somewhere... most likely in East Anglia, but possibly anywhere in the world... biding his time until his full genius may be revealed...
In the sections below you will marvel at his actual quotations, wonder at the amazing feats which he has preformed, and eventually you WILL become a believer in his scientific omnipotence...
Continue reverently... IF YOU DARE!!!
"Lone pair-lone pair repulsion is greater than bond pair-lone pair repulsion is greater than bond pair-bond pair repulsion!"
STRANGE BUT TRUE: One day, when a group of lower school students were handing their 10-15 page science practicals in to Currington... one foolish girl decided she would DARE to anger him. Instead of handing back a normal-sized report like all the other children, she decided to turn in one page of random scrawling and two worthless, crudly made graphs... a blasphemy...
That day, as Currington was cruising around the classroom picking up the practicals, she defiantly handed him her blasphemous work. Currington took it, took one look at it... and threw it back at her...
"Hmmmmmm... interesting..."
My Top 10 Reasons why Currington is the God of Chemistry
10. He has "Dynamic Equilibrium" vividly tatooed across his back
9. He always knew more than the 'Chemical Ideas" textbook.
8. He can solve any integral, no matter how complex, if he is given "enough time".
7. He was smart enough to read 'General Sciences' at Cambridge University.
6. He is the Jedi Master of the 'Creed of Le Chatelier'.
5. He knows what you're going to say before you say it.
4. He can turn lead into gold.
3. He has "Vogel's Chemical Quantitative Analysis" memorized.
2. His science experiments never went wrong.
1. I got an A-Level grade "A" in Chemistry because of him. Definitive proof that he can work miracles...
"No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"
A long time ago in a chemistry class far, far away... there was a teacher... and his name was Currington...
It was during this lesson that Currington was lecturing about fervidly to his students about 'organic chemistry' and 'organic synthesis'. Suddenly it struck him to find out if they were actually understanding a word that he was saying. So he stopped lecturing, spun around (in the manner of a quickfire question) and asked one of his disciples ('Diana' by name) if she could name the molecule that was needed for a certain synthesis...
Diana was having trouble... the names of different molecules spun through her brain... she had a vacant expression on her face. Gently, Currington was trying to psychically guide her mind to the right one... BUT before he had time to finish, another pupil fatefully laughed... an unwise move...
Instantly, he traced the laughter to another disciple... SHAUN HARTLEY!
Then... he uttered the immortal words... "Shaun! You think that's funny? You'll be drawing it!"
"Alright! Quickfire questions!"
Why not look at Lord Currington's Chemical Dictionary?
So far, in the quest for enlightenment, 
people have visited this shrine...
"Thank You! Carry on please..."
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Page last updated 5th June 1998
