Pot-bellied elephants come from broken homes: because no one wants to wake up "the next morning" next to a pig- or a big fat elephant.

  "Duck and cover" will save you from molten lava.

  "Love Gravy" is a beautiful song for romantic interludes.

  A monkey with four asses is no match for a monkey with five asses.

  Pink-eye is cured with a topical cream, not by eating people's brains.

  Gay dogs can't learn straight tricks.

  Headgear sucks.

  Always yell, "It's coming right for us!" before decimating wildlife with gunfire.

  When Worcetershire Sauce accidentally turns a town full of people into zombies, remember that it's important to not start cutting their heads off
with a chainsaw while saving your lives.

  Never wipe your bum with poison ivy.

  Cartoons kick ass.

  Evel Knievel and Elvis are the same person.

  Alien anal probes are still subject to local sports blackout regulations.

  Mecha-Streisand is almost as large as Sally Struthers.

  Kum By Yah sounds great when sung with a Cancer Kazoo.

  Midgets in bikinis can be legitimate and respectable newscasters.

  Always flush the toilet.

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