Poems of Darkness
by BardtotheBone

            

Possession

So 
You will wait patiently 
No more raised voices. 
You will sit quietly 
And put your life on pause 
You will hold on by a thread. 
And a very small thread it is 
Yet stronger than a steel cable 
It binds me to you 
It is my leash. 
So 
You will continue to hope 
No more pleading. 
You will live in your world 
You will go through the motions 
You will pretend you are letting go 
But you are not. 
You pretend you no longer hope 
But you do. 
It's in your eyes. 
So 
You think you will break my will? 
No more fighting. 
You will seek to undo me 
So that I may become yours. 
Your silent acquiescence 
Is but a ruse 
And you know your thin little thread, 
That you have woven from my guilt 
Will hold me fast. 
So 
When will you comprehend? 
No more misunderstandings. 
When will you give up the control 
And let go. 
You attempt to quench the fire 
That is in my soul 
So that I will be but a shell 
Of what I once was. 
But I will be yours. 

03/08/01

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(Untitled)

So there's this sense of desperation 
A worried and sinking feeling ­ 
I can't really explain it 
It's as if something is stealing 
My most prized possession. 
I wander through the day 
Pondering deep and meaningful reasons 
For why I'm pondering at all 
And with every changing of the seasons 
My melancholy grows. 
Is this perhaps the poet in me 
Seeking tragedy and strife? 
Perhaps it's the growing resentment 
I have for those who control my life 
As if they hold the remote control. 
I recall my wild days of freedom 
I was a happy fool with no money ­ 
Intoxicated with life, I lived 
Now don't you think it's funny 
That I yearn for that again? 
I live in a house with a white picket fence 
And my own walk-in closet ­ 
I've had a checking account for years 
And my paycheck is direct deposit 
I guess that means I'm an adult. 
I'm not the youngest bartender anymore 
I make more money being a corporate slave 
And however much I yearn for the old days 
I'm a good friend/daughter/girl so I won't misbehave 
But I want to. 
I grow weary of this internal battle 
And this growing fear I can't seem to shake ­ 
I keep feeling as if I've forgotten something 
That I've managed to make a big mistake 
And made the wrong choice.

06/07/01

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            

(Untitled)

You have an uncanny talent 
of dissappearing when times get rough 
When I need you the most 
You close the door 
and when the dust settles 
and the echoes 
have dissipated into the 
silence of the night 
Thoughts of you linger. 
The ache in my heart 
is not a familiar one 
and therefore 
I'm not sure 
what to do with it. 
Do I lock it away 
and pretend to forget it? 
Do I give it free reign 
to wreak havoc as it will? 
Or shall I do 
what I have always done - 
Turn the ache into anger 
and use it to endure. 
But this isn't your fault 
It isn't your doing... 
though you might like 
to think that it is. 
This is my fault 
for allowing you in at all. 
Just as you 
slammed the door 
In my greatest hour of need, 
So do I wish 
I could slam the door 
On thoughts of you. 

2/21/02

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            

Rest

I lost myself 
somewhere 
along the way. 
I wonder if 
I should go back 
and find the pieces. 
But I don't think 
the pieces 
would fit anymore. 
My path 
lies forward 
Yet there's nothing there. 
No path to follow 
No road to guide. 
I think that I shall 
just stay here for awhile 
For although 
it hurts 
It's familiarity 
is somewhat comfortable 
And although 
I know my soul 
needs to heal 
I will rest here 
for just a little while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Am
11/20/01

Angel of Mercy 
or bringer of Death- 
Your intentions change 
as quick as breathe 
At once soft and gentle 
And then cold and cruel 
You covet your feelings 
Like a very rare jewel. 
These ethereal images 
I see in my mind 
They are simply dreams 
Of the sublime kind. 
I will rest easy 
On my peaceful shore 
I am my own captain 
I am my own Lord. 
I am the Rock 
You see in the field 
The plow goes around it 
The soil untilled. 
I am the Stone 
You see in the bridge 
Treaded upon 
to reach the next ridge. 
I am the Anvil 
That's hammered upon 
I stand through the day 
Still there at dawn. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            

Untitleed

For a moment 
I was lifted from 
the darkness of despair 
I saw a glimmer 
of light... 
of hope 
And I stretched 
reaching, straining 
for the warmth. 
For just one moment 
the cynical me 
was forgotten 
and in its place 
there came to be 
such a feeling of hope, 
frothing and brimming 
over so that it 
threatened to breach 
my ability to 
contain it. 
For just one moment 
my dreams 
were within reach 
and I cried with joy 
and laughed like a child. 
Oh! To have within 
your grasp 
That which you have 
yearned and ached for! 
The joy would be so great 
that it would dance just 
outside the boundaries 
of pain. 
And then... 
The moment is gone. 
I stand in the darkness 
And the cold 
And the pain slams into me 
once again. 
I scream with a primal rage 
that threatens to overwhelm. 
I scream until I can feel 
no longer. 
3/25/02 

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