by SpiderBraids
We're back at Waitomo at the JWG, and seriously guys, you ought to stop trying to combine races. Yesterday it was zorbing and biking (they don't mix, if you ask me), today it's tubing and dirtboarding. Basically, they're going to sit on inner tubes and paddle through some underground cave streams, place said tubes on totem poles (seriously, aren't any tribal people going to take offense over that?), and dirtboard (apparently, that's what the skateboard thingys are for) to the next pit stop... I mean, the finish line.
Conch horn time, and time for some trash-talk: "Caves have a way of separating the blokes from the nippers." "Thanks, nipper." Yawn... just race already, will yas? Three words: It's a RAAACE.
OK, now they're in the cave, and they encounter tons of indigenous glowworms. Let's just say that giant monkeys aren't the only animals Twister is a-scared of. "They're just little worms. They can't suck out your brain." Well, not if The Ditz doesn't have one to begin with...
Enough with the sightseeing, time for strategizing. Squid's idea of strategizing is going along the route with rapids. As one TAR participant once said: "No chance to die, right?" The Ditz's much funnier version: "Which way has less glowworms?" And look at them go... oh yeah, there's that Bowling For Soup song again.
Sam is the nerd of the gang, so it would seem pretty appropriate for his idea to turn out to be a smart one, race-wise, as the gang have exited the cave ahead of Theodore's gang. Now, the hard part: getting them tubes onto them totems, and their brilliant idea involves Sam climbing up on top of the siblings and putting the tubes on. You can see them suddenly falling over from 10,000 miles away, yes? Yes. But here's something that doesn't happen everyday: Twist actually having a brilliant idea. He trampolines off the tubes already placed on the totems to put the remaining tube on the pole. One word: whoa.
OK, time to check in with the adults watching the race through binoculars. First that old guy, then Chester... now, time for a kiwi bird to take a vegemite sandwich from Tito. Note to writers: guys running into trees is funny until someone gets hurt big-time.
Time for dirtboarding, and time to drag out another song. This time it's a new version of an old fave, "99 Red Balloons". It was dead funny when it was used as a non-sequitur in an ep of Scrubs, but I'm not so sure if this new Goldfinger version was such a good idea...
"Can you see that's Otto out in front?" "It only matters at the finish line, my friend." And I bet Wil and Tara are still thinking this after being pipped by them Boston guys at their final destination, and in their fracking hometown in the 2nd season of TAR. Indeed, it's Mini-Colin and sister out in front in record pace. Otto sez, "This course has my name written all over it." However, remember those loosened bolts on his board? Well, let's just say that this course soon has his figure imprinted on it instead. Now, time to plug some more stuff.