Chapter One

"This is an outrage!" the little dragon shouted, waving one purple arm in the air. "They can’t just kick us out like this!"

A chorus of affirmative noises greeting his ear holes.

"If they think they can get away with this they’re sadly mistaken!" Lockheed went on. "All we need to do is get some more members to join FURBALS* (formerly known as POFFs**). Here is your mission; go find all the critters you can so that we can organize a takeover--well, something like that--of the Subreality Cafe!"

With a flutter of wings, legs, beaks, fur, claws, tails and talons, the FURBALS were off. "I know where ta go," N’Gari the N’Gari Eater thought to himself as he flew through the air on green wings. "I know just the place . . ."

FURBALS

"Quick guys," N’Gari said, landing on the ground amid all the pigeons. "We need yer help! We gotta get back inta the Sub. Cafe!"

The pigeons cooed at each other one last time, then flew into the air and away.

FURBALS

The Bouncer sighed as he saw more pets coming his way. How many times was he going to have to tell them they weren’t allowed to hold their meetings here anymore? The fur in the pipes was still coming out from the last meeting.

These pets didn’t even bother acknowledging him. They just turned and started walking. All cats, too. He sighed again and stepped into the path, keeping them away. "I’m sorry," he said, pointing to the sign, "No pets of fanfiction allowed."

A large ginger tom looked up at him with very intelligent eyes. "But lad," it said reasonably, "We’re nae pets."

"Doesn’t matter," the Bouncer replied, unfazed that it could talk, "You’re animals. Sorry."

"But we’re not!" a dainty calico said hotly, her tail starting to puff. "We’re people in cat bodies!"

The Bouncer rolled his eyes. "Sure you are. I know the feeling--Gambit the Cat keeps wanting in too. Sorry. No animals allowed."

Jubilee the Cat hissed and started to attack, but a paw on her tail stopped her. "Looking for a way in?" the calico purred. "I know just the place." It smiled.

"And who might ye be, lass?" Banshee the Cat asked, eyeing the lovely little thing.

"Anya." She smiled again. "Queen of Avalon--when my Writer has time for me."

Skin the cat nodded his mackerel head, then followed her into the alley.

FURBALS

Within just a few hours they had a turnout of well over thirty critters, and a few cockroaches running around. In fact, Gambit the Cat had even gone so far as to get Wink Wink and Nudge Nudge, who were currently trying to eat all the pigeons they could. Abyss had said they couldn’t eat pets--but technically, the pigeons weren’t anyone’s pet.

"Order! Order! Order in the alley! If you guys don’t shut up," Lockheed screeched, waving his short arms about and flapping his wings, "I’ll call the vet!" With that statement, silence descended. "That’s better. Now, we’re skipping reading the minutes ‘cause every time N’Gari does that," he glared at the green beast that was about his size, "Someone ends up trying to kill someone else."

N’Gari ruffled his leathery wings, sniffing disdainfully. "It’s not my fault that Lion can’t control himself when I make simple statements like he stinks."

There was an ominous growl from the back of the alley. N’Gari started screeching, and Lewis tucked his arms and legs inside his shell. Not this again!

"NO NO NO!!!" Lockheed shouted, flapping his wings. How infuriating these beasts were!

Nudge Nudge took advantage of the sudden noise to swallow a pigeon, then turned and grinned at Wink Wink. Being sentient bunny slippers really wasn’t all that bad. No one ate them because they were full of fluff, and no one ever suspected them of anything.

"You two!" Lockheed shouted, pointing. "What are you doing?"

Nudge Nudge blinked at him innocently, trying to keep the feathers from escaping from his mouth. He grinned.

Lockheed sighed at the sight of feathers stuck between that slipper’s teeth. He’d have to watch those two. Of course, while he was watching those two Blizzard was trying to kill Tom, because Tom said that Siku liked him better. Ratty and Mickey were both hiding in a corner, holding Artie and Leech captive in front of them so that those mice would get eaten first. Cat--the one who’s only name was Cat--was sitting on a trash can, and if Lockheed thought it possible, then the mean ol’ thing was using it’s powers to telepathically make the crowd madder.

"Okay, everyone freeze! I’m holding a dog whistle!" This time, Lockheed had come prepared. Sheesh. He names a man, torments two, but this was the thanks he got?

"You started without me," the other Lockheed snarled, just huffing over the building.

The first Lockheed--Ash’s Lockheed--rolled his eyes. That Idylls of the Cat one thought he was so tough.

"Okay, guys," Ash Lockheed said, getting close to the other pets, "This is the plan for taking back the Subreality Cafe . . ."

"Subreality Cafe?" cried a mouse with a big head in the corner, "I thought this was the meeting to take over the world!"

"No, that’s farther over near the Villain’s Cafe," Gadget squeaked.

"Oh. Come along Pinky, we’d best be going then," the mouse said, turning and walking off with his tall mouse friend.

"Narf!" the friend cried as they disappeared around the corner.

Mickey sniffed and said to Artie "White mouse trash."

Artie nodded.

"Okay, here’s the plan . . ."

FURBALS

Happy was the biggest ‘coon dog around. Lion was the biggest lion around. That was probably why they were chosen to take down the Bouncer. Lockheed and Lockheed were still fighting over whether they should go in the front or in the back when Hap charged, jumping up onto the Bouncer with all of his weight behind him. Lion was on the poor guy in a minute, dragging him in back and sitting on him so that Cocky, Ratty, Mickey, Artie and Leech could tie him. Mice, rats and cockroaches were, of course, the perfect things to tie someone up, since they came the closest to have opposable thumbs, and Lockheed--both of them--were too busy fighting to help tie.

"Now what?" M, a beautiful gray Persian, asked, looking at the wide-eyed Bouncer.

"Should we ask?" Jono the Cat said doubtfully, watching wings and talons fly as Lockheed and Lockheed went head to head. Or rather, snout to snout.

"Send Cocky in to drive out the females, and Nudge Nudge and Wink Wink in to drive out the males," Mutant woofed matter of factly.

Jono and M looked at each other. Good idea.

"Cocky! Nudge Nudge! Wink Wink!" M called, her voice rising in a meow. "You have to go in and scare everyone out." She stopped the pair of bunny slippers just as they were about to race by. "No eating anyone," she said, her eyes fierce. They exchanged looks, then sighed and nodded.

With a fearsome cry, the bunny slippers ran into the Subreality Cafe, gnawing on table legs and scaring the patrons, who remembered them from the last time Abyss had visited.

"Sic ‘em, Mutie!" Paige called, her yellow fur bristling along her back. Mutant ran into the room, barking hysterically and moving the fanfics into a faster pace.

Gremlins lined the door, ensuring that the people wouldn’t run out. Sherman smiled evilly, chewing on his cigar. "Ohhhh, yeah," he said, reveling in the psychic turmoil. His last endeavor--take over the X-Mansion while leading GPA*** had been a disaster. This, though, this would work.

Gizmo and Gadget stood to one side, shaking their heads and hoping the Gremlins didn’t get out of hand. Oh please oh please oh please.

The rest of the cats--Rainbow, Tiger, Artie and Leech, Mondo, Everett, Paige, and Penance--all came through the door, lining up and keeping the mutants back.

"Lissen up, everyone," one of the Lockheeds said, his arm in a sling and his head wrapped from his recent fight, "This Subreality Cafe is now the meeting place of the FURBALS meeting. Just be nice, and no one will get hurt."

The people in the back started to moan, but Tom ran forward and gobbled at them, so they shut up.

"Excuse me," came a smooth voice from behind them, "But you can’t take over the Subreality Cafe tonight."

N’Gari turned, looking at the new intruder. "Why not?"

Mr. Sinister smiled evilly, hordes of other villains behind him. "Because we members of FOES**** are going to take over the Subreality Cafe tonight."

To Be Continued . . . .

Notes

*Fanfiction’s Unanimous Rascally But Adorable and Loved petS.

**Pets Of FanFiction

***Gremlin Procrastinators Anonymous

****Fanfiction Opponents and Evil Society

Lockheed--from Lori McDonald’s "Ash"

N’Gari (the N’Gari Eater) is from One Month of Terror and is copyright to me, Jenna B. McDonald

All the nameless pigeons were from my fic "Pigeons"

The Bouncer probably belongs to Kielle, but I don’t really know. The Subreality Cafe most certainly does, though!

All those cats that tried to walk in, in fact, the following cats: Banshee the Cat White Queen the Cat Jubilee the Cat Artie the Cat Leech the Cat Skin the Cat Mondo the Cat Everett the Cat M the Cat Paige the Cat Penance the Cat and Jono the Cat are from Dyce’s "Kittens: Generation Cat" and the following stories in that series.

Anya (the Queen of Avalon) is from Lori’s "Ash" and the fics that go before and after it.

Gambit the Cat is from Jacque Koh’s "Gambit’s Cat-astrophe"

Wink Wink and Nudge Nudge the meat eating bunny slippers are Abyss’s, also from the fic "It’s Not the Fall That Kills You (it’s the beer and bunny slippers.)" Abyss told them they couldn’t eat pets--or rather, that it wasn’t nice--when they tried to eat my tiger.

Lion is mine from "A New Home"

Lewis is the Gen X turtle, and since I promised I’d tell the origin of that name, I will. Scroll down.

Blizzard is the dog from Darqstar’s X-S series, specifically the story called "A Very Special Blizzard."

Tom is the turkey from Darqstar’s X-S story; "Turkey Day"

Siku is the main character in Darqstar’s X-S stories.

Ratty and Mickey were, respectively, a rat and a mouse that Artie tried to make his pets in my fic, "One Month Of Terror"

Artie and Leech were mice in Brooke’s "Jubriella"

Cat is from "My Cat is an X-Man" by McBer

Lockheed thinks: He names a man, torments two, but this was the thanks he got? this refers to Lori’s "Ash" where he gives Gambit his new name, and torments both Remy and Wisdom by talking to only them and no one else.

The "Idylls of the Cat" Lockheed is the Lockheed from Luba’s "Idylls of the Cat" series.

The big headed mouse with his tall friend, Pinky are Pink and the Brain (originally from the cartoon "Pinky and the Brain") from Abyss’s "It’s Not The Fall That Kills You (it’s the beer and bunny slippers)"

Gadget is the Mogwai from Twist’s "There’s No Such Thing As Gremlins"

Happy is from "Present Imperfect" by Cassandra Fraiser

Cocky the Cockroach is another of Artie’s pets from "One Month of Terror"

Mutant (AKA Mutie) is the dog from "Bonnie, Clyde and the Christmas Tree" by A Spawn’s Kid.

The Gremlins, Sherman (the telepathic gremlin), GPA, Gizmo and Gadget all are from "There’s No Such Thing As Gremlins" by Twist.

Rainbow and Tiger are from various Teen Two stories.

Mr. Sinister is from . . . pick a fic.

Most of the names of the various groups--except for GPA--I made up.

I’m using all these characters--except mine!--without permission and I do hope the authors won’t sue. :)

Okay, the story of how I came up with the name Lewis. Well, you must understand that it was very late at night. I was lying in bed thinking about the Gen X turtle, and I thought "I wonder if it belongs to Scott Lobdel and Chris Bachalo." Then I realized that their intials made SC. Then I thought of "The Screwtape Letters" by CS Lewis. Then I thought I’d call the turtle CS, but I thought that was too obvious. So, I settled on Lewis. That was how I came up with that name. (Aren’t you sorry you asked?)

J.B.McD.