The Side
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both
cross
roads AND balance your checkbook.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature
Capt JT Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and
therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Big Five Accounting/Consulting Firm: Deregualtion of the chicken's side of
the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced
with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market. Big Five Accounting/Consulting Firm, in a
partnering relationship with the client, on a best chicken basis, helped the
chicken
by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation process.
Let
us show what we can do for your chicken today!
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that He
was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving
their
interests.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone
told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.
Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmm, chicken.
Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the
road of his own free will.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over
the place anyway?"
John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused
the
actualization of this potential occurrence.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at
the
time.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but
is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in
our
haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
The Pope: That is only for God to know.
Plato: For the greater good.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ronald Reagan: What cat?
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
out.