| We enter the world with the capacity, but not the ability, to
feel guilty. Like most other responses, this one is learned. Parents
condition this feeling in their children, as do teachers and other "authority
figures" in our culture. It is a powerful tool for manipulation. It produces
a response without having to provide an explanation.
Guilt and low self-esteem go hand in hand. Guilt is based on illogical thoughts of unworthiness. It makes us feel lower than low and despicable. When we feel guilty, we dislike ourselves. Guilt causes powerful negative emotions to "freeze" in our memories. This provides a perpetual reflection of some of our errors leading us to feel worse than better. As human beings we do make mistakes, and we are at times self-centered in our actions. We are not perfect beings; we are human beings. We can only learn from our mistakes, our imperfections, if we stop condemning ourselves for them. It is unnecessary to constantly refer to past errors in order to learn from them. In the interest of peace of mind, we must remember, that all the guilt in the world will not help us go back into the past and change it. Nothing we have done, regardless of what others believe about it, is so bad that we should not forgive ourselves for having done it. In fact there are things we should question as to the need even for self-forgiveness. If we are not able to forgive ourselves, it makes little difference who else does.
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