When did you first find out your Dad was ill? 

I was living in Orlando, America, working at Walt Disney World, when my mom, dad and
two older brothers came down for a vacation. We had a really good time, but as soon as the
vaction was over my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was 19, so it was five years
ago.


How did you react to his diagnosis? 

Well I didn't know he was ill at first. He didn't want to worry me. My dad had surgery to
remove the tumour straight away - with immediate treatment the survival rate is normally
pretty good. Then the cancer came back. It had already spread through his body. When was
told, I was devastated. I moved back home to Kentucky to be with him. He lived for ten
months after his diagnosis.


So you saw all the stages of his illness? 

Yes. He was taken to hospital, and after awhile he was able to come home. Then the
chemotherapy caused clots in his blood. He had a stroke, which affected his heart, so they
put him back in hospital. The doctors thought it was over, but he lived through that too.
Through it all, I never thought my dad would actually die. I never thought something like
this could happen to my family.


What was your dad like? 

He was a big man, as tall as I am - about six foot one - and a lot more muscley. He was an
outdoors man and a handyman who could fix anything in the house. He played American
football when he was younger and he came to me and my brothers' football games, cheering
us on. He was dependable, always there for us. And my father would never complain if he'd
hurt himself or if he was sick.


What happened to your family when your dad died? 

We've always been close, so we were all very supportive of each other. My eldest brother,
who was a model in Dallas, moved home too. I'm so proud of the way my mom handled it.
She and my father were high-school sweethearts. My mom was - has been - so strong. 


What emotions did you go through? 

I was very angry. I felt my father had been cheated of his golden years. My brothers and I
were growing up, sorting out our own lives. He should finally have been able to sit back, get
ready to retire and do what he wanted. But he was taken away. He was only 49. 


How did that affect your faith in God? 

I felt very angry with God. I doubted him. I still haven't got over the anger, but eventually I
realised my family is not unique. With all the illnesses around, such as cancer and
Aids-related diseases, people go through a lot of pain. It helps me to understand that I'm
not the only one. I just have to go on.


Do you still miss him, five years later? 

Definitely. I miss his advice. I talked to him about what I wanted to do with my life. I was
gonna join the air force when I left high school. That was the logical thing, my brain told me
to do that, whereas my heart told me to pursue my music and my dad agreed. He told me to
do whatever I wanted. Not long after that we had that conversation, my best friend and I
moved to Orlando.


When is the hardest time for you? 

Christmas and Thanksgiving. Whenever I hear Christmas music, it brings back all the
memories, of our times with him when I was growing up. We used to collect the Christmas
tree together, shovel snow off the driveway - all the perfect Christmas things.


Has being away from home, not surrounded by memories, helped? 

Things still remind me. What gets me is when we meet terminally ill children. If I see a child
who I know isn't going to have a chance to live life, it tears me up inside. I have to leave the
room sometimes.


You mentioned your dad at the MTV Awards. 

Brian did that. He said, 'To our family and friends, whether you're watching at home or up
above, thank you.' I knew if I said something too I'd get emotional. But if I have the chance
again, I'll mention him. I love my father and I want him to be remembered.


Is there one thought that's helped you? 

I want to live my life in a way that would make him proud. I think he'd be pleased that I
worked at the band. As long as I do what makes me happy, without sacrificing my morals,
and follow what I was brought up to believe, he'll be proud.