Erving Goffman wrote Stigma: Notes on the Management of a Spoiled Identity and The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life . He writes from the perspective of a Martian. Normal human social life is strange, after all. It's about time for me to reread them to appreciate the processes of relating to people. It may not make it easier for me to meet and interact with people, but it will give me a vocabulary for talking about it.

For me, when it was no longer possible to recall details of events that used to be immediately accessible, it raised a host of problems about how to relate to people. It's embarrassing not to remember people's names. I was ashamed at not recalling how I had been associated with people whose faces were familiar to me.

Not remembering activities from day to day reveals the illusion of a constant self. It can be quite distressing to realize over and over in a myriad of different ways, that one's self is not the same.

The extent of "lost time" is an indication of the severity of damage to brain tissue.

The first concussion (November 1, 1992)
I remember starting home in the dark and getting to the place where I hit the curb 75-100 yards down the driveway. I remember taking my bicycle to the bicycle rack, locking it, and then going back into the building and looking at myself in the mirror. There was abrasion where my forehead hit the asphalt sidewalk. When I went back to class after a day of rest, I found out from one of the security guards that they asked me what had happened, as I was walking from the men's room toward the exit. I passed out. I don't remember the ambulance. I remember the woman MD who was proud of the little stitches.

The stitches over my eye were very fine. They itched. I went to an opthamologist for a followup appointment.

I confuse "loss of consciousness" with "loss of memory" or "loss of time". Clearly I was conscious enough to give my name and DOB when I was admitted because it was on the bracelet I had on my wrist after leaving the hospital.

The second concussion (September 26, 1994)
On my way back from the laundromat, there is some retrograde amnesia for the incident. I have memory to about 1/2 mile from the site of the accident where apparently I had a collision with another bicyclist riding in the dark (he on the wrong side of the road.) I found that out by asking the police at the station the next day when I was getting my bicycle. The front wheel was warped.

I have a vague memory of MRI and an uncertain memory of X-rays (being wheeled through the halls to the X-ray room) to see what was going on with left shoulder separation. I remember clearly talking with a very concerned looking MD. The nurse was cheerful. They told me that I'd asked several times where my bicycle was. I remember looking at the clock. I was alone. I got off the stretcher and put on my clothes. It was maybe 1pm when I finally got out of there. Since the taxi services close at midnight, I walked home. I missed a day of classes. I continued cycling daily to classes and the computer lab.

What helps me
• chatting at MGH Neuro (for "attitude enhancement")
• ginkgo biloba (3 x daily -- effects last about 6 hrs)
• *noticing what I want to remember
• making notes or computer savefile
• reviewing those notes
• getting enough sleep
• enjoying the surprise at how much is accessible
• playing maze computer games (Doom & Doom ][ in '94, '95)

In 1994 I read Brain Boosters by Beverly Potter and Sebastian Orfali, published in 1993. I found it clear and concise. It started me thinking about brain nutrition.

In TBI-SPRT I saw a note recommending Dharma Khalsa's book Brain Longevity. I've read the two introductory chapters and scanned the rest. I'm thinking about buying it, and considering how much it could add to my current program. (The comments I found on stress management and physical and mental exercise and on supplements have got me wondering how fast I can learn if I just get out of my own way.) These days I spend most of my reading time with my nose in books on learning and programming perl. It's a challenge.