A wonderful message by George Carlin post 9/11/01

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees, but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
posted by Nikki at 9:33 PM

Yesterday would have been our 500 day anniversary.

I feel like this webpage has no substance. My past two websites had lots, but for some reason I'm having problems with this one... eh.
Now there's two pop-up windows. I can't even work up a decent amount of anger over that right now. Sorry people.
My body aches. I've worked it harder in the last week than I have in the past 3 years.
I keep trying to fill in my time with stuff so I don't feel as lonely. It's not really working as well I'd like. I've resorted to calling people. Thanks and sorry Jackie, Jay, and Saul.
I dyed my hair. It now has a very bright red tint. That is, if I didn't wash it all out or wipe it all over my towels and pillows yesterday.
I feel like I need a really long vacation.
posted by Nikki at 12:00 AM

I recently made a decision that basically took someone very special to me off my "top priority" list. To that person I just want to say: I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I wish I hadn't needed to. I still want to call you every time something exciting or weird or happy happens to me; or to watch the new movie that comes out this week; or to hang out when I'm bored or lonely (which I'm feeling much more of lately.) I want to hug you and hold your hand when I see you. And I want to feel that tingle in my tummy whenever you give me that look that tells me you care about me as much (or more even) as I care about you. I can't even bring myself to erase your text messages on my cellphone because they still make me smile. But as much as I want to take back what I said, my head tells me I can't and I shouldn't. And I have to believe that it's right because I can't trust that other part of me right now...

It's so hard not to pick up the phone and say I'm sorry and I didn't mean it, but I know that it had to happen sometime and that it might as well be now and not later. Still... that doesn't mean that I don't wish it had been later... Anyway, once again I'm not making sense. But just in case you ever read this: I'm really really sorry. I wish I could be the one to hug you and say it's okay when you feel the way I do now, but I know I can't. I hope that you're doing well and having some fun though. And I hope that somehow we'll still be able to hang out and have fun with each other without feeling awkward. But until then... I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to put my life together enough to be able to include you more in it.
posted by Nikki at 1:49 AM

Okay, really quick cause I was supposed to be asleep over an hour ago... For the past four days now I've been volunteering for the United States Figure Skating National Championships. OMG. I'm working in credentialing, giving everyone their badge to get through security, so everyone has to go through us. (I make their badge.) Here's a quick rundown so far:

Friday, Jan 4
Doors open at noon. Big rush. I see lots of novice and a few junior skaters. I also work with Bob Crowley, executive business manager for the USFSA. I also see Doug Williams, President for this year's Nationals.

Saturday, Jan 5
I go to watch the senior men's practice at HealthSouth. I walk in and see only one person on the ice, so I'm kinda disappointed. As I walk by I think to myself, "gee, that guy over there has a similar profile to Todd Eldridge." Stupid me takes 10 minutes and one walk-by again to realize that it IS Todd Eldridge. And I recognized his coach, Richard Callaghan, before I even recognized him. From that point on I couldn't keep my eyes off him. I even walked one inch by him when he was leaving and I was going back in. He probably thinks I'm weird cause I'm always at his practice sessions and I'm always staring at him. And his family doesn't like me, I think, but that's for another day. That day I also saw Carol Heiss Jenkins, who was training some new senior skater- who was the lone person on the ice when I walked in. I overheard her say they paid $350 for that one hour of private ice. Ouch!

Sunday, Jan 6
My shift starts at 5:30am so I'm up by 3:30 and out the door by 4:20. Unfortunately, I have no white shirts and black pants (required uniform) so I race to my apt first to change. I get to the Sports Arena (our parking area) by 5:20am and the gate to the parking lot is shut. I call my coordinator and tell her I'm going to be late. Finally at 5:30 a guy comes to let me in. I wait outside the north entrance of the Sports Arena for 45 minutes before a bus finally comes by to pick me (and about 20 other people) up. The buses are supposed to come every 20 minutes. Sheesh! We were all late that morning. But credentialing was slow till about 10am anyway. That day I saw Angela Nikodinov- who was wearing the exact same shoes as me! (The New Balances my mom bought me for my birthday.) She had me retake her picture twice cause she didn't like it. Even though we weren't supposed to do retakes I made an exception for her... Hehehe... I'm bad. I also credentialed Audrey Weiseger (Michael Weiss' coach) and the Hartsells and Timothy Goebel's mom. I spent the rest of the day watching practices at HealthSouth. I was sad, though, cause no one showed up to the first group's senior pairs practice. And the second one only had one pair, that I didn't really know, so I just left.

Monday, Jan 7 (tonight)
I go to HealthSouth for a couple hours, between classes, to watch the senior men's practice. Todd Eldridge's whole family was there! I think they don't like me, though, cause I wouldn't move when they said (very loudly) that they needed to save a lot of room for themselves and to spread out along the window facing the rink. They were kinda annoying, but I learned a lot about Todd from listening to them. I also learned a lot from other people standing around me that knew some of the skaters on the ice. Rohene Ward. Watch out for this guy. He's as flexible as a gymnast and I definitely see grace (artistic) potential. And his jumps and spins seem to be pretty solid. Also, the girl (her name's Heather) who does the Michelle Kwan website I've used as my main figure skating resource for the past, oh, four years was there. But I still don't know exactly who she is. I just overheard someone say that she was there- as a volunteer too! I'm gonna try to find her when I go back. I was sad, though, cause Timothy Goebel didn't show up for practice.

Later that day after class I worked at the Biltmore again (that's the credentialing area). The night started out really slow. I walked in right after Kyoko Ina and John Zimmerman went through credentialing, but they were still in the room. So I just stared- again. I'm getting pretty good at that... Then Sarah Hughes walked in. But at 8pm everyone walked in all at once. I don't remember the order, but I credentialed Tanith Belbin and Benjamin Agosto, Sasha Cohen, Tamara Moskvina, Michael Weiss and his wife and oldest son, Jason Dungen, Artur Dmitriev's wife and most WOW of all... MICHELLE KWAN!!! I even talked to her... even though I know I sounded like a complete idiot. I hope I run into her again so I can apologize. Her parents were there also. We closed at 9, but the rush pretty much ended around 8:45. Oh yah, I also credentialed Christine Brennan, from USA Today and Dick Button's daughter. Hahaha... I also saw Yuka Sato talking with Jason Dungen and some other people (one of them was Mark Mitchell I was told) on the way out.

There's still 3 athletes who haven't check in, as well as my old coach Richard Ewell, and the Old People like Dick Button and Kristy Yamaguchi. I'm kinda sad, though, cause Peggy Fleming checked in on Sunday night and I missed her. I wonder if Scott Hamilton's coming... I'll let you know more when I can! This is gonna be my favorite week this year, I can tell!!!
posted by Nikki at 1:06 AM