Today is my last day of DirecTV DSL. I'm sad. :-/ I still don't have a replacement for it. Which means I'm going to be effectively offline for at least two weeks. Waah! =( I'm going milk this for all it's worth for the next hour and a half. Then I'm going to sit here and pout. As much as I hated the way they just up and deserted their customers, they did provide the best internet service I've ever had. I never had one problem with my connection and because of that I never even had to call tech support. My only problem was setting up the gateway in the first place and that was my fault because my phone line is slightly illegally hooked up. Heh. Oh well... off to play before I'm cut off for good. Sigh...
posted by Nikki at 10:33 PM

My elbows are hurting. I think it's some residual thing from my God-awful, way too early, morning workout the other day. That'll teach me to never do it again! LOL.

Yes, I'm in a good mood- for once. And it's all because I passed my test today! Finally. God. I actually didn't really think I'd fail, but there was always that chance. In reality, it was cake. I was done in 58 minutes, out of an alloted three hours, for 150 questions! Unfortunately, they don't give you a score. They just tell you whether or not you passed. I think I was the second person done, the first person finished about 10 minutes before me and was sitting right next to me.

After that... I went to Disneyland! Hahaha... well, not really. I actually went to California Adventure. (But I did go into Disneyland on the way home to grab an ice cream cone.) I rode a few rides, which was actually quite fun, and finally got to watch Aladdin at the Hyperion. It was pretty good, but I thought it was funny that practically EVERY girl in the cast (and it was pretty big- about 25, I think) was Asian. I was very impressed with the set and the techy stuff. Disney's got a huge budget. The actors' voices were great! Better than some people I've seen in major Broadway musicals at the Ahmanson and Pantages. Makes me wonder where these people have been...

Oh, and why else am I in a good mood? Because I finally have an activity! Yay! I cannot wait. I think my entire life has been revolving around my job for too long- and that's a big reason why I've been going nuts lately. I need some distractions.

Anyway, I always have to include something not so happy in here... so the thing that's been bugging me lately? Valentine's Day. God. I've never had a problem with it before. I mean, you'd think I'd be used to it since out of 22 Valentine's Days I've lived through I've only had a date/significant other for TWO of them. So why the hell is it bothering me so much this year? Probably because it's on a Friday and I know that all my friends will be out with their significant other and I'll be stuck at home, alone, yet again. Even my parents have plans for that night. How sad it that? And even sadder- my best Valentine's Day was last year, when Jackie and Bubbles and I hit Sunset and went to Miyagi's. It's kinda sad when you think that your best Valentine's Day was one that you spent with two of your girl friends. Eh. I've just about given up. I'm convinced that I am never going to go on a real date.
posted by Nikki at 10:56 PM

I just hit the back of my hand against the exact corner of my desk. And it hurts. A lot. Ow. I think I hit a nerve... cause I can feel it all the way to my fingertips and down my wrist. Ow. And the whole area on the back of my hand is turning red... Ow. And now my fingers are getting cold... OW. At least I can still type.

Tomorrow is my insurance test. Must study more.

I'm so incredibly sore. I finally went to the Magic Johnson 24-Hour Fitness Sport at the Sherman Oaks galleria this morning. I got there at 6:45am. Erg. It wasn't all I was expecting it to be. But it does have nice, clean bathrooms. And a nice looking jacuzzi that I wish I'd been able to use.

On another note, my old apartment is still emtpy. They're still doing construction on it, making it look nicer. I wish I was there. I miss living that place.

Okay, now I'm typing with only one hand. Ow. I think it's time to stop.

Best quote of the night:
"Now, if you choose not to respond to my parental authority, I should warn you I have mind-altering drugs in the next room and I'm not afraid to use them."
-Dr. Brown, Everwood
posted by Nikki at 10:13 PM

I need to get my motivation back. It's just gone. I don't know where it went.
posted by Nikki at 9:20 PM

Some dope down the street has decided to start a rock band. It's too bad that the drummer can't hold a decent rhythm for more than a minute at a time and whoever is playing the electric guitar is actually worse than I am! And I SUCK. I have half a mind to march down there and find out why they suck so bad, who the hell they are, and tell them (just like Simon would) that they have no talent and no future in the music industry. But then that would mean needing to get dressed and look presentable and then go outside... eh.
posted by Nikki at 3:32 PM

Once again I'm in DSL limbo. This fucking sucks. I have to include the disclaimer that Speakeasy has great customer service, but it took them three weeks to find out that they can't cover me because they don't have access to the remote terminal my phone line is in. Grrrrr! I'm learning way more about DSL and how it works in the last two months than I ever wanted to. Even though I'm only 11,174 feet from the central office (which is about two miles and the max allowed is three) my phone line is for some reason routed through a remote terminal. And who has access to that terminal? Well, DirecTV apparently used to. Of course, SBC/Yahoo does, because it's fucking SBC's phone line. And POSSIBLY Earthlink and DSL Extreme, but they can't tell right now because some stupid hackers got bored on a Friday night (I was bored too! But at least I went out and did something useful!) and decided to hack into a bunch of provider's servers. So no one can tell whether my line is qualified for their service till at least Monday. And that's about it. Not AT&T, not Verizon, not Speakeasy, not Covad, not Surfcity, and I would rather be shot before I go with AOL or MSN. Oh, and cable is completely out of the question because I've had, the speed sucked, and what's worse- I'd have to get Adelphia Powerlink again. Fuck no! So with my two providers that are left, possibly, available to me: Earthlink sucks. I've heard incredibly bad bad bad reviews about them. Plus, they're rated among the AOL's and MSN's of the world in my book. And DSL Extreme is supposedly good, but they're more expensive and they don't have 24/7 tech support. Plus, they're an independent company, so they could go out of business, but then again... DirecTV isn't and they did. Go to www.broadbandreports.com to see where I got this info. This is getting to the point where it's not worth the fucking trouble. First @Home, then Powerlink, then DirecTV, then Speakeasy and now I have to deal with all this crap again? ARGH!!!!!!!!
posted by Nikki at 12:40 PM

Too many fucking things go wrong in life. Why is it even worth it?
posted by Nikki at 9:51 AM

Yeah, that's right. I'm supposed to be at a Mighty Ducks game right now. Instead I'm sittin in front of my damn computer once again, almost about to throw up. Why, you ask? Well, my parents stood me up. Or to be more exact, I was uninvited.

Nothing gets you more depressed when your Friday night "date" with your parents ends up with you being uninvited so they can go with their friends instead. I'll be damned if I stay home on a Friday night because I was stood up by my parents. So I made it a Barnes and Noble night, topped off with a large Domino's pizza, breadsticks, and Domino's dots. Now you see why I'm about to throw up. So much for the five pounds I've lost.

Here are the reactions I've noticed when I get in particular moods: When I get mad I exercise. When I get depressed I eat. When I'm happy I go bug my friends to go out with me. Let's just say I've been doing a lot of exercising and eating lately.

Observations of the night: Barnes and Noble is empty on Friday nights. So I had my choice of couches. Domino's pizza is disgusting. It's rated below Shakey's in my book. The only things that make it worth it is their breadsticks and their cinnasticks. Domino's dots are greasy and just plain gross. If you could build the perfect pizza restaurant it would have Domino's breadsticks and cinnasticks, Papa John's pizza, Pizza Hut's buffalo wings, Shakey's mojo potatoes, and Numero Uno's pizza crust. I was the only one at Barnes and Noble who was alone. Every other person I saw there was with someone else- even if it was their six year old daughter, who was doing her homework.

My social life is fucking non-existent. Now where's the damn ice cream.
posted by Nikki at 10:12 PM

I finally have a test date. Now all I've gotta do is pass. Crap, I really need to study!

What to do... Erg.

You know when you read a book or a watch a movie... and one of the girls is feeling down cause she just broke up with her bf or she's going through a dry spell? So her friends come over, make her get dressed, and force her into a night out on the town where she eventually meets either the perfect guy or lots of guys just to play with? I need one of those.

The reality of my social life: I'm spending tomorrow night (Friday night) at a Mighty Ducks game (that's ice hockey to you non So-Cal people... they suck) with my parents, because my mom was able to get free tickets through her friend. Who else is going? The lady's son and his friends. Oh, this is just going to be a great evening... I can tell...
posted by Nikki at 11:21 PM

Somebody help me... I've gone American Idol mad. LOL! I actually taped Buffy so I could watch American Idol tonight! Yipes! But I gotta say... some people really can't sing. And I thought I was bad...

I finally turned my car in. =/ And I got some nasty American made car as a rental... Hahaha... I'm not the biggest fan of American made cars. It's sad. Especially when I can't figure out how to adjust the damn passenger side mirror! They handbook says to have a passenger adjust it manually for you. Well, 1) I don't have any passengers. Like, ever. And 2) When I freakin tried to adjust it myself it looked like it needed power adjusting. Like there's supposed to be a switch somewhere... but it's not anywhere. Eh. Stupid American made cars. If this car wasn't free I'd so be complaining right now.

Some people wait a lifetime... for a moment like this... Argh.

Oh! Today, I sat in a room with two cats for three hours and only sneezed once! AND my eyes didn't get all watery and crap- AND I even petted one of the cats cause she kept climbing all over me! And I did all this without taking any form of drugs! Wow!
posted by Nikki at 10:57 PM

I've come to realize that I know a lot of great men. Unfortunately, they are either otherwise (pre-)occupied or else not my type. But I do know a lot of them... so that should give a person some hope that there are others out there who are not (pre-)occupied or not my type.

Today was the first good day I had at work in a very LONG time. The State of California's Insurance Department finally decided to grace me with a test date. Thank God!

I need to get my head out of the gutter. Because lately it's been slightly pre-occupied (this is a very popular word tonight) by someone that it shouldn't be. For a few very good reasons! Yes, he's very sweet and thoughtful and inherently a gentleman (great qualities that I thought didn't actually exist anymore), but it's SO not right. Ech. I need to get my butt out there and start living my life again. I think I lost it somewhere along the way... Have you seen my life anywhere?
posted by Nikki at 10:50 PM

One last thing... The purpose of this page: to psychoanalyze myself, because I'm too poor to pay someone else to do it for me.
posted by Nikki at 11:46 PM

Okay, now I'm thinking upper respiratory infection... cause I've been coughing, actually, blowing up shit that should not be there. Gross.

I had stuff to say, but now I can't remember it. Although, I guess that could be a good thing cause I do remember that it was depressing as hell. Kinda like me. Oh well.

Oh yeah... that thing about spending too much time on my own lately. I've been thinking about it and I've pretty much spent more time alone in the last six months than I have with all my friends put together. That's pretty sad. It's like I'm homesick, even though I'm living at "home." Because on the rare occassion I actually do want to go out and do something I'm too lazy to drive to West LA or Glendale or Wilmington to hang out with anybody. Or else they're already busy, because it seems that everyone except me has a life. I hate Orange County and I hate living so far away from all of my friends. And I hate the fact that there's no one nearby I can consider a friend enough to just call up on the spur of the moment to hang out.
posted by Nikki at 11:06 PM

Right now I feel nauseated and like I'm going to either throw up or pass out. I think it's a combination of too much exercise on an empty stomach inside an overly warm room. Ech.

There are some very witty people out there... I wish I got the chance to hang out with them more often. I think I've been spending way too much time on my own lately... no matter how many excuses I make about needing "personal time."

"Relationships are like tampons. They always have strings attached."
-Fourplay, Jane Moore
posted by Nikki at 7:16 PM

Yay! Michelle Kwan skated the best I've seen in a LONG time at nationals this year! And she got her 7th national title and her 28th 6.0 at nationals. Hee! No one can beat Michelle when she skates her best!

State Farm car insurance sucks. I was supposed to have heard from someone from there by Friday, but no... they haven't called yet. Don't get State Farm insurance.

I need to fix a lot of things in my life right now... I think I'm overwhelmed though, cause I'm trying to do everything at once. Argh.
posted by Nikki at 10:31 PM

After taking the 1500 Question Purity Test I am 68.1% sexually pure (which was probably because I have not touched any form of illegal substance) and 27% weird, which is something I already knew. Hehehe...

Why Tuesday, January 21 should be a good day:
The Bourne Identity comes out on DVD
It's the first episode of American Idol 2
It's the first day to enroll in the singing class I want to take

I think I need a vacation.
posted by Nikki at 10:23 PM

Happy things to think about:
The cavities I thought I had were tea stains. And my new dentist made my teeth all white and pretty again.
Simple Plan has some cute guys in it. And they're pretty good too. And their lead singer speaks French.
Suburban Legends.
I've somehow lost four pounds without even trying.
The Bourne Identity comes out on DVD next Tuesday.
posted by Nikki at 2:03 PM

First, my disclaimer: I know that there are a few of you out there who actually read this thing on a semi-regular basis. To you I say... please don't ask me about this unless I bring it up first. Thanks.

Tonight I was going over business stuff with my parents, mainly their life insurance policy and how they don't have enough money to retire comfortably. And my mom said, "That's okay. We can live with you." And I just kept saying "No, you can't!" Then when she asked why the only thing that I could think of to say was that I'm not happy here. I know that seems pretty innocuous in itself, I mean, what 23 year old is happy living with her parents? Especially after living on her own, pretty much, for the last five years. But really, I'm not happy here. And as the night went on I just kept thinking about it. Because really, those words came out of nowhere to me and it's the second time this week that a "catch" phrase has caught my attention. And as I kept thinking I realized there are a lot of things I'm not happy about right now... which led me to try to think of things I am happy about, you know, trying to look on the positive side. And so far... in my current state of mind and with the way things have been going lately... I can think of nothing. I'm not happy about having to deal with getting in a car accident. I'm not happy about being sick and for some reason having a feeling that I'm actually sicker than I think, or feel, I am. (Although it's most likely the hypochondriac in me.) I'm not happy about living with my parents and two very annoying houseguests. I'm not happy with the way things are going at work and that I'm not going to get paid for at least the next two months now. I'm not happy that I don't feel like there's anyone I can actually talk to in person about any of this. And I think that's the part that's bugging me the most. No offense to my friends who are reading this, but I really can't picture talking to anyone I know about any of this. And I have to wonder why.

Like I said before, I've got trust issues. And the part that's disconcerting to me is the fact that I feel my job's gotten in the way of me communicating certain things to certain friends. And then there's the whole me not wanting to weigh anyone down with my issues thing as well. On Monday I got to witness first-hand someone laying their issues on another person and that person's feeling of helplessness afterward. They really didn't know what to say and I don't blame them. I was there for the entire thing and I couldn't think of one thing to say either. I also know that that person has her own issues to deal with and having someone else's put to them, unasked for, was not the nicest thing to do. I don't want to put any of my friends in that position. Besides, it's not like it's so serious that I'm going to go out and do something stupid. I just wish I could finally figure things out for once and get over all this already.

I know part of it is that I miss feeling close to someone. Ever since I moved back here I haven't gotten to spend quality time with about 99% of my friends. And when I do get to talk to them I get this feeling like we don't even know each other any more. One of my friends, someone who once told me I was like his best friend, seems like a stranger to me now. We always used to be able to talk but now it's just awkward when we're out together. And I think he's been avoiding me because of it. I think over the last few years we've grown into different people and because we only talked a few times a year we don't really know each other anymore. So now when we try to communicate it's like trying to talk to someone who no longer exists. And now I get the feeling that this is happening with a lot of my friends... I know this is something that, in words, is pretty easy to fix. But when you factor in real life and everyone's schedules and things it almost seems impossible. I really just need to get a life, but I can't seem to figure out how to do it. At school it was easy, people usually came to you. But now it's like the only people I ever encounter are ones that I don't want to talk to. And I think it's rubbing off at work because I want to make new friends, but I want to keep co-workers as co-workers. I don't want to mix the two parts of my life together like that but it's like the only place where I ever get to meet new people these days. At least, where I get to meet new people who I feel are non-threatening.

That's the other thing... what I said earlier bout my internal dialogue when I'm around guys... I realized that whenever a guy shows interest in me I feel threatened for some reason. And I try to make it go away. I never used to have this problem. Seriously, I don't know what I'm afraid of. It's so stupid... but I do it every time. This is why I resort to guys I've already got some kind of history with, guys who seriously need to be laid to rest in that department. Which I think is something I subconsciously realized... but what's happened is that it's pretty much left me with nothing. And starting from scratch is very hard to do when you don't know what to do. I'm not making sense anymore... It's five in the freaking morning and I haven't slept yet because I was up all night reading some sappy romance book that was just making me cry because it reminded me of what I'm missing out on right now.

I really do feel like all the different parts of my life are falling apart right now and even though I'm getting to fixing things one at a time I still want to just slink away somewhere and let it all go fix itself. Cause it's taking too long for me to figure out how to do it.

On another note... God, I love this thing. Sadly, it's like my best friend cause I can type anything I want in it. Never mind the fact that half the world has access to it...
posted by Nikki at 5:22 AM

Should I be concerned that I haven't been on anything resembling a date since December of 2001? ...Unless you count a certain banquet where I borrowed a "date" from his girlfriend for the night... This is so depressing.

But then again, considering the state I'm in, I wouldn't wish myself on my worst enemy. But then, since I don't have a worst enemy that's an actual person (the state of California's insurance department doesn't count) I guess that doesn't matter.

I kept thinking that if I fixed one part of my life, then the other parts wouldn't matter so much. But now that that part's splitting open at the seams the other parts have crept back in too. It's enough to make me want to crawl into a cave and hibernate for the next decade.

God, considering my lack of any social life, it's no wonder I'm about to implode. If I don't do anything about this soon I'm really going to need to see that psychiatrist.

...afterthought...
Okay, so I've been thinking about it for the last ten minutes and... What the hell is wrong with me??? I'm literally scared to meet new people (men, I mean.) Last night I was out to dinner with a co-worker and even though he's not someone I'd consider starting anything with I still had this... I don't even know what to call it. I want to say shying away, but it's so much stronger than that. It's like... Well, here's my train of thought whenever I'm in a situation with an available guy around: "I hope he's not taking what I'm saying the wrong way. I don't want him to think there's something going on that's not... Oops, I better not say that or else he might take it the wrong way... I can't look him in the eye, he might take it as a come on... Shit, does he think I'm flirting with him? Damn, am I flirting with him? I better stop." What the hell is that??? Okay, so maybe I'm like this cause I'm really not interested in the guy, but I haven't NOT thought this around a guy in an extremely long time. And by long I mean the last guy I can remember openly flirting with is my ex. In December of 2001... or actually, before that... because I think I'd stopped flirting with him a while before we broke up, at least a month before.

So what the hell is wrong with me??? It's like some stupid paradox- I want to meet someone, but then again, no I don't. Something my co-worker said to me yesterday struck a chord, too. I was telling him what one of my friendships was like a few years back and he said "It sounds to me like you guys were in a relationship. That's the way my girlfriend and I were too." And I just kept thinking... I've never had a relationship that was like that. I've had friendships like that, a couple that I can think of, but never a relationship. So there's got to be something wrong with me if I can never get a relationship to work out as well as a friendship. Then there's the devil's advocate me that's saying, "It's only cause you haven't met the right person yet." (See? I talk to myself. Need more proof that I'm nuts?) But if I can have friendships like that, why is it that I can't have a relationship like that? Because even if it doesn't work out in the end, it should at least work out sometime before the end. And I've never had a relationship that was as open and carefree as any of those friendships. Oh my God... Because I've never had a relationship where I wasn't holding something back...

That's it. I just don't trust anyone. Shit.
posted by Nikki at 12:40 AM

I'm too sleepy and eh feeling to go into it right now... I just felt the need to post something in here...
posted by Nikki at 11:46 PM

I got hit by a stupid lady driving a Ford Explorer that wasn't hers today. She said, "I heard sirens and I thought I was supposed to pull over..." So what does she do? She pulls over into me instead. Stupid idiot drivers. I shouldn't even have seen her, because she was driving in my blind spot when it happened. But I saw her all of a sudden in my side mirror (and then window) so I started honking and she, of course, keeps going... right into my rear driver side door. I would've sped up to get out of her way, but there was another SUV in front of me that was pulling over and had cut me off as they did, so I had to brake or else rear end them... or run into the sidewalk and some light poles. There are way too many stupid drivers out there. I hate it. The good news is that there's only a tiny dent, but there's a whole lot of white paint on my car. I can see scratches underneath the paint, but I won't know how bad till I get the paint buffed off. I know it'll come off cause I've been able to remove it before- from the other car that hit me while I was parked somewhere... and of course they didn't leave a note. I really hate dumb drivers. This lady didn't even really know what to do- and she looked like she was at least in her 40's. So we exchanged info, with me pretty much asking her for everything, and then I told her that I probably won't be reporting it to my insurance because it's not worth the cost of the deductible plus the probable rate increase they're gonna give me for getting into an accident in the first place. And she's all, "But you're supposed to report anything that happens to your insurance." I was like, hell no! I told her if she reports it her insurance premium is going to go up- because the accident was completely her fault. She just looked at me like I had no clue what I was talking about. Then she's like, "Well, I have to talk to my husband about it, because I don't know what to do. It's his car anyway." Grrrr. People as stupid as her should not be allowed to drive. PLUS, when we were pulling over (I pulled into a parking lot because we were on a two lane road and I didn't want to block traffic- it took her forever to park because she couldn't get her damn car into a parking space! She kept having to back out and fix herself.) Oh, and what's more... I didn't even freaking see anything drive by that had sirens coming from it. I heard the sirens too, but they sounded really far away and I didn't see anything, so I figured I'd pull over when I saw whoever it was that had them. And they never showed up. And she kept treating me like I was some kid who was all shook up from getting into a car accident... never mind the fact that I've been in worse accidents and that she was the fucking idiot who drove into me. I was pissed at her and the only reason I didn't yell was because I was in a hurry to get to the LA Auto Show. ARGH. STUPID FUCKING NO BRAIN LA DRIVERS.
posted by Nikki at 2:24 AM

I'm deaf. I can only hear ringing in my ears... I just came from our company "Christmas" party. Good Lord... I don't think there's a company out there that has parties like our does. There was an open bar and one of the junior partners had to be carried home... Plus, there was LOTS of Chinese food, a not-so-great DJ, and a dance floor. And two of the owners of the company were playing bartender- and they were pretty good at it too! Oh, and I got to bring home a BUNCH of leftovers and I won a Rush Hour 2 DVD. Not too bad... Hehehe. Oh yeah... and then... people came with their exes (although to me it didn't look like they were exes). Very interesting night...

I'm too sleepy to take off my make-up again.
posted by Nikki at 12:20 AM

Those stupid people did it again. After my mom and I both specifically told them not to- at two different times- they decided to take it upon themselves and put away our Christmas tree. Or as they put it: "dismantle it." So what'd they do? They took all our ornaments- some of which are over ten years old and MADE OF GLASS and threw them into a box. Literally. We opened a box and there they were. So as my mom and I just spent the last hour and a half taking them out of that box and putting them away correctly in the appropriate boxes- after weeding out the broken glass and pieces of four different ornaments (one of which was one of my favorites!)- I'm now incredibly tired and sleepy and extremely, EXTREMELY annoyed at those fucking idiots. We asked them not to do it for a reason. Because there is a specific way we put away our ornaments. And the reason why we do this is pretty much the reason why we still HAD all these GLASS ornaments after TEN FUCKING YEARS.

Then as I'm going downstairs this morning one of them comes up to me to see if they're doing something "correctly." What had they done? He'd taken gardening shears and was clipping all the branches off of the tree- INSIDE THE HOUSE- so he could take it outside BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR. Did they ever stop to wonder how we got the tree in the house in the first place??? That maybe there had to be a way to fit it through the door without "dismantling" it. Then when I told them, yes they're doing it wrong, they still went ahead and did it anyway. What was the point of asking???? So now we're going to have dry tree pieces sitting in three of our garbage cans on the side of the house for another six days, because garbage day was the other day. And if a fire starts I swear I'm going to strangle them. And we're now out of empty trash cans because THEY USED ALL OF THEM FOR THE TREE PIECES. I told them to leave the tree in the house, where it was, until the next garbage day so we could just take the whole thing out and leave it on the sidewalk, but NO. He had to make a mess and cut it up and leave it in a heap to catch fire where no one would notice till it burns the garage and then my room down.

Oh. And now there's also one ornament box that's empty- because we couldn't find the ornament! It wasn't made of glass, so it couldn't have been smashed into pieces. So now I'm just assuming that the ten dollar ornament is sitting in one of the trash cans outside, waiting to be thrown away.

Stupid fucking idiots. I want them to go away. It's no wonder her daughter kicked her out. If that hadn't happened they wouldn't have been here in the first place. Fuckers.
posted by Nikki at 12:22 AM

ACHOO! *sniff sniff*

You know how you see "wash me" on really dirty cars? Well today I saw "ya lavame" on a really dirty car. Hehehehe... I thought that was pretty funny. But then, almost anything can be funny when you're stuck in traffic on the 405 in West LA.

*cough cough*
posted by Nikki at 9:39 PM

My fucking desktop ate my Office XP installation disk. I'm going to rip that piece of shit apart on Saturday. Then I'm going to smash it to pieces- after I get my disk back. That disk is worth more than the scrap metal I can give that stupid computer away for. I hate that thing. It did nothing but cause me problems for three years. And I hate my parents for insisting on using it, even though I explained that any computer that's seven years old- and which hasn't even been turned on in three years- is not usable anymore. So what do I do? I try to fix it for them. Then it fucking eats my disk. Fucking piece of shit. I wanna pulverize it with a bat. And turn it into dust.

And I was actually in a good mood for once earlier. And I wanted to be asleep by now. God. I'm ready to jump off a ten story building right now I'm so pissed. I don't want to do shit tomorrow. I want to blow off all my clients, like they've all been doing to me, and stay in bed and sleep all day. Because I fucking feel like shit and I'm pissed off and all I want to do is hit something.
posted by Nikki at 10:26 PM

Thank God for the miracle of non-drowsy Sudafed. That shit does wonders... I'm now only slightly stuffed up and my runny nose has trickled to a small stream... And my fuzzy head is practically gone! Woohoo! Too bad it doesn't do much for watery eyes... I swear everyone thought I was crying all day today.

I really need to work out more. I just realized what was causing these damn cramps I keep getting in my hip/butt area: my freaking boots! I guess I can't walk around all day in three inch heels like I used to... I'm getting old. Geez... I need someone to come and use a cattle prod to push me back into my skates again.

I'm very sleepy. And I'm sick of people cancelling on me... again. It's like it comes in spurts. Stupid people. I know I need to fix this, cause it's more my fault than theirs for not making it clear that I don't like cancellations, but in my sickened state I don't mind too much at the moment. I love my job, but I think it's part of the reason I'm sick right now. And I really want to take a couple days off to let myself get better. It fucking sucked being all sniffly and sneezy this morning when I was on an appointment. I felt like a damn invalid. I'd rather not see clients when I'm like this, even if I'm not technically sick. Grrr.

Oh well... time to feed my face again. Eh.
posted by Nikki at 6:22 PM

I'mb sick. Eh. Not like fever sick, but like runny, stuffy nose, dry, scratchy throat, head full of fuzz sick. Yech. And instead of feeling cold, I'm just hot. I'm sweating and it's freaking hot in here. And I don't want to sleep with the window open because I think being outside at night is what made me sick in the first place. Grrrr!

Santa Claus toilet paper from Crate & Barrell is not the softest thing to wipe on your bum. But it is cute.

Wow dude... we don't get much lightning and rain around here, but these winds were crazy! Too bad the power couldn't go off in my area. Then I could've been late to work on Monday- with a valid excuse. I couldn't sleep at all for the last couple nights, cause I had this stupid fear that some huge branch or cow or car or something would crash through my window and land on me. Or else the wind would be blowing so hard that it'd blow my house down. Because it was seriously shaking the entire house at times so hard that I swore it was an earthquake...

Stupid Bush and his dividend tax cuts... that's pretty much only giving a tax cut to the really rich (according to the news- 5% of the U.S. population.) Because only the really rich can afford to buy stock in enough bulk to benefit from this tax cut. And since his objective is to increase spending, he's pretty much missed the point. There's a WHOLE LOT more not-rich people than rich people, so if he wants to increase spending he should target a larger sector of the population. PLUS, any intelligent person (who's done some reasearch) would know that the people in the mid to upper middle-classes are the largest spenders. The really rich people know that they should buy more stock instead of buying more clothes and shit- how else do you think they got rich in the first place? Stupid Bush. Aw well... I need to look into his whole tax-cut plan some more to see what else he's done this time...

Awwww... see? Suburban Legends is full of nice people! I just got replies back for both of the emails I sent them. So sweet!

Geez... I need to sleep. My eyes are watering like my best friend just died and I can't breath and my throat hurts and I pulled a muscle in my thigh from sitting down wrong last night. Okay, well, that last one has nothing to do with me being sick, but it's bugging me. And it's freaking hot in here! ARGH. Somebody drug me please!
posted by Nikki at 11:35 PM

Okay, I have to post this before I go to sleep... I've decided the big bad wolf's come around to huff and puff and blow my house down. Or at least blow some huge 18-wheeler and a cow through the air and in through the walls of my house therefore rendering my body unconscious in my sleep and unable to do anything remotely unwanted by me. Hah. Come tornado come!

I did a google search for "Suburban Legends" and I got 1,990 finds. I even found a personals ad that Derek put out... saying he's single... although from what I've seen the last couple days I'd say it isn't so! Hahahaha... and what some of those girls put on there... sheesh! You were born in 1987! You're like 15! Shut up already about "having my baby"!

Good Lord, will someone please knock me out already? I need to sleep! Damn wind. Oh God... I'm going to have dreams of trumpets and trombones and flying gummi bears and de-corded mics and one handed handstands and shit...
posted by Nikki at 1:26 AM

Oh here comes the wind... blow wind blow!

I'm on a Suburban Legends high. It's really bad. Tonight was their last night at Downtown Disney. It was fun! Sad how much I'm missing out on fun so much that I drive to Downtown Disney and hang out among the high schoolers to soak in my fun. But that's okay (Good LORD this wind is really strong!!!) because I love this band! Hahahaha.... and what's even funnier is that they're a ska band and I haven't ever really listened to ska before- unless you count that one song by Reel Big Fish that everyone loved in high school (because it was so dirty).

You wanna know how much of a high I'm on right now? I had all my alcohol last night and I'm more hyper right now- two hours after they finished- than I was all of last night. And tonight, while I was on the phone with Jay, I was sitting on my exercise ball and I fell off- because I was singing Gummi Bears and wasn't really paying attention to anything. LOL!

Geez... I feel like my car's gonna get blown away. By morning it'll be down at the end of the street. Maybe I should go out and put on my parking brake. Hahahaha! But then again... Jay said his car was in neutral at a stoplight and the wind pushed it away... Wow. It's a good thing it's not trash day tomorrow. That'd be really gross.

Uh oh. I feel that I'm too tired to take off my make-up and wash my face feeling coming on again. Which means I'm gonna be up really late tonight... Crap.

I wonder... If I open my window with all the wind blowing the way it is, and leave my three candles burning the way they are, will I burn down my room? That wouldn't be good... But it's getting really warm in here... Or maybe it'll just blow out the candles. What sucks bout the wind being like this is that I have to open my blinds to open my window, or else they'll all get pushed around and that's bad for my blinds. They're made out of cloth for gosh sakes. Gosh... hahahaha.... golly gee willikers... Damn I'm too hyper right now. Help! Hehehehehe! I really need to calm down!
posted by Nikki at 11:52 PM

I'm sleepy but I'm too tired to actually go to sleep.

I watched Suburban Legends again tonight with Marie. It was fun! Tomorrow (or that would be tonight now, actually) is their last day at Downtown Disney. I'm so sad. I won't have an excuse to go there anymore. I'm actually considering going to ska summit in Las Vegas just to see them again. So so sad...

I have too many places to be next Friday! GRRRR! First there's an INVID concert at Pugz in Westwood and then there's a Common Rotation concert at The Knitting Factory. And THEN there's my office Christmas party, which is two weeks too late and to which we were only given one week's notice. Stupid stupid stupid. Cause I really want to go to all three. But I have to choose between the party or both concerts. Cause I can do both concerts. INVID'S on at 7 and Common Ro's on at 10. So I have more than enough time to get from one to the other. Boo! I'm mad! I have no life and then all of a sudden everything I want to do happens on one night. I guess, mathematically, I should go to the one where I can get more done- which would be both concerts. But then I've heard SOOO many stories about last year's office party that I want to go and experience it for myself. Argh! I've got till Monday to make up my mind...

That damn Gummi Bears song by Suburban Legends is still stuck in my head! Gummi bears... here and there and everywhere... Argh.

Oh! And Marie and I went into Disneyland for the hour and a half before they closed tonight... and Marie got many comments on her Suburban Legends sweatshirt. They ranged from "Oh I know of that band!" to "I used to date one of the trumpet players!" Hahahahahaha! Boy did we get some gossip out of that one! Weeee!

And on that happy note... I guess I should crawl into bed now. I know I'm going to regret staying up this late in the morning.
posted by Nikki at 3:10 AM

I did it. I made the switch from DIRECTV (bunch of fucking bastards) to Speakeasy. So far no complaints to be had. Actually, the rep I spoke to was quite nice and very helpful. Even though I'm now paying $9.96 per month more than I used to I don't mind cause I've heard some great things about this company. And I've got 25 days to change my mind. So all in all, not too bad I'd say. If you're looking into DSL service check out this link: http://www.speakeasy.net/refer/196086. They are spoken of quite highly by every site I went to these past couple weeks while I researched DSL companies. Yay! I hope this company works out... cause I'm really not looking forward to changing my email address again.

I'm so sleepy. SOOOOOO sleepy! *Yawn!* By golly, I think it's time for bed. Signing up for this new DSL service wiped me out...
posted by Nikki at 11:24 PM