Disclaimer: THEY ARE NOT DORKS! They are socially challenged.

Name: Jeremiah Higgens
Age: 32
Sex: M
Number of Computers Owned: 6
Personal Comments: He has great hair.

Name: Madigan Henrietta Hoogenboom
Age: 87
Sex: F
Number of Computers Owned: 17
Number of Computers which are Commodore 64 or Older: 10
Number of Computers that Work: 17
Number of Computers that Work the Way they are Supposed To: 0
Personal Comments: Hot mama!

Name: Nicolo Paganini
Age: Baroque
Sex: M
Computers Owned: None, but evidence of an abacus and a Pentax have been found.
Job at Edsil's: Enigmatic Music Director
Comments: Underworld Liaisons Strongly Suspected.

Name: Jean Luc Pierre Winslet
Age: 35
Sex: Indeterminate
Computers Owned: Would something this refined really own such a mundane appliance as a computer?
Job at Edsil's: Costume designer
Hair Tips: Use lots of extra virgin olive oil
Comments: I hired this out of curiosity