... A page provided by, written by, and ransacked, by Dave
I cruise, therefore I am... one bad mutha'
Shut yo' mouth!
But I'm just talkin' 'bout cruisin'
"can ya dig it?"
We can dig it
and now for something completely different...
These are the selected unadultured legends of yore. (that may or may not involve cruisin)
It all began one fateful day, when one fateful soul, recieved one fateful license to kill, err... drive,
let's just call him grandpa... And so the madness began.
Here's da 411 on his driving skilz...
Numero Uno- He failed parallel parking (but the guy passed him anyway because Dave
gave him a Fonzie wink and said "eyyyyy")
2- His mommy didn't even allow him to take the test when he was 17 (legal
age in Jersey)
Four- He jumps curbs because they're there
Finsky- Everyone that has driven with has has said "slow the @#$% down, sucka!"
6~ He claims the speed limit is a tool of the man, and anyone going any slower is
a pawn of Slick Willy and his establishment
Evensay- He refuses to acknowledge the existence of the number three, or pedestrians'
right of way, for that matter
Numba' 8- Considers eye contact to be threatening
#9- He has spent more time playing Crusin' USA than in the practice driving
simulators- and it shows
X- He considers stop signs to be optional, and claims to be red-green color blind
Grandpa vs. the Speed Limit
Grandpa vs. the Laws of Combustion Physics and "Why You Need Gas"
Grandpa vs. THE MAN
Grandpa vs. The Swamp Thing
Grandpa vs. Dave Klages
Grandpa vs. Barnegat
Grandpa vs. Gravity
Grandpa vs. Godzilla and the Sea Monkeys
Caution: Grandpa is NOT a trained proffessional or on a closed course, do not try to re-enact
any of the portrayed scenarios. What are ya, stupid?
