Hear it!
From the perspective of an innocent bystander:
I was minding my own business when out of nowheres this rusty tan VW Jetta came screamin' down the street, backwards!
I knowed there was gonna be trouble when I saw that it was a turbo. I was sittin' right there on my favoritest
shiny white fence. I'll never forget that Surge driven look in his eyes, as he made it clear he did not think my
fence worthy of basking in it's own glory. So there he was, goin' backwards, 60 miles an hour, the wrong way down
a one way street the wrong way. It was like he wasn't even going down the wrong way the right way, he was going
down the wrong way the wrong way! He was dodging the traffic but he mowed down the pedestrians like miniature screaming
speed bumps. As I dove for cover, I recall the rear bumper careening into my beautiful fence, ultimately removing
it from the face of this earth. All I could catch as he sped away while I lay there in befuddled horror was his
self-designating Grandpa hat while I heard his demonic laughter. It will haunt me forever.
Why, Grandpa, why?!?
From the perspective of the alleged Grandpa:
I was law-abidingly driving my car down the street, as I always do. I had just returned from the beach after bringing
my brother to his friend's house as any kind hearted sibling would do, I had also just swam 150 miles for cancer,
as any philanthropist would do. I always do my part for society. I was driving 25 miles per hour, due to the fact
I was rushing in order to get home to my sick grandmother and read her a story. As I slowly turned the corner I
noticed a mennacing looking character sitting on a fence, drinking, I assumed it was alcohol, but I wouldn't know
since I never touch the stuff. He was shouting obnoxious comments at the passing women, and throwing bottles at
the cars which passed by. So naturally, I hit my blinker so that all of the cars around me would know I was turning
in and parked along side of his property. After unsuccessfully recommending a different course of action to this
gentleman, I thanked him for his time and began to pull away. Suddenly, in a psychotic rage, he jumped off of the
fence and procceeded to shout vulgarities which I will not reprint in this report. As I slowly pulled back into
traffic, I looked back, only to see him yank the fence out of the ground and loft it at my poor, innocent, car.
What is the world coming to?!?
What actually happened:
Dave a.k.a. Grandpa accidently backed his spicy mustard 1984 Volkswagen Turbo Diesel Jetta into a crappy,
rotting, off white fence on a crowded side street. There were no eyewitnesses (we hope).
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