Release the Press: True News
"Food police arrest unsuspecting shoppers"
Fat Fighters, a local Arlington organization, is determined to win the war on obesity, at any costs, even if it means placing shoppers under 'arrest.'
However, not all Arlington residents are pleased with the Fat Fighters' tactics. Ethel Cooley is one of them.
The Fat Fighter who 'arrested' her not only snatched the cookies out of her hand, but he pulled out a tape measure and a scale. Then he forced Cooley onto the scale while he measured her against her will.
Ethel Cooley then contacted the ACLU and the police.
"Not only is the Constitution being trampled upon," says Nelson Merriweather, lawyer for the ACLU, "but so is Ethel Cooley and her cookies."
However, Kevin Gandy, the group's founders, doesn't see it that way.
Gandy's own sister once weighed 420 pounds, and he wishes that an organization like the Fat Fighers was there to stop her when she was on the cookie aisle.
According to Gandy, "It was murder, plain and simple. My sister was murdering herself, and she deserved to be arrested and thrown into the slammer for her crimes, for murdering her own body. If Fat Fighters were around back then, I don't think my beloved Sue-Sue would be dead today. She'd probably would have been 'arrested' a dozens of times, but I know that she would still be alive."
Gandy continues, "What we do is just another form of 'tough-love.' "
Arlington resident Walter Kovacs, who proudly weighs 325 pounds, doesn't agree with Gandy, and he doesn't want the Fat Fighters meddling in any part of his life. "What right do those jackbooters have to tell me what I can or cannot do? It isn't none of their business how much I eat or how fat I get."
Not so, says Gandy. He believes that obesity is everyone's business.
"I own a movie theater," states Gandy, "and I've been forced by the law to provide adeaquate seating for obese individuals. If I can be forced to spend my own hard-earned money on their problem, then I should have some sort of say-so when it concerns how much they eat."
Sally Ivester agrees with the Fat Fighters and their tactics. In fact, she credits Kevin Gandy with saving her life. "I was reaching for a half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, and this man in black came up to me and knocked the container out of my hand with a billy club," Ivester says, "Then he got up in my face and started telling me how fat I was."
Ivester continues, "Ashamed, I bowed my head and started to cry. I watched my tears fall into a puddle of melting ice cream, and that's when the Fat Fighter hit me with his billy club. That's when I realized I had to stop eating, or else I'd end up cold and dead on the kitchen floor with my dear husband standing over me. That blow to my head was just what I needed."
While many, such as Sally Ivester, approve of Fat Fighters' aggressive tactics, there are plenty who feel quite the opposite. Harold Woodell is one.
Last month, the Fat Fighters staged a rally across the street from a local supermarkets which Woodell was about to enter. However, he was lured across the street by the smell of hotdogs, sodas, cotton candy, and funnel cakes, and it was all for free.
Excitedly, Woodell consumed the free treats, but he soon realized that the free food which the Fat Fighters were offering came at a very heavy price.
"I was licking the powdered sugar of of my fingers, you know, from the funnel cake," states Woodell, "when , all of a sudden, I discovered that I had been surrounded by Fat Fighters. The next thing I know, there were squirting me with vegatable oil, hitting me with spatulas, and shouting, 'Here piggie, piggie. Here piggie, piggie.' I was so humiliated that I grabbed my hotdog and soda and ran back across the street."
While this sort of behavior would appear to most to be cruel and unusual to most, to Kevin Gandy and his loyal troops, its the only way they feel they can win the war against obesity.
Claims Gandy, "It's all a matter of association. If we can confront the morbidly obese on the candy aisles of life and make them see that the purchase and consumption of sweets and snacks are the direct cause of humilation and horror, then we're just one step closer to shutting their mouths and saving their lives."
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