SPUNKY MONKEY Press
Editor and Chief, Harum Scarum
Edition: Nov. 18, 1998

TRUE NEWS

Release the Press: True News

"New drug epidemic sweeping nation: Getting High off of Dryer Lent"

(Knight-Rider) Leesburg, Kansas. Marianne Watson was your typical Hamsburg High School student. She enjoyed hanging out with her friends. She liked shopping at the mall. She dreamt of meeting Leonard DiCapprio. She also had a drug problem: she got high off of dryer lent. Now she's in a coma. She's not alone.

Dozens of teenagers in this small Kansas town have fallen prey to the evil lure of dryer lent smoking, the latest 'fad' high to sweep the nation.

Dryer lent smoking, also known as 'lent-hoping,' is believed to have started in Los Angelos two years ago, but this problem has already made its way across the country. And it's easy to see why.

Says Dr. Harvey Slaughter of Kansas State, "It's an inexpensive and immediately accessible way to get high. And it's effects last for hours."

It can also go easily unnoticed, as in the case of Marianne Watson.

"For a while we thought that the dryer may have been broken, "says Thomas Watson, "because the lent trap was always clean. But we didn't think anything of it. I wish we would seen it sooner."

With tear in her eye, Mrs. Watson follows, "Marianne always smelled so clean. So fresh. How were we to know?"

Apparently, scores of parents in this sleepy town feel the same way. But many are now completely aware, especially after a high school party sent 23 teens to the hopspital for respiratory failure, including Marianne Watson.

"They said that it made their brains feel soft and fluffy like," says Reily MaQuire, a Leesburg student who was at the party. "But I knew it was no only dangerous but against the law."

According to Sheriff Patrick Shealy, while 'lent- hoping' itself is not currently against the law, it has lead to a rash of petty crimes, most notably at all-night laundromats.

"On average four or five lent traps are stolen a night," says Shealy. "And that doesn't account for the ones that aren't reported. It might not seem like a lot, but it sure adds up."

And add up it did for Emma Shilstone, owner of Kings Cleaners in Kansas City. She was forced to close her laudromat because of the cost of purchasing new lent traps. Shilstone says, "The government doesn't allow us to run our dryers unless they got lent traps, so I had to close down. I couldn't afford to keep the dryers running on account of those lent heads."

In some cities the demand for dryer lent has risen so much that no only is there now a shortage of lent traps but a growing black market.

According to Schooly Z, an anonymous lent dealer, "I can get like $20 for a 'scoop' of the lent. Maybe even $35 for the stuff that's been laced with extra 'Bounce.' In an hour, I can clear like $300. How's that for supply and demand?"

However, in cities like Leesburg, Kansas, there is no shortage of dryer lent for the time being. In Leesburg, Kansas, the lent is still free, and the problem is growing. Just ask Marianne Watson.

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