dinner.wav
299 KB
Description:

Tom's mother: What is that? What is that?
Tom: It's a.....remember the dinner, Dad? It's about the dinner you didn't want to talk about. Look at it Mom it's a present for you. It's the "Where's my dinner bitch?" statue.
(laughter)

flyingfuck.wav
49 KB
Description:

Tom: I'm so (something) to be....
Old Man: (something something) flying fuck!
Tom: What?
Old Man: (something something) flying fuck!
Tom: A flying.....?
Old Man: Fuck! F-U-C-K!

hi.wav
38 KB
Description:

(applause)
Tom: Hey hello welcome to the Tom Green show I'm Tom, (applause) and these are my friends Glenn and Phil, and uh...

nervous.wav
105 KB
Description:

Tom: And we realized this nervous Caroline was so nervous in the service....(Phil laughing)
Glenn: OK

message.wav
905 KB
Description:
Tom: He really got mad this week.
Glenn: He seemed pretty mad.
Tom: My Dad actually called MTV, and he left a message on the producer's voicemail....
Glenn: Oh no.
Tom: ....threatening to sue the show. Listen to this, this is great.
Tom's father: My name is Richard Green, I am Tom Green's father. Uh...I do not want the scenes that were shot this weekend at my home used on television (laughter). This went completely beyond the bounds of good taste. Um I don't really think that uh...showing myself being abused by my own son (laughter) is uh something that I find to be a laughing matter. If these are used I guarantee I will sue you bastards for a million dollars. (laughter).

rockchud.wav
53 KB
Description:

Tom: Rock is the chud, rock is the chud, rock is the chud, he's not my bud. Rock is the chud, he's not my bud.

tgtheme.wav
71 KB
Description:

Tom singing, music in background.

This is the Tom Green Show,
it's not the Green Tom Show.
this is my favorite show,
because it is my show, it's the Tom Green Show.
(applause)

tongue.wav
116 KB
Description:

Music in background.

Tom: By cupid's arrow, have I been stung? (laughter)
(Tom starts making high pitched screeching noises)
(pause, laughter)
Tom: I hope you like my six-foot tongue.
(laughter)

bigfish.wav
195 KB
Description:

Tom: (something), goodnight! Hahaha! I have a big fish. Fishy. (splash) a big fish.