The parasite is a tiny micro-organism, whose special propery would appear to be its sexual differentiation; it is ONLY found within the blood stream of females; from this it has been deduced that high levels of testosterone prevent its reproductio. This does explain the lack of any cases in the eastern european coutries, where the women frequently resemble Dave Lee Travis. However, the parasite does have a means of affecting the male population, as follows.

Upon entering the bloodstream the parasites are transported to the digestive system, where they implant themselves into the gut wall and reproduce. In order to do this they require food, which they obtain from the stomach of the host, and in fact stimulate the nervous system to force the host to consume more food, leading, in some of the worst cases, to an almost constant eating binge. this has caused the alice syndrome to be dubbed the "stomach on legs" syndrome. This stimulation of the nervous system also leads to irritability and in the more severe cases physical violence, particularly against males. This may be in the form of just hitting someone that is particularly close to them, publically humiliating them, or just complete refusal to even attempt to like them, the last being the more socially unacceptable possibility. Thus does the parasite make up for its discriminatory instincts, and so can attack both genders; this can be seen in the form of constant nagging, whining and other such behaviour, which is surely a sign of an almost untreatable serious medical condition. But still the parasite is not content!

The driven host invariably seeks refuge with fellow sufferers, where additional nourishment is consumed. Here further selectivity occurs; younger hosts tend towards sweet foods, and frequently roam the streets aimlessly with their fellows; giggling at anything, without meaning or sense is compulsive; the older hosts congregate at one anothers' homes, or at meetings often called spurious things such as W.I. [ Surely this means We're Infected, and so even the name is a clue to the dreadful condition they suffer from]. As a survival mechanism the parasite forces the hosts to exclude any males, and frequently when the male inadvertantly enters the quarentine zone the parasites grip on the nervous system causes the hosts to become silent, and thus the male feels unwanted. As a further survival trait some parasites within the older hosts have discovered means of producing synthetic testosterone, causing many older women to develop slight moustaches or beards, which they attempt to ignore at all times, any mention of it provoking a vigourous assault with handbags and umbrellas. Why the parasite does this as a survival trait is unknown, as it merely makes the hosts readily identifiable.

Once a host has been located, treatment can commence. In the cases of the younger hosts identification is difficult and as no serious damage is done the younger end of the poulation is rightly ignored. It is the older females who are more at risk, and these are isolated as soon as possible, either by the authorities or by loving relatives. The reason why this becomes necessary is because of the consequences of the parasites feeding. The older a parasite becomes, the harder it is for it to fully consume all food stuffs, and so some waste products are released into the bloodstream, which is then sweated from the system. The major problem then occurs; the waste products build up and cannot be removed. As time goes by the amount of waste products, or wrinks as they are known, becomes larger and larger, until eventually the wieght on the skin is too great to handle and the skins sags slightly. As more wrinks build up the greater the sagging of the skin until the most extreme case when this sagging become noticeable, and the host has become WRINKLED. Although it is impossible for men to suffer from true wrinkles, for centuries men have selflessly deformed themselves, especially there faces, so that the lder female hosts do not feel different to the rest of the race. (If they do the reaction is generally the same as for noticing the facial hair.) In a conspiracy to further this, in the last century or so, a series of products especially for men has been formulated to cause the rapid build up of wrink substitute, and these are known as spot creams. These do NOT work by opening the pores, but by attracting the artificial wrink in the atmosphere, and forming a layer of wrink over the face, thus hiding the sopts.

But how to cure it? This had been felt to be impossible, for with ordinary medication the parasite causes vomiting to occur imediately, and this leads to complications. Alphonz IV believes that the only possible way is through stimulation of the nervous system.

"The only way in which you will loose this wermin is to shock them, and to do this you must shock the host. Jumping out with a large stout stick and attacking them will work, as will drenching with ice water every 17 minutes. Even if the parasite is strong enough to resist this you never know, as the host is driven away by the treatment, which I feel is a perfect cure."

But care must be taken with this treatment, for the older hosts can not take this and perish. Even in the youger hosts trouble can occur and as the parasite is shocked from the nervous system convulsions can occur, and often the nurse or trreater may be hurt. This is best prevented by further applications of a longer stout stick so as to acclimatise the former host to the sensation at a greater distance, and must be regretably repeated throughout the rest of their lives.

The best way to cure the host is to prevent the ALICIUS gaining a foothold on the system; to that purpose nearly all of baby talcum powders contain a smidgeb of teestosterone, so as to produce a natural immunity, and with any luck the horrendous thing known as an "ALICE" will be a thing of the past.

But why are they called ALICEs? In the book Alice in Wunderland, Alice is convinced that she has not had a cup of tea, despite the rest of the guests offering her another cup of tea. It is thought that this part of the book was based on a real life tea party given by Lewis Caroll for several friends, one of whomwas a host, and that the nervous system alterations made her believe that she had never had a cup of tea, despite the fact that the rest of the guests all drank only coffee, and that twelve pots of tea were made and consummed. In fact, in a chapter later edited out, after Alice has attacked the mad hatter for asking "Where's this hare come from" (she used the tea pot and latter on the hatter had to have the rat surgically removed, causing them both great embarrassment, but also strengthening their friendship. As the rat said later "I've seen the worst that he could show me!"), the white rabbit repeatedly bludgens Alice with a large tree and she leaves rapidly. Many scholars feel that this ending gives the true meaning of the book, and that the editor took what could have been the Sado-Masochistic masterpiece of all time and transformed it into a cute little childrens book, a feat only since equalled by the unpublished novel "The Famous Five go Bungee Jumping using Piano Wire". It is also believed that this editor was responsible for removing the butch rat and replacing with the obviously fictitious cute, cuddly doormouse; even so, unbelievable though it may seem , this is why the hosts are known as ALICEs.