The members of the Unified Guilds can be pretty funny, and say memorable things...you needn't think Gambit is the only one who could ever say something worth recording! Here are a few quotes from the other members of the Guilds (although Remy does make a few apperances of course)...Enjoy!
*FROM GAMBIT #4*
TANTE MATTIE: Not so quiet I don' know ya here, boy. Ya stuck 'tween old pain an' new problems, Remy.
GAMBIT: Store of my life. Why'd you ask me t'meet you here, 'stead of Nawlins?
MATTIE: Get you t'smell de air, Remy. Do you some good.
GAMBIT: Bumper t'bumper exhaust fumes on route eleven did th'trick, thanks so much. You know how I feel 'bout comin' back home, Tante Mattie. This better be important.
MATTIE: Had a dream. Someone was lookin' for you. Name a' Fontanelle.
GAMBIT: That lady? Don' know her. As for th' Antiquary...he been missin' for yeras, non?
MATTIE: But his collection--both people an' t'ings--keeps on keepin' on.
JEAN-LUC: An' now dey bein' t'reatened, Remy. Seven dead. Stakes t'ru deir hearts. We found dis one wand'rin' da street dis mornin'. 'S name is Jerome Mouchier. He survived an' attack las' night. Saved, he says, by a chauve-souris noir.
GAMBIT: A black bat? Call Commissioner Gordon. An' why would someone murder by stakin' 'em t'ru de heart?
JEAN-LUC: Jerome says his attacker was a vampire.
GAMBIT: Thought de publicity Anne got scared 'em outta de Big Easy.
JEAN-LUC: Your accent always comes back when you come home. Even under such circumstances, it's good t'see you...son...
GAMBIT: Maybe later it will be, father. Maybe later...we can talk. For now, innocents need t'be spared--from both a vampire an' life in de collection. So, how we gon' find this killer?
JEROME: Uhm...he tol' me his name.
*a little while later*
BELLA DONNA: Francois Chicault? A failed assassin, at best. His heart was not in it. So why would Ministers Tome and Hoard of the Antiquary's t'ief clan be inquirin' 'bout a dead member of Clan Boudreaux?
TOME: Mistress Bella Donna...Chicault is not dead...well he is, but he is not. He is undead.
BELLA DONNA: And why should dat be a concern of de Assassins Guild? Chicault was always more intersted in de history of de Guild den in it's killing arts. He said knowin' de whys of assassination was more important den de hows. Wonder if he still felt dat way as his throat was gettin' slit?
TOME: Uhm...Punctured, actually.
HOARD: Your assassin was killed by vampires--and now he's decimating our clan.
*still later*
JEAN-LUC: The situation is simple, gentlemen. You have a problem, we have the solution.
TOME: And what price, M'sieu LeBeau, for your services?
HOARD: We know that Clan LeBeau has long held the Antiquary's Clan in contempt--but we are all members of the Thieves Guild...
JEAN-LUC: Always be some rotten apples on the tree, Minister Hoard. Chicault is decimating your clan's future. To save Antiquary's tomorrow...we want full access to his yesterdays.
TOME: You see audience with the scriptures of the Old Kingdom?
HOARD: We cannot! The power you might gain from such insight is--NO! It is simply demanding too much!
JEAN-LUC: Perhaps...a compromise, then...
*and still later, after the vampires have been stopped*
GAMBIT: Any regrets on the compromise offer you made Tome an' Hoard?
JEAN-LUC: No son. Not at all. Dis information would mean much to Clan LeBeau, I won't deny dat...but we've always believed honor is more valuable den wealth.
*FROM GAMBIT #5*
JEAN-LUC: Zoe Ishihara, by invoking our international charter--and asking for sanctuary within the New Orleans Thieves Guild--You have severely compromised us.
ZOE: I know, Oyabun LeBeau, and for that I apologize. But I am beyond the security of my homeland and protection of the Ishihara-Gumi. Without your help, all my efforts to save my little brother Shirow will have been in vain--and The Pig will kill us both!
*FROM GAMBIT #6*
ETIENNE (aged 13): We'll never get away, Remy!
REMY (aged 15): Yah we will!
ETIENNE: Use your powers!
REMY: ?! You--you know 'bout dem?
ETIENNE: I spied on you--blowin' t'ings up at de waterfront--I know--
REMY: I--I can't!
ETIENNE: Why? 'Cause of de rules of de tilling? Dat you only s'posed t'be watchin', not helpin' me? Heck wit' dat--I ain' gon' die for de sake of a Guild ceremony!
REMY: Non--is more'n jus' dat, Et. I can't control my powers enough yet--I might kill someone--
ETIENNE: Hph. So you g'ahead an' spare deir lives--but it'll cost us ours!
*later*
ETIENNE: Remy?
REMY: Ahh...whisper, Et. Head's poundin' like I been nippin' at too much of Tante Mattie's secret bastin' sauce. Den again, got a feelin' dis hangover's only gonna get worse...
*present day...The Pig has attacked the Thieves Guild, killing some and wounding many*
GAMBIT: Why did he do this, Poppa?
JEAN-LUC: We had something he wanted, son.
GAMBIT: What could you have that would make an international trader as underground as The Pig...do something so obvious as mountin' a lethal strike 'gainst Clan LeBeau?
JEAN-LUC: We had granted asylum to two expatriate members of de Tokyo Thieves Guild.
GAMBIT: Were they worth these men's lives?
JEAN-LUC: Our international Guild charter gave me little choice in de matter, Remy. Honor decreed dat--
GAMBIT: Father...I'm thankful for what you did bringin' down Antiquary's Clan--an' takin' his collection under Clan LeBeau's protection--but I'm still not the one to talk to about Guild honor.
JEAN-LUC: You still know so little of the burdens I bear, son. Anyway...Zoe Ishihara came to me to give her and her little brother refuge from The Pig. The boy, Shirow, is a mutant, Remy.
GAMBIT: Which makes me automatically interested?
JEAN-LUC: Deny all you want, but we both know the teachin' of Charles Xavier matters a lot to you.
*later, Remy rescues Zoe and Shirow from the Mengo Bros., but not for long*
GAMBIT: Did that hurt, boys? That looked like it hurt. *to Zoe* Konban wa.
ZOE: Who are you?
GAMBIT: A friend.
ZOE: Who speaks bad Japanese!
GAMBIT: You should hear my English!
ZOE: I am. Mine is better.
GAMBIT: Come wit' me if you want to live.
ZOE: We both saw the movie. We are from Tokyo, not Pluto!
GAMBIT: I been t'both, is there a diff'rence?
*FROM GAMBIT #7*
PIG GUARD: Zoe Ishihara, you are wanted.
ZOE (interrupted from telling Gambit her story): What?
GAMBIT: Go wit' th'flow, Zoe. Hey I rhymed!
*meanwhile*
JEAN-LUC: My son is missin' for days, an' you tell me we are unable to find him?! Dat is UNACCEPTABLE!
GENARD (cowering at the doorway): I--am sorry, Jean-Luc...we have...I am...
JEAN-LUC: No, it is I who should be sorry, Genard, for shoutin' at you. As reprehensible as he might be, The Pig is still quite renowned among the criminal community for his secrecy. The truth is, I'm angry--at ev'ryone an' no one. I was honor-bound t'give Zoe shelter. I shoulda been better prepared for The Pig's attack. Our clan is in ruin because of my blasted duty. My son, whom I personally cast out of my family, is captured, possibly dead...all because I asked him t'help. Jus' go, Genard. Continue searchin' for him. T'anks.
*FROM GAMBIT #10*
JEAN-LUC: Nuttin' worse den a dinner guest not volunteerin' t'help clean up afterwards, n'est-ce pas?
SGT. FURY: Day's fulla surprises. Some nice moves there, Frenchie.
JEAN-LUC: Frenchie? Louisiana born an' bred...ask Private Ralston 'bout de best Jambalaya restaurant in Nawlins.
DUM-DUM: Weiner schnitzel's on our menu, fancy-pants.
FURY: Dum-Dum's right.
JEAN-LUC: Which I imagine for a man named Dum-Dum is a rarity.
FURY: General Sam Sawyer says you gotta come with us deep into Nazi territory to steal some jewel--named the Momentary Princess, no less, then that's what the Howlers'll do! But that don' mean we have ta like this mission, LeBeau. An' what with you bein' a professional thief an' all...that don't mean we have to much like you either!
JEAN-LUC: Yah, dat's so. But tough cookies, since Allied command understands dis jewel can't be allowed t'fall into Hitler's hands!
ONE OF THE HOWLERS (not sure who): Yeah, well, no one's told me yet why der fuhrer would be all hot for some trinket, anyway...
JEAN-LUC: Because certain people who have Hitler's ear know about the Princess's magical powers. An' dey know dere's a very tight window of opportunity t'nab the gem.
*later, Jean-Luc actually has the gem in his hands...!*
STRUCKER: You may be a competitor for the prize, Herr LeBeau...but you are not competition for Wolfgang von Strucker!
JEAN-LUC: Ya got no idea how dull I find people who refer t'themselves in th'third person.
CANDRA: Jean-Luc LeBeau, such a surprise to see you...and it is not even the seventh year of the collection yet. Give me the Princess, thief...and I shall absolve you of the pact! Think of it Jean-Luc...the Elixir would remain yours...immortality and power--with no tithe collection--no obligation to me...
FURY (as he and the Howlers crash in): No matter how sweet her offer is, she don't get it, Cajun! Turnin' it over to her is handin' it over to Hitler!
JEAN-LUC: I know, Nicholas. I know...I knew what my decision was gon' be dis day...fifty years before I was even forced to make it!
CANDRA: NO!
STRUCKER: I lost it again! And if it was not meant for me, then one day, the Momentary Princess will belong to my heirs!
FURY: Chin up, Frenchie. Least the goose-steppers or that Rita Hayworth wannabe lost out. What say we try again in a couple of decades--you 'n' me?
JEAN-LUC: Perhaps, Fury...for one t'ing I know...Dere is always tomorrow.
*FROM GAMBIT #12*
JEAN-LUC: Our t'anks, Remy, for havin' answered our call. We must perform de deadlife because of our failure to obtain the Momentary Princess.
GAMBIT: Th' Princess was a closed window to other times--you touched it fifty years ago, I touched it last month. Both of us looked through that window--saw th'past an' th'future--but we couldn' actually use the gem to travel to them.
JEAN-LUC: I know Remy. But we were hoping it would help explain dis--
GAMBIT: A suitcase?
JEAN-LUC: What is inside de suitcase--and has been for over a hundred years! Questions with no answers, Remy. But de questions alone will help you understand--
TANTE MATTIE: --Why de Guild had an interest in you since you was a baby. Why le diable blanc--the white devil born with red eyes meant so much t'Guild lore...an' why you've always been apart an' a part of our family.
GAMBIT (looking at the contents of the suitcase): This is a picture of me? But--it's at least a hundred years old!
JEAN-LUC: One hundred and eight. The picture was taken in 1891. I was a boy--my memories of the time are incomplete--fragmented--as are so many of my rememberances...
GAMBIT: Did you think I would use th'princess t'travel back in time, Poppa?
MATTIE: In truth, Remy, we didn' know. All we know, all dat was written, was dat le diable blanc saved de Guild from Candra's wrath. Restored our pact wit' our external benefactress as the lesser of evils available. An' helped point de way for Jean-Luc LeBeau t'become a better Clan Patriarch dan his own father had been.
GAMBIT: This is kind of ridiculous, non--? I have to go back in time because I was already there?
JEAN-LUC: All de other Clan members involved--my father, the Marceauxs, the Gritaults--are dead now...'s a leap of faith, I know...
GAMBIT: Forgive me, father, but it's a lot more than that--it's crazy!
JEAN-LUC: Says a member of the X-Men who has traveled to the stars, seen alternate realities...need I go on?
GAMBIT: Non...what you need t'do is give me more information--so I understand what I'm expected t'do--or did--I have a headache.
*welcome to 1891, ladies and gentlemen!*
JACQUES: What did you call that again?
ROULER: Pneumatics.
JACQUES: Should save some wear and tear on our shoulders. Or not.
ROULER: The manufactured fog will only last a few minutes, Jacques.
JACQUES: More than enough time, Rouler--to pick this terrace lock!
THE TITHE COLLECTOR: Reduced to this are we Jacques LeBeau? Petty larceny as a desperate means to alleviate the debt owed your benefactress?
JACQUES: The expectation was, Tithe Collector, that there would be nothing petty about it.
TC: You will not make up for your failure to obtain the Momentary Princess, nor especially the callous disregard displayed--of making such an important purchase the province of your son Jean-Luc's tilling ritual--by hoping Candra will be appeased with trinkets and baubles!
JACQUES: The gem is gone, we failed. We acknowledge that. Has the benefactress not punished us enough for that by now? She has withheld the Elixir that gives us long life. We have aged twice as quickly in the last four years! She has held my son--and that of my harvest master--ransom for the last ten months! And you have provided us no guidance in how to balance our account with her!
*meanwhile*
BELIZE (aged fourteen): Why are you doing this to us?!
JEAN-LUC (aged twelve): Stay calm, Belize--panicking only makes her happy!
CANDRA: Oh, very well. Forgive me, boys, for all the drama. But I am rather upset with your fathers and needed some viable outlet through with to vent my frustrations!
JEAN-LUC: But of course you did. I mean, after all, the entire relationship between the Guild and its benefactress has been so...mature...
CANDRA: You are sassy, Jean-Luc. Ever the optimistic cynic. I like that about you.
*moments later*
GAMBIT: I know where Doctor Essex is. I'll go to him, get information on En Sabah Nur...
CANDRA: And at what price, handsome devil--and for what reason?
GAMBIT: Th'price and th'reason are th'same. Protectin' Clan LeBeau.
CANDRA: I sense you have ties to them of which they do not know. Perhaps knowledge of the Old Kingdom?
GAMBIT: Perhaps. Cards are dealt. Th'hand is: I go--alone--and th'pact is restored.
JACQUES: We have no need of the white devil to protect us! We are Clan LeBeau of the Thieves Guild! Our knowledge and skills are as old as time itself!
GAMBIT: This ain' 'bout ego--you don' know what she can--
JACQUES: After he told us what to take from Milbury House, we proceeded to gather more information. We know where Essex went--New York City--therefore, we have no need of his meddlesome interference!
CANDRA (to Gambit): You know too much and tell too little, stranger. A sound gambit to play, were you not playing against an opponent--with better cards in her hand than you. (to Jacques) Consider the return of Belize Marceaux a gesture of good faith. I'd suggest you go to New York City soon...and upon a successful return, your son will be yours again. Fail and he will die!
GAMBIT (letting lose his powers): NO!
CANDRA: Parlor tricks--or are these powers like mine, a gift of birth?
GAMBIT (grabbing Jean-Luc): C'mon kid!
JEAN-LUC: But--
GAMBIT (taking Jean-Luc and leaving everyone behind): Gift, curse, split th'difference.
*FROM GAMBIT #13*
COURIER (to Gambit, while they're on a yacht): Okay Leonardo, you're "King of the world" so you mind putting away the pretty boy pose and start doing some actual work?
GAMBIT (helping Jacob out): That what you had in mind?
COURIER: Well, sure, since I couldn't reach that knot there...
GAMBIT: Mm-hmm.
COURIER: Still amazed Adam Worth let you use his yacht to go from London to New York.
GAMBIT: Heard the expression "thick as thieves"? Our types tend to stick together. Honor. Loyalty. All that stuff.
COURIER: You blackmailed himm didn't you?
GAMBIT: Yah. Tol' him I'd blab 'bout where he was keepin' a famous paintin' he stole a few years back.
COURIER: Your father seems pretty cool with the idea that we're racing against his friends and family.
GAMBIT: Adoptive father. An' don' call him that when he's twelve years old. Right now, he's just Jean-Luc LeBeau, future patriarch of the New Orleans Thieves Guild.
COURIER: It isn't that simple, Remy--I can only imagine what I'd say to my dad if I saw him as a kid.
GAMBIT: Prob'ly jus' tell 'im to buy shares of AT&T.
COURIER: He did that when he was ten.
GAMBIT: What can I say to him, Jake? It's kinda a weird situation we're in here.
*a little while later, in NYC*
COURIER: Better than British gruel,huh? Comforting to know some things never change.
GAMBIT: Can't get a twelve-course meal at McDonald's.
JEAN-LUC: Is that a Scots restaurant?
GAMBIT: Never mind!
COURIER: Man, this city is a mess! Construction everywhere.
GAMBIT: They been clearin' space for underground phone lines, Jake--electrical lines, water mains, gas mains sewer lines--they're even startin' the subway tunnels in some parts.
JEAN-LUC: Subway?
GAMBIT: Never mind!
COURIER: Any idea how we're going to approach a doctor who's set himself up as the city's leading obstetrician? Remy...why're you lookin' at me like that? No.
GAMBIT: Yah.
COURIER: NO!
GAMBIT: Oh...yah...
*a few hours later, Courier is now a woman thanks to his mutant abilties*
COURIER: Remy, have I told you how much I hate you today?
GAMBIT (while Jean-Luc half-hides his eyes): Jake...you...uhm...look...well...uhm...(gets down on his knees) Will you marry me?
COURIER: Hate. You.
GAMBIT: Okay, okay--how 'bout jus' some hot lovin'?
*interlude, around 19-- um...whenever Remy and Bella Donna were 13...*
MARIUS: Bella Donna--I forbid you from seein' dat boy again!
BELLA DONNA: But Poppa--I love him!
MARIUS: You are t'irteen, child. What do you know of love?
(Bel runs out of the room, but sticks around to listen to her father and Gris-Gris talking)
GRISGRIS: Girl be headstrong, Marius...Feisty. One day, dat make her a good leader for de Assassins Guild.
MARIUS: Perhaps, Gris-Gris. Right now, though...it only makes for a father's heartache.
GRISGRIS: Is it really 'bout de fact she love a boy t'ief--or de secrets you really know...about what Remy LeBeau is gon' mean one day for th'Guilds of New Orleans?
*meanwhile in 1891*
JEAN-LUC: I feel stupid.
GAMBIT: You look slick. Very Alfalfa.
JEAN-LUC: Huh? I know...never mind.
*FROM GAMBIT #14*
SINISTER: We are done.
JACQUES: No! We can't leave th'texts of th'Old Kingdom behind!
GAMBIT: We can't stay--an' you can't exactly fold fifty-foot-high stone walls into your pocket!
JACQUES: But my people have been searchin' for dis for thousan's of years!
GAMBIT: An' you'll have t'wait awhile longer, Jacques! You're not ready for that kind of knowledge--not that kind'a power jus' yet. Not until th'Guild has a leader who understands what t'do wit' it!
ROULER: An' would dat be--you?
GAMBIT: Me as th'Guild leader. That's a good one, Rouler. Non...it will be Jean-Luc!
JACQUES: I would gladly bequeath such greatness to my son, but we can't wait dat long! Dis night, we have drank deep from the well of knowledge! You can't jus' rip dat information out of our brains!
SINISTER: Hmm. But of course we can.
*FROM GAMBIT #15*
JEAN-LUC (having gone to New York to get Rogue): Well, if all de sights are as sweet as dis one, den dis magical paradise called Westchester was worth de trip!
ROGUE: Speakin' of trips, don't be fallin' all over that accent of yours, sugah.
JEAN-LUC: I tend t'exaggerate above the Mason-Dixon line. Sorry.
ROGUE: Ah hear that. Uhm--is Remy okay?
BELLA DONNA: I believe it will Gris-Gris. And you will be particularly pleased when our consignment is revealed.
GRIS: Bella Donna, I can only ask for an assignment worthy of our long tradition. A consignment who will die in battle, not whimpering for mercy.
BELLA DONNA: Oh, in that, my faithful friend, I can certainly guarantee!
GRIS: An ace of spades--painted in red? Do you mean we--
BELLA DONNA: Yes. The Assassins Guild has been contracted to deliver my ex-husband, Remy LeBeau!
*FROM GAMBIT #16*
TANTE MATTIE: T'ank you, Bella Donna--an' t'th'whole Assassins Guild--for indulgin' an' old woman.
BELLA DONNA: You are as much a part of our clan as anyone here, Tante Mattie. Though, I understand why we've seen so little of you...considerin' the...problems...the Thieves Guild have faced in recent months.
MATTIE: About dat...wit' Jean-Luc LeBeau gone, th'Thieves Guild is in disarray. I know 'bout your most recent contract. It's wrong, Chil'! Now is a time for unity, Bel! You take dat contract you'll tear de Guild apart!
BELLA DONNA: You'd prefer I help to reunite the Guilds for the first time in thousands of years? Like my marriage to Remy was s'posed to have done? That'd be nice, Tante--an' no disrespect intended, you are our traiteur, our healer--as much a momma to most of us as our real mothers were...but to th'Assassins Guild, a contract is a sacred bond. And because of dat--Remy LeBeau is as good as dead!
*FROM GAMBIT #17*
*bullseye is trying to kill gambit, when he starts feeling weird, dizzy...and three daredevils appear out of nowhere and attack him*
BULLSEYE: Wha-? Three Daredevils? What's going on here? LeBeau is this your doing? My brain's all messed up--can't think straight...How can I fight three of you devils? Something's not right--Sweatin' a lot--dizzy--Is this worth the mil I signed on for?!
QUESTA (as he returns himself, Gris and Fifolet back to normal): One million? How much is our contract for?
GRISGRIS: Bella Donna would not say.
BULLSEYE (running away) Devils! Devils! DEVILS!
FIFOLET: Boy seems to have some problems wit' dis Daredevil homme.
QUESTA: Lucky for us Fifolet, else I couldn't twist what he was seein'!
GRIS: You did well, Questa. Fifolet's intangibility helped confuse 'im an' my magicks got 'im all riled up.
QUESTA: Well that's all Jim Dandy, Gris-Gris but nobody should treat Bullseye lightly...even we of de Assassins Guild. We got maybe six hours before the hoodoo we laid on him wears off. Then he gonna come lookin' for payback. Big time. By then, we better be long gone from here.
FIFOLET: He's one man, Questa. You'd match him against a whole Guild o' killers?
GRIS: You want to find out the hard way, Fifolet?
FIFOLET: But enough wid Bullseye. Gambit is our real target.
QUESTA: Yeah, where'd LeBeau go?
GRIS: His fight with Bullseye left him severely wounded! How far could he have gotten? Blood trail ends curbside.
FIFOLET: Maybe he hailed a cab?
QUESTA: We better start checkin' de local hospitals...
*meanwhile at the Thieves Guild safehouse*
EMIL: We got lucky!
MERCY: Sometimes, Lapin, luck is jus' th'flip side of fate.
MATTIE: Is more'n luck, Emil...th'wound is closin' up all by hi'self! Is a miracle! Praise de Lord.
MERCY: Lord woulda tol' de fool not t'wear a big X on his chest like a target.
GENARD: Mercy...!
THEOREN: No disrespect intended, Tante Mattie, but it's no act of God--Remy's mutant powers are saving him!
EMIL: Remy was always good for chargin' up a card or somone's seat cushion...but dis is a bit beyond him, isn't it Theoren?
ZOE: We all know he was changed since his return from the Deadlife Mission, Lapin. In order to travel back to our present time, Remy did--something--to enhance his mutant powers.
MATTIE: Whatever th'child did, Zoe, he did for his Pere...an' his Guild. An' he has tried t'do God's work.
MERCY: Which raises th'question--again--who hired the Assassins Guild of Nawlins t'kill my brother-in-law--an' more importantly--WHY?!
*some time later*
GRIS: No activity. De T'ieves Guild safehouse is quiet.
FIFOLET: Weird, non?
BELLA DONNA: Which is why I sent Singer in to investigate, Feef...
SINGER (looking at the thieves and mattie inside the safehouse): Unconscious. All of them. And no sign of Remy LeBeau. (then, back outside) De fight was recent. De blood from some of deir wounds was still runnin'.
BELLA DONNA: Remy was taken from them. Let's find out who's responsible. (Back inside the safehouse) Wake up, Tante Mattie...
MATTIE: Bella Donna? QUESTA (pointing a gun at Theoren and Zoe): Boo.
THEOREN: Zoe--don't even t'ink about it...
ZOE: But--
THEOREN: Non!
MATTIE: It was a man wit' glowin' coils--
MERCY (while Gris holds a knife at her throat): Tante, don' tell 'em nothin'!
GRIS: So Mercy, I guess de sabbatical you took after Henri died is over?
BELLA DONNA: Time off didn' still her tongue non. You still all steel and cold inside, Mercy? Still mad at us for killin' your husband? Best talk, Tante. The risk is us maybe findin' Remy versus us definitely havin' all of you!
MATTIE: He called hi'self de constrictor--like de snake...
BELLA DONNA: Schlicting? Heh. The spandex is really comin' outta the woodwork for this hit. More fun for us...
*FROM GAMBIT #18*
DEADPOOL: Oh c'mon, I let LeBeau go! "Beau-go, Beau-go. Oh no Beau-go on a pogo."
BELLA DONNA: Shut up Deadpool!
DEADPOOL: Yeah, you're just lucky you caught me in such a "Joanie loves Chachi" kinda mood.
BELLA DONNA: I am Bella Donna Boudreaux. Daughter of Marius Boudreaux, Matriarch of the Assassins Guild...that you even breathe mercenary, is solely at my discretion!
DEADPOOL: Well, pretty lady, why not be indescreet and slide that bo staff four inches higher...did I say four? I meant two...
BELLA DONNA: Your partner, the Constrictor, abducted Gambit from his refuge with the Thieves Guild. You then rendered him unconscious--and allowed Remy to escape when he offered you triple the value of the contract on his life. Am I correct?
DEADPOOL: As right as night! Got the check right here. And, uh, thanks for the recap.
CONSTRICTOR (waking up): Wade you son of a--(Bella Donna hits him with her bo staff, knocking him out again)--Ugh.
BELLA DONNA: I know how dangerous you are, Deadpool. And I have no interest in making an enemy of you. But I also know you are an idiot...and prone to gullibility. I will assume you are telling me the truth--and Remy indeed left here to treat the wounds he received from Bullseye. Oh, and assume I am telling you the truth when I tell you...that your check is worthless. Remy LeBeau hasn't two nickles to rub together!
DEADPOOL: Hmm. Jinkies, Scoob.
*a little while later, the Thieves catch up to Deadpool*
DEADPOOL: Oh C'mon! I let LeBeau go! Beau-go Beau-go. Wow. Deja vu. Anyone else hear an echo? Todayayay I consider myself to be the luckiest mananan on the face of the earthrthrth. Now, give me one good reason why I shouldn't just cap every one of youse Thieves Guild mooks?
MERCY: Because you haven' stopped starin' at my body since you arrived...
DEADPOOL: And...?
MERCY: ...And if you kill us, there won' be anythin' pretty left ta look at!
DEADPOOL: Man, lady I do like your style!
EMIL (to Constrictor): Constrictor!
CONSTRICTOR: Hurmm
EMIL: Deadpool knocked you out and took the contract for himself!
CONSTRICTOR: He did wha--? (DP hits C on the head with a plank)
DEADPOOL: Hey Grunge-Boy! That was not cool! The snake is my roommate!
EMIL: But you betrayed him!
DEADPOOL: Yeah, but he didn't have to know that!
TANTE MATTIE: M'sieu Deadpool, s'il vous plait--we only wan' ta help a member of our family.
DEADPOOL: Yeah, the Manson family is what it looks like.
EMIL: Actually, de Assassins got here 'fore us.
DEADPOOL: Okay okay! Anything to shut up those marble mouth accents! Like I told those other wackos, Gambit was hurtin' when he left. The closest hospital--would be St. Vincents. Now you're lucky I got Chinese food comin' or I'd kill all'a you! Hmm...that reminds me. I forgot to order some steamed dumplings...
MERCY: Maybe I'll bring some 'round later? Oh, an' by th'way...the check you tore up was real. Remy's got access to riches even Bella Donna don' know 'bout.
DEADPOOL: D'oh! Where's the scotch tape?!
EMIL: Y'know, Theo, it never ceases t'amaze me.
THEOREN: That people like Deadpool exist?
EMIL: Non, that we continue to exisit in a world where people like Deadpool exisit!
THEOREN: Well, let's just hope dat Remy follows suit!
*awhile later, while Remy's fighting X-C, Questa changes the assassins into Gambit clones*
SINGER: Questa is rather masochistic, non? As if seeing one Remy LeBeau weren't bad enough! Allow my light burst to spare you from seeing any!
GAMBIT: The Assassins Guild? But if they subcontracted X-Cutioner an' Bullseye an' Batroc an' all th'others--why would they be helpin'--me?
BELLA DONNA: Now, Remy, darlin'...y'didn't t'ink I'd let someone else--kill de man I love?
GAMBIT: Bel, honey--savin' that pleasure for y'self, huh?
BELLA DONNA: Yup.
GAMBIT: Does th'condemned man get a kiss before he dies, Chere?
SINGER: Fifolet--now!--while he's blinded!
FIFOLET: Li'l intangibility, reach into his armor systems--an' de big tank is in bigger trouble!
GRIS (as X-C flies out of control): You affected his propulsion system!
FIFOLET (rockets start flying in all directions): Uhm...an' his weapons system too...
(Remy and Bella Donna watch as the rockets head straight for the building they're in)
REMY: Uh
BEL: Oh
*FROM GAMBIT #19*
*The Thieves and Assassins are trying to dig out Gambit and Bella Donna*
MERCY: Dis does not look good, Theoren.
THEOREN: I know, Mercy--but we keep tryin'--right Gris Gris?
GRIS: I agreed to a truce with the Thieves, Marceaux--for now.
THEOREN: Fair enough. In that case, how 'bout if Singer goes back to our Thieves' safehouse to get Tante Mattie's help. We could use her emphatic magicks.
TANTE MATTIE: Remy an' Bel're still alive, Chil'--I can feel 'em...together...
SINGER (reporting back): But Tante's not sure of deir condition.
GRIS: Understood, Singer. Uh-oh. Hear de sirens, Marceaux?
THEOREN: We won't have enough time to find them. (Shouts to the Guilds) Everyone! We're pulling out!
*later, the Guilds are fighting against the hired mercenaries*
THEOREN: Gris-Gris, this is your fault for having so many subcontracts to kill Remy!
GRIS: The Assassins Guild never subcontracts! Someone else hired these fools!
THEOREN (being a true second-in-command and giving orders to the Thieves): Pack maneuver five--trigger now!
ZARAN: Whu--?
MERCY: 'Scuze me, Muscles, but our second-in-command just barked!
CROSSBONES: The Thieves are runnin' away?
GRIS: Marceaux...you coward...
BATROC: Our agreement still stands, non, Crossbones?
CROSSBONES: Yeah, Batroc. You help me score the million bucks on Gambit and I'll let you dweebs live--why?
BATROC: I believe they scatter to create better odds at finding LeBeau...which would dictate that we separate as well!
CROSSBONES: Fine--go--I'll take care of the Assassins...
CLAUDE: Emil--did it work?
EMIL: Oui, Claude. One of them approaches--it's Zaran.
BOTH (as they pull on a rope and catch the mercenary in a net): NOW!
MERCY: Batroc approaches, Theo.
THEOREN (as he and Mercy jump out and surprise Batroc): Hey Froggie!
BATROC: C'est sacrilige!
ZOE (attacking him and knocking him out): No, it is called a distraction!
MERCY: Nicely done, Zoe. Apparently de Tokyo Guild makes for better fighters than the Nawlins one does.
THEOREN: True, Mercy. But let's just hope that the Assassins are as successful handling Crossbones!
CROSSBONES: Oh c'mon! You think makin' up images of Captain America is gonna scare me? Then again...something is makin' me feel like I'm about to barf...
(Zaran and Batroc get thrown on Crossbones from somewhere above them)
QUESTA: Okay, maybe the images I pulled from his mind didn't work on him like they did on Bullseye--
GRIS: But it served to distract him, Questa, while my magicks disoriented him. Still that doesn't answer the question--
THEOREN (he and the Thieves are above, watching): Who dropped the load on him? That would be us.
QUESTA: So you weren't runnin' away?
THEOREN: Nope. WE might have different methods...but maybe--just maybe--the Assassins and Thieves Guilds can work together.
*much later, after Remy and Bel are out of the building and back at the safehouse*
TANTE MATTIE: Dis is joyous news! De seers fortold of a Guild Unification dat would lead to de resurrection of the Old Kingdom!
EMIL (clapping Gris on the back and making him spill his drink all over himself): At the very least, we won't have to watch our backs as much anymore!
GRIS (glaring at Emil): No...you will have to watch your fronts.
ZOE: Remy...I am...glad you are well...
GAMBIT: That might be stretchin' it Zoe--let's jus' say I survived. Everyone should go back home now--I got some X-Men business t'take care of--then I'll fly down to Nawlins so we can figure out this unification is gon' work...now that we are finally together...again.
*FROM GAMBIT #21*
GAMBIT: Emil's in?
MERCY: All it took was a little bit o' body an' a little bit o' brawn. So yah, of course he's in. Emil'll be out in a jif. We been doin' dis a long time without you as our boss man, Remy.
GAMBIT: I know, I know. Stupid t'be nervous, neh?
MERCY: You been nervous since you was a pup.
GAMBIT: You think so?
MERCY: Some people can see through dat whole "Mr. Slick" cover.
EMIL (appearing hanging upside down outside the cafe window by their table): Bwaagah!
MERCY: Emil. He's such an imbecile.
GAMBIT: Well?
EMIL: Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Bupkiss.
GAMBIT: I was afraid they wouldn't have kept records that old.
EMIL: Oh they got birth records from over twenty years ago, just none on a baby john doe born wit' red eyes!
GAMBIT: Did th'Guild take me from th'hospital for th'Antiquary before they could even register me? Was I even born here, or was I brought here?
EMIL: Someone erased six months worth of hospital computer records dat correspond with de time frame in which you was born!
GAMBIT: When did that happen?
EMIL: Didn' have time t'scrub into th'hard drive. Dat's more Theoren's gig anyways. Maybe we have t'come back wit' him along. Mercy'll still have her secret weapon wit' her...
MERCY: You child!
*meanwhile, at the Boudreaux mansion, the Guilds are partaking in a religious ceremony called The Unveiling*
MINISTER TOME: The unveiling is to learn that which was known and that which can now be revealed. The unveiling is to understand that which is revealed so as to be considered. The unveiling is to turn that which is considered into the impetus for action.
MINISTER HOARD: Within the Casket of All Tomorrows are the truths of our ancient lore. Why did the Old Kingdom vanish? How did the Guilds become warring factions? When will the prophecy of unification beget the resurrection?
TOME: The Casket has been in Antiquary's vaults for two hundred years--fated to remain unopen until an earth-bound Guild was reunited by means of mutual agreement.
HOARD: That day has finally come. The Casket is breached--to reveal--...nothing?!
*a short while later*
GAMBIT: Well, this is either good news or bad news.
BELLA DONNA: How so, good news?
GAMBIT: Maybe there's nothin' we're s'posed to know, Bel.
TANTE MATTIE: You really believe dat, Chil'?
GAMBIT: Non.
MATTIE: Good. Didn't t'ink I helped raise no fool.
BELLA DONNA: But what are we t'do, Tante Mattie? Tome and Hoard swear dat de Antiquary never tampered with de Casket of All Tomorrows. And beleve me, it was in deir best interests to answer my questions truthfully.
GAMBIT: No...I'm sure they didn' know it was empty...'cause I'm figurin' it was emptied after they brought it out of th'Antiquary's vaults...
BELLA DONNA: Tante--you must know more about de Old Kingdom den we do!
MATTIE: All's I know, Bel, is dat when de time came, de Casket was gon' tell us!
BELLA DONNA (kicking the casket): Worthless piece of wood!
GAMBIT: Beatin' up the treasure chest won' do much.
BELLA DONNA: Point me in the direction of where my frustration should be vented, Remy, and I'll be glad to release it there! Why bother with this stupid resurrection if the fools who ran the Guilds for so long couldn't even inform us how to properly achieve it?!
MATTIE: Why, Chil'? Because it had been long prophecised dat de resurrection of de Old Kingdom would mean Heaven on Earth! You'd let a li'l setback deny us all of dat? Or deny de man anointed as de harbinger of Heaven on Earth de opportunity to fulfill his destiny?
BELLA DONNA: Oh, and exactly who would dis "Messiah" be--?! Oh. You're kidding right?
GAMBIT: Nope. It's me. Le diable blanc. Joke's on all'a them, huh, Bel?
*awhile later*
EMIL (being choked by Gris): Down, big boy!
GRIS: I don' even need my magicks t'squeeze ya tongue outta ya fool mouth, Lapin!
EMIL: I--know, Gris-Gris--an' you don' need 'em--t'make me--kick ya in panic--either...
THEOREN: Gris-Gris, let the fool down.
GRIS: He insulted me, Marceaux--you heard him! (sizzling sound around Gris' head) Eh--?
GAMBIT: Playtime's over, kiddies.
GRIS: You're kinetically chargin' de beads in my dreads? Stop it, you'll burn my head off!
GAMBIT: Actually, my mutant power was chargin' th'hair itself, Gris.
EMIL: Smells like it too. Don' fret, Gris, dreads are so out this week.
GAMBIT: Hush up, Emil. Ya mouth prob'ly instigated this...
EMIL: Of course it did, Rem. But all I said was dat de Assassins're prob'ly glad de casket was empty. Takes all de pressure off'a dem t'actually do somethin' meaningful wit' deir lives!
GAMBIT (offering to help Gris off the floor): He's obnoxious, but I can't fault his logic.
GRIS: You don't respect us...but you expect us t'respect you?
GAMBIT: Non. I expect you t'respect Bel's decision. An' jus' for the record, I'm not in perfect agreement with everythin' the Thieves Guild has done over the centuries!
*a day or so, maybe more, later*
THEOREN: Why did you summon just us, Remy?
GAMBIT: Because I know it was th'two of you, Theo. You hacked into th' hospital computers and stole th'records. Computer theft is your specialty. An' how to destroy somethin' inside a locked chest an' leave no sign of it? Well...I could do that, but I didn'--which leaves the only other member of th'Guild who was present at th'ceremony of th'unveiling...an' that would be Gris-Gris! So my question is--why? You both hate it so much that I was chosen to run th'Guild? Hate me so much, Theoren because you blame me for your little brother Etienne's death durin' his tillin'? Gris-Gris 'cause you blame me for Bel's brother Julien's death durin' th'duel we had? So much hatred that you'd prevent us from achievin' what th'Guild has tried t'do for thousands of years?
GRIS: We do hate you, LeBeau. From dat dere is no hidin'. An' we don' t'ink your rightful place is in dat chair.
THEOREN: But ultimately, that's not why we did it, Remy. We were ordered to stop you from accessing the information you were looking for.
GAMBIT: By who?
THEOREN: By your father!
*FROM GAMBIT #22*
BELLA DONNA (she says a lot more than this, but I just wanted to put the start of her monologue down): As viceroy of th' Unified Guild and matriarch of th' Assassins Guild...Bella Donna Boudreaux now calls this meetin' to order. You know why we've gathered. In their positions as Harvest Master and First Kill, Theoren Marceaux and Gris-Gris have petitioned for a vote of confidence on th' leadership status of Remy LeBeau. Though not exercised in over seventy years, accordin' to th' traditions of th' Guild, this vote must be obliged. Th' questions regardin' our unification an' Remy's fitness t' serve our needs have arisen as a result of the failed opening of the Casket of All Tomorrows. (a few minutes later after a rather long speech) Gris-Gris, as First Kill and my besider...you cast the first vote.
GRIS: Nay!
BELLA DONNA: Theoren Marceaux. As Harvest Master, you are second to vote.
THEOREN: ...Nay.
BELLA DONNA: Tante Mattie.
MATTIE: Yea! An' woe to any who won' give dis boy his fair chance t'walk us down a righteous path!
BELLA DONNA: Mercy LeBeau.
MERCY: D'ya even need t'ask, girl? Yea! I'm his sister-in-law...I know what de boy's made of!
BELLA DONNA: Emil Lapin.
EMIL: Remy, Remy, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!
BELLA DONNA: Ahem. Yes. Ministers Tome and Hoard.
TOME and HOARD: Nay.
BELLA DONNA: Claude Potier.
CLAUDE: Nay.
BELLA DONNA: Singer.
SINGER: Oui.
BELLA DONNA: Questa.
QUESTA: Nay.
BELLA DONNA: Fifolet.
FIFOLET: Yea.
BELLA DONNA: Genard Alouette.
GENARD: Out of respect for his father, yea...
BELLA DONNA: Zoe Ishihara.
ZOE: Of course, yes!
BELLA DONNA: Seven yea, six nay. A tie will oust Remy from office. I am to cast the deciding vote.
*later...as Remy is about to be killed by the Neo, his Guild shows up*
RAX (of the Neo): You die now, Remy LeBeau...but know you have earned the respect of the Neo...
GAMBIT: ...Much appreciated...
RAX (as a knife stabs through his hand with a thwuk): AAH!
GAMBIT (seeing the Guild): Well, I'll be damned...
BELLA DONNA: The Unified Guilds of New Orleans stands prepared to protect our patriarch--to the death, if necessary...yours of course. So...we gon' go at it for all of thirty seconds, or what?
DOMINA (Neo clan leader): Our quarrel is not with you--or your ancient Guild. Indeed, our lore states the Neo once tread the Old Kingdom and were saddened when it was laid waste. Our quarrel is with the spikes. You can have yours back.
BELLA DONNA (to GAMBIT): Do they realize you could have turned them all to ash with but a thought?
GAMBIT: Non, Bel--only th' one who started this--Rax--only he knows. An' for better or worse, he also knows I wouldn't have.
BELLA DONNA: For better, Remy--believe me it's for the better.
GAMBIT: ...So apparently, th' vote went against me.
BELLA DONNA: What're you talking about? We're here--we chose to keep you in place as Guild patriarch.
GAMBIT: Yah, like I said...looks like I lost...
*FROM GAMBIT #23*
(Gambit and the Guild members are fighting an alien spore derived from Ego)
GAMBIT (being choked and held by the spore as if it was a boa constrictor): Please--not--on a--mmff--first date!
BELLA DONNA: Now Remy knows what a girl feels like on a date wit' him!
MERCY: Dis is ridiculous, Bella Donna!
EMIL: Place looks worse than during Mardi Gras!
GAMBIT: I gotta agree wit' Mercy! Even with my increased mutant powers...I couldn't possibly biokinetically charge enough of Ego's matter t'stop its growth!
BELLA DONNA: Then how about we jus' worry 'bout Nawlins? 'Sides, I haven' had this good a workout--in months!
EMIL: Leave it to th' Assassins t'enjoy fighting alien squids!
GAMBIT: Be thankful, Emil. Only reason you're not on th' team fightin' on th' other side of town--is 'cause I'm afraid they'd be hackin' you up along wit' this giant eggplant!
MERCY: Remy, we're not superheros, like your li'l X-Men team! We're all used t'stayin' in the shadows, not out in public! Normally, durin' a riot like dis, we'd be busy lootin' the finest galleries in town!
GAMBIT: I know. My big bro Henri would be disappointed in me, neh? Move everyone out of the way...At the very least, if I can't stop Ego all over th' city--least I can do is clear this block! (he charges the spore until it explodes and drops to his knees) Phew!
EMIL: That was pretty gross, Remy.
BELLA DONNA (as Mercy helps her to her feet): You could warn a person next time!
MERCY: Funny, didn' get a drop on me...
BELLA DONNA: Most likely because you hid behind me! What now, Remy?
*a few minutes later, after a little dialogue between Remy and Bel*
BELLA DONNA (regarding the decision to keep Remy as patriarch): Well, per'aps we made the wrong decision...So you gon' go block by block blowin' up this thing until your head pops off?
GAMBIT: Not my preference, really--but look around, Bel--do we have much of a choice?
EMIL: We could pretend it ain't happenin' an' go take de jewels outta dat Epurer house over dere...
GAMBIT: Don' make me give you a time-out, Emil...
HETH'SA (an alien from the planet Culth): Perhaps I can help you?
MERCY: What in the--?!
GAMBIT: Very subtle, Merc...
*back at the safehouse, after Heth'sa explains what both the Guild and he will get out of it if he helps them*
HETH'SA:...Data specifically collected by the High Evolutionary!
MERCY: Which we can sell t'any party willin' t'pay...
GAMBIT: ...
MERCY: Okay, okay, you really did turn out to be a Boy Scout, didn't you?
EMIL: Where did de Guild go wrong?
HETH'SA: This schematic shows a missile silo in the region of your Oklahoma plains. I was successful in following the armor's teleport signal from New York City to here. But I am unable to obtain the information necessary to access the site without fear of alerting authorities.
EMIL: Or triggerin' a couple of nukes? Now dis is what I call fun!
GAMBIT: Jus' as bad as th' time you conned me into stealin' that jet plane...
MERCY: Yeah, an' look how well that turned out!
GAMBIT: We crashed th' plane!
MERCY: Exactly! Like Emil said, fun time!
*later, inside the silo*
GAMBIT: Don' know what's makin' me more delirious...the blood rushin' to my head...or the view!
BELLA DONNA: The silo is impressive, neh?
MERCY: He was talkin' about our t&a, Bel!
BELLA DONNA: Oh. Funny for Remy t'be flirtin'.
MERCY: Bein' as how we're inside a nuke shack?
BELLA DONNA: Non, bein' as how he flinches ev'rytime I come within a foot of him!
MERCY: Boy's all bark, no bite.
EMIL: Hard as it is t'believe dis comin' from me but could we please act like professionals here?!
*as they finally arrive inside and find the X-C armor*
EMIL: Now I know where my tax money goes.
MERCY: Emil, you ain't paid taxes your whole life!
EMIL: An' now I know why! (a moment later, as they get the memory archive out of the armor) Dis is spooky.
GAMBIT (realizing that Heth'sa has used the armor to teleport away from there): He activated th' armor's teleportation system! Son of a--
MERCY (as Remy reaches for the helmet of the armor): What're you doin', Remy?
GAMBIT: Tryin' to figure out where he went, Mercy.
MERCY: Who cares? We got what we came for!
REMY: An' we're responsible for whatever Heth'sa is doin'! (commands the helmet) List previous teleportation destination.
SCREEN NEARBY: CrossTemporal Access: Stargate Route 13.45 Destination: Andromeda Galaxy Quadrant 13 Sector 5 System 72 Planet 6; Cultha. Temporal Access: egress of four solar roations, six lunar rotations, thirteen planetary rotations
EMIL (reading the screen): Huh?
MERCY: Temporal access?
BELLA DONNA: He went home...but back in time? Dat's ridiculous!
GAMBIT: Welcome to my day job. He's gone t' change th' decisions he's made.
EMIL: So?
GAMBIT: So, this...
EMIL: Oh you can't be t'inkin' about...
GAMBIT (putting the helmet on again): Recall transport. Activate now!
MERCY: Remy--don'--!
*mere seconds later, Remy returns, having followed Heth'sa and stopped him*
BELLA DONNA: But--you've been gone less'n five seconds!
GAMBIT: Time travel's a funny thing. But it was enough to make a diff'rence between life and death.
EMIL (holding up the memory archive disc): So? What do we do wit' dis?
GAMBIT: Take it to th' X-Men. They'll be able t'decipher it...or maybe even a bigger brain like Reed Richards...
MERCY: You know Reed Richards? I met him before he was named Mr. Fantastic...and believe me, the name fit even then!