Live Performances/Interviews December 2002--

*THIS PAGE IS FOR LIVE PERFORMANCES AND INTERVIEWS FROM DECEMBER 2002 ONWARDS*
TO SEE TRANSCRIPTS/LYRICS FOR OCTOBER 1998 - DECEMBER 1999 PERFORMANCES, PLEASE CLICK HERE!
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TO SEE TRANSCRIPTS/LYRICS FOR MARCH 2002 - NOVEMBER 2002 PERFORMANCES, PLEASE CLICK HERE!

To view the lyrics to a song, click on the title. If there is no link, then I haven't got the lyrics yet, I am currently working on them.

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All lyrics are written the way they are sung, not the way they are originally written.

IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING WHY I HAVE SEPARATE LYRICS TO THE LIVE PERFORMANCES: As we all know, when a performer performs something live, it's got slight differences to the original. The same goes with Alanis, so when she sings something, it's a little different each time, so that's why I felt like I should put up lyrics to her live performances, as well as the interviews that often go with them. In addition, since my lyrics include the um's oh's ooh's and other sounds like that, and they change greatly for each performance, that is why I have included them.

Live Performances

21 Things I Want In A Lover (From The Tonight Show with Jay Leno December 5th, 2002)

[Return from commercial to applause]
Jay Leno: My next guest has won seven, seven Grammy Awards, she's here to perform a new song from the new DVD/CD Feast on Scraps it'll be in stores December 10th. Please welcome Alanis Morissette

[Alanis performs 21 Things I Want in a Lover]

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do ya not play dirty when engaged in competition?
D'ya have a big [muffled] elf and all apology [normal] but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
D'ya see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are ya funny?
À la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many formèd opinions?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush 'cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no-o tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

I figure I can describe it 'cause I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

[Instrumental]

[Applause]

Jay: Alanis Morissette! That was great that was real beautiful
Alanis: Thanks!
Jay: Really good. That was perfect. Come on in you guys. I want to thank all my guests. That was really great thank you so much really just great, great, great. Steve Shiripa [?] "Goomba's Guide To Life" thank you very much. Thank you Steve. And Billy Crystal "Analyze That" it opens tomorrow night everywhere. Uh tomorrow actress Denise Richard, "Naked Chef" Jamie Oliver, uh Peter Gabriel and Howie Mandel with his tape when he took our audience to Vegas. I have no idea what it is, you'll see it tomorrow night. Stay tuned for Conan, thanks everybody good night!

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Interview from the Craig Kilborn Show December 10th, 2002

...
Craig Kilborn: Our first guest is a seven time Grammy winner and multi-platinum recording artist. Her new DVD and CD package Feast On Scraps came out today. This is Alanis Morissette! ['Narcissus' plays, applause] Hi, how you doing, um we, we have never met
Alanis: We've not
Craig: So this is exciting for y-- me
Alanis: Yes it is exciting for y'me, you
Craig: Yeah, how you doing?
Alanis: Very well how are you?
Craig: You're a good songwriter aren'tch'ya aren'tch'ya, I think so
Alanis: Yes
Craig: I've been, you know I went to a party two years ago, I went to a party in Beverly Hills, gorgeous Spanish house
Alanis: Okay
Craig: And I, I said, I didn't know the name of the guy 'cause I don't know the behind the scenes people enough, I know Quincy Jones obviously this was Gl-
Alanis: Name of what guy?
Craig: Glen Ba- Glen, Glen Ballard
Alanis: Oh! Glen's house
Craig: He's he's the he's the producer, he's the guy right?
Alanis: Jagged little Pill, yeah
Craig: Yeah. He helped you out right?
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: He's filthy rich his house was amazing! Have you have you been there?
Alanis: I've not been there no
Craig: You haven't?
Alanis: No!
Craig: Oh... aren't I lucky?
Alanis: You are
Craig: Yeah it's a gorgeous, yeah, great Spanish house in Beverly Hills
Alanis: Mmhmm
Craig: I'll give you the address later
Alanis: Great
Craig: Okay um, alright you're from Canada which is great
Alanis: Thank you
Craig: But you're, you're, you're, you love the surfing
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: Now that's to me a dichotomy, that's odd
Alanis: It is a dichotomy but I think it's the first thing that, you know, Canadians when they're transplanted anywhere that's warm and tropical... it's immediately to the ocean
Craig: Really, did, no, no surfing then growing up in Canada
Alanis: Obviously not
Craig: No
Alanis: No
Craig: So did you do it, did you visit California as a kid or did you do it as an adult, when did you start surfing?
Alanis: I came here when I was ten to Los Angeles and, uh, moved here about eight years ago but I learned in Hawaii
Craig: Uh huh
Alanis: I was in Hawaii with a friend of mine and learned there and then I was...
Craig: The waves are bigger there aren't they
Alanis: A tad bit
Craig: Yeah
Alanis: Mmhmm
Craig: They are,
Alanis: They are
Craig: And and and then, are you good?
Alanis: Yeah
[cheers]
Craig: I mean how, how often do you surf?
Alanis: Um, there was a period of time where I was doing it everyday for about two months and then I stopped for a while and I'm getting back into it now and um I'm good but I'm not, you know, ready to do, you know, Blue Crush part II yet!
Craig: No, right, right, but, but you can get you can catch a wave?
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: When you're sitting on top of the w- the world
Alanis: Definitely, have you done it?
Craig: No, but I heard it's really hard. I bodysurfed in Cancun in college
Alanis: That counts!
[Laughter]
Craig: And I was out there the whole time
Alanis: Good for you
Craig: I mean it was fun y'know... a muscular 6'5" and I was just floating along [Laughter] But when you surf, uh, you, where do you surf? Out here Malibu, or Zuma Beach or...?
Alanis: Malibu and down Manhattan beach
Craig: Yeah
Alanis: There's a lot of point breaks
Craig: But don't, don't you have to get up at like it's 5 a.m.?
Alanis: Sometimes
Craig: Isn't that, isn't that the experience to see --
Alanis & Craig simultaneously: -- the sun rise
Alanis: Yeah this morning I watched the surfers and the sun rising it was pretty incredible
Craig: Yeah, yeah, do guys hit on girls that early in the morning or do they leave, leave you alone?
Alanis: I think guys hit on girls after noon
Craig: After, after twelve noon?
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: I thought you were gonna say "I think guys hit on girls all the time doesn't matter when it is"
Alanis: No, it's only after noon
Craig: Who's the most famous Canadian, who do you look up to, Canada-wise, 'cause there's, there's one guy that I love, I dunno if you know him (pulling out toy)
Alanis: Who is he?
Craig: This is my buddy
Alanis: Steve Nash?
Craig: Yeah do you know him... ballplayer for the Dallas Mavericks?
Alanis: No, is he Canadian?
Craig: Yeah he's Canadian?
Alanis: Well there ya go... my favourite Canadians are, you know, Joni Mitchell, and Neil Young and...
Craig: Uh let's see they have in Canada, March eighth, tell them what march eighth is in Canada
Alanis [defiantly]: It's International Woman's Day
Craig: It's.. no
Alanis: No it's Alanis Morissette day
[cheers]
Craig: See it's... is that embarrassing or what?
Alanis: Yeah, I dunno why, I'll have to, I'll have to look at that, why that's embarrassing to me
Craig: How, how long have they had it?
Alanis: I think I was honoured with that day um a few years ago
Craig: Yeah
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: And do people sing, or do they surf, or what?
Alanis: That's what I want to know I've never actually been there on March 8th!
Craig: Oh... prima donna!! You don't even, you don't even show up for your own holiday?!
Alanis: I can't, I can't, would you?
Craig: Yeah, I would be going, yeah
Alanis: No I, I've not been there
Craig: I'd be giving out numbers, no, I dunno what I would do uh what do they, what do they do on the day you're not even sure, they just
Alanis: I don't know
Craig: Uh huh, well when you found out about it, what, how did they tell you the good news?
Alanis: They um just told me and I was horrified that it happened to be at the same time as International Woman's Day although since then I've calmed down because I'm a woman and somehow that makes it okaw
Craig: Yeah
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: Well that's quite an honour though they must love you
Alanis: It was such a sweet honour I, I'm so grateful yeah
Craig: Well let's see, you have something else
Alanis: Hmm
Craig: Um, I'm, I'm not trying to embarrass you, um, glamour magazine you were woman of the year award, when, when was that?
Alanis: That was um I think about a month ago
Craig: A month ago and of course you didn't show up for that, no?
Alanis: Right
Craig: Did you show up for that?
Alanis: I actually did
Craig: Oh well isn't that mature, that's, that's, that's nice
Alanis: It was, it was... it was good growth, it was growth for me
Craig: What's that?
Alanis: It was growth for me because y'know to learn how to receive for me has always been a bit of a tough one so I, I pushed through and I received it very graciously and...
Craig: Was it money or a car, or, what was it...
Alanis: It was love
Craig: It was love, it was just love, love, and did you have to do anything or just show up to a function or what?
Alanis: I had to speak, just get up and speak and I kinda spoke off the top off my head which I've done the last couple of times... when I was younger I had to write something and just tremble as I held the paper
Craig: Right
Alanis: And these days I've just been kinda talking off the top of my head which is...
Craig: Yeah
Alanis: Kinda terrifying too
Craig: Uh and then, and then, is singing something you did your whole life?
Alanis: Yeah I started singing when I was nine... I wrote songs and I didn't know who would sing them but I realized that in order to share the song I had to sing it to share it
Craig: Now wait a sec so you were singing, you were writing, before you were singing?
Alanis: Mm hmm definitely yeah
Craig: So you didn't just sing around the house and everyone said you have a pretty voice?
Alanis: The opposite actually
Craig: The opposite
Alanis: My brother said 'stop singing'
Craig: Oh!
[laughter]
Alanis: So i..
Craig: Were these poems or you knew they were song lyrics right away?
Alanis: Yeah I mean they're one and the same to me whether it's a journal entry or an excerpt of some essay that I was writing it's kinda all the same thing to me really
Craig: Yeah and then you started playing instruments at an early age, or?
Alanis: Yeah I played piano since I was six
Craig: That's great did, did mom make you take lessons or how did that work?
Alanis: Mom and dad did, and then I stopped and hated it for a long time and then I returned to it of my own accord which I think is the best thing
Craig: The way to do it
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: So when you quit, see my brother took it for three years and he's decent
Alanis: Okay
Craig: I took it for three months and I just played basketball and I can't...
Alanis: You hated it?
Craig: Yeah I didn't want to practice but I wish I could play now, so how many months...
Alanis: You can still learn
Craig: I know, I know, I know [laughter] it's very difficult... but when you quit the first time your mom made you, how long'd you do it for?
Alanis: Um I played for two or three years and it got to the point where everytime the piano teacher would come to my house we'd start every lesson off by my saying "I have a confession to make I haven't played piano at all this week to practice"
Craig: See
Alanis: And he was just kind of a friend really and after about a few months the running joke in my family is that he just never came back he never called he never said "let's discontinue this" he just never showed up
Craig: Because be... why, because you told him you, you're quitting, or he didn't like you weren't committed?
Alanis: I think energetically he sensed that I was not really committed to it
Craig: Yeah did you guys have recital?
Alanis: Yeah
Craig: That's, that's always nerve-wracking
Alanis: That's terrifying
Craig: Do you remember the songs you played?
Alanis: I remember playing Autumn Leaves
Craig: Oh that's a pretty song
Alanis: It is a pretty song
Craig: Yeah, I don't, I, I'm not gonna sing it but it's a very pretty song
Alanis: It is a pretty song
[awkward moment]
Craig: Alright that was fun [laughter] uh we're gonna come back with "Five Questions" with Alanis Morissette!!
[cheering]
["You Owe Me Nothing In Return" plays into commercial]

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"Five Questions" from Craig Kilborn December 10th, 2002

[Return from commercial to "Five Questions" theme and applause]
Craig: We're back with Alanis Morissette and uh let's see, your parents, I dunno if you know about this they say that you are or were what we call over here in America a potty-mouth
Alanis: Oh, yes
Craig: Now I dunno if you want to talk about that, that might ruin the lyrics for the songs for some people but knowing you, you talk like a sailor
Alanis: I come by it honestly though my, my mom's a bit of a sailor
Craig: Yeah?
Alanis: Mmhmm
Craig: Do you, do you curse a lot?
Alanis: I do if its you know appropriate
Craig: Uh huh
[laughter]
Alanis: If it, if it's, if it's you know, if the sentence is begging for some emphatic thing I think the odd...
Craig: You drop, you drop
Alanis: Can I swear on this show?
Craig: Um, other people have!
[laughter]
Alanis: Well I don't want to use it gratuitously
Craig: How would you use it, how would you use, how would you swear, how would you curse? what would...
Alanis: (censored): What the fuck?!
Craig: Alright
[laughter/applause]
Craig: Yeah it, it, it really needed it there, yeah I mean that was...
Alanis: Yeah I feel like it was really appropriate
Craig: Yeah that was very... alright it's time, time for 5 questions [theme music] um... geography, I have written down on this card uh a mythical lost island
Alanis: Under the water?
Craig: Yes
Alanis: Atlantis?
Craig: For Alanis Morissette is correct, Atlantis
[cheers]
Craig: Which of these, the following is not the title of a James Brown song: "Girl you so funky," "Sho is funky down here" or "Just plain funk"? one of those is not a song title
Alanis: Say them again
Craig: "Girl you so funky," "Sho is funky down here," "Just plain funk"
Alanis: God they're all so good
Craig: I know
Alanis: Um
Craig: This is a tough one I don't think you'll get it
Alanis: Sho is funky?
Craig: That's what I would've guessed it's actually "Girl you so funky"... remember the Pyramid, the old game show the Pyramid on TV?
Alanis: Yes
Craig: Okay good this is the pyramid, I'm gonna give you the category
Alanis: Oh no
Craig: A toothless dentist, a pilot who's scared of heights, driving on the parkways and parking on the driveways, a bald hairstylist, these are things that are ... "a toothless dentist"... things that are...
[Alanis sits silently and dumbfoundedly]
Craig: We c- can't accept, that things that are ironic
Alanis: Thank you
Audience: Awwww
Craig: Thank you [laughter] it's, gets tougher, it gets tougher
Alanis: Okay
Craig: Okay don't say it out loud, think of a female Canadian singer, don't say it out loud
Alanis: Okay
Craig: Do you have it? Okay now think of a second one
Alanis: Okay
Craig: Who is the second one?
Alanis: Sarah McLachlan
Craig: Did you just say Anne Murray? We'll accept Sarah McLachlan!
[cheers/applause]
Craig: Alright this is tough, this is very tough, ten seconds on the clock, I need five American beers in 10 seconds. Now I understand you don't drink beer
Alanis: I don't drink beer
Craig: Are you ready?
Alanis: I'll try
Craig: Go
Alanis: Coors
Craig: Uh huh
Alanis: Budweiser... Amstel?
Craig: Uh no that's not foreign, I mean that's foreign
Alanis: Uh, uh, rolling rock?
Craig: Yes!
[buzzer]
Craig: We're not.. for not drinking beer that's pretty good, yes, we'll give that to her
[cheers]
Craig: Uh this is exciting I get I get free copies of this, Feast on Scraps, with uh, you don't drop the f-bomb in here do you? I don't think so.
Alanis: No
Craig: Okay Alanis Morissette DVD and CD. Big hand for Alanis Morissette she'll sing later
[cheers/applause]
[Cut to commercial]

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21 Things I Want In A Lover (From the Craig Kilborn Show, December 10, 2002)

[Later in the show]
[Return from commercial to applause]
[Craig is removing his tie]
Craig: Have a seat I like to put, take the tie off when I listen to Alanis Morissette, that's just how I operate you know she's a nice lady she was good on 5 questions and, and during the break afterwards she put up with me. I wanted to tell her song lyrics from like "Autumn Leaves" which she already knew and then "Polka Dots and Moonbeams" and she listened as I struggled [laughter] and she said "that's so nice that you know those lyrics" and then walked away, that was really cool [laughter] Performing the song "21 Things I Want In a Lover," oh my lord, uh please welcome back to the show, Alanis Morissette

[Alanis performs 21 Things I Want in a Lover]

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do ya have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
D'you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine?
Politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
Are ya funny?
À la self-deprecating?
Like adventure?
And have many formèd opinions?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush 'cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime I'll live like there's no-o-o tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed?
More than three times a week?
Up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are twenty-one things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are twenty-one things I choose to choose in a lover

[applause]

[credits]

Back To Top

Pictures from Alanis' appearance at MuchOnDemand and at the Air Canada Centre, December 2002

Everything from the 2004 Juno Awards

Announcer: Here to perform her new single "Everything," Edmonton stand up for your host, Alanis Morissette!!

[Alanis sings Everything]

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone as, as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone as, as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still he-e-ere

I blame everyone else not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting there
And you've never met anyone as, as closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything
To which you can't relate
And you're still he-e-ere

What I resist, persists, and speaks
Louder tha-an I know.
What I resist, you love
No matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest women that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as
As everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything
To which you can't relate
And you're still he-e-ere
And you're still he-e-re

Ooh oh oh oh
Ho oh oh
'Nd ooh oh oh oh
And you're still he-e-ere

[Alanis cheers]
[Cheers, applause]

[Spoken] Thank you so much everyone it's been such an honour to be here with you tonight. God bless you each, keep on, and I'll see you soon

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Bubble Trouble (from MadTV)

[NOTE: Alanis appeared in a sketch playing her 'sister' named Delicious Morissette, who was releasing a new album as another bubble-gum pop star (in the vein of Jaime Lynn Spears, etc).  This is the song she performed as Delicious, while recording a video for it, in a bathtub.]

I'm a real bad teen
I always get in trouble
Got pushed down in some mud
Now I need to take a bubble

Hey you (hey you)
Spot me in the tub
Hey you (yeah you)
I could use a rub
I am really dirty
So bring in the whole world
Hey you (hey you)
Bubble trouble

['Alanis' (played by a MadTV cast member) interrupts Delicious to comment on the offensiveness, Delicious tells her to get off her 'fucking set']

Hey you (hey you)
Spot me in the tub
Hey you (yeah you)
I could use a rub
I am really dirty
So bring in the whole world
Hey you (hey you)

Bubble trouble

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