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Babies:
For all intents and purposes I'm referring to under 18's. If you thought I was attracted to infants than you've got a dirtier mind than I do. I hope my teen audience doesn't take offence, I'm not implying you're in diaper school or anything. I felt pretty good after getting my love for Mac Culkin out on the open, now there's no stopping me. I'd never been overly vocal about my thing for youngsters, but I'm o.k. with it now. I've had two disturbing teen incidents lately.1). When I was a senior in high school I had this joke-type thing for one of my sister's middle school friends. Recently I've ran into him at a local night spot. On one occasion he was drinking Guinness (he just moved back here from a stint in Texas!) and he bought me a drink. I don't think he was 21, but he was cute, o.k.? I ended up giving him a ride home and there wre creepy vibes in the air. He wanted to get beer and continue drinking at his place. Normally, I'd be all for it, but I had to get up at 7:30 and it was already almost 3:00. Nothing happened of course, but the intent was there. (Months later things did happen, but that's another story.)
2). I got out of control and went to see Blur. It was a beautiful mix of frat boys and their girlfriends. I ended up chatting to this kid who was there with his 13 yr. old sister, Margaret. He was from this small town next to the small town where I grew up. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was practically groping the kid by the end of the night. Alcohol was certainly involved, and this is when I realized I had a problem with "babies" (and drinking).
Misfits:
There's nothing too visibly wrong with this group. They can't seem to find their lot in life, but they're functional. Usually they're full of hidden quirks (misfit/sissy crossover is very common). Despite coming off as a little different, their intentions are honorable for the most part. Given a chance they'll let you into their world and expose their vulnerable heart o' gold. Don't let their stand-offish manner throw you for a loop. They've been hurt before and that's what makes them so damn lovable. It's a pity that I'm too scary for them, though.
Freaks:
They really have no business being on this planet, but sometimes they're terribly alluring. Some may confuse them with their misfit brethern, which could be a tragic mistake. Freaks are always on the outs no matter how hard they try. To be perfectly honest, I've rarely met a freak that I've liked. Usually they're just too much to deal with 'cause they're overly sensitive.Oh, never call someone a freak unless you really mean it or else they'll really turn into one. I always call people freaks and nine times out of ten I mean it affectionately, (you know, like "you lil' shit") but some people don't understand this. It's been a while now, but I had called an ex-boyfriend and he answered the phone all weird so I said, "hi, freak". He proceeded to tell me that I was immature and that I needed to expand my vocabulary and then hung up on me. I've never been hung up on and had never been so mad in all my life. I mean only a freak would get so worked up over something that asinine.
Anyway, my pal Jessica reported to me that she saw this guy working at Office Depot a couple of weeks ago and that he looked insane. He looked really old, too skinny, had a super scary look in his eye, and seemed like he would smell. That didn't come as a shock because if anyone would know how menatlly ill he is, it would be me. The last time I talked to him he was all upset becasue this friend of his (who's a freak) wrote and said she could no longer be his friend because he made her uncomfortable. I acted concerned, (becasue I didn't want him to turn on me) but I was thinking, duh, who'd want to be friends with a freak like you? I've gone off, but you can see what I'm saying. Be very, very careful about who you call a freak. it could come true.
What's the deal with this goddamn whale?! Maybe there isn't a big hub-bub in other parts of the nation and you don't even know what I'm talking about. I can't stand marine life. Seriously, the only creatures creepier than whales are probably manatees or the Loch Ness Monster. I haven't even gone swimming since 1989 and I don't intend to any time soon. This "Free Willy" star is just about the biggest misfit around. Why they had to go and build him a nice, big, comfy tank in Oregon, I'll never know.
For some reason I want to call him Eddie. It's probably becasue he's so scrawny and I love nicknames. He's not exactly a baby, (he's 18 now [1996]) but he's certainly a babe of the first order. His roles in "Terminator 2" and "American Heart" pegged him as a rebellious misfit in search of a stable father figure. That's noble. Plus he's suffered some Macaulay-esque turmoil. After all his custody battles when he was 15, he ended up with his 29 yr. old tutor/lover. Hmm...maybe I've got a chance with these kids after all.--Yes, I know he's in "Pecker" now and he looks hotter than ever. The maturing process was kind to him. Poor Mac got all beefy, but Eddie is still scrawny as ever. Oh, and he's still with that older woman. If I were her, I wouldn't let him go either.
I may be mildly delusional, but I am able to separate an actor from his character. See, I don't really care about Sean Patrick Flanery or his stint as 'Young Indiana Jones", but I do like that freak, Powder. You've probably already forgotten about this mediocre movie so I'll refresh you. Jeremy Reed a.k.a. Powder is this hairless albino with glowing eyes and telekinetic abilities, who's been hidden away in his grandparent's basement for the past 16 years or so. O.k., this is a dumb premise, but it worked its magic on me. He's the ultimate teen misfit, and he's got a hot body and a nice wardrobe to boot. Sean's 30 in real life, but he makes for a good teen. Plus there's an appealling homoerotic undercurrent, which makes sense when you find out the director is a convicted child molester. Half naked little boys are always entertaining.--Since then, S.P. Flanery has starred with my little H. Thomas in "Suicide Kings."
This woman is a visionary. If same-sex unions were legal, I'd marry her. She's a far cry from a baby, she doesn't fit in with any acceptable norm, an dis clearly posessed with super human qualities. There just aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish what she does, and with her degree of perfection. Who else eats honey cultivated from their personal apiary, or breeds hens to lay pastel, decorator-colored eggs. She's got enemies galore and guys do not like her. They're just scared of domesticity, especially her brand. I ask you, when did baking and gardening become a crime?! As Martha, herself, so succinctly puts it, "It's a good thing."
He was always sort of a misfit, but after the "incident" he really became an outcast. Why he had to land a role on "Murphy Brown" is what I want to know. I'd also like to know if Pee Wee Herman was a child or an adult. On second thought, I'm better off not knowing. That whole man/child mystique is kinda sexy. Oh, but mug shots are always attractive too.
I've always been wary of the living dead. I mean it's nice and all that they allow him to host a TV show, but I don't want to look at him. He's the freakiest of the freaky. If he cut that hair and cleaned up his act a little, I might upgrade him to misfit status.
As "TV Guide" said, "'Party of Five' is the best show you're not watching". I'm not sure I'd go that far, but Justin is easily one of the hottest, underappreciated boys on the tube. Forget the male leads they're hyping up. Orginally, he was a mild misfit/boy-next-door, but ever since he got laid he's been losing points. I don't have time for cocky kids. Why couldn't he have remained a pent-up reject?
It's a little too easy to poke fun at the "differently abled", but then I've never been one to buck a trend. Technically, as Corky he fits the baby category and he's unquestionably a misfit. I didn't want to be too hard on the guy until I saw this enigmatic quote, "I have a slight case of Down's syndrome. I call it 'Up syndrome'". Uh, is that what passes for wit in the handicapable community?
