I recently caught up with Space Ranger in Spaceport Estelle Getty. He was just returning from the planet Milko, whose main import is retractable flip flops, on a trade negotiation. We sat down and enjoyed the cuisine while I conducted this interview.

Me: So how was the trip?

Spaceranger: Oh, it went well, but I think they sent the wrong man for the job.

Me: Why so?

Spaceranger: Well, they knew it wasn't sincere as I have no use for flip-flops.

Me: True. How has the other travels been?

Spaceranger: Pretty good, although I've had my share of bad luck. I was delivering Girl Scout cookies to Admiral Weezie on the planet Jefferson and crashed into some space sewage.

Me: Yuck! What happened?

Spaceranger: As it turns out it was human sewage, so nothing I wasn't used to, so I kept going.

Me: With sewage on you?

Spaceranger: How else? I didn't have time to change, man! I had to deliver all those cookies.

Me: Were they okay? The cookies.

Spaceranger: Yeah, they all fell out of their boxes but I managed to collect them right after the crash. Funny thing was, he had like five orders of chocolate mints, as it turns out all of them seemed to be chocolate mints, I could've swore there was lemon ones, peanut butter and others.

Me: Ummm...well. Anyway, you travel space a lot, how are race relations?

Spaceranger: They are different out there than here. You got to figure it's not open road, it's open space so people aren't going to be able to sabotage each other that easy. So I guess the races are more friendly.

Me: Well I meant along the lines of people.

Spaceranger: I know what you meant man, but I never saw a race between robots yet, so I can't comment.

Me: Uh, okay, anyway, do you have any traveling companions in space.

Spaceranger: What are you implying, man?!

Me: What?! I mean sidekicks.

Spaceranger: Oh, no man. I used to but he is no longer with us.

Me: I am sorry to hear that, how did he die?

Spaceranger: Oh, he didn't die, he was in my pocket and just ran away.

Me: Where did he go?

Spaceranger: ...

Me: Spaceranger?

Spaceranger: I am sorry man, I don't answer rhetorical questions.

Me: How would that qualify as a rhetorical question?

Spaceranger: That's because you are asking me where he went if he did in fact go anywhere, if he is nowhere there is no answer. Am I right?

Me: Not really but...anyway, a lot of people look for your advice, you haven't updated it in a while, so do you have any to issue in this interview?

Spaceranger: Yes in fact I do, be kind to vegtables.

Me: What?!

Spaceranger: You heard me, once they realize how to move those cells around they'll be mobile and will get us back for all those things we did.

Me: I hardly think that'll happen anytime soon.

Spaceranger: What do mean, man?! Everything I have predicted has happened. I predicted it would rain this year at least once where I live and it happened. I predicted when it did rain my grass would get wet also and it did. So you can't call me a liar!

Me: No, I can't. I guess you are right then.

Spaceranger: As always. I really have to get out of here, before my other prediction comes true.

Me: And what's that?

Spaceranger: If I stayed here for a really long time, like a couple of days, I'd fall asleep. Bye.

and with that Spaceranger launched out into orbit once again, to travel the universe in pursuit of whatever will take him.