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By the river it happened.
As a young woman walked near a river she found herself, once again, searching for the existence of the Creator. She had been taught, as a little one, about how Mother Earth and Father Sky were made by the Creator. She learned how the Creator had made her two and four legged family members and her feathered and finned family members. She had learned the sage she burnt came from the Creator. This young woman had been taught that the Creator had made everything, yet in her heart some doubt remained.

As the young woman sat beside the river she could smell the aroma of the wolf drinking a few yards from her. While burning some sage she smiled while remembering her sisters small child. As the sage burned she observed the Eagle gliding above the trees ever so gently.

As the young woman became still she heard, "On the existence of the Creator--do you see the aroma of Wolf that sits close to you? Do you ever see the fragrance of the child's hair that you groom? Do you see the fragrance of the sage you burn?

Can you touch the aroma of Wolf? Can you touch the fragrance of the child's hair that you brush? Can you hold in your hand the fragrance of the sage you burn?"

Eagle flew from the young woman's sight as the voice became silent. Through her senses she embraced, with all her heart, the Creator.
By the river it happened.
Copyright© February 1999 By ApacheMa



On a warm day by the river it happened.
An old woman, who had been called a "blankedly blank half breed..." by her Mother, sat near an isolated river by her home one warm day. As she quietly sat she observed winged and four legged family members. While sitting she said, 'I wonder why the Creator has not made our winged family members half breeds? I wonder why the Creator has not made our four legged family members quarter breeds? Does the Creator not love his two legged family members as he does his four legged and winged ones?

The old woman knew she began to feel alienated from the Creator. She lit some sage and stood from the stump she had been sitting on and raised her head and arms to the Creator. In her pain she asked, "Why did you allow me to born half of this and half of that? Why did you allow me to be born into a family that would not become carded to prove who I am? Why, why Creator, why? Will you please answer these simple questions I ask?"

Instead of returning to the stump, the old woman felt drawn to the rivers bank where she sat. As she glanced in the water she first saw the reflection of the Eagle over head and she thought, 'How beautiful, graceful and healing you are my winged friend, my family.' She then saw her wolf friends reflection in the river and softly said, "How strong and loyal you are my four legged friend, my family."

Suddenly, she heard the voice, "Look at your reflection in the river." Upon her first glance she saw the left side of her body, that of a white woman and the right side of her body that of an Indian woman. Rather shocked she sat stymied. With her eyes closed the voice said, "You are who I made you to be and I love you just as I love our winged and four legged family members.

"You, unlike them, have a voice for unity for all. I never see parts nor have I ever said I do. I only see the whole, however, one who knows the heart of what it is to experience being of this and that heritage can voice what it means to be whole. Love all of your heritage. Accept all of you."

The old woman sat still for a long time as those words embraced her heart. As she slowly opened her eyes upward to the Creator she said, "Ashoge, Creator for making me who I am, may I be worthy of your love." As she was about to rise from the river the voice finally said, "Look into the river once more."

As the old woman looked into the river she saw her reflection as the Creator had made her. She saw that her heart was not one of parts but of wholeness. She saw that her mind was one of wholeness, not parts. And, with her graying brown hair, olive skin and brown eyes she accepted her white and Indian heritage knowing the Creator loves her in her wholeness.
On a warm day by the river it happened.
CopyrightJanuary© 1999 By ApacheMa



By the big trees it happened.
An old woman stood, with eyes turned toward the Creator saying; "Creator, I stand before you humbly with a paper in my hand that outlines the atrocities of generations before me. Where many a white man had pure evilness within their hearts that lead them to murder The People; innocent men, women, children and babies. Those that were not murdered were abducted, forced to barren lands and stripped of all that you had generously given to them. The People, who were innocent, forever lost their innocence. Depravity ruled the white mans mind. In their depravity they raped our Mothers, abducted our children from their Fathers, Mothers, all their relations, their Tribes, Bands. The People were to be, forever, lost to your ways of being. Oh, Creator, you know there were countless other atrocities committed by these men.

"Creator, how do I hold these truths in my heart? How do I, one of mixed heritage, embrace these truths and not hate the generations before me? Or, is the question really not a question but the fact that I should hate these generations before me that were filled with such evilness? And, what of today where the extinction of The People continues to rule many of the white man's laws?"

As the old woman stood in silence she heard, "Aren't you really asking how you can live with your white heritage? Aren't you really wanting to scream out that you are not responsible for what generations before you have done? Aren't you really wanting the grief, the pain, the guilt of what those white men did to both sides of your heritage just to be gone? Are you not really wanting to know how you can be part of healing what has been done?"

The old woman fell to her knees. With tears she acknowledged, "Yes. Yes, Creator that is all true."

The old woman then heard, "Dig a hole by the tree that you stand near. Fill the hole with your pain, your tears. In doing so remember not to become trapped as a rabbit in a snare by your grief. Look back at all of your heritage. Hold all of your relatives close to your heart. Remember the seven generations before you. Know that you cannot change the atrocities of murders that have occurred. You cannot undo the rape of The People, your People. The rape of The Peoples souls, bodies, minds and land.

"You must swim up the mighty river with as much tenacity as the salmon to be a part of the continual healing for the coming seven generations. That you are responsible for."
By the big trees it happened.
Copyright© February 1999 by ApacheMa


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