"Y'know...people sometimes think of soldiers purely as numbers. Or in euphemisms. 'Acceptable losses' instead of killing. 'Casualties'...there's a good word. Die casually.
"That way, when you hear about slaughters and deaths, you don't have to think about lives being lost."
-- Jamie Madrox, X-Factor #72 (Marvel Comics)
Humor and superheroes don't seem to go together (going by sales figures), but I thought Peter David was absolutely the best thing that happened to X-Factor. It was a-laff-a-page, chockful of in-jokes, deliberately awful puns, and swipes at everything from Dan Quayle ('potato-e") to Twin Peaks to X-Men merchandising. And there actually was a false plot (Vic Chalker)!.... a red herring which turned into a running gag!
Scene. Cannonball (Samuel Guthrie) flees, flying, from the scene, after Havok blasts him. Polaris (Lorna Dane) had relented to Wolfsbane's (Rahne Sinclair) plea not to stop him.
Havok (oblivious, running up to Lorna and Rahne):
"Hold it, Sam! You can't get away!.....
"Lorna, show him he can't get away!.....
"Lorna, just slow him down for me so he won't get away....
"You can't get away, Sam! Any second now, Lorna's going to stop you and you won't...you won't...
"He got away. Lorna, you were standing right there! Why didn't you stop him?!"
Lorna (awkwardly):
"I had a headache? No, huh? Well...give me a minute. I'll come up with something..."
-- X-Factor #77 (Marvel Comics)
Scene. Lorna lies all battered and with a broken jaw on a hospital bed after an assault by Cyber. At her bedside are Guido and Alex
Enter Valerie Cooper and Rahne...
Rahne. Lord! What's that contraption they have on ye? Guido. They had to reset her jaw and then wire it shut. Lorna. (mumbles) S'okay. Helps me lose weight. Rahne. Does it hurt ye, Lorna? Lorna. (mumbles) Oh, no. I'm waaaay beyond pain. Valerie. Lorna.....it's me, Val. Lorna. (mumbles) I know, Val. Eyes and ears work fine. Valerie. What can you tell us about the person who attacked you? Lorna. Well.....whoever he is, he's off my Christmas list. -- X-Factor #80 (Marvel Comics)
Scene. X-Factor's resident cynic, and all-round obnoxious haughty jerk, Quicksilver (pietro Maximoff) attending a compulsory psychiatric session against his will.....
Pietro. .....we do not need a "doctor" to dissect us. Psy. I take it you don't think much of me. Pietro. I don't think much of anyone. Psy. Well, Val did warn me you're always nasty. She calls it "PMS".... Pietro. (raised eyebrow) I beg your pardon? Psy. "Pietro Maximoff Syndrome". An uncontrollable urge to be high-handed and arrogant. Pietro. Am I upholding that assessment? Psy. Somewhat, yes... You seem proud of it. Pietro. I revel in it. I'll have you know not everyone can raise arrogance to the level of an art form. -- X-Factor # 85 (Marvel Comics)
From Spiderman 2099 #24 (Marvel Comics):
Miguel. Xina, you remember my brother, Gabri. Xina. Ohhhh, yeah. The one who couldn't keep his girlfriend happy, so she went and swiped my boyfriend..... Gabriel. Nice try, Xina, but you're not gonna get a rise out of me. Xina. Your girlfriend have that same problem?
Peter David's credits include several Star Trek novels, X-Factor, The Incredible Hulk, Aquaman, Spiderman 2099 and Supergirl. He has also written several episodes of the popular sci-fi TV series, Babylon 5.