UGLY JAUNDICE YELLOW EYE CONTACTS

You desperately need a sick day and no one believes you’re ill. The company doctor recognized your "stomach pains" and "wrenched Achilles" for what they were, so now you’re stranded in her office doing your damnedest to think of something to convince her without permanently injuring you. You eye the rubber mallet with malice. Then you remember your Ugly Jaundice Yellow Eye Contacts… tucked neatly away in a secret pocket known only to you and your legal consel. Feigning a seizure, you lurch your way to the bathroom, squirt your eyes with saline and pop them in.

Looking in the mirror gives you a start. Are you ill with some strange disease or lycanthropic like Michael Jackson in "Thriller"? Not even the company doctor knows. She immediately orders twelve shots and a month off work, wondering how the ghastly yellow ever got past her. Casually mentioning malpractice starts a conversation about settlement that could keep your ass comfortably in your La-Z-Boy for a lifetime. You smile… but not too wide, because the contacts are large, somewhat bulky and ineptly made. There is a very real risk you might cut something inside your eye and where would you be then? You can’t sue US. You can’t tell your DOCTOR, or your EMPLOYER. Even your FRIENDS will LAUGH at YOU. What would you do then, huh? Huh?

Take some time to think about it. Ugly Jaundice Yellow Eye Contacts are not for the faint of heart.