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please, Sir
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| yesterday:
previous posts ... small thing, big impact: my daughter making a special effort to have dinner with me last night ... me: this is
actually my webpage, which will need to be worked on as well, especially since i am making
life-changes |
i didn't have a very good "sleep
night". If anything preys upon my thoughts, or rests heavy within me, then i
often will find myself tossing and turning about, unable to relax and doze off. And
yesterday was not a particularly good day, so i suppose i really shouldn't be surprised at
the lack of sleep. The first time i looked at the clock it was 2:30 a.m.
Things went downhill from there. i spent the better part of the day packing, and getting more and more overwhelmed by the amount of things that have to be sorted through. The hubster crawled in at about 11 a.m., hungry for food. i stopped what i was doing and made him some breakfast, while he was on the phone. He ate, cleared out his dresser, then announced he was going out on the Harley for the remainder of the day. Which left me the fun job of dealing with unloading the rest of the bedroom so that my girlfriend (who purchased the furniture) can pick it up today. So far this is how most of the house is being dealt with. The more i pack and sort and take responsibility for getting things done, the more he seems to be digressing into a parody of his youth. By late afternoon, i was getting angry. And frustrated. Finally i decided to just drag out of the room, only the things that i wanted for myself. Everything else i left for him to deal with. Including the bags of garbage i had already bundled up. He can figure out what he is going to tell the new tenant, about why all his personal things are still in the space the fellow is paying for. And all the dishes in the kitchen cupboards, and the toiletries in the bathroom. Okay, so i am venting a bit and this couldn't be much farther away from anything D/s related, which was the original purpose of this journal. But sometimes it just feels good anyway. And sometimes when i write things down like this, it gives me an opportunity to re-evaluate the events leading up to my frustration. Which also allows me a chance to change the behaviour patterns that i fall into. Master used to say "ask yourself what you have learned from this ..." i think i am realizing just how much i have allowed myself to be a buffer for the hubster, between him and the real world. And that this is definitely something i am going to have to stop doing.
... shadoe ... October 31/99
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...did you remember to turn back the clock? i
always find it unsettles my day and also, i find it startling when my computer does it for
me ... like it has it's own personality or what?