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please, Sir
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| yesterday:
previous posts ... small thing, big impact: my girlfriend T coming over to help me pack, even though she is not terribly impressed with my moving away from her me: this is
actually my webpage, which will need to be worked on as well, especially since i am making
life-changes |
Funny the way people look at you when you hold up some item that has been around forever, and you just can't part with it, no matter how tacky or ugly it is. They get this glazed look in their eye, and using their politest tone say; "well, if it makes you happy... i guess...." And their voices trail away. i can't stand the mess. i mean, i am not a total neat-nut, but i do like things a lot cleaner than this house is at the moment. The way i gaze at Master's baseboards makes Him nervous, but i don't look inside things; i don't go looking for the mess to clean up. It is just that if i can actually see disarray, or nasty-looking dust bunnies, i am compelled ... alright, slightly obsessed ... about totally wiping it all away. Coming here and seeing piles of things, unpacked dishes and books and clothes, makes me to feel antsy and nervous. And unable to relax the way i know i need to right now. It has all been just so much lately. Funerals and new jobs and now moving. i am not sure i am in the best frame of mind to be weeding through the keep or not-keep memories. Madame Butterfly, although she never really believed it i think, used to say: "God never gives us more than we can handle." Uh huh. And who the heck is this "G" person anyway? Male? Female? Dom/me ... or maybe a little bratty sub. Hah! Now that is something to think about :) It's several hours later and i am as dusty and dirty as the house now. Even the beer i have been sipping (which is very warm) tastes as dusty as i feel. But i have made huge strides in getting some of this done. T was a great help, and i think was delighted to haul some *loot* home. i started out by keeping everything, but as the time passed, i began holding things up and saying "want it?" She would protest a bit, but then smile and say "sure!" in such a way that i knew the said item was something she would enjoy. And that made me feel good. She has absolutely insisted that i take the Buddha she gave me several years ago, with me when i move. And i can see Master rolling His eyes now, wondering where a three-foot tall plaster Buddha should actually go. T knows this though, which i think is part of why she chuckled about the whole thing, and said she didn't mind if it sat outside in the garden. But the main reason she wants me to take it along is because it was given to her a very long go, by a very special friend, and then she passed it along to me. It represents T's inner self, and is a way of her knowing she stays in my heart. Which i guess i was emulating when i gave her the ring that i have worn for several years. One that she was particularly fond of and, in fact, actually helped me pick out. i know she will look at it and feel it, and think of me. But the real treasure is our gift of friendship to each other.
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pretty much how
i feel about packing ... bombing the mess would be a whole lot easier :(